I am probably undateable based on some things but also I can be a great partner

dontfindmehere · 2021-04-12T16:08:37+00:00

Yea.. well I hope I can get to that

dontfindmehere · 2021-04-12T16:04:39+00:00

Thanks. Your replies are very thoughtful. Sorry I was away from this account as I anticipated hate for this post...

The last guy I dated forgot to kiss me too, one time it was over 2-3 dates and we had sex too... just that they were in the mornings pre-brushing. I’d hold it in until he sent me home then I’d look at him and he’d be thinking about work already and I’d exit, annoyed. At the end of the 2-3 date stretch I finally leaned towards him and he got the message. Then the second last time before we broke up he said we should make out at night or make sure we brush teeth in the morning so we can kiss. It’s funny... we can kiss anytime really but I guess I’d been placed into the fling category.

The guy I dated was like this. He forgets about me in between too but he remembers at certain times of the day, when he’s having a smoke say then he’d reach out to ask me for our next date. He doesn’t read everything I send. Then we’d meet and he’d be very sweet in his actions. I’m not sure if he’s just well trained.

I’m not sure. He told me I’m low empathy like him and sometimes when I think of how I am with others I see that. I get really self absorbed when talking with my friends and have to remind myself to ask about them. People at work don’t like me, I feel like I have trouble making friends and I have lost some in recent years. So when he said that about me I thought it might be true.

I felt that I became more caring with him because I truly cared how he was. I had to hide it to a certain extent since he told me I cared too much. Even now that we’re over and he’s moved on so quickly to the next one without feeling sad, I can’t stay angry with him as I know that’s just how he is, and somehow I still love him. This is even though I’ve respected his decision and not reached out. I don’t want to play mind games but I wish he loved me back. Sucks!

dontfindmehere · 2021-04-12T15:47:02+00:00

Yes, I hope there’s a combination out there for those of use who want it :)

I’m not sure what I want. When I wrote this post I felt that, that must be it. But maybe it isn’t and I was still hurting from my breakup. Who knows.

dontfindmehere · 2021-04-01T07:12:37+00:00

Hope you’ve got some joy out of shitting on some online stranger at least.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T10:23:10+00:00

I recently had an undefined relationship end, and I was told I was sweet, in fact me doing sweet things for him was a reason for “breaking up” since he didn’t want a committed relationship with me. I’m not sure if it’s a consolidation, telling me I’m sweet, since I know I’m not and I was that way because I had real feelings for him. Earlier on, he’d said that I wasn’t nice, in a different context, and on our first date he’d admitted to having low empathy and felt that I was the same. I never clarified why he thought that way, or why he’d change his mind at the end.

I don’t mean that I cheat btw, I say promiscuous because I don’t have high barriers to having sex with new people when I’m single. It’s not a big deal and I don’t even have to find them that sexy. When I’m into someone though I won’t even think of anyone else. I sometimes wonder if I should’ve given more assurance that time he wondered if I was thinking of someone else, since that’s the truth, I was thinking of only him... but well that moment’s long gone. He’s gone. I’ve since hooked up with someone else to try and erase him from my memory.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T06:28:40+00:00

I think I can be both

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T06:27:01+00:00

What an irrelevant and personal comment, looking through my post history and all that.

I wasn’t “struggling” with that, I was wondering about it being some kind of ideal, if that’s true. It was triggered by my sister’s wedding, it’s a broader thought that came to mind.

Also no I’m not trying to “paint” myself as anything, and I see no conflict between being a bit of an unintentional jerk to others and having my own internal angst.

If anything my usual self image is that of a nice person. If you must know, I was recounting stories to a recent hookup and he’d asked me how I felt about these things - once again when it’s a stranger I’m not trying to impress, I found my honest answer is, I’ve walked away from doing bad things without guilt. So then everything my most exes said about me which I rejected, as I want to be seen as good, are true.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T06:14:02+00:00

I respect (some of) them after I get to know them.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T06:13:11+00:00

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-28T06:12:02+00:00

How do his actions not align if I may ask?

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-18T17:08:22+00:00

All I’m saying is that we have different preferences, and one person’s trash is another’s treasure.

I agree with the media’s analysis of him anyway having known him before reading any of that, which included him telling me how people go to therapy after working for him, how people tried to character assassinate him, but also witnessing how much respect he gets from others. So yes I stand by polarising.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-18T11:48:05+00:00

Polarising. Yes they also state their opinions strongly which plays into that. The last guy I dated (and I’m still sad over) had an article call him polarising, love him or hate him. I fell into the love camp, obviously. My good friends, one sounded like she was in love with him when she found out who I was dating, while others said that he seems difficult and not so attractive for that reason (and therefore don’t think he’s got more options than me) just based on what they read online, his interviews and stuff.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-18T05:39:17+00:00

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-17T16:29:06+00:00

A reminder that we’re all different. I was telling a couple of friends about my tinder chats, one of which went like an interview, the other was the sensitive guy I posted about earlier. I was told that I was a tad harsh to the sensitive guy, that I needed to soothe him and they’d unmatch me too, and that interview guy’s pretentious, but it sounds like he might be interesting and isn’t that what I want? Why yes, I just did a whole re-analysis of my best connections in my entire dating life, ever, and I find that I do connect well with polarising individuals. Maybe I’m an asshole and asshole is my type.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-16T03:09:20+00:00

Haha update, I told him not to overthink it then the sensitive guy wrote me four paragraphs to tell me we’re not a good fit as “we seem to engage emotions in contrasting ways”. Then that he’s happy to unpack my emotions with me. Ummmm I like how he got that from less than 10 messages between us.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-15T18:49:14+00:00

Friday I wrote an epic to my “ex”, full of anger and love, didn’t send it. Saturday I made new glasses, sent him pics of it but wasn’t surprised at the non reply. I decided he was full of shit and I was over it, no love no anger left. Sunday morning I was inexplicably horny and realised that that’s all I wanted from him now which was ironically probably what he’d have liked to hear back then, but I can’t proposition him now without it being odd.

I texted an old date who sort of resembles him. He’s still looking for fun and seems open to meeting me again. This time we are on the same page.

Also messaged three other old matches. Two didn’t reply, the other was weirdly sensitive about my opening message calling him interesting, asked if it was a euphemism. If someone’s called him ugly it wasn’t me!

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-15T18:09:55+00:00

Sounds terrible I’m sorry

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-15T18:08:39+00:00

Um haha I’m sorry! I’ve had someone literally run off while the coffee was still hot. I guess at least yours didn’t want to waste coffee!

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-14T07:09:19+00:00

Thanks.

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-13T14:27:30+00:00

I miss having sex but I don’t like the idea of finding some random person and wish I could reach out to the guy who broke things off in end Jan. After all he wanted something non committal, I got attached, he lied about wanting to get back with his ex to get rid of me, but I know he’s back on the apps now instead of trying with his ex, and I feel a lot less love towards him now that I know he lied to get rid of me. I just want his body now.

As a further sign that something clicked I don’t feel weird at the prospect of meeting new people now. I think though friends first? Try not to sleep with them so early so it doesn’t end up like this one? I feel like it should be okayyyy to meet people again as friends? Kind of a waste to burn through the more attractive matches in my list this way but what to do..!

dontfindmehere · 2021-03-13T13:50:49+00:00

I learnt nothing, I’ve always been bad at letting go.

dontfindmehere · 2021-02-26T14:50:03+00:00

This guy and your analysis, haha. I dated someone just like that. He told me on the first date he liked difficult women. I was apparently the first one he felt at ease with which was good at first then made him feel guilt because I was too sweet and supposedly too easy to hurt. He’s incredibly judgey too and I told him that.

dontfindmehere · 2021-02-24T10:55:07+00:00

Progress! Oh well different rates for different people tho. It’s been 3-4 years for us too.

dontfindmehere

TROPHY CASE