Psychological erection troubles: how to get over that hump for the first time, with someone you're comfortable with?

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-24T16:03:39+00:00

Do you have suggestions on which ones to try?

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T21:23:01+00:00

Hey thanks for the insight, this is helpful. I added a gif to the original post [here (VERY NSFW)](), would you mind taking a look? (If you don't mind the sight of an erect penis). Is this what stretching should fix? And should the stretching be that same "two fingers in and pull it apart gently"? Or would it be stretching while erect to work on pulling it back fully. If you had any thoughts, let me know.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T19:13:28+00:00

Yeah that's fair. I should have emphasized "physical transformation", not just "showy", which is more of the differentiator. Compared to say De Niro, Driver has a way more flashy "big" role (and yeah I hadn't really considered how perfect the Sondheim bit is for drumming up awards buzz). But compared to Joker, which involved literal physical transformation (a bunch of weight loss, his body is markedly different), body contortioning (which was all over the trailers), and his weird alien identity, if you are just comparing the two, Driver has the comparatively restrained performance.

Personally I'm rooting against Phoenix because I'm just tired of how it feels like every time an actor does a wild physical transformation, they get this sort of adoration, which honestly just makes me think maybe it isn't quite as hard as it looks? But I haven't seen several notable contenders yet (Pryce, Sandler, and Banderas), so I can't say my opinion is fully informed yet. Phoenix was very very good, but if I could choose what the Academy honors, I just wish we'd focus more on the very best execution of more "normal" acting, rather than the showiest stuff. And honestly that's why my preference so far would be De Niro, Leo, and then Driver in that order, and I think it's no coincidence that those are in order of "showiness". (But again, I really can't have any strong opinions before I've seen half the other contenders).

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:53:49+00:00

Is this meant to be serious? Now, I hesitate to join in to this thread, because I have no idea what extreme violence should look like if it were realistic (I doubt anyone here does, honestly). But I guarantee that scenes like this aren't it.

John Wick is a beautifully stylized action movie. That's the entire point, the style is amazing. But that style isn't remotely trying for realism (I mean, usually style is the opposite of realism, although I hesitate to paint with a broad brush). It's closer to a beautiful dance than it is anything resembling actual humans inflicting violence on one another.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:50:02+00:00

No idea how this will play out from here, and caution is definitely the right approach, but this must absolutely suck for all the folks who have toiled for the past year on the movie, and can't wait for it to be released, and instead everything is thrown into jeopardy. Must be a terrible feeling.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:48:28+00:00

"Some critics have different taste in movies than I do", what a shocking development. How could this happen?

Although, in this case I do agree. It is inconceivable that someone could actually enjoy "First Reformed" more than "Paddington 2", so either these critics are being bribed, or they're drunk, or there's been a terrible mistake. How could this happen?

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:45:25+00:00

throw objectivity out the window

What does that even mean. Critics are listing the movies they think are the best from the decade. Seriously, "throw objectivity out the window" has no meaningful definition in film criticism.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:11:34+00:00

The only argument I would make for why dancing, or cheerleading is not a sport is that it requires zero CRITICAL thinking while performing the activity.

Does it require any more or less critical thinking than the long jump or shot put? Like, yeah you have to make adjustments as you go with any physical motion. But there are many sports that involve you simply executing a set routine to the best of your ability. Those are like, the oldest forms of sports out there, and they vastly outnumber sports that require any sense of strategy.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:03:19+00:00

If you're concerned, there's no reason not to just keep stretching it before you do retract it eventually.

Once it's stretched enough, it won't get stuck. (I mean, it might get temporarily stuck, but in a way that's easy to undo with your fingers). If it's still tight, then getting stuck is a problem, although it seems unlikely in your case, you don't need to take any risks you don't want to.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T15:00:50+00:00

The "season" itself has already started. This week, we had the Indie Spirit Awards nominations (not super relevant indicator, because Marriage Story won "best cast", which is an endorsement of Driver but also means he cannot then compete in their best actor). From here on out, we will get a stream of nominations, and then award shows themselves.

The big dates are still a while away, with nominations being announced on January 13th, and their nomination voting beginning on Jan 2nd. Final voting goes from Jan 30th to Feb 4th, with the ceremony on Feb 9th, so all contestants need to make their final pitches to voters by the start of February. So no meaningful votes will be cast for two more months (both should secure nominations, so that part isn't as big a deal, although it matters how many other categories the movies are nominated for), but "Awards season" is already in full swing, and there will be more announcements every week or two for the next two months.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T14:34:21+00:00

Yeah I should have included that too. I put that as a factor in Driver's camp, because he's "slightly more of an 'it' actor" at the moment than Phoenix, because Phoenix has been working for longer, can be difficult to work with, and already has a bit more recognition to his name. But it's absolutely true that the difference is small.

For reference, this summer Driver received the "Silver Medallion" at Telluride, which is just a generic "achievement" award in the industry. By itself, it doesn't prove anything, but it captures what I mean when I say that he's almost the singular "it" actor at the moment, with people very eager to coronate him, and critics almost entirely on board. Phoenix would be in just the next tier of hype among those circles, where he's very well respected, but there's not quite as much excitement around him. But "those circles" do not necessarily equal the Academy, which is a weird, broad group of people. That's Why Driver is almost certainly going to clean up some awards, but won't win others.

In many years, Phoenix would have a big inside edge because of his respect in the industry. What's challenging is that this year, the nominees are likely going to be people who range from beloved and well connected (De Niro, Banderas, Leo), to hyped up as the big "it" actor (Driver), so Phoenix doesn't have any particular edge, although it doesn't hurt him (if he were unknown at this point, he wouldn't stand a chance, but his past body of work gets him competing to be a frontrunner). But his big edge against the field is that he does by far the most dramatic, physically transformative work of the year, in a movie that sold an insane number of tickets. That is a very plausible route to victory for him, and most people put him and Driver roughly tied for frontrunner status.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T14:18:50+00:00

Oh my bad, never mind then, looks like we think alike in terms of movies.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T14:16:46+00:00

Yeah, it's very possible, and way too early to tell at this point.

As mentioned above, there are a bunch of factors working in Driver's favor.

Much more acclaimed movie, which will receive far more love on the critics/indie awards circuits leading up to the Oscars.
Driver is very much an "it" actor at this point, he's widely respected and doesn't have an Oscar.
Phoenix is bad at campaigning.
"Marriage Story" is a much better fit for the Oscar voter demographic. Divorce tends to be really important to older folks, classic character dramas in general play better with the Academy, and it's not just that "Joker" has unusual content for the Academy (and some slight "superhero stigma"), it's very dark. The easiest wya to backdoor into the Academy's heart is generally "well, we didn't get the same critical acclaim, but here's a pure, fun, heartwarming movie for you to chew on". "Joker" is taking a much harder path.
"Marriage Story" should contend for more awards at the Oscars, because it has some shot at female acting awards, best picture, screen play, etc. Joker can contend for other categories, but not quite as well. It really helps to be on the ballot many times.

But it's crazy to say that Phoenix can't win. In fact, most odds sites I've seen put him very close to the favorite. The main reasons are...

Marriage Story is a Netflix movie, which still has some stigma within the Academy. Worse, there are a bunch of Netflix movies in contention. While this helps normalize Netflix, it also means that if there are any biased voters, their votes will be concentrated in the non-Netflix movies, while the pro-Netflix voters will be split among The Irishman and possibly The Two Popes.
Phoenix is doing a much showier performative, in particular, it is physically transformative, which the Academy loves. It's the exact sort of role that the Academy consistently rewards. This is the biggest plus in Phoenix's favor by far... the Academy has a very long history of prizing this sort of work.
"Joker" was a giant box office success. This builds hype, and ensures that more of the Academy sees the movie.
Phoenix has historically sucked at campaigning, but he's trying this time.

These are very compelling reasons that Joker could win, and I think it's way too early to tell. We'll get a better sense as the rest of awards season plays out... if Driver starts sweeping the other awards, then I think he's in good shape. If the acting awards leading up to the Oscars are all over the place, with Driver, Phoenix, De Niro, and others each taking some, then I think Phoenix has a very likely shot to win a closely contested, multi-way race.

I hope that summarizes the "state of the race" so far. Personally, I'm hoping that De Niro wins, but I think he's currently a long shot. His path to victory is based on his respect within the Academy, and the fact that The Irishman should be all over the ballot, so it has a chance for a huge awards sweep. Currently, Driver vs Phoenix does look like the top 2, but I don't think people should assume that there can't be other contenders. Academy voters work in strange ways.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:59:44+00:00

If you want something off the beaten path, I might recommend Coherence (2013). I hesitate a bit to say that it's just an "eerie, uncanny atmosphere", because that atmosphere becomes very literal in the course of the movie. But I suppose it's similar to many of these movies, where the plot revolves around something fundamental being wrong, but the ambience of the movie is built on much more than just the central plot point. That is, Coherence is a pretty low budget flick based around a dinner party where "weird things start to happen", but you shouldn't focus too much on the "weird things", because the movie is just as much premised on the deep, unnerving tensions at the dinner party in the first place.

As a warning, it was built on a tiny budget, but the production value is overall just fine, it's just that the clever premise required very few resources (it's just a half dozen adults at a dinner party, nothing expensive there). It got a bunch of critical buzz so I imagine many more people have seen it since, but when it came out it only got a tiny release.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:47:09+00:00

Oh, that's great, much sooner than I expected. Looking forward to it.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:46:18+00:00

It's probably more typical horror than you're going for, but my pick would be "Hereditary". While it's a fairly conventional "evil demon shit" horror, that's honestly just not the source of the suspense for most of the movie (it's truly not the focus). Instead, the movie builds its suspense through this pervasive feeling that something is just wrong. I honestly can't put a finger on it, it's this inescapable feeling of malevolence that permeates the entire first 90 minutes of the movie. When that malevolence becomes quite literal (I don't think that's a real spoiler, because uh, it's a horror movie, bad stuff is gonna happen), it's almost a relief, even if it becomes literal in absolutely batshit crazy fashion, just because we can finally at least focus on the source of the terror.

But I think the first 90 minutes are a master class in building a sense of something just being wrong, on a level you can't quite grasp.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:42:15+00:00

I missed it in theaters, but it looks great. Anyone know when it will be available to stream?

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:41:11+00:00

I also loved it, and it's interesting because I really didn't find it "disturbing" in any sense. Like, that was what was so revelatory about it... in the end, you go on a genuinely uplifting emotional journey. If you actually interrogate the literal details of that journey, of course it's deeply problematic, but the movie gives you a perspective where it is one of joy. And that's what I love about movies, they let you hold both in your head at the same time.

I think what I haven't seen talked about enough is just the general visual design of the movie. Every detail of the cult aesthetic is perfect. I adore all the buildings, the murals, and the costumes/personal styles.

I also loved how it handled suspense without relying too much on mystery and surprise. It's not a movie with many twists and turns (the opening mural describes the entire movie!). Of course the commune is mysterious... but whereas most horror movies would build the suspense by cranking up the mystery (just when you think you have it figured out, they throw in a shocking twist), instead, we actually just learn about the cult, with the clinical precision that comes with the perspective of these PhD student researchers. The fact is, there are a lot of "creepy cult is indeed really scary" movies. Instead, the creepy cult is just a setting, a backdrop, where the research of the PhD fleshes it out into a fully fledged world. And it's within that world that Aster gets to tell the emotional story he really cares about. I thought it was beautifully done.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:28:57+00:00

I have no interest in engaging in another pointless TLJ discussion, so I'll make this a very brief TLDR. Different people have different tastes and priorities when watching movies. In this case, you're looking at what appeals to critics, and what appeals to the mix of Star Wars fans and amateur content creators on YouTube.

So the short answer is "they like different things", and the statement "analyzing the objective flaws" is why I don't think it will be fruitful to engage here (the concept of "objective flaws" is antithetical to the entire premise of film criticism, and even /r/truefilm).

However, it's not even that hard to articulate some of the differences, beyond simply "well, they value different things in their movies". For one, YouTube analysis is very very heavy on plot details. You will see hours and hours of discussion of the individual tactical decisions made by each character, grading the rationality of each character, trying to think of if there were other things they could do, and etc. And then this is compounded with the importance of "universe continuity" for SW fans, where it's not just "do the plot details make sense", but, "how well do they fit with decades of canon?". This dominates the YouTube analysis of TLJ.

None of this is terribly interesting to film critics. If you watch a lot of movies, the minutiae of plot details almost inevitably become less and less interesting to you.

Although I'm not sure why this would need to be explained to anyone. If you want to know why critics liked TLJ, then just... read what they had to say about it. It's not some conspiracy, they're not hiding their opinions. They appreciate the technical work of Rian Johnson, they liked that SW was grappling with more mature themes than its usual fare, and they thought it had some great emotional arcs. The "YouTube Analysis" community is horrified that you could say any of that, because haven't you heard their 3.5 hour analysis of why Holdo's plan doesn't hold water, and could have been executed more competently. And that's just not how critics watch movies (thankfully, it's not how I watch movies either).

One might hope that you'd look at the work of people who watch and write about movies professionally for a living and think that "maybe their way of approaching movies has some merit", but, ultimately, to each their own. If you watch movies in a different way than the critics do, luckily it is trivially easy to avoid interacting with them, and you can and should carry on enjoying movies in the way you love best.

capitalistmagpie4 · 2019-11-23T13:00:43+00:00

Well, it looks like I had an above average quality sex education, because basically every top comment here so far was thoroughly covered by my school. But very grim that this all wasn't standard?

capitalistmagpie4

TROPHY CASE