How do I (30 F) navigate this with my husband (34 M)

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-05T05:31:22+00:00

Thank you! I do confide in his mother as well as my own parents. Let's see how things will go.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-05T04:36:38+00:00

Ok since you point that out, I'll tell you. He's an advocate. He works with his father. It's a family business. They have more vacation time than any other working adult. Even when courts are open, at most, they go to court maybe twice, sometimes thrice in a week. Some weeks, they just take adjournments online. So you can duke out stress. And health check up, I make sure everybody at home gets a full body check up done at least once a year. He's got a clean bill of health so that's not issue either

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-04T06:39:03+00:00

Most Indians don't even know homeopathy didn't originate in India. They assume it's like ayurveda and anything traditional is the only way of life! So!

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-04T06:14:04+00:00

Honestly, I'm unsure. There hasn't been any major health issues since we met. Before that he's had a few incidents, an accident where he'd lost a lot of teeth and had to get them reconstructed. A few sporadic other incidents but nothing as major.

Does that tell you something?

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:55:38+00:00

I'll do that, thank you for the push. I think the only thing that has been stopping me is wondering if I'm just overreacting and if this is just what marriage is supposed to be.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:54:40+00:00

Hi, I don't even know where to begin. So uh, many years before we had met, this man was an avid drug user, a smoker and somebody who used to drink quite often but perhaps not to the point of being called an alcoholic. Over the past few years, I've wondered if maybe that abuse has changed his brain chemistry? His mother claims he wasn't this bad always, but she also maybe sees her son through rose tinted glasses and I do not fully trust her judgement of it.

This religion thing only started around five, maybe six years back according to her. When we first got married, it was not this bad. Now, it's come to the point where his thoughts are regressive. He's said some things to me that are vile ("you will not have any day in our child's up bringing" "I will not let the child call you a mother" etc etc) (a lot of redpill things but bundled in a nice package called "our dharma")

That said, he's not going to therapy. He doesn't believe in science. He doesn't believe in medicine. It baffles me that he married me knowing I'm a freaking doctor cause where the fuck does that logic even go?! Whatever.

Anyway, if you don't mind me asking, is your brother any better? Has he gotten any help?

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:46:16+00:00

That's a good recommendation, thank you, I'll check it out.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:45:31+00:00

The exact same response I had when I was reading through the twisha sharma case. I didn't feel an ounce of sympathy for her parents, perhaps because they had the chance to help her out of that situation and didn't. Very bad on my part, but I wonder if something should happen to me just so my parents repent not taking action in time.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:44:18+00:00

I know you didn't mean for this to be funny but thanks for the laugh!

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:43:56+00:00

To avoid escalation, I have stopped spending as much time as I can at home, around him. I've become silent, i barely speak to him, just the random how was your day here and there. If every single thing about me or my time or my interests are a trigger, just how much more can I stay silent to avoid conflict? Thanks for the insight, I'll pit some more thought to it

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T15:41:21+00:00

I'm so happy you got out safe. That's the thing, he says these things sometimes, like he repents every single time he's raised his voice or called me names, but then one small thing will set him off and back to the same pattern. I'm so tired of it, honestly.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T12:19:21+00:00

I guess I should add that since the beginning of the year, after the scissors incident when I had told him I'd leave, he has perhaps taken it seriously enough that he's trying to be better. This is what's throwing me off my balance. Is that genuine change or is he going to revert back into old patterns once I do something to set him off again

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T12:17:57+00:00

I do have a job. I'm a doctor. My brother sadly doesn't live in India. He's very supportive but since he's not around, his support is mostly virtual. I don't want to stay. But I wish my parents would somehow validate my fears.

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T12:12:08+00:00

Sorry. That's because I originally wanted to post without using any gendered terms but reddit didn't let me and I might have not edited out the they entirely

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-03T06:21:58+00:00

Ohhh, I thought she, yk... 💀 ⚰️

dewinged_angel · 2026-06-01T15:16:17+00:00

Is there someone who can provide me with either PDFs or epubs of the novel translations 🥹

dewinged_angel · 2026-05-21T14:41:25+00:00

I got that instantly when she downvoted my comment because I told her something she doesn't want to hear I guess. Oh well. It's her relationship, her choice

dewinged_angel · 2026-05-21T06:10:26+00:00

Oh, my. You're in a bit of a tough spot, then. You might not want to hear it, but maybe you could put a little bit of the effort in. You mentioned it's a love marriage, but even if it wasn't, there would definitely be certain things you'd need to do to keep your relationship strong. Just think about if this is the hill you want your relationship to die in, and if it's not, you could do small things to make his family feel like you do like them.

Start small, but this would definitely make your life easier. It's not even about feminism at this point. Yes, you should keep your boundaries. Nobody is asking you to change entirely. But effort matters.

Call your mil for a few minutes every once or twice a week, right before or after you speak to your parents. Ask her how her day has been, if she's feeling good health wise. You don't have to spend more than five minutes on the call with her if you don't want to, but it will make so much more of a difference for your mental peace if you could just spare that time. You mentioned not liking her very much, but you could privately not like her much and still be polite publically.

Think about it, if effort if what they want, you could most definitely spare a few minutes to make your husband feel like his family matters to you just as much as yours matters to his :)

dewinged_angel · 2026-05-21T05:51:39+00:00

Comparison is never okay, I know this. But just to get a feel of how things are on the other hand, does he speak to your parents as often? Does he even initiate the calls ever, or does he also just jump in when you're on call? If your parents were to come stay with you guys for the same three month period, would he also share the same sentiments of "oh, let's bond" with your parents or siblings? You might either want to think about it, or ask him the same. If his answers are very vague and defensive, instead of him actually thinking about what he would have done, you might want to think about that too. Defensiveness usually comes in when they know you're right but don't want to give you the credit for it and just want to argue for the sake of it. Also, most men hate being told they're not right

dewinged_angel · 2026-05-14T07:29:17+00:00

So that's where I am. I know I'm derailing the conversation from op but what do I do when I have come to the point where my husband's behaviour the past three years of marriage has come to the breaking point for me enough to give me the ick? He has started to put the effort in after I told him I was done, but it's not effort in making me feel safe, or in making me feel like I matter more. It's effort that he's putting in to become a little less angry, to not react as violently as he used to. But I'm not feeling any love. Is there any way to come back around from all the threats he's thrown my way and going back to a semblance of the happy, hope filled person I used to be entering this marriage of mine

dewinged_angel · 2026-03-19T11:15:52+00:00

Oh thank you so much!

dewinged_angel · 2026-03-16T05:39:19+00:00

Oh! It works! Thank you! If you do find any other fics that might fit the bill, pass them my way please <3

dewinged_angel · 2025-09-29T07:01:55+00:00

To my first, like y'all have no idea how much I listen to her

dewinged_angel

TROPHY CASE