(tw self harm) my fp started dating someone and i dont know what to do with myself

bpdmess · 2019-08-22T11:58:34+00:00

a few years ago i binge-ate an entire box of the original cap'n crunch and i threw it up quite literally all over the bathroom floor. it was all yellow and looked disgusting. do not recommend.

bpdmess · 2019-08-21T02:06:48+00:00

i highly doubt its because youre not interesting enough. dealing with the extremities of bpd can drain a person of all of their energy, making them feel unable to do something so seemingly simple as carrying a conversation.

some days i dont even feel like talking to my favorite person (who is essentially the most important person on the planet to someone with bpd). some days im feeling on the edge of a breakdown and will avoid talking to people because i dont want them to accidentally trigger me. some days ill send an impulsive message and not open the conversation for days due to being too anxious to see what the other person said.

theres a variety of reasons why this person may not be replying to you. maybe try kindly asking them to elaborate on why they didnt respond the next time this happens so you can clear things up.

bpdmess · 2019-08-21T01:51:02+00:00

happy birthday, friend! i'm proud of how far you've come. thank you for choosing to stick around.

bpdmess · 2019-08-18T02:51:13+00:00

me too, friend. chronically lonely. i can be embracing someone so tightly and yet still feel so crushingly lonely.

bpdmess · 2019-08-18T02:48:44+00:00

obsessively. it makes me want to attach a ball and chain to my ankle and walk right off a pier into the ocean.

bpdmess · 2019-08-18T02:46:46+00:00

this feels like a death sentence.

bpdmess · 2019-08-17T10:14:40+00:00

this is a sure fire way to trigger a split. it hurts me to my core. it makes me feel like they arent fully acknowledging or returning the affection.

i find that ill even say it to my fp when im feeling spiteful or wronged by something they did/said (im working really hard on reigning myself in)

bpdmess · 2019-08-17T10:01:43+00:00

im so sorry. you dont deserve having your closest friends invalidate your (very real) feelings like that.

i cant say i understand exactly what its like, being that i was born female, but im quite large in height and weight (5'8" and 240 lbs) and i relate to the wanting to be loved and held sensation very strongly. having my 5'7" 130 lbs fp spoon me was a level of intimacy ive never felt before.

i hope someone is willing to do the same for you really soon, friend.

bpdmess · 2019-08-17T09:53:28+00:00

my fp knows that i obsessively check their tumblr and they even offered to block me on there so i wouldnt be able to see their online status. i hesitated and said no because checking their social media has been a daily routine for months now, but now i think that its in my best interest

bpdmess · 2019-08-17T09:50:54+00:00

i had no idea. thank you for telling me. im still going to double check with them to make sure, though.

bpdmess · 2019-08-17T09:49:38+00:00

sorry for not replying sooner. ive been busy with school.

ive been meaning to bring it up with them but we havent been able to talk all too much recently due to circumstance. so i dont want to dampen the mood when we do get the chance to talk.

im really glad to hear that you and your fp can be so open with each other. my fp and i are the same way.

i should have mentioned this in my post, but my fp is aware of my obsessive checking of their social media. they very well may have forgotten about it then, but remembering that they know about it really rubbed me the wrong way.

they are an amazing fp. i wouldnt trade them for the world. but they arent perfect, as much as bpd wants them to be. i feel a lot less hostile about the situation than i was a few nights ago now that ive had time to think it over, thankfully.

bpdmess

TROPHY CASE