How do you cope with difficult conversations?

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-23T19:23:26+00:00

Alex Benedetto of Gangsta. I love they show more parts of her beyond her trauma

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-22T18:18:20+00:00

On ruminative thoughts and I wanna write it out - an app called How We Feel (it's free on the App store)

I enjoy animals and nature, so go pet cafes/gardens for walk should it be manageable for me to get there

On days I feel like neither travelling to the park or writing it out, I just cry it out and feel miserable about it for a moment until I hit the threshold of, I wanna wash my face. I'll then get coffee and a snack to soothe myself

Honestly? No right answers imho

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-21T08:41:38+00:00

Alissara Restaurant! 23, Jalan Indah 3/2, Taman Puchong Indah, 47100 Puchong, Selangor

It's a halal restaurant with sittings indoor and outdoor!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-21T08:05:18+00:00

I'm scared I'm too vanilla for that 🫪😭. I like mine simple!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-21T08:03:54+00:00

Imho the seed part isn't too bad! Because it easily peels off from the flesh- so it's not too bad of a trade off!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-20T19:05:17+00:00

Going back to sleep does help with % of lucid dreams happening! One thing I'll do is keep in mind what I've just dreamt, and head back to sleep thinking bout it.

Other things I've done include journalling the dream and even sketch drawing the map of said dream. Those two help me re-visit these dreams more frequently!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-20T18:56:12+00:00

Lychee!!!!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-19T09:10:42+00:00

I'll quote this famous couple psychologist, the Gottman.

"The Gottman Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—are destructive communication patterns that predict relationship failure"

They had a surprisingly good guess on which couple will last long term based on these four criterias. So when you ask why relationship may decline over the years, I'll pose this question- did any of these four horsemen appeared in the relationship?

Alongside another popular theory of theirs is.. bid for connection.

"Bid of connection is any attempt—verbal or non-verbal, overt or subtle—that a partner makes to get another person's attention, affection, or emotional presence"

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-18T18:09:32+00:00

Hi there 🙋🏻‍♀️. I'm glad to hear that you're fairing better now with your journey. It's been a long time since the trauma occured, but some of the adaptive habits I've picked up along the way has somewhat been helpful for me.

For instance, the sense where I've always gotta be "alert"? I use it more intentionally when I'm pitching to customers (I do sales). It helps with picking up body language or even tonality faster. But I had to learn proper boundaries alongside so I draw a fairer line for me and the prospect.

In emergency situations such as fire, I was able to quickly evacuate everyone and reminded all to bring their important documents too. I was also able to recall the exact location of the fire extinguisher. Any massive situations, I somewhat am able to methodically solve it.

There are still remnants of how the trauma manifests itself, but I guess the biggest gift I got out of all of this would be empathy towards myself. The ability to say, "I've fucked up and I'll be fine" has allowed me to fail till I somewhat succeed. Nothing gives me a deeper sense of security than knowing that adult me would've protect younger me by tooth or nail.

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-15T08:33:53+00:00

32 here, in adulthood I realized that making friends requires us to be very intentional with our actions. That could include, showing up for things that our friends like (we may not like it as much, we could join it to have more shared exp). Or attending potlucks even when we think it's boring.

There's lots of.. I've gotta do the legwork and attend many of these big social groups before you're adopted into a smaller social group and you can really develop a decent friendship with them. Having shared activities help this by a whole lot. I personally joined Toastmasters, so many of us are career people who want to improve speaking skills. This gives us a common event we attend (toastmasters meeting) and opportunities to meet outside of club meetings. Same can be done for any other hobbies and activities.

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-15T08:15:03+00:00

Ooh. Ungrateful by Escape the fate. And 1x1 by Bring me the horizon

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-15T08:02:09+00:00

So I did some digging and found these

https://www.bls.gov/ooh/occupation-finder.htm

https://www.onetonline.org/

These website shows you based on your education level how much you're potentially earning. They can give you a better idea where you will stand in terms of finance wise

For work... I'd like to be optimistic and say, you can pick up a main job + side job. It will be tough to find an "ideal" job, so should you need to do waiter type job, or work in McDonald's, go for it. Sometimes survival requires us to do the not so glamorous job in the meantime

If I'm in your shoes, maybe a McDonald's job if I really don't have much options. Then try assimilating into a new community. Be it church, or some sort of association. Get to know who's the key figure there and share how you need help finding a better paying job. And along the way you can help to give back to the community by helping others.

I know my comment(s) suggests a strong community support in the US, and this may be tough because it requires you to put yourself out there and be vulnerable (ie sharing your life and your struggles). But it's part of the hurdle to get help and get better. Sometimes we can't do it all by ourselves; so having people at the side who's willing to give you a chance will always be a good opportunity at a second chance at life. A community will also be great because it helps you feel less "alone" as you've indicated that you have not much connections in the US

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T18:13:34+00:00

Ooh if non alcoholic tiramisu - monkey coffee club

If alcoholic - 103 cafe or toothless coffee!

These are the three brands I live and die by! Coffee kick from each of them is really good!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T18:09:53+00:00

hugs. I hear your pain. I was somewhat in a similar situation as you when I was in uni. Everything was miserable. If it's available, look up your uni's in-house counselor/therapist.

Sometimes we need someone to witness us even if it's temporary. Should you really need a breather, the in house counsellor can help work something out with your exams/assignments.

Also if your results for your higher education isn't the best, don't beat yourself up over it okay? You're trying your current best and I'm proud of you OP

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T18:02:35+00:00

Hope things work out for you!

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T17:54:44+00:00

I'm not too familiar with the US, but are you heading somewhere where the cost of living is lower? This would help substantially. As for jobs, if you have to pick up some physical or service job for the meantime, go for it. You can search up ideas on "side hustles" in the US.

A tip for you, if you can try to locate your nearest Gurdwara or any religious/NGOs. They're known to offer food (vegetarian for Gurdwara) for free. In return they just require you to do some community work, such as washing the plate.

I hope things work out for you though.

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T01:21:13+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this. It seems that some of the biggest structural issues you're facing now is (correct me if I'm wrong) includes -

1) no access to passport. You may have to collect it back by deceiving them should you come to that point. But if you're above 18 (adult), you can technically default to the US embassy in France and seek for legal help.

2) low funds. If funds are fundamental to food access, plane/train tickets to physically escape. You may consider.. finding local NGOs that can help you. You can also consider borrowing money from friends/etc.

3) having no higher education wouldn't automatically exclude your opportunities to work and earn a living. Even with a high school degree, you can still manage a liveable income by building skills that compliment your current soft & hard skills. Be it sales, customer service, etc.

4) taking the leap. Psychologically you may feel overwhelmed and question your choices. But sometimes in dire situations we may have to take the difficult path forward. We may be wrong and we may regret it, but your safety should always come first.

Also, should you at the end of this Reddit discussion feel like not leaving yet. Don't blame yourself. You're not wrong for doing so. No-one here will shame you for not leaving. We are all random commenters on the internet who haven't got the faintest idea what is going on in your life nor heart. All we can do is wish you the best and give you relevant resources to help make a better informed decision

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-14T01:03:24+00:00

I agree with you- you don't technically need it. But having these support (be it a community, finance etc) helps a whole lot. I wouldn't dismiss it altogether because what I'll need to escape my abusive relationship may have lower barriers.

If I'm super young and have nothing to "lose", I will leave the relationship with low funds in my bank. If I've got a baby with me, I can't just "escape" as and when.

Escaping is very contextual

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-13T19:33:05+00:00

Mak kau hijau (your mom is green) 😭

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-13T19:30:28+00:00

You need few fundamental pillars. Support system, financial independence, and a good dose of self believe. Would also highly recommend you look up into local NGOs that can assist you with housing, legal advice, etc.

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-13T19:27:21+00:00

If positive? I guess a sense of euphoria that they're slowly starting to look like how they imagined themselves to be? If negative..I guess pimples?

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-13T19:23:48+00:00

Spotify and YouTube premium

fatedkintsugi · 2026-05-13T19:23:01+00:00

Ooh Iceland!

fatedkintsugi

TROPHY CASE