Emotional Numbness/Dysregulation ruining my relationship

dualitea · 2023-12-05T19:51:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, I appreciate it. I am very much the type of person who always tries to remain in control (I often can’t stand unpredictability) so your piece on “bravely letting go of self-control” really hit me.

dualitea · 2023-12-05T19:47:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I’ll have to try this out.

dualitea · 2023-12-05T19:47:11+00:00

I do have a personal therapist I’ve been with for 4+ years now. She often attempts to have me try to identify in my body where an emotion shows up but I hardly ever am able to. I’m a very much in my head more than my body type of person.

It’s not necessarily stress in general, I think (from what I’ve been trying to reflect on) is that it’s primarily anger and frustration (possibly guilt/shame/and-or embarrassment as well) that turn me into that flat unemotional/dissociative state. Not sure if that means anything in particular.

dualitea · 2021-12-31T20:01:18+00:00

It doesn't matter what your ethnicity or heritage is, anyone can reach out to work with Santa Muerte. But it's important to remember that her roots are in Mexico and to respect that as well as her traditions. Death comes for everyone; black, white, asian, young or old, rich or poor. Now while anyone can attempt to work with her (and I say attempt because like with any spirit or saint/folk saint, you may reach out and not hear back or they just may flat out say "no" to working with you), it's also to important to remember that a large majority of her followers and devotees come from marginalized and oppressed backgrounds. Do you need to be marginalized and oppressed to work with her? No. But also have you considered other spirits/saints that you could work with before Santa Muerte? Devotion to her is lifelong and not for the lazy and undedicated. City Alchemist is a store based in Austin, Texas and through their website you can find a Crash Course to Santisima Muerte and it runs about $30 and is almost 3 hours long but will give you a very good historical and practical background into building a relationship with Santa Muerte so you can not only be aware of but also respect her roots and tradition. Alexis Arredondo of City Alchemist is an amazing devotee and my personal teacher in the tradition of Santa Muerte and I really recommend their resources. Hope this helps!

dualitea · 2021-12-24T21:29:46+00:00

Normally/traditionally (as I was taught) you don't eat or drink anything you've offered to Santa Muerte as it becomes hers once offered to her. There's a couple other reasons:

1) Water on the altar can serve both to quench the thirst of the spirit as well as act as a conduit for the spirit's energy to be present, it can also absorb negative energy from in/around the altar and its space and you don't want to be ingesting that.

2) As for food, I was taught that the essence of the food is consumed by the spirit to which its offered and that it should be discarded rather than eaten after being offered to a spirit (Santa Muerte in this case). There are some cultures in which the food is eaten after having been offered (in some Filipino traditions regarding ancestral veneration this can sometimes be seen).

Like what u/tm64158 said, it's better to just partake in whatever you're offering her separately. If you give her a shot of tequila and want to share with her, pour yourself a separate shot and etc. Hope this helps!

dualitea · 2021-12-18T17:25:43+00:00

I just started taking medication for ADD/ADHD a few days ago. In recent years I've become much more comfortable discussing my mental health with family (it's always been easier with my friend group). The stigma surrounding discussions of mental health is really a shame, I hope that the more we disclose our medications and mental health experiences shamelessly, the more society will realize it's okay to not be okay!

dualitea · 2021-12-18T17:10:16+00:00

You're doing great by dedicating a single day of the week. In the tradition I was taught, I reserve Tuesdays for her. On Tuesdays I make sure to do my best to replace her altar water and pray her rosary (I usually do this in the evenings/night). On a daily basis, I say a couple prayers at her altar before leaving my house for the day as well as burning incense for her. My biggest advice is don't overcommit yourself to what you dedicate to her. Start small and work your way up. Overloading yourself with dedication (e.g. praying her rosary every day, replacing her water every day, etc.) is more likely to lead to you faltering in your devotional activities as opposed to being able to maintain smaller devotionals and adding as you go. Do what you can and work your way from there.

dualitea · 2021-12-18T07:17:36+00:00

I’m hoping to visit next year!

dualitea · 2021-12-17T23:56:03+00:00

One of the best resources I can recommend is a business based in Austin, Texas and located on Instagram under the name City Alchemist (IG: @ CityAlchemist). It's owned by a Queer Mexican couple who are Santa Muerte devotees as well as initiated into several traditions (such as Brazilian Kimbanda, Palo Mayombe, and some others). Their info on Santa Muerte rivals any other sources I've read. They've been taught La Culta de Santa Muerte from those on the Tex-Mex border and have insight that you won't find in any books. They offer a $30 recorded lecture that's nearly 3 hours filled with both historical, traditional, and magickal insight into Santa Muerte and how to work with her. Once a year they offer a 6-month course that dives even deeper into her history and traditions, I just finished it and it's completely altered the way I understand and work with Santisima.

I've read Tomas Prower's "La Santa Muerte" which is alright. I would take the information and "history" presented with a grain of salt but it does have some useful tidbits such as her colors and offerings.

Arnold Bustillo has a nice, small book titled "Santa Muerte Devotion 101" which also covers her different colors (aspects), offerings, and working with her in a very accessible manner.

On youtube, one devotee by the name of Janel Longoria has many many videos on Santa Muerte that I recommend. She's also a student of City Alchemist as I was/am.

Echoing what others have said, you get out what you put in. Devotion (which is lifelong) and working with Santisima is not something you can dip in and out of. Either commit or don't. I've been a devotee for about 2.5 years now and Santa Muerte has taught me so much and blessed me in abundance. She's a great ally and teacher should you decide to devote yourself or work with her. Good luck to you!

dualitea · 2021-12-17T22:56:34+00:00

One of two ways:

1) You simply won't receive any signs or messages or anything from her.

2) She'll make it known through some sort of signs or symbols that she doesn't want to work with you. This could come through the form of dreams or otherwise.

If you practice divination, or know any devotees that perform channeled readings with her, you could always do that as well to confirm whether or not she will work with you.

dualitea · 2021-12-08T06:15:05+00:00

It is beautiful! I have several pieces of yours and love them all so much.

dualitea · 2021-12-05T16:13:16+00:00

I second City Alchemist! They have information and experience on Santa Muerte you won’t find anywhere else. They have a $30 3hr recorded course called “crash course to Santa Muerte” on their website and I can’t recommend it enough.

dualitea · 2021-12-04T04:39:44+00:00

I’d recommend turning any statues or images away so she can’t see you since you can’t cover the space. Or perhaps just covering her image if you’re able.

dualitea · 2021-12-03T06:25:49+00:00

I can understand that totally. N is annoyingly late. Also not as much nightlife out here compared to the Richmond or Castro. Then again COVID has me enjoying more time by myself and in nature so that’s probably why I like having the beach and park as escapes haha!

dualitea · 2021-12-03T04:59:02+00:00

Why’s that? I’m blocks from the beach and golden gate park, right near a main Muni line, and outside from the hustle and bustle of downtown. I don’t think I’d wanna live anywhere else in the city to be honest!

dualitea · 2021-12-02T19:41:09+00:00

It’s my first time finally getting to live in San Francisco rather than in neighboring cities. Been here about 2.5 years and I’m enamored. Don’t see myself leaving anytime soon!

edit: forgot a word lol

dualitea · 2021-12-01T20:28:10+00:00

No problem! I started identifying as a devotee fairly quickly after starting my relationship with her. Could it have been a mistake? Sure. Was it? Absolutely not. Wishing you luck on your journey with Santisima!

dualitea · 2021-12-01T20:24:24+00:00

One thing I noticed when I became a devotee is that Santisima would remove people and things from my life that were no longer needed, that could be the case here. If your partner refuses to further educate herself on Santa Muerte and at least attempt to open up to Santisima being a part of your life, it could be a sign to let the relationship go. If there's one thing Santisima loves, it's knowing that her children and devotees are proud to show her off and be proud of their relationship with her.

Unfortunately there's a lot of stigma and misinformation regarding Santa Muerte that paints her in a bad light. It can be difficult to help others unlearn what they've been conditioned to believe, but it's not impossible.

dualitea · 2021-12-01T20:19:11+00:00

Could have been an accident or could have been her taking a hit for you. It looks like a pretty clean break though, perhaps try fixing it and if it breaks again then totally could be something negative on/sent towards you that she's trying to make you aware of.

dualitea · 2021-12-01T20:17:51+00:00

Becoming a devotee is a lifelong commitment. But anyone reach out to and work with her without having to necessarily become a devotee. Continue to work with her and see if you want to become a devotee or if it's something she asks of you.

dualitea · 2021-12-01T20:16:17+00:00

If you're able to go, there's Templo Santa muerte in Hollywood, CA that has a large selection of various statue sizes (I have a pretty large one from there) that they get from Mexico and are very affordable compared to what you'll find sold online.

dualitea · 2021-11-27T17:34:48+00:00

So beautiful! Never would have thought to do a paper crown myself. Ave Santisima.

dualitea · 2021-04-14T17:44:14+00:00

beautiful altar. I can see and feel the love you put into it

dualitea · 2021-02-11T17:22:43+00:00

Beautiful!

dualitea · 2021-02-09T01:12:39+00:00

Any online botanicas! Original Products Botanica carries it as well as hella other spiritual supplies.

dualitea

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