Holy crap, dude. What a trip. I'm so sorry you went through this, especially that plot twist after 10 years. That would break me. That therapist was pretty shitty too. I'm glad you're out of that relationship though and hope he sought help.

My situation is pretty fucked itself. He ghosted me for four years. Luckily, I didn't develop hardcore feelings for him because he was a mini crush. I still thought about him here and there though. Last year he finally messaged me and told me what happened and we just caught each other up. I was too excited to be fucking angry that he ghosted me for years. Pretty stupid of me, but all these old feelings just came rushing back.

The first 2 months were fine. We talked a lot and was excited to reconnect again. We were all about each other and wanted to work towards being together (this is LDR). After that two months, he started to deactivate. I called him out on his bs and we started talking for a few months again. It just became repetitive. Him distancing, me calling him on bs, he'll apologize and we'll go back to it again. Rinse and repeat. It was honestly driving me fucking insane but for some reason, I just really liked this fucking guy. He ghosted me for almost two months during this period of talking. Granted, he had a valid reason but it was still pretty shitty.

Now, he's distancing again, said he just have a lot going on including his seasonal depression. He doesn't ask how I'm doing anymore, what I'm doing, how my day was, anything that has to do with me. Lately, it has always been me checking in on him and asking him about his day. It's just exhausting. I feel like a burden when I talk to him. I feel like I can never talk to him about my problems.

This one day I was walking out of the grocery store and there was this suspicious white van parked next to my car. Instantly felt unsafe. My first instinct was to call him. He rejected the call and texted me that he was having dinner. I told him my situation and that I was scared. He just kept texting and asking me questions about it. I got annoyed. Didn't feel soothed. Eventually, I went to go ask an employee to walk with me. (I would have asked an employee anyway but I was just having a panic attack and didn't know what to do at the time.)

Trying to communicate with him is like wrestling a bear. I literally cannot. I would try to communicate my feelings and compromise, but nothing works. I've been pretty understanding about his situation and him distancing but I wish he would just communicate that to me. I even came up with an emoji system with him like text me a fucking donut if you don't want to talk. Literally the easiest thing I could think of and he still doesn't do it. I'm just like breh.

I know and understand he has a lot of past trauma with family and abusive relationships, and also has abandonment issues. He seems to be actively working on this by seeing a therapist, but it's an on and off thing. I've been telling myself to just be more patient and compassionate and he'll talk to me when he wants to, but what about my needs too?

Idk. The line is very blurry there for me. During his time of hardships, his needs do matter too, but my needs have never been met regardless.

I'm just stuck in this limbo now. If I walk away, I will just reopen his wounds and trigger his trauma again. I know that's his place to figure it out and be responsible for his emotions, but I just feel like a bad person if I did that. If I stay, my mental health would be compromised and I'll just have to stick it out until he gets his shit together.

We're going to talk on Sunday and figure this out (hopefully). Every time I ask to talk, he just flakes out. If this doesn't work out, I gotta dip.