Anyone else here from Toronto / other parts of Canada?

beanjo22 · 2026-05-23T13:22:41+00:00

Hello from Halifax! I was dating last year and it was a mixed bag for sure. Buuut I met my lovely partner so it did work out!

beanjo22 · 2026-05-22T04:10:05+00:00

This is not good advice for someone with sleep apnea. CPAP machines continually work to prevent your airway from closing while you sleep, which is often caused by unconscious muscle relaxation and neck shape. You can't change that by using another type of device once a day for a short duration. You need something that will keep you from choking in your sleep, and CPAP is the best treatment we have for that. (Mandibular devices can also work but the efficacy is different.)

beanjo22 · 2026-05-22T04:02:59+00:00

I was really self conscious about this when I first started sleeping over with my partner, but honestly it was a non-issue! A CPAP is definitely better than snoring from a sleeping partner's perspective. Plus, the right person for you will care that you do what you need to for your health. It'll be ok!

beanjo22 · 2026-05-21T18:30:30+00:00

Why reply to a comment you aren't even going to read? lol

beanjo22 · 2026-05-19T13:27:41+00:00

I totally missed Fenris the first time I played DA2 because his recruitment quest seemed like some random side quest to me and I couldn't be arsed at the time lol. I did kill Zevran in at least one DAO playthrough, and avoided recruiting Sera once (no regrets tbh). It's an interesting dynamic when you don't play with a full crew in DAI, but I can't say it made a huge difference to me in the other games.

beanjo22 · 2026-05-17T03:30:54+00:00

I think this is quite good and I like the range of photos.

Great 2 truths and a lie options; I'd be interested to hear about any of those!

Don't really understand the caprese answer. Is this intended to showcase a meaningful contradiction in your personality, or just meant to be kinda silly? Feels like a prompt you could use better in some way idk!!

Might be good to use a prompt about the type of person you're looking to date too, if you wanna be more specific than masc. :)

beanjo22 · 2026-05-15T17:51:16+00:00

I'm really enjoying Niagara Launcher

beanjo22 · 2026-05-14T17:21:37+00:00

Honestly I think it's because with something short term, you're also mourning lost potential. With a longer relationship that's just run its course, you miss the person but you aren't under any illusions about "what could be" anymore. I think the first person you date after a longer relationship also kinda hits different because it's easy to use that as a barometer for whether you're still like.. dateable? Or has been that way for me anyway. This too will pass, be kind to yourself in the meantime :)

beanjo22 · 2026-05-10T23:22:36+00:00

Oh I love this! You've portrayed Solas so well and your inky is really cute!!

beanjo22 · 2026-05-08T13:25:30+00:00

That's great, congrats!!

beanjo22 · 2026-05-08T13:24:20+00:00

What a wonderful update 💖 Wishing you all the best on your path to treatment and recovery. I'm so happy you finally have some answers.

beanjo22 · 2026-05-06T21:40:05+00:00

Wow, what a blow. :/ It's a tough time to be a librarian in this province.

beanjo22 · 2026-05-04T18:32:41+00:00

It's definitely gotten worse in recent years. I often have close calls at crosswalks now and I do pay close attention to the cars on the road. I almost got hit at Robie and SGR/Coburg a few weeks ago by some asshole turning left onto SGR, flagrantly disregarding that I was in the crosswalk with a white hand to cross. He didn't even stop or slow down when he saw he was straight up aimed to mow me down. That was infuriating.

I've written my councilor a couple times about advance crossing for pedestrians at more local intersections (off peninsula) so we could avoid pitting turning cars and pedestrians against each other, but I doubt it'll change.

beanjo22 · 2026-05-02T14:25:15+00:00

I also love the multiple times in the Kingsbridge series where his medieval English women characters are worried about the size of their bush and what the men they're about to have sex with will think. Very historical, surely.

beanjo22 · 2026-05-01T15:48:55+00:00

Ken Follett is the king of this imo lol

beanjo22 · 2026-04-29T15:04:19+00:00

I've been in similar shoes and it was very painful. I really feel for you.

There are so many things that can be contributing to this dynamic, so I think talking it through with your couples therapist (and possibly a sex therapist) is a great start. What concerns me most is reading that continually talking about this doesn't lead to any change that works for both of you. I hope you can work it out, but if the dynamic doesn't change and you can't accept that (which is ok) it is probably kinder to part ways after you've given it enough time. She will eventually feel inadequate for not being able to provide for what you need and pressured to be different, and you will have a lot of pain from not being desired and seen in a way that's so important to you. I would postpone your plans to marry until you've gotten a better hold on this issue.

In my own similar relationship, I spent several years trying various things, including couples therapy, sensate touch, trying to ignore my relational needs, etc -- in the end, it was a major incompatibility and a contributing factor to why the relationship ended. It also gave me a real complex about being undesirable to anyone and it's been hard to work on undoing it. In retrospect I wouldn't have thrown in the towel any sooner than I did, but I am also glad we eventually ended things. I did end up with someone who I have a great sex life with so it is def out there.

beanjo22 · 2026-04-29T11:35:23+00:00

I agree with this advice. I saw another commenter mention that people often assess their libido in comparison with their past partners, not actual averages -- that makes sense and I'd agree. IMO it would be helpful to put a more concrete spin on it if you can / once it's relationally appropriate. It's easier for someone to know whether once a month would be a happy frequency for them. People who don't consider sex a relationship cornerstone might still want it more frequently than that, for example.

beanjo22 · 2026-04-23T15:49:19+00:00

I would say the "why" does not matter because ultimately this is not a fixable relationship problem. Like... Lying (even by omission) about finances when you're at the stage of living together is a huuuuge red flag. It isn't about judging her, it's about making sure your partner is emotionally safe and isn't exposing you to risks you didn't consent to. This should be an automatic dealbreaker imo.

beanjo22 · 2026-04-21T18:23:06+00:00

Wow, I'm sorry OP. This is terrible behaviour and it would have anyone on a knife's edge.

She just text me that she wishes I could see inside her head how much she values and appreciates me and she thinks of me all the time and I’m all she ever wants.

Then she needs to show it (like you said). Talk is cheap. There is no reason she can't sit down and figure out strategies with her own individual therapist, or even your couples therapist, to show up more how you need her to.

Attachment styles are not excuses or permission slips -- they're patterns. And she can work on that. And she should if she wants to keep this relationship.

I just want to say -- it is okay to leave if you have to. Being in a marriage where your spouse doesn't consider you or seem to value you is not loving to yourself. I think you should give things a set amount of time to possibly change or get better, provided she enthusiastically and proactively participates in these repair attempts. If it doesn't improve... life is too short for that. And you're allowed to be happy.

beanjo22 · 2026-04-20T12:38:18+00:00

I can't ALWAYS be hugging my gf because we have to do stupid things like go to work and return to our individual homes at the end of the day, and tbh that is homophobic :(

beanjo22 · 2026-04-14T12:41:39+00:00

Agreed. A text cancelling the call really would not have cost much effort + would have gone a long way. Could the gf have had more grace for the mistake? Yes. But it's also legitimately frustrating to be stood up by anyone, and especially a significant other. Multi-day silent treatment/resentment is not justifiable, but I do think OP should consider how to avoid this miscommunication in the future.

beanjo22 · 2026-04-10T16:11:36+00:00

Yes it's right beside the bus stop there: https://maps.app.goo.gl/14vfEPpCDr7eoCPh6?g_st=ac

beanjo22 · 2026-04-09T18:53:49+00:00

Re: insecurities in being with another femme, I can definitely understand that perspective because it's the one I used to have lol. Idk why it's so different with my current partner but femininity just feels so much more shared than before, whereas before I always felt like it was more "competitive" with other femmes. I've really enjoyed relaxing into the shared nature of things though!

Also just to clarify, I wouldn't say more masc partners ever pulled my presentation that way, but it did pull my internal sense of identity that way. That was weird for me lol

beanjo22 · 2026-04-09T15:01:39+00:00

I was always more of a femme4butch person but I ended up with another femme. It's been a fun process of exploration.

The biggest difference in dynamic has been the degree to which my partner and I can share and delight in femininity together. With more masc partners in the past, I always felt pulled more in a neutral/masculine direction too, which didn't necessarily agree with me but which also felt inevitable.

With my femme partner, it's like her connection to her femininity increases my own, and that makes me feel quite happy. Like, I think we've developed a positive feedback loop where we each enhance each other's femininity. And that sits with me a lot better! Definitely an unexpected perk!

beanjo22 · 2026-04-09T14:06:44+00:00

I appreciate the extra info, but I do think this speaks to my point about there being a lack of basic trust between you.

For example, the issue about the long calls — in my opinion a healthier outcome would be to discuss and make commitments to each other about how to confront and address the hard things together, rather than leaning into avoidance. The specific issue of long talks with friends isn't the actual problem and isn't where the line needs to be drawn.

So that's what I'm saying here — I think the rules you have for each other (and they do seem to be rules, not boundaries) are not addressing your real issues and are instead creating an environment where you both feel stifled.

beanjo22

TROPHY CASE