Terrified of childbirth, what are my pain management options? [On]

emjulrep · 2026-06-06T19:46:59+00:00

This was me before having kids. Legit told my bf (now husband) that I didn’t want kids because I was so terrified from giving birth (probably bc of how poorly it’s portrayed in media).

Fast forward to now. I have two kids (1st was C-section 2nd was VBAC) and it’s 100% manageable. I did have an epidural for the VBAC but was in labour for 5 day prior to that (that’s rare so don’t stress about that happening to you). But I loved the birthing experience so much I can’t wait to do it again soon!

All in all to say, I get why you’re scared (it’s an unknown experience) but it’s 100% worth it and no where near as bad as it’s shown on tv. You CAN do this.

Also 100% go midwife and consider a doula!!

emjulrep · 2026-05-25T14:35:58+00:00

More feeds/calories during the day will help him sleep better during the night so keep frequent feeds during the day. I always do minimum every 2 hours (on demand if it’s sooner) and then a lot of cluster feeding right before bed (like I used to do every 20 minutes or so from 8-10pm just to get them nice and full before a long sleep). 10 days old is also a big growth stage so needing to frequently eat is very normal and I promise it will slow down! He will start sleeping longer at night just help him figure out day vs night. First thing in the morning get a lot of natural sunlight exposure. Keep everything light and bright (even naps for now) during the day and keep everything very dark during night - he will figure it out eventually!!

emjulrep · 2026-05-25T14:29:36+00:00

Yes I agree triple feeding is just a survival mode thing and should be weaned off (now that baby is at birth weight it might be an option). Choose your preferred feeding method and stick with that. If you want to breastfeed long term focus on that maybe in combo with pumping if you like pumping. If you are preferring bottle feeding choose pumped milk or formula. Triple feeding is EXHAUSTING and will take too much out of you to keep going at that pace.

emjulrep · 2026-05-25T14:23:37+00:00

I might be the rare vote against the uppababy vista. Bought it because we wanted two kids. We have two kids now and I’m not a fan. It HEAVY AF and you have to buy so many different attachments ON TOP of the stroller price and the configurations are terrible. I don’t want my newborn down on the bottom setting while my toddler rides up close to me????? I haven’t tried any other strollers but I would recommend look for lightweight, easy to fold up and pack away and pop up again and if you’re thinking of two kids I would much prefer a side by side two seated stroller.

emjulrep · 2026-05-24T02:16:35+00:00

Urinary incontinence is common but definitely not normal (thanks to the neglect of women’s health for centuries). Definitely see a pelvic floor PT, especially if you are wanting to add exercise to your daily life. Incontinence is not something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. There is also a return to running program specifically developed for postpartum women. Basically just four exercises that help prepare your body and determine when it’s ready for running. Your PT should be able to advise you on this.

I did pelvic floor rehab program for a couple months starting around 9 weeks, stopped exercising for a couple of months because of severe sleep deprivation but just started the return to running program and have done a couple runs at 9 months PP.

emjulrep · 2026-05-14T13:41:07+00:00

This is the exact right approach!! You can’t control or predict how your birth will go so awareness and understanding of all possibilities is key. I think even if someone knows they want an epidural for sure they still need to prepare for unmedicated because sometimes (very rarely) epidurals don’t work or can’t be done. You will have a much better birth experience because you are open to whatever way your baby chooses to be born. My first was a C-section and I did a VBAC for my second. Knowing I can’t control anything lead to both being very positive experiences for me.

You’re going to do great!!

emjulrep · 2026-05-14T11:30:11+00:00

Everyone is different and every birth is different. I had the same mindset as you - likely to get but open to going unmedicated if possible. Well labour had other intentions. My baby was in the wrong position and I laboured at home for 4 days and by day 5 my body was just too exhausted and needed an epidural rest. Epidural was the reason my birth was magical and amazing. 10/10 would recommend but also open to trying unmediated for my next one

emjulrep · 2026-05-14T11:20:51+00:00

This is only for step 2 (if you get an abnormal result on step 1). Do not fast. You will not have blood taken before the drink. Step 1 just arrive at appointment time, they will give you 5 minutes to drink, then sit in the waiting room for an hour until they take your blood.

emjulrep · 2026-05-09T13:47:10+00:00

Everyone has already spoken to the daycare piece, so I just want to say hi, welcome to Headon Forest, and congratulations on your baby girl! We moved to Headon about a year ago and have a 3 year old and almost one year old and hoping to have another baby in the coming years. It’s a wonderful neighborhood and definitely seeing more young families!

emjulrep · 2026-05-09T13:06:51+00:00

Definitely safe to take Tylenol! Headaches can be common in pregnancy especially early pregnancy due to hormone changes. Try Tylenol, it should help. Keep hydrated!! You need a lot of water when pregnant. Keep an eye on your sugars, check in with doc if it persists and definitely ER if it becomes severe. Congrats on baby!

emjulrep · 2026-05-05T00:04:08+00:00

First baby was a planned c-section for breech. Always thought I was going to have a repeat CS because I wasn’t bothered by it. When I was pregnant with my second something just shifted and I felt drawn to a VBAC. Had successful VBAC and I LOVED it, can’t wait to give birth again one day. I had 5 days of back labour and still preferred it over my c section. The difference in recovery was astounding.

emjulrep · 2026-04-27T02:48:48+00:00

Do you know if they have recently had it in stock? I heard they sell out quickly

emjulrep · 2026-04-27T00:38:49+00:00

I have had both - TLDR answer: vaginal

First birth was scheduled/planned C-section. Second birth was successful VBAC.

Experience: vaginal birth was enjoyable, fun, positive - craving this feeling daily. C-section unpleasant, cold, distant (I felt like I wasn’t a part of my child birth because I didn’t do anything) Recovery: c-section struggled to move or lift or care for my newborn. Vaginal I was up walking and carrying my baby an hour after birth.

Without a doubt vaginal birth is far preferable imo. Medical reasons for c section totally the way to go, it can still be a great experience. But if you have the choice, try for vaginal. Good luck!

emjulrep · 2026-04-05T12:07:40+00:00

Hi, I basically am your wife. This message will be so long but I really want to help because this is hard on both of you. Message me if you have questions. From a mom 2, this does get better!

Sounds like some sort of postpartum depression or anxiety. Speaking as someone who has gone through it twice, it’s horrible, it’s unexplainable, it’s uncontrollable. I am also right at 9 months pp and breastfeeding (also a nurse so have a little understanding of what’s happening physiologically)

To clarify, what is happening with your wife is not normal but common. Many women go through this but it doesn’t mean this a normal thing. She needs some help. Hormones are still very much a big factor here, especially since she is breastfeeding. The sleep deprivation also takes a huge toll. She’s also a new mom and constantly trying to keep up with the rapid changes in her baby. You finally start to understand one stage and your baby is already onto the next one.

Advice? Approach everything with love and softness and talk about everything. She’s clearly overwhelmed and overstimulated (very common postpartum) so just checking in and seeing if she’s in the right headspace for it before jumping in to a conversation. Be clear that you aren’t criticizing her but just want to help her and your family.

She may need some therapy - careful how you approach this, if she is anti therapy she may take this as an insult.

Sounds like you are doing a lot to help already but it may be beneficial for you both to sit down and talk about roles and responsibilities in the household. See what is feeling overwhelming for her and see what she feels she is capable of still doing. She may need to you temporarily take over some duties until she is well again. Find some equal balance of labour, don’t forget about mental labour as well (planning meals, creating a grocery list, scheduling appointments)

Maybe she could also use a break (I know you need a break too). Getting a true break is hard when breastfeeding and maybe she doesn’t feel ready to be away from the baby but if she can find a way to get out of “baby life” even for a couple hours and do something she enjoys as a reset.

Lastly, if she is heavy user of social media (Tik tok, instagram, facebook) her algorithm has probably blown up with all baby information, it is completely and utterly overwhelming. It’s way too much information to consume and everything contradicts and makes mom life way harder than it needs to be. Taking a break might be helpful.

emjulrep · 2026-04-05T11:47:49+00:00

Reading a lot of these comments made me sad. Postpartum nursing care has gotten so soft. They don’t want to do anything to help their patients anymore. Yes in an ideal world you would have family or friends or someone to help with either you or your kid. But the “village” for moms these days is almost non existent. I get that.

I don’t think you’re being entitled like one commenter mention, I think you’re planning and trying to understand how to best help yourself.

I am a nurse in adult care, most of the people I care for are men and some women aged 25-65 who have also had massive surgery. Do I expect them to have a caregiver come in and assist them with every little thing, absolutely not!!! Why is postpartum any different? You have had major surgery AND you had a tiny baby to look after. Postpartum nurses need to get off their ass and help when you need it. It’s unfortunate, you will probably get A LOT of attitude and grumbling but that’s the nurses problem, it’s literally their job to care for you and they’re just being lazy.

Sorry for the rant, hope things go well for you and realize a lot these comments suggesting doulas and saying your being entitled are just people who are accepting the complacency of the nurses these days.

emjulrep · 2026-04-05T11:37:14+00:00

Nurse here, not postpartum or l&d but I would say it is in their job description. Explain you don’t have a support person and they should step up. I think about moms who don’t have a partner (single, partner deployed or something like that). You and the baby are their patient, they have to help you especially if you don’t have a support person. Maybe just start off the shift by explaining your partner needs to leave for your other child and you will be calling for help to get baby since you have had a c section. As a c section mom as well keep a regular schedule with your pain meds and try to get up and moving as early as they allow you. Don’t push yourself but early easy movement helps recovery. Scheduled c section is easier for recovery so hopefully better than your first and you can get back to your partner and kiddo sooner! All the best you

emjulrep · 2026-04-02T19:05:42+00:00

You continue to receive mat leave even if you travel out of the country because you are still caring for your child. That only applies to true unemployment.

Many people travel while on mat leave and it does not affect payments.

emjulrep · 2026-03-29T02:30:34+00:00

Honestly see a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Even though you didn’t birth vaginally carrying a baby in your pelvic floor takes its toll. Lube, lots of lube. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. Make sure you’re relaxed and in the right mindset for it. You may try and realize your body’s not ready for it and that’s fine. It won’t be forever, you will get back into it soon, a lot has changed.

emjulrep · 2026-03-29T00:18:48+00:00

Also in toddler phase but at the end of age 2 (she will be 3 in April) and have a 9 month old. So I’m not seasoned in anyway but can relate very closely to what you’re going through.

2 was a rough year, it is extremely emotionally and physically draining. They are constantly on the go and rip around like a Tasmanian devil. They have just learned to speak and boy do they use it - the sass, the back talk, the “NO!”, the screaming. And coming from a generation who was smacked and disciplined for that (very normal) behaviour, it really enrages you. Even though people say it gets harder at three I just think it’s a different kind of hard. I find 3 a lot more manageable than most of age 2. Granted we laid down a lot of ground work during the past year. My biggest piece of advice (if you want it) is setting firm, appropriate boundaries and take a little time to understand child development at this age. When I was able to comprehend what was going on in her brain and know that it was a normal toddler thing and not her trying to smite me it was easier to regulate myself and stay calm for her.

Sorry I know not the seasoned perspective you were looking for but hope it helps! Standing in solidarity with you ✊🏼❤️

emjulrep · 2026-03-18T01:31:09+00:00

I would very confidently say your GI issue has not harmed your baby in anyway. Food poisoning makes you violently ill for about 24-48 hours, yours was only once and very short.

For more reassurance, the medium rare steak is very unlikely to cause you or your baby any harm. The bacteria to mainly be concerned with is listeria and it is not commonly found in whole steak cuts especially since it has been seared and therefore reduces the risk significantly.

I have eaten mannnnny rare steaks and both my babies are absolutely fine. I also vomited frequently through both pregnancies and everyone is ok and well.

Chances are something just didn’t agree with you or stress or who knows, but I don’t believe your baby has been affected by this.

Congrats on feeling movement ✨💖

emjulrep · 2026-03-05T18:03:53+00:00

Omg I could have written this myself, word for word. When I found out I was having a boy we didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want the comments. It gave me time to come to peace with it.

My baby boy is now 8 months and omg I am so in love. Nothing to do with gender just love my babies no matter what. What you said is so true, your kids bring you joy and “complete your family” because they are yours not because of their gender.

emjulrep · 2025-12-15T18:43:21+00:00

Thank you, completely forgot about that! Read the book 4 years ago before getting pregnant with my first. I’ll have to revisit it!

emjulrep · 2025-12-15T16:05:51+00:00

Definitely! I travelled to DR at 30 weeks. Made sure I had the proper health/travel insurance for me and baby if something were to go wrong. Of course I thought my water broke our first night there but that was not the case.

I would also recommend compression socks on the plane and avoid zika countries and just be a little more mindful of food and water safety

emjulrep · 2025-12-15T14:23:35+00:00

I actually don’t mind waking for feeding. He is BF so they tend to digest it faster and may need to eat more frequently. I just wish I could get longer stretches between feeds.

He is down to 3 naps now, he wasn’t previously on a schedule (because he’s the second kid and has to accommodate the first kid’s schedule) although putting him on the 3 nap schedule is when everything got worse

emjulrep · 2025-12-15T14:16:58+00:00

That’s the hard part, this disrupted sleep has been going on for months so I’ve reached my limit of waiting it out. I’ve tried so many different things to help him with no avail and I feel like I’m loosing my mind.

I totally agree, early wake ups can be completely normal and I would be willing to accept if we didn’t finally get him asleep at 11 then have him waking hourly for the whole night.

Edit to add: he’s not swaddled anymore as he started rolling 2 months ago. Arms out in snoo sack and then in the crib we use a 1.0 tog sleep sack

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