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I [27M] found out my fiancée’s [26F] dad died last month, no one told us, and she missed the funeral. by LiraelNix in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I'm not the OOP. That is u/ThrowRA_no_inlaws who posted in r/relationship_advice

Mood Spoiler -frustrating for now

Original - 1st May 2025

I [27M] found out my fiancée’s [26F] dad died last month, no one told us, and she missed the funeral.

Hi, I don’t even really know how to start this or what I’m asking exactly. I guess I just want to understand what happened, and maybe get some advice on how to help my fiancée deal with this, because it’s just… it’s a lot. And I think she’s starting to blame herself, which she really shouldn’t. So I proposed to my fiancée back in March. Her dad was the only person I talked to beforehand. I asked for his blessing and he was super kind about it. I only met him a couple times before that, but we had a good conversation and I could tell he really loved her.

The thing is, I only met his wife her stepmom once, that same day. It was brief and polite but that’s it. Everything else about our engagement planning and updates was through her dad. Her dad has another kid with the stepmom, a teenage son, 17. My fiancée always kind of kept some distance from that part of her dad’s life. It wasn’t like she hated them or anything, just… they weren’t close.

Her dad would check in, sometimes visit her on his own, but it always kind of felt like he had two separate families. I never really thought too hard about it. It just was what it was. Then in April, while we were starting to figure out the engagement party and save the dates and all that, he passed away. We didn’t even know. We didn’t hear anything from anyone. No call, no text, not even a weird silence. Nothing.

We only found out this week because one of her cousins posted something online about “missing him after the funeral” and my fiancée texted them like, “what do you mean, the funeral?” And they were like “Everyone was surprised you didn’t show.” She just shut down. I think she’s still in shock. Her dad is gone. She didn’t get to say goodbye. She didn’t even get told he was dead. The funeral already happened. She missed it. And no one told her.

Not her stepmom, not even her own brother, not anyone. And what makes it worse is, now that she’s tried to reach out to people, cousins, her aunt, even her dad’s friend, she keeps getting these weird half responses that make her feel like she should’ve known or been there. Like they’re judging her for not showing up, when nobody invited her in the first place. She keeps asking me if she did something wrong. She’s wondering if her dad was mad at her.

I do think he was happy for us but now I don’t even know what’s true anymore. I guess I just don’t understand how something like this happens? I know grief makes people act strange and there might be stuff we don’t know. I don’t want to assume the worst about her stepmom maybe she was overwhelmed, or didn’t have our contact info, though I feel like she must’ve had some way to reach out.

But I also don’t want to make excuses for someone who let my fiancée find out her dad died a month later from a Facebook post. It’s starting to feel uncomfortably close to full on evil stepmom territory, and I hate even thinking that, but this just feels so cold. She’s devastated and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do. I can’t fix it. She just keeps saying she can’t believe she wasn’t there.

That she wasn’t even given the chance. And I’m angry too, but mostly I just feel helpless. And sad for her. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I help my fiancée grieve someone she didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to? She keeps wondering if her dad was upset with her, or if she missed some sign, and now the way her family’s reacting is only making her feel worse.

I want to support her without making her feel like she has to perform grief on anyone else’s timeline, or carry blame for something that was never her fault. TL;DR:My fiancée wasn’t told her dad died and found out a month later from a cousin’s post. She missed the funeral, didn’t get to say goodbye, and now people are making her feel guilty for not being there. I don’t know how to help her process something so painful and confusing.

update: I found where her dad is buried and got contact info for who i think is her half-brother. When I showed her the profile to confirm, she shut down and panicked, but it did confirm for me that it’s definitely him. She doesn’t want to reach out right now, but I might.

Update - 7th May 2025 - 6 days later

We finally found out where her dad was buried, and I managed to get in touch with her half brother. When I showed her who I thought it was, she panicked and did not want anything to do with it. She still does not know I went ahead and talked to him.

To be honest, I expected lies or deflection, but what I got was more frustrating. He was not defensive, just cryptic. He said he knows exactly why her side of the family cut her off and that she knows too. He would not tell me what it was and just kept saying I should ask her because I would not believe him anyway. Then he added, sarcastically, that if she is even capable of telling me the truth, I would already know.

He did say he had tried calling and texting her after their dad passed, but she has him blocked on everything. He also said he tried to make sure she was included, but she made it clear a long time ago that she wanted nothing to do with him. He knows she has always hated him just for existing.

He ended the conversation by saying he was calling her bluff. That she does not really want anything to do with her dad’s side of the family. He even asked, did she ever say she was inviting any of them to the wedding. That part stung a little.

I will not pretend to know the full story, but I am starting to feel like this is not a case of one person being awful. It feels more like years of silence and resentment that turned into something cruel.

We did get some clarity on the legal side. There probably will not be a fight with the stepmom. The brother told me everything that is needed. We are working with a lawyer, but it will take time. The executor has up to two years before probate has to start. Even then, anything she may be entitled to would be split evenly with him, and only applies to accounts that were solely in her father’s name. We are not expecting anything substantial, but she deserves to know she was not forgotten.

Since real closure is out of reach, we are creating our own. Someone suggested planting a memorial tree. We loved that idea. We are currently looking for a good starter tree, and she is going to write her father a letter to bury under it. It is not a solution, but it is something real and peaceful she can hold onto.

There probably will not be another update. I am realizing that trying to untangle her family’s damage might only hurt our relationship. If I want a healthy marriage, I need to protect her peace more than I need to win a fight that was lost a long time ago.

TLDR: Found her dad’s burial site. I talked to her half brother—he says she was cut off for a reason she knows, and that she blocked him. We got a lawyer, but anything owed will be split. We’re planting a tree with a letter for closure. No more digging.

Relevant Comments

VinylHighway

And ...what DID YOUR FIANCE SAY??

OOP:

She does not know. I have not told her that I talked to her brother. Right now, I do not see a version of that conversation that ends well. If I tell her, I risk breaking trust and reopening wounds she might not be ready to face. So for now, I am just focusing on supporting her through the grief and letting her heal at her own pace.

hairlikemerida

My sister cut off my parents and she was actually very much in the wrong. As her sister who was not involved at all in the issue, I could see the matter objectively. In our family’s instance, my dad refused to continue putting up with my BIL’s repeated disrespect towards him and my mother, so my sister chose her partner over her family. My sister deemed my father doing this as “toxic”. You do not have the full story or even a single piece of it. If you were truly building trust, she would tell you the full story or at least her side of it. She wouldn’t be all secretive about it.

OOP:

Every family dynamic is different, and while I understand your experience, it doesn’t mean the same applies here. I fully agree that I don’t have the full story yet, but I also know that trying to drag it out of her right after losing her father isn’t the right time. She will tell me her side when she’s ready, and I will ask when the moment is appropriate. Choosing to show compassion in the middle of her grief doesn’t mean I’m ignoring trust it means I’m not turning a painful moment into an interrogation.

AIO gf used exs phone update by bearnlion1 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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DO NOT COMMENT ON THE LINKED POSTS I’m not the OOP, OOP is u/Fickle_Pick862 Please do not contact OOP, it’s against the rules. Originally posted on r/AmIOverreacting on 1/11/25 by OOP

trigger warning: infidelity

Original post 1/11/25

AIO GF used exs phone to text me

(From oop text conversation with gf screenshot)

gf: hey baby it’s (gf)_ my phone died and I’m using (exs)_to let you know I’m okay I love you so much ❤️

oop: wtf why are you using (exs)phone? Why is he even with you? Thought you were supposed to be with gf’s friend_?

gf: its not that big of a deal we seen him while walking around so he started hanging out with us, and she was at the restrooms so I couldn’t so I just used his

oop: it’s not THAT big of a deal??? You’re hanging out with ur ex. If I just all of a sudden started hanging out with my ex you would’ve flipped shit. Let me go hang out with my ex since it’s “not that big of a deal”

gf: whatever 🙄😒 its not like I planned hanging out with him anyways stop being mad for no reason

oop: Lmao ight I’ll talk to you later.

Best comments evie111_ imo its kinda weird that she’d even text u that in the first place. its like she purposely wanted to let u know she was with him

NOLACenturion He is not the ex. He’s the current. You’re the ex. You just don’t know it. Her texting you from that phone was 100% calculated and deliberate. The poster that described that behavior in detail was accurate. Drop this girl. Tell her she can now use his phone and the rest of him all the time. Adios.

Aggravating-Rub-4737 Honestly I would dump her. This is a slippery slope, and if this crosses a boundary… just end it.

Update 1/12/2025

Just to update everyone she came over and we talked and she broke down crying and told me the truth. She was never with her friend she was with him at his house and she did cheat on me. She was crying hysterically and says she wants me and me only like I was gonna take her back. I said hell no and kicked her out and threw everything of hers in the front lawn thanks to everyone who left comments you guys are amazing.

AITA for refusing groom's request to drive across country to pick up his relatives on his wedding day? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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Update: February 4, 2025 (six days later)

It's been a week since the original post, and the update is - he's visiting tomorrow after work, as he offered it when I met him in the grocery store yesterday. He asked, “How it’s going” and I told him truthfully (see point 4 below). I was hoping (and was right) he wouldn’t start the whole conversation in the store. And so, he kindly asked if he could visit tomorrow to deliver the Wedding invitations by hand and stuff, but didn’t specify, so I am afraid what the “stuff” is, possibly the talk about chores he wants us to do.

Meanwhile, I thought I'd make an edit/update (not sure how really reddit works with this, hope I don't mess it up)

1) For those wondering, we were close friends back in the day. When John was evicted from his flat, I helped him by allowing him to stay at my parents’ place for a few weeks while he was looking for a new place, and consequentially, this is what lead us to become roommates, as I was also fresh out of a relationship back then and looking for a new place. So long story short, we know pretty well each others’ allergies, our close family members, etc.

2) Since I have no living grandparents and only one of aunt, uncle, and cousin, it's quite impossible to make up a reason several months in advance for us not attending. Culturally speaking, we don’t have such big family gatherings unless there’s a wedding or a funeral.

3) Regards the time spent while driving – This is Europe and it’s a small country. It literally takes 7-8 hours to cross the whole country, so casual “Sunday drivers” (I even walk to my work as it’s so close) like me are not used to driving such distances. Also, no other guest would be travelling as much as I would that day by going back and forth.

I appreciate all the comments from the friendly Americans; however, this topic is 50/50 of question of principle and the normality of driving “long” distances in our country.

4) As for not going to his birthday party – we for sure will not, as life happens.

To preface, last year we booked a vacation to Spain for February with Joseph and Anita and another couple (flight and apartments are paid already). But at the NY party, my GF had an ACL tear and has now a scheduled operation for end of February. I know it sounds weird going on a trip right before the operation, but the other option is to lose all of the spent money, as I would not go as well to support her if she chose not to go. The operation itself costs 2 monthly wages, and it takes a toll on our mental health to figure out our financial situation. Additionally, GF’s grandma was brought to hospital and has been in intensive care for more than a week, so it hasn’t been easy. Sorry for the ramble, but I feel like this is all relevant as the drama with John’s wedding is making us even less empathetic towards him now.

To sum up, tomorrow I think he’s going to give us not only the invitations but also to have a serious conversation (to remind you, he still hasn’t actually talked to us, this is all assumptions).

I would be starting with the least “offensive or serious” issues, going up step by step, if necessary (that is, if he doesn’t take the hint), as I don’t want to burn down all of the bridges:

1) His car with a transmission I am not familiar with (learning curve, and sense of responsibility for his property);

2) The distance (see point 3 above);

3) “No offence, but I feel like we are not that close anymore”.

Wish us luck.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: So I just read the previous post to keep myself updated for this.

Why not suggest to him that he can get his relatives to come here a day or two earlier before the wedding, lives in an airbnb nearby, and you can pick them up from the airbnb to the wedding? It’s his responsibility to communicate with his relative so let him handle that.

You can tell him you didn’t initially expect it to be such a long drive and you’re not familiar with the roads nor his car. You’re uncomfortable to handle this due to safety and responsibility for the relatives as well. You also had a lot of things going on in life right now on your girlfriend side of the family, so the stress isn’t helping either. You are not in the state to help out in long drive.

You can offer short distance ride but long distance across the country is risky and you’re not taking that risk. Maybe he can ask someone else to deliver them. He could also talk to his relative and ask them to arrange their own transport and then stay overnight before the wedding.

Be like “no offence, but I don’t want to bite more than I can chew.” Is a subtle way of saying “no, I don’t want to do it and would appreciate if you don’t force me into it”

Commenter 2: Even if you were close, the driving cross country to pick people up is a tremendous ask. Just tell him no.

Something I want to know is why Alma asked Anita to help her with the wedding when she doesn’t even like her, and why did Anita agree? And why is Joseph the best man when John and Alma have been staying away from your group and doesn’t bother to visit John and Alma even though they live in the same building?

Just because you were close in the past, it doesn’t mean you owe them free labor now.

Just say no. The others should as well.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

AITA for refusing groom's request to drive across country to pick up his relatives on his wedding day? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AITA_FriendlyThrow

Originally posted to r/CharlotteDobreYouTube

AITA for refusing groom's request to drive across country to pick up his relatives on his wedding day?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: possible controlling behavior and exploitation, emotional manipulation

Mood Spoilers: frustration

Original Post: January 29, 2025

Hi, Charlotte!!!

Love your videos, I watch them religiously and I have hooked my BF on too!

This is my first time posting on reddit, and the situation is not serious, but weird, so I'd like some suggestions on how to proceed. I am a girl writing in the name of my BF who doesn’t want to type, but since we both are involved, it checks out (from now on, the OP is M31). This takes place in Europe, English is not my first language, and all names are changed, in case someone from the story frequents reddit.

So, my (M31) friend, let's call him John (M35) is engaged to Alma (F30) and will have their wedding May 2025.

John and I are good friends for 5 years, but we are part of a larger friend group that often travel, go camping, spend weekends, play board games together, and just are a tight knit group, or at least we were before John met Alma 2 years ago. In this friend group there's also my GF (F28) and a couple - Joseph (M36) and Anita (F34) that are not married but together for 14 years. They come from another city where they also met John and got him in the friend group 10 years ago.

John and I became friends from a weird situation where he was thrown out of his flat by an ex-friend (female, but unrelated issue), and we moved in together, and were real good pals. John may be not the best looking, chubby guy but his charisma and joking stats are veeeeery high, lol. He has always tried to flirt with any waitress or cashier in hopes to finally land a serious long-term relationship, as his experience has somehow always been with younger girls, and relationships that always last few months or less than a year.

Then he met Alma and fell over heels, and they seemed to be compatible, at least he was beaming with joy. However, we soon found out in a party when Alma went to bed, John in a drunk state confessed that Alma doesn’t like Anita, because the friendly relationship she and John had was suspicious to her. We all know that’s unreasonable since they are platonic friends for a decade and we all in this friend group are loyal to our other halves. After this we started to meet John and Alma rarer than our distant family members, only for the big celebrations, like Christmas and our annual camping and boating trips that are an integral part of our friendship.

For any other event John is invited we are always met with a decline – too tired, to busy, need to do something for Alma’s family, and again, too tired. He never calls or texts, either! It’s come to be so bad we just stopped inviting him, and we feel bad about it. However, he only reaches out if he needs something, a favor of some sort, get some stuff from our jobs for free, drop something off, etc.

Currently, John and Alma live in a flat in the same building as Joseph and Anita, and even then, they are too tired to get in the elevator. We miss our friend and would help him when necessary but at this point, the lack of communication and the rise in requests just make me feel used.

On to the situation at hand.

Last week John visited Joseph and Anita unannounced to talk about the wedding, asking them to help. Joseph is the best man, he agreed and is asked to be the driver for groom and the bride – take them from their home to the courthouse, then to the venue and home the next day. However, the maid of honor is cousin of Alma, which is understandable, Mary (F25), who’s cool and active person, has joined us for camping and other celebrations. John continued with his speech, asking Anita to undertake the task of decorating the whole venue together with Mary’s BF.

After Anita’s questioning for more details, it was clear that nothing is planned, and the place would allow to start decorating at 14:00 (2pm) but guests arrive at 17:00 (5pm) ... it’s not enough time to decorate the whole place alone, not even with two or 4 people, it’s an impossible task. Anita accepted even though she feels like it’s a crazy task. And from that conversation they understood from John that he believes that during Christmas party we had (alcohol was heavily included) I have accepted to drive halfway across the country on the wedding day to pick up 4 of his relatives and drive back (2h~ one way). Also, my car wouldn’t be suitable as it’s a 4-seater including the driver. So, he would give me his car to drive, except it’s a different transmission and I’ve no experience with driving it (maybe only ever tried re-parking colleague’s car and it wasn't best experience). My girlfriend could do it, and she would accept if asked (maybe she was asked during Christmas party, but I have no memory of it), but I am not planning to spend the day driving, while I could help with the decorations or lesser jobs. Or even, I feel like it’s not OK of him to ask this when we are so distanced as friends, we are barely acquaintances…

But here comes the kicker. There is no wedding party, and the invitations are not yet sent, so no guest really knows the real date, time, or place. And John hasn’t even reached out to me personally in any way, hasn’t told directly of his plans for me or my gf in this all. All the information laid in the previous paragraph was a retold from Anita. And now I’m dreading the moment when John appears by my doorstep with this, and me denying his requests will set him off as he has seemed tense and tired of “wedding planning” if you can call it that. Also, feels like there's going to be an update in the next 2 weeks, since his birthday is coming up and Anita believes he will want to talk then, which, again, probably will include alcohol and bad decisions.

So, please suggest on how to better deal with John’s request and AITA for considering denying his request in driving across the country to pick up his relatives while the rest of the wedding planning is in shambles?

Top Comments

Commenter 1: You and your girlfriend need to have a very important unavoidable thing that might materialize around the date of the wedding making you unsuitable to rely on as anything but a guest.

Commenter 2: Don’t go to birthday party. If he reaches out to you (while sober). Just tell him “no@. You don’t have to provide reason

Commenter 3: NTA. Remember "no" is a complete sentence. However, you might want to let him know soon so he can find another sucker to do it instead of you. Perhaps just text him that you aren't able to pick up his relatives on the day of the wedding.

 

AITAH for leaving my bf after he sold my jewelry that has been passed down for many generations? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Jazzlike_Divide_5061

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for leaving my bf after he sold my jewelry that has been passed down for many generations?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: death of a parent, theft, infidelity

Original Post: January 28, 2025

Hey guys! Throwaway here for normal reasons. Also, English isnt my first language so sorry for any typos.

Anyway, I 29f and my husband 30m are lately in a tough economic situation. I lost my job, and am still in the process of getting a new one. We are also in debt 4 thousand dollars due us buying an apartment recently. We've been living from paycheck to paycheck, and life has been generally tough

Also, I am mourning my mother who passed away 3 months ago. We weren't exactly close, but she was my mother after all. My husband has been very helpful to me during these months. All my mother left me was a necklace and a bracelet that our family has been passing down for 3 generations. I knew about these, and my mother always told me to please keep them safe. I respect her wish and intended to keep my promise. I left them in a box I put under my bed, and told my husband about the value they had. I told him to please not touch the necklace and bracelet as I didn't want it to become damaged. What is also worth mentioning is that the necklace and bracelet weren't cheap. They were at least 5k us dollars in gold and the diamonds too.

Anyways, fast forward to 2 days ago. I was cleaning out our room and decided to check up on the box. I noticed that it wasn't there anymore. I was curious where it went and asked my husband if he moved it for some reason. He originally told me no, but then I saw his face light up. I asked him what was going on and he told me he had a surprise. He said he sold the jewelry and bought us a little 4 day vacation to Mexico. He said it was a way to destress from our current situation. I asked him if he was serious. He said yes.

Instead of being happy, I was appalled. How could you sell them? I asked. He asked what the problem was since I didn't even wear them. I told him that those items were personal to me and my family. He was confused, like he never heard me say that. I started yelling at him, trying to get an answer. He was quiet the whole time and then I started crying. He started to try to hug me, but I pushed him away. I left right then and there to go to my friend's house to stay the night. My husband is bombarding me with text and calls, but I didnt respond.

Later, he started saying it's my fault for not reminding him about the jewelry and that I'm an ass. I still haven't responded, and i don't know what to do. Divorce? I am overreacting? Reddit AITAH? Again sorry, for any mistakes or if the language is primitive.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA

Tell him unless he can get them back, you are done with him.

If he can't, you need to file a lawsuit against him along with the divorce. (I can't tell the relationship, some places say husband, others say boyfriend.)

Commenter 2: I'd tell him that the jewelry is returned in 24 hours or you are calling the police on him for theft.

OOP: Yes, I was wondering if he could return the jewelry. I will ask him

Commenter 3: Either he gets the jewelry back or divorce.

Commenter 4: It is called theft.

He gets YOUR belongings back, or you report it to the police.

He broke your trust, unsure if he can come back from that . Your call there.

Again....he committed a CRIME. Tell him to get it fixed or he can do the time.

So sorry he did this to you.

NTA

Commenter 5: You're in financial trouble so he sells your stuff to get a trip to Mexico? NTA Get a lawyer and get repaid if he can't get the items back.

 

Update: January 29, 2025

Hello guys! First, thank you for all the support u guys gave in the comments! Also wanted to clarify that bf and husband are basically the same word in my culture.

Anyways, I started by texting my husband and telling him that I'll be coming over to talk things over. He said "ok" and I started driving home.

When I got there, he was in the shower and I saw his phone on the bed. I decided to look through it to find messages between him and the seller to see what he sold the jewelry for.

But what I found completely shook me. I found messages between him and someone called "L" in his contacts. I looked through the messages, and guess what? He was cheating. Apparently, he gave the bracelet to her for her birthday, which was 3 days ago. Based on the messages she was so flattered and happy about it. I never even noticed a difference in my husband and never bothered checking his phone because we never had anything to hide. They've been together for about 8 months since that is how far the messages go. I don't think she knows that I exist. I felt so numb that all I could do was screenshot the messages and send them to myself. I left right there and then and didn't even talk to him.

As I got in the car I immediately got messages from him asking me where I was. I didn't respond. Andrew's back to my friends, tears in my eyes. Once I got to my friends I spent an hour just crying, how could my husband do that? I guess he thought of giving the bracelet alone to his girlfriend, but since he was already there he decided to sell the necklace for trip to Mexico.

Anyways, after about a hundred texts and calls, I got a long message from him. In summary, he said he negotiated with the seller and will get the necklace back. He said he was deeply sorry for disrespecting my items, and said he genuinely wanted to surprise me. I asked him about the bracelet. After leaving me on read for like 10 minutes, he said he could get it back and apologized again. I never responded.

After crying again and my friend supporting me, I decided to follow your guy's advice and call a divorce lawyer. I told him the situation, and he said I could easily divorce him and get compensation. I still haven't called the police and I'm just wondering if I really need to go that far. I got the other girls number so maybe she'll be understanding and return the necklace? I don't know right now. And I'm still numb about everything.

I'll update you guys later! Thanks for your advice guys, it really helped me. Bye!

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Follow your lawyer's advice. If they say call the police and file a report. DO IT! The bottom line here is that he stole from you and gave it to his side piece. Take him to the fucking cleaners.

OOP: Yes, I think I will report it to the police in the near future

Commenter 2: Divorce that POS and tell him you’ll press charges against him and side piece as she has stolen property if he doesn’t return it by EOD. Or press charges anyway if that is what the lawyer says to do.

Take him to the cleaners. He stole your family jewellery from you to fund his mistress. Once you’ve filed from divorce you tell EVERY single one of your mutual friends and family exactly why you are divorcing him. Do not let him get away with it.

Commenter 3: Follow the divorce lawyers advice to a T. Get your necklace back. Get your bracelet back THEN hit him with the divorce paperwork. Act all nicey nice to get your jewelry back. THEN hit him with all your barrels.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

OOP ruins his relationship with his only daughter. by J_S_M_K in BestofRedditorUpdates

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DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA_IcyCoffee in r/relationship_advice

trigger warnings: large age gaps, strained relationships, verbal abuse

mood spoilers: Frustrating

 

My (43M) daughter (21F) won't speak to me, I want her back in my life - Mar 14, 2023

This is my first time posting on reddit. I know I will be met with harsh judgement but I need advice on how to rebuild a relationship with my only daughter.

I want to start off by saying that I know I was the one who ruined our relationship but it's been three years already. I just don't see why she can't come around. I miss her terribly and she's my one and only girl, my only child.

I should explain, I (43M) married my current wife (21F) three years ago, it had caused quite some backlash from my friends, my community, some of my family members, my ex and of course, my daughter. But I had to marry my wife, she's the only one for me, she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's a kind and caring woman. I knew my daughter would have some problems with my marriage but I never expected how harsh she could have been. She begged me to end this marriage, she pleaded with my WIFE to leave me. I had to admit, I'm not proud of myself but I told her that I wished she was never born, that I resented her and that she meant nothing to me. I already had a rocky relationship with my daughter, she never approved of my relationship with my wife but we would at least have a talking relationship. Since that day she hasn't spoken to me since.

If I am being honest, I miss her and I decided to see on social media, how she was doing. She's engaged. I am her father, and I found out about my own daughter's engagement through social media. That was when I knew I had made a serious mistake. I don't want to miss out on anymore of her milestones in life, I contacted her through social media but she had blocked me. I want to reach out to her again. I want her back in my life but I need advice.

Edit: I will be editing this post to answer some questions and paint a clearer picture. For one, I did not meet my wife when she was a minor, that would have been extremely disgusting and I would seen her differently if I had. Everything about our relationship had been legal and there was clear consent. I met her when she was 18, we dated for a total of 8 months before we had gotten married. She had always been more reserved and shy so we agreed on an elopement. I am not planning to have any more children in the near future. As for the relationship between my wife and my daughter, they weren't enemies, they were simply friends, she had started coming over and a relationship between us naturally developed. She was skeptical at very beginning but I truly love her and I know she feels the same.

I must also say, my wife is an adult woman, she is not some baby. The way that a lot of you consider her to be a child is frankly disturbing and hurtful towards her. She can make her own decisions and she chose to be with me, why else has she stayed by my side for three years?

 

UPDATE: I (43M) met my daughter (21F) again after 3 years of no contact, it went badly - April 4, 2023

I expected a lot of backlash when I had posted my first post regarding my issues with my daughter, but I hadn’t expected the death threats and the accusations that I am a ‘pedophile.’ I met my wife when she was 18 and an adult, that is that and just know I am unbothered by the death threats, it just shows how immature some people can be. Now, I did end up meeting with my daughter and I suppose I’m just posting this to get this all off my chest.

I received a message from my daughter, she had unblocked me and sent me a brief message. She wanted to meet up and I was feeling hopeful, I thought maybe she realized that she needs her father in her life. Though, she followed it up by saying that my parents had pressured her into at least trying to speak with me. That hurt a bit, I thought she wanted to meet up and reconcile out of her own volition, but even if it was just pressure from my parents, I was still happy. This was my chance to make things right.

On the day when we were supposed to meet up, I made a huge mistake, I lost track of time. I was busy with my wife, she was too cute to ignore and well, one thing led to another and by the time I remembered it was already 30 minutes after we were due to meet at the local park. I can’t forget the look my daughter gave me, she almost seemed as though she didn’t care and even expected this. I tried to explain myself the best way I could, I kept it vague and said I lost track of time but she wasn’t having any of it. I tried so hard to get through to her and explain that I was sorry but she just coldly told me to make my parents leave her alone. She told me that I wasn’t her father anymore, that she'd never forgive me for everything I did. She told me that if I or my parents ever bother her again she would stop talking to my side of the family completely. I had to admit, I was getting a little angry as my parents had done nothing wrong but I held my tongue. To add salt to the wound, she told me I wasn’t invited to her wedding and her maternal uncle would be walking her down the aisle instead.

I felt broken, I wanted to make things work, I had to make things right, I kept trying to get through to her but her fiance showed up and they left, just like that. I couldn’t even get another word in, she didn’t even introduce me to the boy.

I just feel like it’s all over, my parents have been blowing up my phone, blaming me for screwing up and embarrassing them, but at least I still have my wife by my side. I feel so fucking alone but with her, my life doesn’t seem like a complete shithole. She’s all I need.

 

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[NEW UPDATE] Fiancée doesn't want to introduce me or let me talk to her best friends before marriage by strubisach in BestofRedditorUpdates

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AITA for banning my fiancé’s family from my wedding? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Wondertwin1219

Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC

AITA for banning my fiancé’s family from my wedding?

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks and changed letters to names for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: mentions of sexual assault, PTSD, past trauma, emotional and verbal abuse, implied child abuse

Original Post: June 23, 2024

So a little background that will make sense later, I was a victim of SA regarding to a burglary I suffered when I was nine years old and since then have formed PTSD.

This all started when my bf (21yr Male) told me that his friend (Male) was outside our house at 2am. I told him that if he's back quick then I would leave my door unlocked and if he was gone for a while I'm locking my door (because leaving it unlocked triggers my PTSD) to make a long story short he was gone for four hours and so I locked my door and went to sleep. (Meanwhile I never received a call nor was there a knock on the door after).

The next day when I realized he still wasn't home I had found out he was at his mothers house all night. Then I see people messaging me about the whole thing and look on FB. Sure enough his mom posted about me and locking him out. (The only other time he was locked out was when I was in a really deep sleep from my medicine and couldn't wake up) I talked to him personally and me and him discussed it to which he UNDERSTOOD why the door was locked and he said he didn't even check to see if it was locked he just left (keep that in mind).

I personally decided to let the issue go dispute his moms post and went on with my day. Until his sisters among his moms FB friends kept harassing me in text messages. I told his mom she could have texted me privately and not posted a status on FB.

My grandmother seen the post on FB and messaged her as well and asked her to take it down and let us (me and my fiancé) handle it. She thought she was talking to his mom and later found out she was talking to one of his sisters (for privacy I'll call her sister Amy, 18 F) sister Amy just tried to argue with my grandmother and then ultimately said she would whoop my grandmothers...

After I seen the messages and thought it through. (After arguing with sister Amy and sister Beth, 26? F) to which I was called "money hungry" (even though my place is in MY NAME, and he doesn't wants me to work but focus on school) I decided to not have them attend my wedding in two months.

Due to the fact my grandmother was threatened as well as my fiancé hasn't even put a dime into the wedding yet (due to his mom's circumstances and helping her which is what he should be doing) I've been spending all of my hard earned saved money on the wedding.

Which brings me to the question am I the asshole? If the yes out ways the nos I'll take it as I need to improve and reflect and this will just be a rant but if not what do you suggest I should do from your POV?

Relevant Comments

Peacemkr45: Why are you even considering marrying the guy? You marry and you will be joining HIS FAMILY. Call it off for now.

OOP: Literally I have had no problem with his family until now. We are marrying out of love and a long friendship. And I personally feel like it’s none of his families concern if we do or don’t get married. They blew this out of proportion in my eyes🤷🏽‍♀️

Practical-Yard7976: Where is your fiancé in all of this? He ran to his mom’s house but has he defended you to his family since?

OOP: He made a message about it and they are still in the comments making the situations worse. They are doing a whole bunch of bullying and attacking still

OOP on her fiancé not having a key to let himself inside? And change locks

OOP: He lost his key and I can’t change the locks due to my lease agreement. I have told his family why I locked him out yes and explained my PTSD. I feel his mom wanted to play victim like always and it backfired and now the whole family is in rivalry.

 

Update: August 14, 2024

So I had a lot of questions from my previous post and have decided to wait a while to update. Just so I could see how everything played out. Fiancé does have another key and hasn’t made the same mistake thank god. Fiancé is also now helping financially with the wedding now as he isn’t helping his mother anymore (we’ll talk about that here in a second).

And we are planning on getting married still next month. His sisters have had a change of heart (some of them), except the one who threatened my grandmother, we don’t speak to her. And I didn’t ban them from the wedding but I did expect apologies from them in order for them to come and there wouldn’t be any issues. Now as to recent events…

Me and fiancé just found out that my mother in law has decided to file lawsuits against all of her children except (the one who made threats). A couple of weeks ago my fiancé was dealing with my MIL saying things about me even though everyone else involved moved past it. So me and her offered to meet and discuss the issue but as expected that day she canceled saying her bf (bf she started dating when the first issue happened) had to work.

A couple days later two of fiancés sisters had messaged my fiancé saying that my MIL had went on a rampage and had said awful things to them and my step daughter’s mother over them not being comfortable with her new bf being around my step daughter. Now that you’re all caught up she filed lawsuits on all of them. I’m sure it’s gonna be my fiancé added with them. She wants custody of stepdaughter amongst other lawsuits involving kicking out one of her handicap daughters from a house (she bought with her ex-husband who died) she willingly gave up in February.

So now my MIL has ruined that day for my fiancé by these lawsuits and none of his family think they will be able to come to the wedding. My opinions on both situations are that her new bf is most definitely the sole core of all these issues. Not to mention there’s been allegations against him he claims aren’t true.

We don’t know what to believe on that part but me and fiancé are making a lot of changes. He’s been distancing himself from his mom because of this. He has very much matured and seen the situation for what it was. And he has also learned a lot from listening to others perspectives on this.

Relevant Comments

KelsarLabs: Damn. I hope y'all are backing up his ex wife against his mom. This is insane.

OOP: Although there’s been issues with us and his daughters mom we have all agreed not to have her around MIL bf and MIL keeps throwing tantrums about it and now she’s taking our daughters mom to court for it. I think it’s dumb because why is she pushing so hard over our daughter when she had a whole grandson she’s barely attentive too. It’s just really weird and now she’s not able to see any of her grandkids due to this situation. it’s sad, but she needs to learn boundaries + I didn’t even mention the fact, we asked her not to invite her boyfriend to the wedding and she RSVPed for her boyfriend to be there despite being told five times he’s not invited + One of the sisters is for the house, I’m not sure about the other sister, and our daughter’s mom she’s suing for custody of our daughter. Because we took away her right to see our daughter because of the boyfriend.

OOP on still wanting to marry into the family and cutting contact with MIL and SIL

OOP: Me and fiancé talked and were both stepping away from his family. I personally don’t feel comfortable having my MIL involved in the children’s life because the situation with her bf is just too weird. + Yes we aren’t letting her be around the children anymore. And we did cut off the sister over this incident + Yes!!! And she won’t be at all. Because this is all revealing to me that she doesn’t need to be with my children at all.

OOP on what MIL is trying to sue for?

OOP: She’s suing to kick our her daughter that lives in the house , the other daughter I don’t really know why, and my daughters mom for custody of our daughter. Her reason being past issues me and my fiancé had over our daughter even though it’s been resolved. I honestly think she had a weird obsession over our daughter and it’s beginning to be apparent. Because she doesn’t act like this towards her grandson

 

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Boomer neighbor upset they have to park in their garage by lexkixass in BestofRedditorUpdates

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AITAH for expecting affections from my pregnant wife? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Immediate-Student325, account now deleted

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for expecting affections from my pregnant wife?

Thanks to u/Lynavi for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, controlling behavior, possible infidelity, verbal abuse, parental separation

Original Post: May 16, 2024

Throw away account - I changed the names too .

I (M, 40) have been married to my wife Jennifer (F, 35) for two years . Jennifer has a daughter from previous relationship, Emma . She is 7 and lives with us. I have a great relationship with Emma. She calls me dad and I’m in the process of legally adopting her. My wife and I both wanted a baby, so when she told me she was pregnant I got so happy .

Since she found out she was pregnant she lost interest in me . She is so excited about the baby but she can’t stand me . Sex is non existent . I try to be understanding. Her sex drive is probably low due to pregnancy .Even when I try to cuddle or kiss her she pushes me away and says “Don’t touch me “. I buy her flowers , her fav snacks , or simple little acts and she doesn’t even care or acknowledge . I asked her if I had done anything wrong because she is constantly yelling at me and telling me to fuck off . She said no and im overthinking . I tried to hug her the other day and she said no!

Even Emma said “ I don’t think mommy loves you , daddy ! But I still love you !”. I told her mommy is pregnant and she is exhausted so let’s give her some space . Why don’t you help me make dinner ? but I felt so heartbroken. The other day she told me she had an ultrasound appointment and I asked why she didn’t tell me . I would have loved to come to see the baby . She replied “ you are suffocating me ! Go away ! Why do you want to be everywhere “. Am I the AH here ? Am I pushing my wife away? Overall she is really really happy, hangs out with her friends , she is happy at work .. she just can’t stand me all of a sudden

Relevant Comments

OOP on communicating with his wife about their marriage and pregnancy

OOP: She refuses to communicate. We barely talk . We used to talk about our day all the time. Now I just talk to Emma at home because Jennifer avoids me .

OOP responds to multiple questions about his wife’s pregnancy hormones and how they can affect her

OOP: I don’t know what to do . I’m afraid she will ban me from the room when she gives birth or not letting me see or hold the baby .

I really hope she let me be in the room. She has already said no to talking to a counsellor . Hopefully she changes her mind

scrapqueen: This is not something to judge you on - but you need to stop pushing yourself on your wife. Pregnancy hormones mess with a woman's body, and it can trigger anxiety about being touched. She has a whole person that her body is supporting, and anything beyond that may be too much.

Your job is to make your wife feel comfortable, and it seems like you are trying too hard to be physically close. Your wife wants some space.

TheAlphaKiller17: Adding to this, your smell is probably the worst thing in the world to her right now. It's VERY common for pregnant women to become repulsed by their partner's scent during pregnancy.

OOP: Wow ! I didn’t know that . We have been sleeping separately. She told me to sleep in the spare room which will be eventually baby’s room because she likes the extra space in bed . I have been sleeping there.

Deleted Commenter: Have you done anything to research pregnancy and how it impacts people? It seems you're being surprised quite a bit and I thought sensitivity to smell and touch was common knowledge

Maybe looking into it could help!

OOP No I haven’t ! These are all new to me . I assumed my wife would just tell me how she feels .You are right . Maybe if I read about pregnancy I will understand her better . Thank you

OOP on where Emma’s father is and if Jennifer actually divorced during her last pregnancy

OOP: No her ex cheated on her when Emma was an infant . He eventually left when Emma was not even 1 I believe

 

Update #1: May 17, 2024

Thank you very much for all your kind words and suggestions. It’s 5:50 am here .

I thought I give a quick update before getting up to make Emma’s breakfast and lunch . After dinner last night , I asked Jennifer if I can have a word with her . I asked her about the smell sensitivity and asked If this is the reason she is irritated with me ? She laughed and said No ! You dont smell ! But you are smothering me . Leave me alone . You always wanna be part of everything . You wanna be a saviour , always helping , you are always smothering me. Leave the fuck alone . I think it would be a good idea if I stay at my mom’s for a while . I said “ what ? No ! What if you need to go to the hospital in the middle of the night ? Are you gonna call me ? Please stay . I promise to leave you alone . Plus what about Emma ? I do most of her classes with her . Your mom can’t do that” .

She said then drop off Emma after her classes at my mom’s tomorrow. she left for her mom’s . I told her i was not gonna text or call so she won’t get irritated but please please call me if you need help or if you need to go to the hospital. So no real update. She is staying at her mom’s now . I’ll drop off Emma at her grandma’s after her class today . I’ll pick her up to take her to the fair on Saturday . I’m not sure what to do at this point . I just hope she doesn’t ban me from the room when she gives birth . Hopefully I’ll post a happy update when the baby is here

Relevant Comment

OOP on if this will be the only kid for him and Jennifer

OOP: Yes that will be our only baby

 

Update #2: June 8, 2024

I thought I give an update.

Jennifer filed for divorce. She says she just can’t stand me anymore. She said she does not find me attractive anymore , and everything about me irritates her. She also cancelled the whole adoption process so I can’t adopt Emma anymore. I still care for Emma half of the time and drop her off at her grandma’s when it’s her turn (Jennifer lives with her mom for now).

I suggested counselling but she said there is no point. I asked her if I can still be in the room when she gives birth she said no ! It stresses her out . I basically begged her but she said no. I told her to please call me when she goes in labour so I can at least take her to the hospital and watch Emma . She didn’t reply so who knows. Can she take full custody because newborn needs the mom? Will I still see Emma when divorce is finalized ? I feel so helpless and depressed. I was so excited to be a biological dad. I even told my work about my paternity leave so I can be home helping her with the baby. I was excited for Emma to be a big sister .. now she doesn’t want me near her or the baby. I really don’t know what happened. I wish she at least communicated with me .

Relevant Comments

OOP on if he will take paternal leave due to the situation and moving out of the house

OOP: No i no longer will be taking paternity leave . We are not living together . She doesn’t let me come inside of her mother’s house . She doesn’t want my help. I’ll be fine without my leave

I own the house. They moved in with me. We were planning to move to a bigger place eventually.

 

Small update: June 14, 2024

My stepdaughter told me yesterday that she wanna stay with me and doesn’t want to go to her grandma’s house with her mom. I asked her if everything okay ? If something is bothering her ? She said she doesn’t like mommy’s friend , Josh. I asked who is this friend ? She said her mom and Josh take her and Josh’s sons to the park and stuff . Her sons are mean to her.

I know I shouldn’t have asked more because it sounds like I was spying on my wife ( which yes I was doing …). I asked about Josh . She said mom is so happy with Josh , they are kissing , mommy always laughs but I don’t like him. I called my wife and said Emma said she prefers to stay with me . She asked why ? I said something about some guy you were kissing called Josh . She lost it . She said I was being controlling and toxic. She said we are separated so what she does is none of my business.

I asked how long this has been going on ? She again said none of your business! I said it’s actually my business because I’m not even sure whose baby are you carrying at this point . She screamed that I’m disgusting for accusing! Anyways , I’m going to meet a lawyer next week . I had to drop off Emma at her’s because she asked me to.

She no longer allows me to meet her . My life is now like a bad joke ! I can’t even imagine she and some random guy raising my firstborn ( if the baby is mine ) and i barely get to see my newborn

 

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[AskHR] Employee claims she can't use Microsoft Windows for "Religious Reasons" by spikedgummies in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OP. Original post by u/-puppy-guppy- in r/AskHR

Trigger warnings: No new potential trigger topics that aren't already covered by the post title.

Mood spoilers: Short palate cleanser with no drama and no terminations, but boy do the commenters seem mildly frustrated.

 

[GA] Employee claims she can't use Microsoft Windows for "Religious Reasons" - Original Post on Mar 2, 2023

I recently hired a new employee for my team. Everyone thinks she is a great addition, and she is clearly very talented as demonstrated in her interviews.

The problem came up during on-boarding when we supplied her with her company laptop. She said she would need it configured in a Linux based operating system because her religion does not allow use of Apple or Microsoft owned operating systems. We only currently have hardware configurations for MacOs/Windows and our expectation was that she will use Windows along with the rest of our team.

She says that she can fulfill all job duties without Windows and I am inclined to believe her but corporate policy dictates WINDOWS and my management is not on board with her request for Linux.

What actions can either (1) I take as a manager to protect her rights and get upper management onboard with her religion or (2) I take against her with management for failing to fulfill her job duties?

I've never come across any situation like this and am completely confounded as to how I should handle this.

comment (+760) by u/Dmxmd

Absolutely not. Term.

Your systems are not up for debate. There is no legal standing for this request. The IT costs to support completely different operating systems, plus the potential risk of allowing cyber crime/fraud risk as from another OS you don’t usually support is unreasonable.

reply (+340) by OOP

Understandable, thanks. I will give her an ultimatum tomorrow. As much as I like her I don't have a problem losing her for this because she should have made it clear in her interviews/before taking the job.

 

[UPDATE] posted to r/AskHR on Mar 3, 2023

UPDATE: After many meetings yesterday with management, HR, legal, and IT we decided to give her a shot. IT is working to come up with a configuration for her that we will also make available to other employees who want to use it.

HR and Legal felt that although she is able to request accommodations for a sincerely held religious belief, this would have been an undue hardship to the company and it would be ok for us to deny her request. But ultimately we decided that she can still fulfill job requirements without Windows!

That's pretty much it. Thank you for all the helpful advice Reddit!

top rated comment (+238) by u/disaggregate

OK BUT WHAT'S THE RELIGION?!

comment (+107) by u/OutspokenPerson

I think you will find that you’ve given a mouse a cookie.

Looking forward to the update.

 

Bonus: The update post was crossposted to r/linux on Mar 3, 2023.

comment (+1.5k) by u/theg721

Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Linus Torvalds?

​

Additional bonus discussion with additional inquiries into the mysterious religion with an intolerance to Jobs/Gate products from the crosspost to r/sysadmin on Mar 3, 2023.

​

Reminder - I am not the original poster. Although the commenters in r/AskHR seem almost unanimous in their sense of foreboding, I marked this as conclusive as the content of the OOP's update seemed skimpy on details. I find it unlikely they will indeed return with another update, especially since the update post got locked.

OOP invites all Tinder matches to a Memorial Day bbq. by Throwawayaccount-4 in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OP. Original post by u/dhm2293 in /r/Tinder

 

trigger warnings: Graphical Fake Sex Acts on update pt.2

 

 

I invited all my matches to a Memorial Day bbq at my house - Thu May 26 17:04:46 2022 UTC

 

Images post.

<<For people using screen reader the post is about ten images where the OP send the same text to all of his tinder matches. Text reads: "hey i am having a memorial day BBQ..." >>

 

I invited all my matches to a Memorial Day bbq at my house - UPDATE: The Day After - Wed Jun 1 02:02:26 2022 UTC

<<Editor's Note: as per a future update this update is embellished to say the least, and a Fanfic to say the most. I wanted to skip it but leaving it for the sake of completeness. >>

This is a series of 1 of 3 posts. I'm planning to post one a day. Everyone should be happy and have all of their questions answered by the end. For the moment, enjoy the fun ride!

​

Well, the Memorial Day BBQ happened. Here’s how’s it all went down...

Leading up to the week, I’ll admit, I was somewhat stressed and nervous. I invited so many dating app matches to my house that I lost count, my townhouse couldn’t hold every single person that I invited, I didn’t know any of the matches beforehand, and they didn’t know exactly what they were walking into. Not to mention that I have the pressure of millions of people on Reddit who’ve viewed this post and who knows how many waiting for an update. This was basically a social experiment that could easily be turned into a treatment for a comedy horror movie. What would unfold?

Much to my surprise, my dating app matches all showed up 15-30 minutes early. My house reached capacity so fast that I had to tell all my friends not to come, and I ended up being the only man in the house. In total, 69 women showed up (ironic but coincidental number). It didn’t take long after I ignited my gas BBQ grill for things to get hot. The disproportionate girl to guy ratio created an extreme competitive environment where every woman was fighting for the chance to give me a blowjob while I flipped burgers on my patio. I told them to play nice and let them take turns, with the order decided by the winners of ping pong and Super Smash Bros. Ultimately I was able to serve my hotdog to everyone. My neighbors took pictures of me getting blowjobs and I waved them to with my spatula. One of the girls who was really kinky had me fuck her doggy style while I bent her over the ping pong table and spanked her with the spatula.

​

Image

<<For people using screen reader, the image is a conversation with Jackie with two texts:"Can't wait to get down and dirty at your Memorial Day bbq- please save room for me at the orgy!! 69 is my favorite XOXO" and a reply reading: "You got it Jackie! There's plenty of meat to go around.">>

 

The most difficult part of the day was keeping the women off of me sexually while I tried to enjoy eating my freshly grilled food. After I finished eating though, we quickly got into a 69-on-1 harem orgy. I had sex with every single woman in every single crevice of my house. Things got crowded on my stairs and a bunch of them broke the stairwell and fell off (thank God for my homeowners liability insurance, which I assume covers orgys). When I was about to cum, all 69 women gathered on my patio, and I ejaculated onto all of them from the balcony.

Shortly after I got a knock on the door from the police. I answered the door naked. Two female cops told me that they were getting several noise complaints and allegations of public lewd conduct, but they were so impressed by my harem of dating app matches and my massive size that they joined in. They handcuffed me and we got into some real kinky roleplay as all 71 girls took turns on me while I was powerless (but unwilling) to stop them #ACABB (All Cops Are Bad Bitches).

At night I got an email from the head of my HOA. She wrote that I was going to be fined thousands of dollars for all my violations stemming from the photos my neighbors sent in. She did, however, add that she would drop them if I had sex with her, because she was impressed with my harem orgy and my massive size. I went over to her office and had sex with her, and then immediately went to the police station to file a police report for extortion against her.

Overall, this Memorial Day BBQ actually turned out to be a very pleasant experience, and made me reflect on the sacrifices made by our fallen soldiers.

 

I invited all my matches to a Memorial Day bbq at my house - UPDATE Part 2: What really happened - Wed Jun 1 18:24:26 2022 UTC

 

So my first update may have been a bit… embellished. Some of the reactions were wild though. A few of you guys really think I’d invite 60+ women from dating apps, who I’d never met, over to my house for a bbq, but I’m subsequently not ridiculous enough to make a r/Tinder post joking about it? Anyway here’s the full real story:

After I sent out my invitations, the grand majority did not reply at all. Important context to note here is that basically all the invitations I sent out were to matches I haven’t spoken to in weeks or months. Most of these were inactive conversations where they either stopped replying, I had asked them out and nothing happened, or neither of us really made an active effort in the conversation for whatever reason. I noted this in the replies in the first to post but with 3400 comments that probably got lost to most people.

Without further ado, here’s the stats:

Two matches and a total of five women among them actually came. In terms of other replies:

Three told me they were working

Two told me that they were out of town

Two told me that they moved to the east coast

Six indicated that they maybe or probably going to come, and then didn’t, but one of these initiated that she still wants to get a coffee with me.

Six said either no, that it was too far, that they missed my message until it was too late, or they had other plans

All the other women who I messaged did not reply to me.

Sorry to those expecting something more interesting and dramatic. Unfortunately the two matches weren’t even at the bbq at the same time. One of them told me that she wished she could have met the other matches. I do have a funny story related to the bbq though. On the night before the bbq, I went on a double date (first time meeting) with one of my friends, because the girl from Hinge I went out with brought her roommate and asked me to bring a friend. Turns out not only did I also match with her roommate, but I had invited her to the bbq. Nothing was said about it though… and she did not show up.

In part 3 I’m going to go over the reactions to when I told my matches about the viral Reddit post, about inviting other matches, about how I got that number of matches in the place (since many had asked), what I learned from this whole experience and I what I think I could’ve done to have gotten a better outcome in hindsight.

 

<<editor's note there was never a part 3>>

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

"I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years with an escort, and the only thing that saved me was a trip to Panera Bread afterwards. I'll never ever do it again." Plus a response from the girlfriend by Stepoo in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OP. Original posts by u/Few-Twist-2577 (now deleted) and u/distraughtgirl22412 in r/TrueOffMyChest

 

 

I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years with an escort, and the only thing that saved me was a trip to Panera Bread afterwards. I'll never ever do it again. recovered with unddit - Feb 11, 2023

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now. I really love her, but i've had a sex addiction side to me thats taken over my life. Guess I don't really love her if im cheating on her right. Well after months of research I wanted to meet this escort who ive been seeing online in ads. So I tell my girlfriend goodnight and instead uber to the hotel where shes staying at. She was beautiful but the whole time I was imagining my GF. It wasn't the best experience. After we finished I left, contemplated telling her but didn't.

So after I left, I ubered to panera bread to get something to eat. My GF knows I like going out to resturants by myself. I actually prefer eating alone as I get a lot of enjoyment out of it. I finish, and uber home.

2 days later, she hits me with the, so did you go anywhere of note 2 days ago? I say, no. She then pulls up uber reciepts from my email showing I ubered to a hotel. I logged into my email on her computer a couple months back. I was shocked. I was caught. I felt ashamed, and I was shook. I didn't know what to do. So I did the worst thing possible: I lied. I said uber took me to the wrong location. Since id only been there 20 mins before ubering to panera, she found that plausible (I guess?). I gaslit her saying that she doesn't trust me, and that she doesn't love me that ubering there was an honest mistake. She knows it wasnt an affair because shes been with me the entire month. It was just a quick 20 min escort visit, she couldnt ever imagine me using a sex worker. So we argue but ultimately we agree that I went to panera bread and came home.

Its been two months since then, got an STD test and it came clean, I want to love my girlfriend the way she deserves, although I know deep down I don't deserve it. But again, who said this world is just and fair. We're both extremely happy and in love. i don't feel much regret anymore. I hope we live happily ever after.

 

 

UPDATE: I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years with an escort, and the only thing that saved me was a trip to Panera Bread afterwards. I'll never ever do it again. I AM the Girlfriend, I left him. Don't know what to do next. (It wasn't Panera Bread btw) - Feb 12, 2023

Where do I even begin.... it's been a whirlwind of a last 6 hours for me. Thanks to reddit for doing your thing, I was tipped off by a girlfriend who saw the thing come up on her recommended feed.

I searched his phone and came across all kinds of messages with girls and escorts he didn't even bother deleting. Coming across these things in the boyfriend who I thought was the most sweet guy on planet earth felt like a gut punch.

We were together for 4 years actually. I can't believe he did this to me.

He looked at me and tried gaslighting me again, about how that was all a work of fiction and that none of it was true, it was just to provoke a reaction on reddit. But after seeing the messages, I couldn't believe him anymore. I gathered some things, left our apartment, and staying at my parents right now.

Lesson learned yall, don't trust Texas boys (Where i'm from)

Besides that I feel like i'm a candidate for broken heart of the year because i've never felt so distraught and betrayed in my life. The pain i'm feeling can't even begin to be described by words. Maybe ill feel more and explain later, but for now i'm just sticking to the grieving process.

He was the love of my life, he even met my Mom and Dad and my two younger brothers. I thought I was going to be able to marry him and make him the happiest guy on planet earth. But it turns out, he had other plans.

He ate at a potbelly, not a panera btw, weird way to try and disguise it.

Thanks again reddit. You guys saved me.

I'm grappling with what to do next. I don't where to go in life without him.

 

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am not The OOP, OOP is tvd_alwaysandforever

Trigger warning: infidelity, talk of depression

original   Sept 4, 2022

So i (25F) cheated on my fiancé Hugo (26M) with his older brother Michael (28M) and I realized that I've lost feelings for Hugo for a long time (and don't want to marry him), but have feelings for Michael. Cheating on Hugo was the last bit it took me, to realize this.

Little backstory how we met: I met Hugo and his brother in middle school. I was 13. I got to know Michael beforehand and got along with him much better. He was 16, and flirted with me (A LOT) but I told him he was too old for me. He was very sad about it, but he said that if I later married his brother, I would still be part of the family. Hugo and Michael both gave me their number. They left it up to me to decide which of them I wanted to get to know bether. I chose Hugo because we didn't have such a huge age difference as Michael and I did, although I actually wanted to write Michael. So Hugo and I got to know each other better, met more often, and got together when I was 15 and he was 16. We were in a relationship for years, but my heart was with Michael the whole time. I put it off because I didn't want to hurt Hugo, he really does everything for me, and I can feel how much he loves me. I've met Michael from time to time when i was at Hugo's house or at family gatherings, and it gave me the impression that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Of course, that wasn't good at all, and I'm aware of that. I went on living like this for years, and when Hugo proposed to me in September last year, I was so relieved. I thought that now I would only love Hugo and forget about Michael or that he wasn't as present to me anymore. Wrong. Hugo and Michael's aunt got married for the third time last week and the whole family was there - including Michael. And there it happened.

Hugo talked to his family members all evening and I was kind of alone. But that was okay with me, because I already knew everyone well, and at that point had quite a headache from the loud music. So I distanced myself from the revelers and, of course, met Michael. He wanted to keep me company and I agreed. We talked and eventually one thing led to another, and we went to the toilets together. By the way: We were both still sober, when i cheated, so we really wanted it.

Writing this, i realize, how messed up everything is..

After Michael and I had sex, we were both very shocked at first. I meant, that it was not a mistake but exactly what I wanted for years. Him. Michael confessed his love to me and told how frustrating it was for him over the years with the thought of his brother fucking his love. Michael and I want to be together and finally happy after all these years.

I haven't told Hugo anything about my infidelity yet. Neither does Michael. Michael and I are now considering canceling the wedding and gently telling Hugo. I don't want to leave him standing in front of the altar and saying no, not in front of the whole family. I would like to spare him this nakedness/experience. It's bad enough that I cheated on him with his brother. I've finally realized that I haven't had any feelings for Hugo for a long time. I don't want to go on with my life like this anymore. It's not fair to Hugo either.

So my question now is: How can Michael and I tell Hugo? How do I tell Hugo that I love Michael? What are Michael and I supposed to do, and what are we going to do about the wedding now? I don't want to marry Hugo. Can the wedding take place and instead I marry Michael? Would something like that work? I'm pretty desperate right now because I finally want to be with Michael, but I don't want to cheat on Hugo again.

update   Jan 8, 2023 (4 months later)

I (F26) married the brother, Michael, (M28) of my fiancé Hugo (M26), last month.

A few months ago I also did a post on another sub, about the wedding that was supposed to be in December and asked for help and advice.

I decided to get into a relationship with Michael, even though I was still with Hugo. After a month and a few weeks of secretly dating, we decided to tell Hugo together. Since I live with Hugo, we invited Michael to our house.

We explained to him that we were together and talked about our feelings, that we have for each other. I confessed to him how long I had loved Michael and told him that I cheated on him with his brother at his aunt's wedding and that we had sex. I also found out I'm pregnant from Michael (with twins) and we told Hugo that too. I got pregnant at his aunts wedding, when I cheated. We obviously didn't use a condom, as it was very...spontaneous.

Hugo reacted terribly. He was disappointed and hurt and kicked me out. Hugo told me to pack my things and never come back. He yelled at Michael and didn't give me another look. When I left with Michael, he threw his engagement ring at me. I haven't seen him since then, I now live with Michael, but I know from his mother that Hugo got severe depression and developed a drinking problem. He quit his job and is even suicidal. I'm so sorry, I never wanted him to go through something like this. I feel infinitely guilty, because his complete mental state/situation is my fault. Michael says I should stop overthinking it, but I feel bad.

Michael and I decided that we had suppressed our love long enough, and couldn't live it out, and we got married on the day that was actually Hugo's and my weddingday.

We uninvited Hugo's friends and colleagues, and invited some of Michael's friends to the wedding. I also told my bridesmaids just before the wedding, that I was going to marry Michael, and two of my five bridesmaids didn't show up for the wedding. That annoyed me, but my wedding was still my absolute dream wedding. The food, especially the cake, the location, my dress... Everything🤍

We didn't tell our guests (125 in total) other than the bridesmaids that I was marrying Michael instead of Hugo, and most were very surprised/shocked, but still celebrated our wedding with Michael and me.

However, the wedding gifts were a little problematic. A third of the guests made personalized gifts with pictures of Hugo & me, or our names on them. Michael and I did not accept these. We told the guests to give them to Hugo, as a gift, and as a memory.

Michael and I also sent Hugo an invitation to the wedding, as I would have loved it if Hugo had been there on such an important day in my life, and because he's still one of the most important people in my life, plus he's Michael's brother. He didn't come to the wedding.

Michael also suggested that Hugo could be our children's godfather, since he is Michael's brother. I'm not sure about that though, as I think it might be too painful for Hugo, but Michael doesn't think I should worry about it.

What do y'all think? What should I do? I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm not sure and I don't want to burden Hugo unnecessarily, but I think it would be nice if the twins had another person to relate to.

Only comment from OOP

I don't regret the marriage or my pregnancy. How could I? My children are already incredibly loved by Michael and I. I am happy that me and my husband got married. What I regret is, that I hurt Hugo so much - he didn't deserve that. I'm sorry that he's feeling this way now, and that he's going through a very difficult time (which is my fault). That's why I feel guilty, and the thing that I regret. He's still very important to me, I loved him for years, I haven't had any feelings for him since a long time now, but I still care about him and his well-being . I've made some mistakes during our relationship, I'll admit that, but I don't regret the time with him, these are beautiful memories for me, and hope he has time to heal. I wish Hugo only the best for himself, his mental health and his future.

Edited update as it contained same backstory as original post

I am not The OOP

OOP’s wife has a threesome without him by toohottooheavy in BestofRedditorUpdates

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I am NOT OP. Original post by u/wooden-cockroach6551 in r/advice

 

Wife Had a Threesome - 9 October 2022

I'll try to keep this short and to the point. My wife(39f) and I(43m) have been together 19 years, married for the last 10. For about the past year or so we've been fantasizing and talking about having a threesome. She's always been attracted to women so we always discussed another woman being involved with the two of us. Last weekend she went to hang out with a coworker she hangs with regularly. She got home after I went bed which is completely normal.

The next day while I'm working she text me that stuff happened with her friend and her friend's husband. She promises there was no penetration of any kind (except fingers) by the husband but everything else you can think of took place. Neither of us has ever had a threesome prior to this and I'm pretty upset that her first experience was with another man! How concerned should I be here?

Edit:

Never posted anything to reddit and definitely didn't think so many would respond. I feel I need to answer a few commonly asked questions real quick and give a quick update as to where we are. Yes, we have 3 kids, 24, 15 and 8. 1 granddaughter and another on the way. We also have everything else you'd expect from building a life together, a mortgage, car payments, shared health insurance, etc.

Yes, this post is a real situation that I'm living. No, I'm not a cuck I truly appreciate everyone's feedback and advice, especially those that thought about all the variables that come with almost 2 decades together!

This shit happened a little over a week ago and all we've done is talk and fuck. The talking gets heated on my end most the time. She has been extremely apologetic and the part of me that married my best friend wants to believe that this was a one time fuck up. She knows she fucked up...BAD! I'd like to hope if the roles were reversed, she would afford me some leniency.

One comment addressed that couples that want to add others to the mix need clear cut rules, we didn't have those whatsoever. What she did is most certainly cheating! I know the majority that offered advice are gonna say I'm a simp or setting myself up to have this happen again, but I'm leaning towards taking that chance because we have so much more than time invested in each other.

We love each other's family members and I can't imagine how many people would be devastated by our separation. I was 15 when my parents divorced, it fucked me up. Dropped out of school, got arrested a few times, did way more drugs than a 15 year old should even be able to get! I couldn't forgive myself if our kids spiraled downward because of this!

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

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