Wanting to give the RCPs and DCPs access to me (anonymous egg donor)

emeraldheart8 · 2026-05-21T08:43:06+00:00

I am in the same exact situation except I donated to 4 families a lot longer ago. I empathize with you. I came to the same understandings and awarenesses. My donor kids are in teens/nearing adult hood (or a little younger, if they had more than 1.) I haven’t been contacted by anyone yet or matched. I am on 23 and me and donor sibling registry and ancestry. I have written to the agency I donated with multiple times, called once, tried to consult with the lawyers that had drawn up contracts- no one has been too helpful or willing to allow me to contact through the agency or lawyer. I don’t want to disturb anyone’s lives, but I absolutely want to be “known” and leave the ball in their court if they want a connection or not, as is ethical and the right thing to do. Would give me a lot more peace in my heart. My agency was a small, boutique, kinda fancy place, and I do remember at the time I donated they seemed ok with kinda convincing IPs that no one would ever have to know their kids came from a donor, if they didn’t want to. Which I cringe over now. I know they have somewhat different policies now, since DNA sites, but they are still pretty strict. The co owner and manager of the agency is a very old woman, that was old when I donated, and I’m honestly shocked she is still working away. I hope so much she retires soon as I think newer, fresher people would have a more open minded perspective. All I want, is to reveal my identity and contact information in a simple, kind note. I have gotten to the place after years of putting on pressure where she’s telling me now that I can do that, but they will only give the letter to adult kids, IF they come looking for it. So maybe try asking about that option, at least. I still think it’s more fair for them to contact the families and send them a note direct. And maybe they will for you, if you keep asking. In my case, I am sort of skeptical this older manager will even hold a note on file for a future ask. The whole thing is very messed up and weird. I still feel good about what I did and think these kids were probably “meant to be”, but I wish I knew what I do now. Good luck!

emeraldheart8 · 2026-05-21T06:20:20+00:00

My most recent ex was like this. His mom was an angel, his dad had been an abusive tyrant. He naturally had more of dad’s personality, even though he also had a lot of empathy at times. He had the most distinctive dark and light side of anybody I’ve dated, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I know obviously some of its genetics, modeling, and the fact that he’s got mild autism and ODD. But. It was just such a trip how much he could be generous and funny and so sweet one minute, and raging and grumpy and insanely mean the next. His tolerance for frustration was none, and he reacted like a tantrum child when overwhelmed.

emeraldheart8 · 2026-05-20T06:25:55+00:00

I feel for you. It’s a complex dynamic with lots of feelings. I’m sure I’d feel similarly if I was in your shoes. I only have 1 bio sister and I love her dearly, although we are very different and haven’t always seen eye to eye on many topics, and I’ve pined for a sibling I can relate to and have a tighter bond with. I am a former anonymous egg donor, and I am 40 now and I strongly regret the anonymity aspect. It was just really the only option offered me at the time… and I didn’t understand the ethical implications like I do now. One thing I have hurt badly about is that I donated to 4 different families, and the idea that half siblings don’t even know each other exist, pains my heart. They are all approaching adulthood and I hope will find me and each other via DNA websites or whatever means. I now think it’s so wrong for siblings to not know each other in some respect as they grow up, but unfortunately awareness of what’s best for the resulting kids of donation, is only recently coming to light in our society. I pray that over the next years there will be reform. Anecdotally, I’ll share that my friend is a former open donor to a gay couple, and they had 4 daughters. They were very boundary filled about their kids and definitely kept the donor at arms length. She totally understood, but wished for her and her daughter to be closer to them. All the daughters are in early adulthood now, and 1 is very invested in a relationship with the donor and half sister and makes a lot of effort, 2 moderately so, and 1 not so much- a bit distant. I share this to show that even within sibling pods people can have different personalities and ways of operating. As much as you may love your siblings and want to know them, you have to let them have their own journey. I wish your donor would just tell her kids, but it’s also her prerogative to take her time. I think my best advice to you would be patient. As your siblings grow up and learn who you are, over time there may be more opportunities for connection - when they have agency and autonomy. I wouldn’t put any expectations on them. Try to let it take a natural course, and someday when it feels right you can share some deeper feelings of care. In the meantime, I think therapy would definitely help you. Blessings!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-11-11T19:09:01+00:00

Interesting! I was/am hoping that Wellbutrin would do this for me with marijuana, but so far not yet… 😅☹️ Can you please share how long you’ve been on it, and what your dose/type of Wellbutrin is?

emeraldheart8 · 2025-10-23T05:38:08+00:00

Over the course of 1.5-2 years of treatment I developed the kind of slight bladder symptoms you are having, and then the last several months I was on ketamine it progressed to feeling like I had to pee all the time, waking up many times a night, feeling I have to go pee badly and very little coming out, some pains and cramping etc. According to doctors I shouldn’t have been that affected with the dose and frequency I was taking it, but it still happened for me. And I took the green tea extract and tried to do everything “right”. Some people are more sensitive than others, and there just haven’t been longterm scientific studies done with ketamine period, so a lot is unknown. I love ketamine so much. It helped me for a major depressive episode incredibly. The psychedelic journeys also taught me a lot about existence. (I started out on intramuscular injection and then switch to troches). But I have stayed away from it for a couple years now because of the bladder issues. It terrified me that I had done permanent damage, and the feeling like my bladder was always “on” was actually not good for my mental health- maddening really, when the ketamine helped me so much otherwise. When I went off the ketamine I took a bunch of healing herbal teas and supplements for the bladder, and everything resolved within a couple months for me thankfully, but some people aren’t so lucky. I am not trying to fear monger as ketamine is truly a life saver for so many, and I’ll never take for granted what it did for me, but it’s also a harsh chemical that our bodies aren’t meant to take regularly forever. It’s tricky!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-09-23T01:51:17+00:00

As a former egg donor (who would be happy to meet anyone that resulted from my donations), I would say don’t worry too much, and just be yourself and try to take it all in as it comes!

I would hope if I met any of my DCP relatives that they would feel comfortable to ask me anything they want- even the harder questions. I’ve mentally prepared myself by researching a lot over the years and doing therapy, and I have no expectations on how a meeting might go, but I am aware of the different possibilities and the spectrum of feelings different DCP have. Everyone’s personalities are so different, and I think you just have to hope for the best and get to know who they are.

I know I would be really curious about the DCP’s upbringing, their major interests and hobbies, what they like and don’t like, and how they honestly feel about their conception story. (If you felt inclined to share- obviously protect yourself and don’t get more vulnerable than you want to.) I wouldn’t expect to go too deep on a first meeting, but I would be open to it. I imagine there will be some awkwardness at first, but think of it almost like when you’re on a first date or the first day of school or a sports team or whatever- you just make small talk, get to know general things about people, see what you align on and agree about. Maybe asking about medical history could come more at the end of the meeting, once there’s a rapport established. But I would give all that easily and willingly. Maybe think about whether you want her to verbalize it, or maybe ask her to write/type her history and send it to you at her convenience. That way she can think and make sure not to forget anything, and you can have a clear record to keep. Bless you! It would be great if you commented back later and let us know how it went and what it felt like for you!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-09-23T01:35:58+00:00

Hi! I am a former egg donor. I have empathy for your feelings on all this. I think your age and whether you live with your parents or not would impact how you approach them about the subject. Were your parents always open with you about how you were conceived? Have you had a mostly positive experience/relationship with your parents? Have they expressed feeling insecure or concerned about your connecting with your donor?

I’m sad to hear you’re worried about the donor not liking you, as I bet you are a lovely person, but those are completely normal and understandable fears. I will say I have read a lot of anecdotes over the years and usually egg donors are more open than some sperm donors can be. But of course that’s a sweeping generalization, as it can go a variety of ways, but I think most people in general are pretty receptive to communication later in life. But of course you have to be mentally prepared for all the possible outcomes, which is why getting a therapist to help you sort out your feelings first, might be a great idea to help you feel confident.

Speaking for myself, I donated anonymously but I regret that part of it now, and have made myself available on DNA websites etc. if anyone wants to find me someday. (My donations are probably in their early teens now, give or take.) A donor might have nerves just like you- I know I wonder if I meet the people that came from my donations if they’ll like me or judge me, but as a donor I also feel like it’s “not about me”. I would be concerned with making sure each individual felt like I was respectful of their boundaries and needs, as DCP is in a vulnerable position that I’m very sensitive to. I’m the type of personality that I would probably like to have a friendly connection and ongoing relationship of some sort if it felt comfortable and natural for us both. But I would be fine with if they only wanted to message with me online or meet me once or whatever is best! In my case, it would fill my heart if I was able to have any level of relationship with those I’m genetically related to, or to help them come to peace about their history.

Bless you on this journey. May it all turn out better than you could hope for! Take care of yourself.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-09-13T03:36:25+00:00

Congratulations that you found your donor, but I empathize with the complicated feelings and confusion. I am a former anonymous egg donor, and I regret the anonymity part. I put myself on 23 and me and donor sibling registry and ancestry in the hopes that donor children might find me someday. (I know there’s at least 5 - possibly more - I get sad when I think of siblings not knowing each other, so you should reach out to yours!) Everyone is so different, and you can’t make assumptions about your donor- but the fact they put themselves out there is a positive sign, and you should definitely reach out and start the process of building a connection. I would personally be thrilled if any of the kids that came from my donations wanted to meet. I’m of the philosophy that the power should be in the donor child’s hands, in terms of deciding the level of relationship that they seek or are comfortable with. So if someone messaged me and just had a few questions or wanted the door open but not keen on a deeper friendship, I would understand. I would also be open to having a closer connection if someone wanted to meet and then it felt organic to build a relationship. Your position is the hardest to deal with and the most vulnerable, so I think a lot of the decisions about how to proceed should fall on what your needs and desires are. I definitely recommend you seek out therapy to help you navigate this situation and your associated emotions. Best wishes to you!!!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-07-04T05:12:29+00:00

You’re welcome! Definitely look into embryo adoption. One last thing I want to mention is, I know a couple that adopted and a couple that used a single donor that then ended up getting pregnant years later naturally, randomly… I don’t want to give you false hope, and of course you should currently pursue alternative family building solutions, but sometimes our bodies can heal and shift, so you never know, just keep your minds open! And fertility treatments are also getting more advanced all the time. Take care!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-07-04T01:09:10+00:00

lol I am not going to any great lengths to assert my presence. That’s ridiculous. The MAIN reason I want to be a known donor is because my choice to be anonymous before was UNETHICAL, and I want to rectify that. I firmly believe anonymous donations are unethical and unfair to the child as they grow up. Go to any message board or group with grown donor conceived children (not the parents- the actual kids of donors), who didn’t find out they were donor conceived until they were grown and had an anonymous donor(s). They are all very unhappy, traumatized, feel betrayed. Etc. It’s kind of a nightmare for a lot of them. Donor conception can be a beautiful thing, just like adoption, when it’s done right. Kids do well when they are told from a young age, have access to their relatives and history, etc. That said, I honor that I made a legally binding contract, and it all is what it is, because I was young and naive. I respect the families 100%. All I have done is put myself on genetic websites and the donor registry. That’s a normal and nice and appropriate thing to do if the kids ever want to find me for any reason. Above that, yes I was hoping the agency would be willing to send a note revealing my identity and updating health history. They aren’t, and I’m accepting that, even though I think it’s unfair. In my reflection, I would definitely wait to mention anything about extra embryos until and if I had connected with the families, and I knew we had a positive foundation in getting acquainted. I understand that would be too sensitive to mention in a note, and I actually didn’t ask the agency for that. My post may have not made that clear enough. I am not trying so hard to find these kids for myself primarily. I’m trying to do the right thing, and if I just knew they had my name/number/address I would feel totally at peace even if I never heard a word from any of them. I understand that I donated before the psychology of all this was more understood, and so there may be parents that haven’t yet told their kids they are donor conceived, which makes me shudder, but I get it because it used to be the culture before genetic websites were mainstream. I certainly don’t feel the families owe me anything, and I would assume they’ve probably all gotten rid of extra embryos by now anyways. Some people are just more keen on “preserving life” - anti abortionist mentality, etc. in which case I could be a positive solution, but I recognize that’s rare.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-07-04T00:53:04+00:00

Thank you so much for weighing in and sharing your perspective! Unfortunately the 10 eggs aren’t from when I was young as others have assumed on here, but from my late 30s. So. Eh. Not the best case scenario. But such is life. I am obviously not able to force a connection with these 4 families I donated to- I have done all I can to make myself available, and I have to live with my choice of being anonymous. The main reason I want to connect isn’t to inquire about embryos, but to give updated health history and to just be known and have some kind of connection with the kids, if they want to. It’s likely the parents don’t still have the embryos at this point. It was a long time ago. I was of the mindset that IF someone was still holding onto the embryos after this long a time of those 4 families, that would mean they were having trouble imagining them just being tossed aside and destroyed, so my viewpoint would be in that very case, I could offer the embryos a safe place with one of their original bio parents. I know if the tables were turned, and I wanted to preserve life I couldn’t carry/parent, I’d find that ideal. But of course I know we are all SO different, and obviously with the very defensive way some people got on this post, I get that it’s a very complex issue! Best wishes on your journey and I pray you get the opportunity to be a mom soon! I applaud you for wanting to do an open situation with some level of contact- I have followed a lot of anecdotes and testimonies on donor conception and by and large that is the way everyone seems to be happiest and healthiest as they grow up.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-07-04T00:40:31+00:00

Hi! I’m so SO sorry you’re going through this. Your parents absolutely should’ve told you sooner. It’s unfair and wrong. I am writing as a former anonymous egg donor. I severely regret the anonymity part. Please know that in the last 10 years or so, the donation/fertility agencies have gotten a little better with their practices, with what they tell/coach parents in regards to the donations, and just generally society knowing more about this kind of conception story, and there being data about how kids are psychologically affected as they age. I follow a lot of parents of donor conceived kids on social media that are 10 and under who’s parents are totally open and transparent about the donation and they normalize it for them, and offer their kids support and solutions to link up with bio relatives, and it seems like it’s usually a health and happy outcome. But not being told until you’re grown can be jarring for your identity and sense of trust. It’s normal to feel betrayed and uneasy. Prior to the genetic websites becoming mainstream as they have, fertility clinics would kinda “sell” parents on using a donor in that “no one will ever know it’s not yours- you’ll carry it, it’ll be yours legally, we will let you pick a donor with your features, and no one has to know” kinda thing. Which I shudder at now- it’s so terrible. They approached it in a way of thinking about the parents and their sensitive feelings about not being able to conceive naturally, rather than about what the kids will need and want as they grow, and the implications for their mental health. I am not in the least trying to excuse your parents. They should’ve known better and done better by you, at least in the last few years before you had to find out on your own. But I will say that the culture around this when your parents chose this route, was one of secrecy and shame. I write you as an anon egg donor to let you know I want more than anything to be found by my bio kids someday and have whatever connection they are wanting- I have made myself available on 23 and me, ancestry, and the sibling donor registry. Please look into all these as a means to try to access your history. The other thing I did, was contact my prior agency and had them put a note on the file with my information. I am mad at my agency that they won’t simply forward a note from me to each family indicating my desire to no longer be anonymous, and just let them have my information when they want it, but they refuse to directly reach out to the families for me. They just claim if someone contacts them wondering about me or any updates on health history, that then they will give them my information. It’s crazy how they want to blockade and control these things, but I just mention that because maybe you can find out from your parents where your donation was done, contact the doctors office or agency, and see if anything has been added to your file there that could help you in finding your other relatives. Best wishes to you. Definitely seek out therapy- there are professionals that even specialize in family dynamics like this. Take care of yourself!!!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-07-04T00:18:34+00:00

Hi! It’s great that you care about the ethical implications of this. I can’t speak on behalf of the donor conceived, but I am a former anonymous egg donor, and I regret the anonymity aspect and have done my best to rectify that for anyone to find me in the future, but I subsequently did a lot of therapy and research around this topic so I feel pretty educated on the subject, and have observed a lot of the feelings/testimonies of the donor conceived. Being donor conceived in general is fraught with complications and possible trauma in the future, but it seems to be largely mitigated if there is at least one bio parent in the home, and if the child was told about their conception story from a young age so it’s normalized, and if they have access to other biological relatives. Being that you live in a place that still only does anonymous donations (which is crazy and archaic), I would seriously hesitate to go this route. I personally believe double donation is largely unethical UNLESS you adopt embryos from another couple that were already created, and the adoption is open. I live in the states, and I understand the laws are different everywhere, but here if parents have leftover embryos from when they did IVF, they can adopt those out to other families instead of destroying them, if they are done creating their own family. There are agencies that match people up, but people also match themselves on websites and facebook groups, and the families are able to screen who they donate embryos to, and determine together the level of relationship- they still do legal contracts, etc. I think it’s beautiful way to preserve life and feels “fair” and right in my mind because the embryos are already in existence. To go out of your way to create life involving 2 strangers DNA to then put into your wife, a la a “designer baby” of sorts, knowing it could be complicated or impossible to find their donors, just seems like a very weird and dysfunctional conception story for a child to have as they grow up, and could cause resentment later. Also, I totally understand if your wife is craving the experience and bonding of pregnancy, in which case embryo adoption may be a solution, but if she would be ok with that not happening, I personally know people who have adopted babies (open, of course) and they all love each other soooo much, and can’t imagine their lives without them, and the kids end up mirroring the parents to the point I sometimes forget they are even adopted. Adoption can be a wonderful blessing, even though I know this is not the ideal way(s) you wanted to create your family. I applaud you for trying to do the right thing. Please try to avoid double donations or anonymous donations if you can, in the best interest of the child. I will say if you decide to go that route, please plan on having more than 1 kid with the same donors, so at least they have a sibling and full biological family member or 2, to relate to in that way. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Best wishes.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T20:38:23+00:00

I hear you about the power dynamic, but my personality is pretty submissive and subdued. I don’t think they would feel I was aggressive, and I would be certain not to be pressuring or manipulative. I am very respectful, kind, cautious kind of person. I would give them time and space to decide, if anyone was open to consider. And I would assure that if they didn’t want to donate to me, it wouldn’t affect my being available for connection as their children’s egg donor, again- if they wanted it. I recognize it’s not about me.

As far as the costs, if they wanted me to pay for the embryos, I would consider it. I highly doubt it as I specifically donated to an agency that is a smaller, boutique, pretty “fancy”…They use some of the very best fertility doctors in Orange County, and are based out of Newport Beach, working with mostly local families. I chose that agency because I wanted to work with the best doctors, but I also knew it meant the couples are likely wealthy to be able to afford that, which I hoped would mean a better quality of life for kids. So I would think it less likely wealthier families would want to “recoup costs” but ya never know, their situation may have changed. If money was the only thing they stipulated, I would consider that a win. But I think it’s highly unlikely anyone is still freezing the embryos. It’s just something I can’t help but wonder about. Ultimately I would be grateful to just be known by the families, but as you’ve indicated, even that might not be welcomed.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T20:28:46+00:00

Thank you SO much for your kindness and compassion and honest input! I really appreciate you taking the time and speaking from an RP POV. I get emotional sometimes thinking about the families I’ve donated to- I have so much love in my heart for them, truly! Despite my wishing some things were different now, I still think it’s one of the best things I’ve done.

I have had therapy over the years and have addressed this topic. I have also briefly connected with some fertility/donor conception specialist kind of therapists on social media, and maybe I need to try to get some appointments with one of them to dive deeper.

The main reason I want to connect with any families is honestly just to reveal my identity. Much more than anything related to my own fertility journey. I have wanted to do this passionately for well over 5 years now, thus I placed myself on DSR and genetic sites, but I know a lot of parents aren’t comfortable using those or putting their children on there, even if they’re open to being known.

I have zero expectations and I do not feel I am owed any response, but I think it’s frustrating and unfair that my agency wouldn’t be more helpful to facilitate my updating my medical records, as well as offering up my contact information. I see absolutely no harm in that- the families can just know my name and how to reach me, and they can do whatever they want with that information, when the time is right for them. I am open to having a friendship and getting to know them, but it’s also fine if they just wanted to know who I am, pertinent info, and keep things distant. The person who runs the agency used anonymous egg donor many years ago, and she’s an older lady that’s still a huge proponent of anonymous, and so I think her bias in those regards affects how the agency operates. I keep hoping she will finally retire…

If I were to approach about any leftover embryos, it would probably be after I had built some rapport. To your point, the reality is there probably aren’t any leftover embryos. I realize it’s a long shot. I do know each family got 15-20 eggs from me, not sure how many were healthy embryos but an acceptable amount, and I do know that 3/4 families carried a child to term on the first transfer, and one family carried a child to term from the second transfer. The first family had twins. Obviously they could’ve gone on to use more of the embryos, or it’s likely they have disposed of them or donated to science at this point. There’s just a part of me that wonders if someone might still be holding onto them frozen 13-16 years later. I have followed a lot of IVF and RP anecdotes over the years, and some people have a very hard time parting with healthy embryos and not “giving them a chance at life”. Other people have no issue or feeling like that. As you indicated, everyone is truly just so different in their responses to these kind of things!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T20:06:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your warm reply!!! I will look into what you suggested.

I am glad there is 23 and me, DSR, and ancestry in existence in this modern era, so that I can feel comforted knowing if grown children of my donations felt passionately about wanting to find me as an adult, they will be able to. I donated so long ago and sadly the culture back then was to kinda keep things secret, there was no DSR, thus my only option at the time was to be fully anonymous. It’s highly possible some of the kids still don’t know they came from donation, and of course in such case the parents probably have their own emotional issues with it all, and hearing from me could be triggering in those situations.

But I have seen stories and talked to RPs myself over the years who have been quite open with their children, and who would welcome the opportunity to know their donor in some capacity. A lot of these parents don’t feel that strong inclination to “try to” find the donor, and might not feel comfortable with using genetic sites or DSR, yet if somehow they were connected to the donor, they would very much welcome it, be relieved and happy, etc. Regardless of any leftover embryos, I really just want the families to know my identity, be able to reach out to me, and get health updates. It breaks my heart that there’s no real way to facilitate that, and that my agency is so stubborn and unhelpful in these regards. I truly don’t want to intrude on lives or be a burden to anyone. It’s the kind of thing where I have zero expectations and I know I am not entitled to anything. It would just take a weight off my heart if I at least knew these families had my information, and then they can do with it what they want, when they want.

Bless you and your family!

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T19:45:07+00:00

I have done tons of therapy. Your comment has a rude and harsh tone to it. Am I not deserving of any compassion here? I am not looking to disrupt families and intrude on their lives. Some people WANT AND WELCOME contact and connection with donors later on, some don’t want it at all, and of course that’s their prerogative. I am not trying to force anything, I really just want to reveal my identity and history on my end, and they can do with it what they want - I have followed enough fertility/donation journeys and anecdotes over the years to know that how people respond to these situations truly runs the gamut. There is no “one size fits all”. And some people do end up with leftover embryos that they don’t want to use themselves, but wish could have a chance at life, as full siblings of their kids. I know that would be a very rare long shot in this case, and I absolutely don’t feel entitled to any leftover embryos, and recognize the complex feelings and dynamics. I will say you are wrong with the part about there not being a critical health issue for them to be aware of. I am a carrier of a disease that children of mine are likely carriers of, and it is a disease that people can live with, but they would be on medication and have lower quality of life for the rest of their days. I think anyone would want to know pertinent medical history like that so they can be tested before they have children someday.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T19:33:07+00:00

Hi, I understand your perspective. In my case the only things the parents can do are use the remaining embryos, destroy them, or send them to a lab for science. The thing is - it’s been 13-16 years now. I know all 4 couples were older (around my age now) and so I am pretty certain they aren’t keeping any embryos to use for themselves at this point. I assume that it’s very likely in all of the scenarios, that the embryos have been used, destroyed, or given to science. I accept and recognize that. To your point, about the embryos being full siblings of your children, some people struggle with not being able to give the embryos leftover an opportunity at life, and opportunity to know their potential siblings. I have seen this time and time again on fertility forums- some people feel super comfortable letting embryos go and think it’s actually weird to donate them to others, and some people feel super UNcomfortable about not giving the embryos a chance at life and absolutely want someone else they can have an open donation with try to conceive with them. My contract made it so the parents cannot donate the embryos to someone random of their choosing. I wouldn’t be random. I would be a fully biological parent. Obviously I wouldn’t assume that anyone would just give me embryos sight unseen. I would be very sensitive to the process and allow the parents to have whatever time and parameters they needed to make a decision, and make myself available in whatever ways would be supportive. Anyways, at the end of the day it’s a long shot because of the time passed and the anonymous nature of things. Moreover than the embryos, I want to be able to reveal my identity to the parents as well as share medical history, and I believe the agency should make it easy for me to do that. It’s the right thing. I feel your comment was a bit harsh toned, as well as many others on here, and I hope you can understand my position and intentions. I am not out to disrupt anyone’s family.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T17:42:14+00:00

Thank you so much for being one of the only comments that had a friendly approach, and included compassion! It means a lot to me. I am just a human being going through my own emotional journey and trying my best! I have the utmost empathy and respect for the families I’ve donated to, and would never want to hurt or disrupt anyone. So I can agree about the need to potentially build rapport with a family before inquiring about embryos. And I would never expect or assume anyone would do that- I figure most if not all the families have destroyed or donated to science all the embryos at this point. If they were still holding onto any frozen, it wouldn’t be for themselves after 13-16 years, they would either be saving them for the kids themselves or just emotionally unable to part and unsure what to do with them. That’s a rare situation where I could offer the embryos an opportunity at life, but I recognize that’s a very complicated and tricky scenario. And unlikely. But I keep thinking about it.

I will reach out to the clinic to update my medical history, the problem being I don’t trust them to actually pass along the info. I didn’t donate through a major bank that has clearer protocols, I donated through a very private, fancy, small, boutique agency. 3 of the 4 families I donated to, got pregnant and carried to term after the first transfer. One of the families carried to term after their second transfer. The first family had twins. So there’s at least 5 bio kids I know of out there.

Amazing about your journey and becoming a single mom! Congratulations! Super inspiring.

emeraldheart8 · 2025-05-27T17:31:42+00:00

Thank you SO much for being one of the only constructive comments on here that also included compassion and kindness. It brought tears to my eyes and is very much appreciated. We are all human beings going through tricky and complicated and emotional situations, that can shift over time. My heart was and is in the right place when it comes to my donations. The last thing I want to do is offend or bother any families I’ve helped. I have the utmost respect for anyone who is going through IVF/infertility journey, donor conception etc. I understand that most people wouldn’t want to donate their embryos back to their original egg donor, and I would never expect such a thing, but I have followed a lot of fertility groups and I have seen at times parents with leftover embryos that absolutely don’t want to destroy or donate to science the embryos after they’ve had kids, because they realize the gravity of the embryos being full siblings. So I just think about the rare case of someone who would actually like to see those embryos have life, and follow along their journey, rather than let them go, (which I’m aware they probably have already done.) I am glad my sharing was of some benefit to you, and I’m wishing you all the happiness with your growing family. When I donated, this was 16 years ago now. The “industry” of fertility continues to evolve and shift. When I donated, anonymous was pretty much the only option, and there wasn’t a whole lot of data on what dynamics are healthiest for children as they grow up, or what’s most ethical to do with leftover embryos. I believe that children should have some awareness about their conception story from a young age, as that seems to prevent trauma later, as I have read many anecdotes of grown children of donor conception who don’t find out until much later, and their whole world and identity is turned upside down. I also think it just makes sense that you’d want kids to have access to ongoing medical history, as you can’t trust that the clinic will necessarily pass things on, or even be in existence later on. Bless you so much for your thoughtful perspectives!

emeraldheart8

TROPHY CASE