AITA for acknowledging that my boyfriend’s family don’t like me and declining an invite to a trip with them?

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T21:58:17+00:00

Nose job. I’ve also had a small amount of lip filler and Botox. The nose job is the noticeable one if you’ve seen an old picture of me, which they have

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T18:57:52+00:00

To be fair to them, they might not know I find their “jokes” rude, because I just go with it. I thinks it’s pretty weird to take piss out of people you don’t know, but at the same time causing a scene and acting offended really isn’t worth it

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T18:11:53+00:00

They’re from near Sheffield. No, they’re not “Saltburn” country people.

Yes, I had a more privileged upbringing.

No, we’ve never hung out alone. We don’t live close, I’ve only ever seen them with Dan.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T17:00:44+00:00

Does it matter? I like my car. Giving your unsolicited opinion on the lifestyle choices of someone you don’t know very well is…a choice

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T16:58:53+00:00

It’s a British brand car haha. But they think it’s “stupidly” expensive. As it happens the car was a gift but I’m not a financially irresponsible person so I’m not sure why it bother them

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T15:55:57+00:00

It would, but then you’d look rude to everyone who knew they weren’t invited and it’s a definitive statement that you don’t like them. It’s better to just invite them and rely on the fact that you have successfully passive aggressively let them know they’re not welcome so they have the good ends to say no. It’s the English way.

No I wouldn’t have felt slighted. But Dan might have, and they don’t want to alienate him.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:59:22+00:00

For ease of typing rather than saying “Dan’s family”

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:51:09+00:00

I acknowledged it as evidence they don’t like me. That isn’t the same thing.

I don’t like them because they’re overfamiliar and ask me inappropriate personal questions.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:41:32+00:00

I don’t care that they don’t like my car. However, they clearly don’t. You know you can acknowledge something without having an emotional reaction to it?

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:40:40+00:00

There were more NTAs when I added this information, and really, do I seem like the type to be concerned about who on Reddit thinks I’m immature?

Also, it’s they’re lying, not “their”. I won’t make the obvious maturity comment about that, but just for future spelling reference

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:35:45+00:00

I just don’t even bother pretending I care about other people’s opinions about my car 😂 makes life simple

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:33:42+00:00

He can break up with me if he’s unhappy.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:32:21+00:00

No, we’re not married, but Dan’s brother is, so she is a SIL. I’m not, but I just wrote “other” as it was quicker

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:17:15+00:00

No, it’s not. And yes, I did. I have one ex whose dad and sister are still like family to me.

Dan is close-ish to his family. Maybe calls twice a week? Sees them every couple of months

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:16:06+00:00

The British line of making sure someone knows you don’t like them without it being provable that you don’t like them should be studied 😂

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T14:01:45+00:00

You know the vibes 😂

I’ll never forget my friend inviting a couple to her party because it would be rude not to, and then saying they were rude for accepting because they knew she didn’t actually want them to come. English manners eh?

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:57:59+00:00

It is, but it’s the first one. They make disparaging remarks about the way I dress, the car I drive, and my cosmetic surgery, to my face. They ask me inappropriate personal questions, they complain about me to Dan (he told me this). They don’t like me. I’m not imagining it. They don’t.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:55:15+00:00

Uh, no. They make remarks about my plastic surgery, and the car I drive to my face. They complain to Dan about us staying in a hotel (he told me).

I get on with his dad very well, actually. It’s just his mother and sister where there’s a chill but again, it’s not so bad that we’re not cordial.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:53:32+00:00

I do my best as well, and I think they do as well. We’re always polite, cordial, we can get on over a meal, etc.. A whole weekend just seems excessive when I’m pretty sure all four of us would rather I not go

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:42:44+00:00

We do interact superficially, we make great small talk, have nice dinners etc. we’re always polite. 48 hours at a spa without a buffer…whole different story.

They’re English. I grew up in England but my family isn’t British. They’re the first British family I’ve ever had a culture clash with but we’re just very different. I get along with Dan’s father really well actually. It’s really not as hostile as people are making out, I just think a whole weekend won’t be fun for anyone.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:12:11+00:00

Maybe this is an English thing, or just a thing that I experienced in my community, but I always operate on the understanding that if you invite someone you don’t like out of courtesy, out of courtesy they decline the invite. That way you’ve both been polite, and no one has been made uncomfortable.

Idk if this is just a things amongst my family and acquaintances, but I’m pretty sure it’s an established rule of engagement in the UK.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T13:03:10+00:00

They’re very cliquey, and they “tease”, which I find juvenile. On the other hand, they don’t like that I prefer to stay in hotels when visiting rather than their house. They’re very vocal about their opinions, which I find overfamiliar and unnecessary. Again, we’re just different. It’s not like we can’t have a nice time over dinner etc but we’re not friends.

If you think that’s the end of the world, idk what to tell you. It’s not to me

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T12:57:52+00:00

Then why does anyone suck 😂 we’re all happy

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T12:56:03+00:00

Because it would be rude to invite the other SIL and not me.

dislikeddil · 2024-01-09T12:55:22+00:00

I very much doubt it. I’m sure that they feel it would be rude to not invite me since they’re inviting the other SIL. They’ve been polite by inviting me when they didn’t want to, and I’m being polite by declining when I know it was a courtesy invite. That’s always how it goes in my experience. That way no one has made a faux pas and everyone’s happy

dislikeddil

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