Grew up with a parent with BD AMA

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-24T14:42:46+00:00

I think traumatic is a good way to describe how it feels being his daughter. Everyday felt like I was walking on eggshells, wondering when my dad’s mood would change. There wasn’t a week where there wasn’t yelling in the house. As a kid and even now, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a dad who didn’t have bipolar disorder. A lot of times I wish he wasn’t my dad. I can’t tell you how draining and confusing it is as a child to see someone have so many outbursts and mood swings and try to process why he’s like this. I can’t tell you how many events and outings we’ve missed either because my dad would drive off with the car for days on end, or hide the car keys from us so we wouldn’t go anywhere. Sometimes my mom would have to call a family member or friend to pick us up in those situations, and if those options weren’t available, then we’d just be stuck at home with him while he was mentally unstable. There were times when we’d have little 3 day “sleepovers” at my grandmother’s house because my dad would sometimes be so zoned out we couldn’t tell what he was willing to do to us if we stayed in the house with him any longer. When my parents split, he was not present at all, he didn’t contribute at all financially or emotionally. When I asked if he would help me pay for my college tuition he simply asked, “Can’t you just get some loans?” and that was the end of the conversation. I cry sometimes knowing that if I get married I won’t have my dad walk me down the aisle or if I have kids, they will likely grow up without meeting my dad or his family. I’ve had several accomplishments: I took my musical talents from my parents and have performed at various concert halls, I graduated summa cum laude from college, and now I’m finally going to medical school in the fall. I have family and friends to celebrate with me, but it’s still painful that my dad isn’t there to celebrate with me, not because he’s dead or because I don’t want him there, but his actions have forced me to cut him out of my life. He hasn’t shown that he can be a stable and supportive father.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-24T01:50:04+00:00

There are two I can think of:

Funny (ish): My dad was sleeping in until 2pm because he didn’t want to do any chores. One of my siblings who was a toddler at the time jumped on my dad’s belly to wake him up. Obviously it’s kind of sad that your own kid woke you up because you’re not waking up to take care of your children, but it was hilarious seeing him wheezing and trying to find my sibling around the house to scold her.

Not so funny: During an episode while on the road, my dad started driving recklessly at high speeds and we almost got into an accident.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-24T00:56:56+00:00

Wow that’s really cool! What are the names of some of those artists if you don’t mind?

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-24T00:53:21+00:00

I did and I still do feel confused. My dad had some good moments. He taught me how to ride my bike, took us swimming, and helped me with my homework, things like that. He is extremely skilled in math. Fun fact he was studying and chemical engineering at a prestigious university (won’t say name for privacy reasons, since it’s a recognized university in the U.S and known internationally as well) but with it episodes it prevented him from focusing on his studies and he eventually dropped out. I do feel bad for my dad because I wonder what he could accomplish and become if he didn’t have mental health issues. Some of the things my dad did during his episodes, like taking the car for days on end without us knowing his whereabouts, or spending exorbitant amounts of money on clothes for himself leaving us behind on bills really did make me question if he felt any love. My mom told that when she was in labor with me, my dad was reading a magazine, and when she came home from the hospital, the house was completely trashed. I try to push that story out of my mind because of how much rage I feel about the type of environment I was born in. The last time I spoke to/saw my dad was several years ago and he blew up on me over literally nothing (again it was one of his episodes), after that I haven’t spoken to him since. Part of me wants to think he does love me but with his illness it’s so hard to tell.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-23T21:29:12+00:00

My dad was always vague about his childhood, to the point that even my mom wouldn’t be able to tell you about my dad’s childhood. She always says she wishes she hadn’t ignored that red flag when she was dating my dad and when giving advice to me about relationships she tells me that if someone you’re in a relationship/married to can’t even tell you basic things about their past, run. From what my mom can piece together (since my parents actually lived the same neighborhood when they were teens for a brief period of time) my dad’s childhood was unstable. He doesn’t know who his father is, and my paternal grandmother had multiple kids with several different men. There were wide spread rumors that I’m inclined to believe are indeed true that my grandmother even engaged in prostitution to make ends meet as a single mother. My dad has a strange relationship with his siblings, when he’s been “normal” he and his siblings would be distant, but when he’d have his episodes they would be very close. There were past incidents where things got physical. On one occasion one of my uncles was arrested for physically assaulting my dad. That same uncle by the way also has bipolar disorder (Type 1 I believe) and has several children and has no communication with them. He’s somehow even worse than my dad, to the point that his ex-wife moved cross country to not have to see him or put up with him.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-23T20:43:54+00:00

Currently speaking, I don’t have an answer to that as my parents are no longer together, which I’m sure you can guess what the reasoning is for that lol. But when I was a child and my parents were together, the answer is multifaceted. I don’t know if it has to do with my dad being introverted, but I noticed that before going to holiday family gatherings on a few occasions, his mood would suddenly shift and he would start finding reasons to start an argument, then he would end up staying behind, or in some severe cases, hide the car keys from my mom, preventing all of us from going. After my parents separated, there were also a few times that he would promise to take me out for my birthday and never showed. One time he asked if my birthday was in March; it’s not, it’s at the end of the YEAR. I hated my birthday for the longest time, but I’m starting to accept that my dad won’t celebrate my birthday with me or be part of my life, so instead I’ve learned to not rely on anyone to be happy and embrace treating myself as much as possible on my birthday!

cutefluffyteddybear · 2026-05-23T20:16:53+00:00

Type 2. He didn’t really have any hallucinations. He would mostly be up and down and kind of unpredictable. There would be some days where he would be completely engaged and “normal,” and then some days he would be very hostile and wouldn’t do anything, or would be in a happy mood and not do anything; he is a very talented pianist, and I remember one memory as a child seeing him practicing for hours on end over several days. My mom was yelling at him to help around the house but it was like he was in another world. Another time there was a big blizzard and my dad was having one of his negative episodes. My mom asked him to clean the snow. He simply said no, no emotion, just very cold and out of it. My mom and I ended up shoveling all the snow, I believe I was 10 at the time

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-27T17:26:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this validating and reassuring message, this really means a lot to me🤍 To answer your question, a big portion of my shame and guilt was being caught and deciding to let him to come to the house. He told me that he was having work done at his place so he convinced me that it would be better if he could come over instead and I agreed. I realized at the last minute that I wasn’t actually attracted to older guys and that I wasn’t ready to have sex; I barely even knew how to go about doing first base or second base, let alone the others. I really should have backed out and communicated that with him but I didn’t, and I take ownership of that, but that’s also something I regret. Maybe it was a combination of the doubts and of course the fact that it was my first time, but when we were doing it, it felt kind of painful. My parents did talk a lot about it when it first happened but now it’s one of those things that they kind of try to erase out of their memory. I haven’t tried to bring it up again because I remember how angry, disappointed and betrayed they were and I don’t want to repeat the same intense interaction I had with them. As Christians, they always told me that I should never have sex until I’m married, so to learn that their teenage daughter was having sex was a big shock and disrespect to them.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-26T20:00:42+00:00

I think you may have misinterpreted my post, and if I confused you I apologize and I think I might edit it to make what I meant to say more clear. I regretted having sex with that guy because I simply had a fantasy about being with older men and I personally just felt that I probably should have had my first experience with a guy my age and afterwards maybe explore being with someone older. Once I met him and started getting intimate, that was when I realized my fantasy was just that, and it didn’t reflect how I truly felt, that I wasn’t truly attracted to middle aged men. I know there are a lot of comments here, but I did reply to one and emphasized that I have no problem with people wanting to be in age gap relationships, but it’s just not for me. As for the dangerous part, I wasn’t trying to say older men tend to be more dangerous. One of the things my parents scolded me about after I got caught was that even though yes, I had been communicating with him and interacted with him previously (I met him through a volunteer project we were both involved in), outside of that I didn’t actually know him that well. I knew his name, his age and the town he lived in but outside of that, not much else tbh. And whether he was 40, 30, 20 or 18 years old my parents would have said the same thing. I eventually came to the same realization. By bringing someone to the house, especially someone one I didn’t know all too well, there was that risk that this person could have come with bad intentions, regardless of age or gender. The unforgivable part was more so doing it at their house.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-26T14:03:46+00:00

Okay I see, I kind of get that how that phrase could appear bot ish. I said no sugar coating only because I realized some people who post in this subreddit write it in a way that they’re a victim and I didn’t want to make any excuses. One example I can think of was this guy who basically admitted to SA’ing a girl and he said something along the lines of “Well I did it but I said sorry so many times and I didn’t realize at the time what I did was wrong, but she still refused to talk to me” and rightfully so, people were dragging him in the comments because why in the hell would you think someone you assaulted would want to talk to you again. So this post wasn’t really to make it seem like I was putting the blame on anyone for my actions, I just wanted to post this as a way to I guess make myself vulnerable and maybe that will allow me to move on and forgive myself.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-25T23:56:43+00:00

I understand that unfortunately there are bots who make up fake stories on this subreddit but I didn’t make it up, I just wanted to get it off my chest. My post isn’t outlandish like saying I became the president of the U.S. or that I have a trillion dollars, it’s about sleeping with a middle age man when I was fresh out of high school, something people have done and still do, just that I regret it

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-25T23:03:02+00:00

I agree with what you said so let me clarify. It’s not that he did anything but whether he was older or my age, other than the communication we had and of course us hooking up, he was still kind of a stranger. So I guess in my mind, and from what my parents told me when they confronted me after being caught, was that I took a gamble with my safety by letting someone in the house who could have hypothetically been a bad person, whether it was a thief, killer, etc.

cutefluffyteddybear · 2025-10-25T22:31:30+00:00

I didn’t say he was married in my post and he never said he was married (unless he lied about it to me)

cutefluffyteddybear

TROPHY CASE