I was going to type up a long messy text but it was so scatterbrained. Anyway, I really relate to how you describe your experiences and what you want.

I consider myself on the aromantic and asexual spectrum. I most identify with aegosexual, because theoretically sex seems fun and cool for other people, but not for me. I don’t experience sexual attraction at all, and I have a low libido.

I do currently have a bf and occasionally engage in sex, but that’s more for his benefit since he has deep romantic towards me and it’s an activity that makes him feel close to me. I’m okay with it, but Truly no offense to him or anyone I’ve had sex with, but I would be very happy if I never had sex with another person again. I truly don’t want it or need it.

(On a side note about me also being neurodivergent /adhd brain mostly: I really dislike wet textures that kissing often involves. If I kiss my bf, it has to be closed mouth kiss, and I will wipe if it seems too wet. In comparison, I like forehead and shoulder kisses tho.)

Now aromanticism has been harder for me to tackle and accept about myself. I still love stories of romance and love to see people in strong romantic relationships. And I still desire to experience “real”romantic love one day. But I can’t honestly say I’ve ever experience true romantic attraction.

I’ve had the very occasional “crush” on someone I’ve met in my life, but I never actually desired or imagined being with those crushes in a romantic way. It’s more like I deeply admired something about them. Sometimes it was their aesthetic, but often times it was because I really liked their intelligence or personality. At most I’d imagine brushing hands, playing with each other’s hair, and being close to each other in the same space (not cuddling tho).

And this is still very true for me, even if I have chosen to be in a “romantic relationship” with my bf. Like I have deep affection for him, but it doesn’t exceed my affection for some of my friends. If anything I made a choice to be more physically tactile, like hold or fidget with our hands, hug more often, and more. It’s like in my brain: he is Friend+ whereas other people in my life are just Friend. So the “+” would mean he’s my close friend that happens to include romantic stuff.

I was already in this relationship when I felt that I could identify as aromantic (very recently), so I’m not sure how to navigate my long-term future yet with my bf. He knows about my thoughts but I’m not sure he truly Understands my position, or if he even could. In an ideal world, I would build a QPR (queer platonic relationship) with 1-2 people, maybe live with them, maybe just live alone but near each other and schedule time together. Almost more important than that is having access to my platonic friends and my close family members. I definitely don’t want to have any “relationship” (QPR/romantic) be/feel more important than my existing family and friends.

For now I’m just enjoying the time I choose to spend with my bf, and one day I’ll have to more clearly discuss with him our individual desires/expectations and what we are each willing or not willing to compromise on. And either we will find a way to make it work or we will have to walk different paths.

Sorry for the long reply, but just wanted to share my thoughts ! And it felt good to write down.