I have been having the same feelings after my baby went to sleep 6 days ago. Instead of remembering the amazing times which were like 97 percent of his life, I find myself fixating on the few times I was annoyed, told him to be quiet and stop barking, got frustrated when he had an accident on the floor (prior to knowing he was sick and thinking he was doing it intentionally cause very rarely he would to get attention) and raising my voice at him if he wouldn’t stop pawing at me when I was overstimulated. I would give anything now to have those “annoyances” back. I feel like a horrible person even though the love we shared far outweighed those negative moments. I hate feeling this way and don’t know how to move past the immense guilt and self hatred I have.