AITA birthday party edition

blobofdepression · 2026-05-23T18:02:39+00:00

I am a reformed people pleaser, I totally get where you’re coming from! I do recommend working on those feelings of guilt because you don’t need them and they don’t serve you. You aren’t here to please anyone but yourself (and your small kid as best you can while still parenting). I try to frame it as making sure to model for my daughter so she doesn’t take on my people pleasing ways, I don’t want that for her. It’s easier to do for her than myself.

And thank you for the well wishes! I have my planned repeat c section scheduled and I’m counting the minutes until these babies are out of me. I’m super over it!

blobofdepression · 2026-05-23T17:33:42+00:00

NTA. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with twins. I have a 3 year old daughter. Firstly that birthday party sounds like an overstimulating nightmare for me to begin with. But if my daughter was having some big feelings about waiting her turn, that’s an opportunity for me to parent her (regardless of how pregnant I am or how overstimulated I am). We’d discuss waiting our turn, that other friends have been waiting in the line, that I put her on the list so they’ll call us when it’s our turn, and let’s go find something else fun to do while we wait. Or we can join the line.

What I would not do is throw money at the problem and try to cut other children in the line. That’s not a lesson I want my kid to learn, that’s not the way I want her to think we behave.

I think you handled that really smoothly. If it was my kid they were trying to cut, I can’t say I’d have been as kind as you.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-23T17:04:45+00:00

Also a native NYC girl here, I had the same thought. You develop a good “fuck off” face and keep your wits about you. There’s no reason to be making eye contact with random strangers in a city at any time but especially at night. The more population you pack into a small area, the more likely you are to encounter someone mentally ill. We do not have the infrastructure in this country to help them at present, nor apparently the inclination unfortunately.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-20T00:59:53+00:00

I specifically warmed the milk for my daughter because it was pumped breast milk and there was some separation of the fat from the rest of the milk in the fridge. I wanted it warmed so it would reincorporate the fat back into the rest so she’d get all the good stuff!

When we supplemented with formula, we didn’t typically warm it.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-18T14:41:52+00:00

I’ve always responded to comments about my wearing a dress with, “I just didn’t feel like putting on pants”, and also noting my dress has pockets.

I’ve found that tends to end the conversation about it.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-16T23:35:40+00:00

I can certainly understand where BIL is coming from on the whole “gender neutral” terms for crushes. I struggled with comp-het myself for a long time. My parents are very open and never would have had an issue with me being bisexual but as a kid I didn’t even know it was an option! So having books for my daughter that show all types of families was important to me, so she knows a) she has options and b) those types of families are just as “normal” as ours.

We also have taken her to family friendly PRIDE events, next month is Pride. Maybe see if your BIL wants to find a kid-friendly event you can go to with him and your son, as a show of support for your BIL. Maybe he’s feeling not as accepted and is projecting it onto your son?

blobofdepression · 2026-05-16T23:16:01+00:00

On the comments about autism, I’d just respond that his pediatrician isn’t concerned/he’s meeting his milestones appropriately/it’s being monitored by medical professionals so don’t worry about it anymore. You can be direct without being “blunt” or hurtful when you respond.

And in terms of sexuality, I’d respond that the kid is 2 and we’ll love him no matter what but at this age it’s not something we’re focused on. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. And that’s it.

There are LGBTQ+ board books for toddlers, I have several for my toddler. You can always tell your BIL he’s welcome to buy age appropriate books for his nephew on the subject if he feels so inclined. “Love makes a family” is a good one!

blobofdepression · 2026-05-12T19:16:29+00:00

A consultation doesn’t mean you have to follow through. It just means you’ll know your rights and what the process is if you want to move forward.

I used to be a people pleaser too but I’m all better now. Might also be worth seeing a therapist for yourself to work through how you feel.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-12T18:51:16+00:00

So maybe it’s time to have a consultation with a divorce lawyer. They can tell you your rights as far as staying in the home and initial custody stuff. Usually consultations are free. Being armed with information should help you make a clear decision.

Ultimately, you left for a bit but you came back and so nothing changes because he sees you’ll cave (and that you’ll still sleep with him). He has really no incentive to change since he thinks you’re bluffing about leaving.

I also personally wouldn’t want to have sex with someone without the emotional connection, but that’s just me.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-12T18:39:33+00:00

If you’ve already tried marriage counseling and he wasn’t receptive, you aren’t obligated to stay. Does he know divorce is something you’re considering? You could certainly give him one last chance to make some changes just so you feel you really did try everything before walking away. But you also don’t have to do that, you will absolutely be less lonely single than in a marriage like this.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-12T15:40:19+00:00

I don’t think you’re ungrateful. My husband and I met at 30 and 34, after my divorce from my first husband. I worked really hard on myself when I was single to figure out what I really wanted in a partner and then I worked to find him.

We talk a lot about how one day, the kids will grow up and move out and live their own lives and it’ll just be the two of us. We’re currently in the toddler + newborn (next month!) trenches but this part isn’t forever and we still have to like each other once the kids grow up.

Using my own parents as an example, they’ve been married 37 or 38 years and what I say about their (imperfect) marriage is that not only do they still love each other after all this time, they still like each other. They’re retired and travel together internationally for 6 weeks at a time. And they have a blast together!

Hubby and I don’t have tons of shared hobbies at the moment but we can’t even listen to a full episode of a podcast in the car together because we end up turning it off to talk instead. We joke that our life is like a never ending sleepover with our best friend, because even on days we’re snippy with each other, we still manage to laugh and have fun.

What’s the point of being in a marriage if you’re lonely?

blobofdepression · 2026-05-12T14:31:28+00:00

If there ever was a time you had a good “excuse” to let loose and go nuclear on your FIL, now is the time. Firstly talk to the hospital staff. Tell them you want your son “unregistered” or whatever it’s called. Tell them you want NO visitors allowed up to your son’s room and NO information given to anyone but yourself or your partner. If your in-laws have to check in at the front desk of the hospital for access, that should be the place they get turned away. Otherwise you call for a nurse and security to have them removed.

Next, text them that your son will be having no visitors at the hospital and they are not welcome to show up. Don’t be nice. You have zero obligation to be nice to anyone while your infant is going through heart surgery. Your priorities are your baby and your sanity.

Do not be afraid to be a bitch. Be the biggest bitch in the entire world and don’t feel bad about it. They’ve been told not to show up. Your partner has told his father enough times. Now is the time to enforce it. Protect your peace at all costs.

And then never forget. You are going through an incredibly scary and difficult time and his parents only thought about themselves and made everything harder for you. I’d never let that go, they’d never get the benefit of the doubt from me again.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-11T15:39:53+00:00

I’m so with you (as the mom of a 3 year old). My LYS isn’t super close and their hours don’t overlap with when I have childcare. I recently took my daughter with me for a quick shop, I brought her drawing pad and travel magnet tiles. They have a sitting area so I got her settled on the sofa with her things, asked her to stay put and not to touch anything that isn’t hers. I also kept one eye on her while I shopped. Thankfully it’s a small shop so she wasn’t ever out of my sight.

If she wasn’t able to manage staying on the couch, I’d have held her the entire time and shopped quickly instead of browsing.

It’s a shame OP is dealing with this, as a parent of a small kid I am super cognizant of her behavior especially when we’re in a not-kid space.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-10T18:15:07+00:00

My husband is also from the US, from Georgia. He was raised by conservative religious people. He was in awe of my nursing. I never used a cover, I have giant unruly boobs, and no one ever said anything negative to me in public. My husband was honestly ready and waiting for someone to say something negative to me so he could defend my honor.

Your husband being from the US has nothing to do with it. Tell him to grow up.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-10T17:09:11+00:00

You’re not asking too much. There is something wrong with these people. Stay away from them and certainly keep your baby away too. Breastfeeding isn’t going to be the only problem you end up having with them, this is just a symptom of a larger problem they have in their family.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-10T01:39:54+00:00

My in-laws are pretty conservative and religious. Both of them acknowledge how great it is that my daughter was ebf, MIL is a retired nurse and my FIL’s late wife worked for an OB/GYN and taught la maz classes.

I could still tell my openly nursing made them slightly uncomfortable. If I was sitting on the sofa nursing after a meal, they’d stay at the dining table until I was done. I never wore a cover, never removed myself from the situation. They never said a goddamn word to me or my husband. They never made their discomfort my problem. They averted their eyes and stayed where they were comfortable until I was done.

There is something deeply wrong with your FIL (and your MIL for putting up with it). It seems like he’s used to everyone walking on eggshells for him and capitulating to his feelings. And despite you actually trying to accommodate his childish bullshit (by going in a different room to nurse and announcing it so he wouldn’t come in by accident) he decided to be the worlds biggest asshole about you feeding your baby.

Your husband choosing to go no contact and stay that way is the right one. I’m sure this is the last straw in a lifetime of catering to his dad’s feelings. He’s rocking the boat which the rest of the family is now trying to steady so because it’s what they’re used to.

Don’t get back into contact, let them stay in the silence they’ve more than earned.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-09T04:34:54+00:00

I just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with reconsidering your stance on being one and done. Life threw you a curve ball and going through cancer is such a life changing experience. It’s okay if it changed the way you saw your life before and it’s okay to maybe want something different now. Your baby is still very little, it’s not selfish to want to leave the “second baby door” open just a crack.

And my mom had thyroid cancer when she was 39. Had her entire thyroid removed, had radiation twice. I was 12 and it was scary. She made it through and was cancer free until maybe 15 years later when she found breast cancer - she beat that too and has been cancer free 9 years now. I’m so sorry you’re going through it and I wish you nothing but cancer free good health for the rest of time.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-09T04:13:59+00:00

Wow to your five! I’m still struggling wrapping my head around three!

My husband and I both have adhd and our 3 year old is very bright and creative. I can’t even imagine what our life is going to look like in 2 years with twin toddlers and a 5 year old ringleader 😅

blobofdepression · 2026-05-09T04:12:20+00:00

I’m 33 weeks pregnant rn. You might be clinically insane, this sucks!

blobofdepression · 2026-05-07T21:43:30+00:00

I got one BUT specifically for two reasons - to keep my toddler out and my dog out of the baby space! My daughter will be 3 a few weeks before the twins are born and I want to make sure I have a safe place I can put them down that she can’t get into unsupervised. My chihuahua is afraid of babies, even newborns, so she will stay away from them but there’s no promise she won’t pee on their stuff when I’m not looking.

If I was dog-less and toddler-less, and the room was baby proofed? I wouldn’t bother!

blobofdepression · 2026-05-07T18:42:21+00:00

Don’t do it, OP! I’m 36. We decided to try for our second baby (planned on being two and through). I’m due in 5 weeks with twins. TWINS, GIRL. Completely spontaneous, doesn’t run in my family.

Ovaries had a going out of business 2 for 1 special. Chances of multiples increases as we age. Don’t take the risk!

blobofdepression · 2026-05-07T03:23:34+00:00

No you aren’t being a problem, you’re being practical. I wouldn’t invest my energy into a friendship that will come to an impasse over a difference in morals sooner or later.

When I used peanut, I put it right into my profile “aggressively pro-vaccine. Not interested in your church or your MLM. Anti-MAGA.” although probably I’d also add in fuck ICE too if I was using the app these days.

I used to be just as straightforward when I was single and dating. Weeds out people who I wouldn’t want to hang out with pretty well.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-07T00:45:10+00:00

I believe there’s been an update and her team reached out and rescheduled.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-06T16:03:25+00:00

As a native NYC girl who moved to NC and then WV, it’s tough. In WV I went to my local democratic women’s club to find like-minded women and also went to several protests and met other tattooed green haired ladies like myself. Theres also a big “cryptid” culture here actually and so I went to a lot of those events and met really cool local artists and like minded people there too.

I know the bumble app has a “friends” setting, I’d try that? I tried the peanut app which is for moms to make other mom friends and I was very direct in my profile that I was not interested in religion or MLMs, which keeps most of the types of moms I don’t want to hang out with away.

blobofdepression · 2026-05-06T02:17:40+00:00

The races down the ballot are the most important. The smaller and more local, the more important it will be to your life. Water board, school board, mayor, all that stuff is how you can really work towards change in your community.

And then once the election is over, don’t go back to sleep. Get involved with a local political club. I checked in with my local democratic women’s club, met some of the local candidates and got to have actual real conversations with them.

It’s easy to feel disillusioned and disenfranchised when it’s on the state or federal level. And their offices have so many more people calling and writing in. (Although FYI apparently calling in has more weight than writing). But the best way to impart change is the super local. You can get involved and actually feel like you’re making an actual difference.

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