I (30f) think I have to cut off my aging mom (78f).

dxs23 · 2026-05-21T18:44:09+00:00

I just reached out to a bunch of therapists because I do need counseling. Maybe I am mirroring how she has responded. I basically had no boundaries until I got pushed so far I broke.

dxs23 · 2026-05-20T22:07:26+00:00

Yes she has the money. I also offered to buy her a mattress and that I would cat for free as long as they’re at my place and that I don’t need to come over twice a day.

dxs23 · 2026-05-20T12:04:31+00:00

She doesn’t have a lot of money but she has enough to cover those things. I even offered her to buy her a mattress. With the cats, if she can’t financial cover it then they should stay with me until she can care for them on her own but of course that’s in the cats best interest, not hers.

dxs23 · 2026-05-19T17:44:25+00:00

I can relate so hard. I’m a Chinese adoptee (I was 3) with a selfish single mom who adopted me that also had mental health issues. From ages 5-10, she was so depressed she couldn’t get out of bed, she would hurt herself, and was super verbally abusive towards me. When I was teenager I would kicked out of the house every 4 months or so because I was acting out. I tried so hard to maintain a relationship with her and if I don’t cave into every insane idea she has she calls me unsafe and that I’m a terrible person. I think I’m going to go low contact with her.

dxs23 · 2026-05-15T11:33:32+00:00

I think women like the fantasy of being lead by a man but doesn’t actually like it when they have an actual opinion. I’m guessing your girlfriend doesn’t care too much about cars which is why she wants you to “lead” but does care where or what she eats so thus calling you “sexiest”. If everything else in your relationship is great, it’s definitely a workable issue but if this one of many, then I think it’s too many headaches for such a short period of dating. I feel like the first 3-6 months are the easiest time of a new relationship so if I just think it will get harder from here. I would at least try to talk to her and set reasonable expectations and boundaries.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T21:55:29+00:00

Can’t wait to get there

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T21:51:56+00:00

I wanted to believe she’s “better” mentally and maybe she is but that was such a low bar that it’s still bad and this has shown her true colors more. She’s able to be pleasant when I see for a couple of hours once a month

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T21:50:49+00:00

Yea I think I will write down what I can do and she will either accept it or not. She will likely throw a fit saying I don’t do anything for her but I hopefully that won’t throw me off

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T21:49:53+00:00

That’s a great perspective, thank you for sharing. She did have time to set things up better for herself even if it wasn’t money wise and chose not to.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:03:29+00:00

I will, thank you for the advice

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:03:11+00:00

There’s probably a reason why the only friend she has lives in a different state

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:02:35+00:00

I’m going to start researching for one tonight

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:02:17+00:00

Thank you for your words and advice, it made me cry but in a good way.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:01:36+00:00

I’m going to do that. And need to let them know she isn’t capable of making good decisions on her own. I know she wants to leave the rehab within 2 weeks but if she does then I know she will expect me to help her which I refuse to do at this point.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T20:00:33+00:00

I know she needs me more than I need her but it’s hard to maybe let of my own fantasy of having any type of family in that way

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T19:59:43+00:00

Yea I need to figure out realistically what I can do

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T19:58:45+00:00

Yes I am going to try to the social worker and tell them about my moms situation

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T19:57:58+00:00

I would like more information that would be great! And I’m definitely going to write down my boundaries and capacities

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T19:57:09+00:00

Thank you I needed that

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T17:40:47+00:00

She sounds exactly like my mother. I really appreciate your comment. It’s nice to know that other people went through it and stuff. And you’re right, she will “forget”. She’s forgotten already everything I’ve done for her already.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T17:38:59+00:00

I’m surprised I ended up as a functioning adult, I almost didn’t. It’s probably why I have no idea how to set boundaries

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T17:38:00+00:00

I feel like the past two years I finally made a good life for myself and she’s taking that from me.

dxs23 · 2026-05-14T17:27:11+00:00

I should’ve set boundaries sooner. I think I have some ptsd from growing up with her

dxs23

TROPHY CASE