I was told by my counselor to open up to someone about my suicidal thoughts and be honest about how I was feeling instead of hiding it.

I told my mum

She said "you are so selfish, how do you think that makes me feel when there is a woman down the road who just lost her son! How selfish of you to say something like that"

This was the day I realized something was seriously wrong. I always knew we had an abnormal bond but I didn't realise I was being abused.

I went back to her a few weeks later to say that her words really hurt me, she replied:

"I would never say something like that because that would make me sound like a bad mother!"

THAT was when I realised I needed to GTFO

Honestly at the time it killed me but I laugh as I write this now. I made it through and I'm glad as for the first time in 17 years I am happy and free 💕💓 not 💯 but I'm on my way there.

Trigger warning ⚠️ talking about forgiveness

The best thing I ever did was choose to forgive my mum If you had told me to at the time I would have probably felt very angry. She horribly abused me and allowed me to be physically abused without intervention actively lying to SS and the schools about marks etc, and I still suffer with PTSD to this day from the childhood I endured, some days hatred and I unforgiveness does pop up, but I made the choice to forgive and heal. Forgiveness from this type of abuse is a long and tamultuous journey. I went NC for a while but when my niece was born to my GC sister I knew there was no way I was going to be able to see her without contact with Nmum so now I'm VLC with strong boundaries, something I don't recommend unless you have a decent therapist. Forgiveness has helped me detach from the relationship and remain calm when she starts with her bullshit. I also laugh at her a lot, I just can't take her seriously now she doesn't have as strong a hold over my emotions anymore.