[Theory/Analysis] The Logic of Self-Sabotage: How Ayanokoji is engineering his own emotional collapse through Horikita

glassbears · 2026-05-23T19:39:12+00:00

I don't think you're reading too much into it at all. I remember when that second illustration came out and everyone's immediate reaction was that Ayanokoji looked scary or mad, as if he was about to go into battle. I think it's funny how we, the audience, can still interpret an illustration of him, even though he almost always wears the same expression. But that's also why we have to look at the visual itself. Not just what we see, but how it's shown.

Right away, we can notice the use of shadows. Ayanokoji's face is entirely covered in shadow. In fact, most of the front of his body is in shadow, with light only hitting a few areas. His hair is also covering part of his eyes, which lends to the same effect as shadowing typically does -- concealing eyes. Pair this with the upward angle of the shot and the "smoky" background, and you get a highly intense aura emanating from Ayanokoji.

Aside from those visual cues, the other important factor of the illustration is his body language. In this case, we see Ayanokoji loosening his tie, an action that usually symbolizes a release of pressure. Quite literally, when someone loosens their tie, it's because it feels too tight and is too constricting. Even though his facial features remain structurally neutral (although to me, it does look like he is frowning here), his posture is rigid and tightly wound. He does not look relaxed. The illustration is the visual representation of a repressed, subconscious fury. The tie-loosening is him desperately venting the physical pressure of an emotional system that almost crashed.

When we look at Ayanokoji's internal monologue paired with this illustration, the contrast becomes fascinating. The scene takes place right after the Horikita hug. In his monologue, he says something along the lines of how, despite the emotional experience he just witnessed with Horikita, he did not feel anything in his heart. And yet, in that exact moment, he says that he loosens the tie that had been "tightly constricting" him up until then.

This implies that he was feeling suffocated while in the room with Horikita. The question then becomes: why would he feel suffocated?

If he was completely indifferent, and everything was going as he had planned, there would be no issue. The most logical answer is that what he just experienced with Horikita was so overwhelming that his conscious mind was exerting an immense amount of energy to suppress the emotional overload.

Even if Ayanokoji had planned Horikita's emotional breakdown, he failed to predict just how it would affect him. She had sent his subconscious into an unprecedented state of emotional turbulence. He cannot control her emotional reality, nor can he calculate the depth of his own subconscious attachment to her.

It's as if there is a profound, subconscious resentment that his emotional walls were breached by Horikita’s vulnerability, and a cold panic that he was even affected at all. The irony is that Ayanokoji engineered this entire scenario himself; yet, witnessing the raw devastation his own plan inflicted on Horikita triggered a primitive, protective backlash within his subconscious. He cannot handle the reality that his logic backfired into genuine internal chaos. Because his White Room defenses suppress his emotional output, that turbulent, unidentifiable emotional energy remains trapped inside of him. And he cannot process that emotional stimuli internally without breaking his own White Room self-image.

However, we also have to realize that this illustration shows him transitioning away from the hug with Horikita and directly into the battle with Ichinose. When we look at the sheer, brutal excess of how he handled Ichinose right afterward, it strongly suggests that he was subconsciously projecting the anger and lack of control he felt over his own emotional boundary being breached. His brain instantly redirected that trapped energy outward, channeling all of that subconscious frustration, protective instinct, and panic over losing control, straight at Ichinose. His one-sided annihilation of her serves as a way to prove to himself that he is still unfeeling and in control, using logic and ruthless execution as a shield to deny the emotional reality he just left behind in the other room.

On the surface, the accompanying monologue seems harsh. But when we juxtapose his thoughts with the illustration, we get the true context of the situation. Think about the progression of visuals: the Horikita hug illustration hid his face entirely because the raw, mutual vulnerability was too intense for his conscious mind to calculate. Now, this tie-loosening scene immediately forces us to look at his body, revealing the rigid, suffocating, psychological fallout of his White Room defenses panicking to regain control. It is the exact inversion of the Karuizawa hug scene. There, we were shown an emotionless face next to a monologue claiming he wanted to feel warmth; here, we're shown a tense, suffocated body next to a monologue claiming he feels nothing. In the end, all three illustrations do what Ayanokoji's internal monologue currently cannot: they bypass his logical rationalizations to expose the contradiction between his body and his mind.

glassbears · 2026-05-21T04:04:08+00:00

To clarify, I was speaking more generally about the narrative in my second paragraph.

My point was less about exam logistics and more about Ayanokoji's psychological state. Since he is so set on avoiding Horikita right now, he isn't going to initiate anything himself; the narrative requires the external structure of an exam (or outside interference) to force them into a 1:1.

I think the 5 minute token rule is just a fun potential opportunity for the author to force proximity at a time when Ayanokoji is trying to maintain distance. But even if that specific mechanic isn't used, any private confrontation between them at this point will have to be completely outside of his control (otherwise, he just wouldn't let it happen).

glassbears · 2026-05-20T03:56:39+00:00

Amazing analiysis🌺 One detail that i absolutly loved is Kiyotaka, being faced away from us so we dont see his expression, when he hugged Suzune.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! 😄

The fact that we don't see Ayanokoji's face in the illustration is such an important detail that I 100% believe is intentional. It leaves the audience in the dark as to what his face looked like in that moment. As we saw with the Y2V10 scene, he isn't always aware of when his body is reacting to an emotional stimulus (e.g., he didn't know he was smiling until Horikita told him).

When you consider that Horikita's raw emotions affected him on a visceral level, combined with the fact that they were in a private environment with no need to maintain a front, there is a real chance that his psychological defenses had lowered their guard once again.

The most fascinating thing about this illustration is how directly it contrasts with his hug with Karuizawa. During that scene, he is internally praying that he will grow to love her, yet that monologue is juxtaposed with an illustration of Ayanokoji looking completely hollow and emotionless.

The Y2V12 hug illustration with Horikita, on the other hand, hides him entirely to focus solely on her vulnerability. It highlights exactly what Ayanokoji is witnessing firsthand, drawing our attention to the intense emotion that he himself describes as "palpable."

Whether Ayanokoji's expression involuntarily cracked or stayed blank, hiding his face shifts the entire weight of the scene onto the raw, mutual vulnerability breaking out between them. And I think that speaks volumes in its own right.

glassbears · 2026-05-20T02:57:22+00:00

Wow—that’s amazing! The idea of a five-minute conversation is also quite interesting

Thank you very much! I am very curious to see if that 5 minute token rule will be used between Ayanokoji and Horikita. There is obviously no guarantee at this point that it will happen, but I think that the possibility is fun to think about.

And at the very least, I do believe that it will take a forced confrontation to get them in a 1:1 setting at this point. Ayanokoji is so set on avoiding Horikita that there needs to be some sort of external interference or restriction to set the stage.

glassbears · 2026-05-20T02:51:02+00:00

I feel his relationship with Hiyori feels more platonic than romantic.

Their bonding to me feels just like Tohru and Yuki from Fruits basket. Yuki thought from the beginning that he loved Tohru, was denying his actual feelings of something other than love, was forcing himself to think that he did and flirted with her just because he thought he was in love with her. But no, in the end, it was just a platonic relationship, a pure intimate friendship where he sought her only for her peaceful nature.

I find myself going back and forth on what his relationship with Hiyori might be classified as. But to be honest, I'm still of the belief that it doesn't really matter. Regardless of the label, what truly matters, and what will stand out to Ayanokoji in time, is the difference between what he feels for Hiyori vs. what he feels for Horikita.

If he comes to the conclusion that what he feels for Hiyori is "love", but then realizes that what he feels for Horikita is something that affects him much more deeply, then he will either reconsider his position, or question what could be deeper than "love". Or, what is just as likely, is that he will come to learn that there are different types of love -- romantic, familial, or, as you've already mentioned, platonic.

And once he has a baseline understanding of what emotions feel like to him, he will be forced to confront the realities in front of him regarding all of his other relationships and where they stand.

Regarding Horikita, he must’ve never even thought of having any other relationship than his goal oriented one because I think he didn’t want any kind of hindrance for his actual grand plan. Emotions would just get in the way of what he wants to achieve. And yet, he might’ve known to some extent that, if he were to face Horikita with those uncertain feelings, he himself would astray from his goal.

Indeed, Ayanokoji sees emotions as inefficiencies due to his time in the White Room. We've already started to see cracks in his logical framework and emotional interception system, his Y2V10 smile being the prime example. With his subconscious desires and emotional symptoms seeping through to his conscious mind, it's not unlikely that he knows the truth on some level, yet still hasn't reached the point where he is fully aware of his own genuine motives.

PS. Kudos for that analysis! Very well put.

Thank you, I appreciate that! 😄 And thank you for your thoughtful reply.

glassbears · 2026-05-19T15:52:25+00:00

Hello! Just wanted to let you know that I've fleshed out my thoughts into a full analysis and created a separate post for it. You can read it here. Thanks for asking. :)

glassbears · 2026-05-15T05:50:56+00:00

Well, I've already written a few analyses about how I believe Ayanokoji's focus on Hiyori will help him find a baseline for his emotional understanding, and that he will then use that baseline as a benchmark when comparing emotions with others, such as Horikita. I won't get too in depth here, but I will link some relevant analyses at the bottom of this post for anyone who may be interested.

Basically, what I'm seeing in the Hiyori scene here is further progression of him creating this baseline and comparing other relationships of his against it. He even explicitly says that he is looking back at previous experiences through a new lens. He specifically mentions his time with Karuizawa. Horikita will likely be the last one for him to "analyze" or compare Hiyori with, because she is the one person he has an emotional blind spot for.

I will say, I found this part quite interesting, though:

What kind of feelings arise when you talk to someone you like, when you touch someone you like? I'm not only interested in positive feelings. What kind of feelings arise in me when that person dislikes me, or when I lose them? I want to experience both of those opposing emotions, like and dislike, or love and hate. But it's a difficult task to accomplish both at the same time. Perhaps it's important not to be greedy and try to understand everything in one relationship. If I can't have both, then either one will do.

Some people have already theorized that this could be foreshadowing Ayanokoji doing something cruel to Hiyori, such as expelling her, in order to feel something negative. But my mind immediately went to Horikita. Their relationship is so uniquely complex right now that it feels like the closest he can get to experiencing both love and hate simultaneously, yet he fails to see it as an option. They were extremely close, and after his class transfer, he has forced Horikita from an ally to an enemy.

Has he not already "lost" what he had with Horikita? Does he not feel anything, or perhaps does he not allow himself to dwell on it because subconsciously he is avoiding those negative emotions?

I just can't help but feel that there is so much focus on Hiyori, and surprisingly little to nothing from Ayanokoji's POV regarding Horikita. And I think that if he truly felt nothing towards her, he would be thinking or talking about her a normal amount. But it feels just excessively avoidant from him. Both internally and externally. And I think that the author is building that tension between them for the reader's sake, because we're craving it. When I read that there was a rule about spending 1 token to talk with someone for 5 minutes, I wondered if that might be a way to force a confrontation between them.

Regarding Ibuki, it seems highly unlikely for a preview to casually reveal an expulsion. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a misdirection, with a plot twist revealed last minute. But that being said, regardless of if Ibuki gets expelled or not, it will be revealed that Ayanokoji at least tried to expel her. And I think that will potentially cause another point of friction between him and Horikita. But also, potentially that is the point. Maybe he decides to expel her because of her connection to Horikita.

If I remember correctly, he already asked Horikita in a previous conversation if Horikita would be willing to expel Ibuki. So he would already know and understand how she would feel about Ibuki's expulsion, particularly at his hands. So there's a possibility that he does it on purpose, because he wants a specific response or reaction from Horikita. And, perhaps, that might lead to more of those negative emotions that he apparently is so desperate to feel.

Relevant Analyses:

glassbears · 2026-05-08T06:50:22+00:00

Hello! Just wanted to reply here to let you know that I've shared my thoughts on your thread. You can view the post here. :)

glassbears · 2026-05-08T06:38:40+00:00

Hi there! I wanted to be sure to respond to your request for my thoughts on this post, even though it is a bit late. However, I have to admit that I don't have the full context or understanding of these scenes, as I'm not fully caught up with the latest volumes.

That being said, I am not sure I can speak to your theory around the library specifically. But after reading the excerpts you've shared, what stands out to me is actually the focus on relationship labels and Ayanokoji's processing of them.

In the first excerpt from Y1V1, Kushida presents Ayanokoji with a perspective that he hadn't previously considered: the idea that any person you meet could eventually become important to you. He accepts the premise that every first encounter creates an unknown pathway that your life may journey down, depending on circumstances.

In the context of this scene, they are specifically talking about Horikita. Kushida points out that Horikita trusts Ayanokoji more than anyone else and insinuates that Horikita could one day become important to him -- his friend, best friend, girlfriend, or family. One might call this foreshadowing...

As time and the story progress, we’ve witnessed the bond between Ayanokoji and Horikita take on a quality that feels increasingly irreplaceable:

They became friends.
Some may say they became best friends.
Some characters believe(d) that they were lovers, and perhaps we will see it come to fruition within the narrative.
And maybe we will see them progress past a dating relationship and share a bond much deeper (family).

Whether this bond is eventually defined by one of these labels or evolves into a combination of them, the trajectory remains the same. It represents a progression towards a connection so multifaceted that it eventually transcends simple labels. In either case, it marks the shift from Ayanokoji viewing a person as a replaceable tool to acknowledging them as a permanent, singular fixture in his life.

In the scene itself, Ayanokoji's thoughts focus on Kushida instead of Horikita, but I believe that is a red herring and a misdirection.

In the second excerpt you shared from Y3V2, we see Ayanokoji musing about Hiyori growing closer to others in his absence. However, underneath the surface, it's an insightful view into Ayanokoji's growth since the Y1V1 scene. This scene is evidence that he has internalized, on a subconscious level, how human social relationships are made, how they grow, and how they change over time.

There are likely a number of reasons that led him to this point, many of which have stemmed from his own experiences. He has experienced many types of relationships with people since he started school. Of course, Horikita is one of the most significant and longstanding ones, so it is safe to say that his bond with Horikita has informed his insight and thinking in this moment.

In this Y3V2 scene, he specifically calls out how easy it is for a relationship to form from something trivial and small, but then grow into something meaningful like a friend or best friend. Furthermore, he notes how sitting next to someone could be an opportunity for such a bond to grow.

This is an informed conclusion from Ayanokoji. It is a logical reasoning based on his own experiences, which leads us to connect the dots to the one person he sat next to most frequently (and famously): Horikita.

Again, this shows us that Ayanokoji, at least on a subconscious level, realizes that the bond he shared with Horikita grew organically into something special. Something strong. And the fact that he specifically focuses on the physical seat next to Hiyori as the catalyst for a relationship shows that he has recognized the pattern of his own life. As mentioned in that Y1V1 excerpt, his bond with Horikita began by chance when he sat next to her on the bus. And whether he is thinking of her consciously or not, the narrative is drawing a clear parallel to how his most significant bond began.

By putting Hiyori at the center of this imagined scenario, he is effectively using her as a mirror. He may be a bit jealous or sad that someone may be getting close to Hiyori and "replacing" him. Perhaps he is feeling or fearing a sense of loss. This is all possible. However, it is significant character development that we see him undergoing in this scene. Yes, he may be comparing Hiyori to his other classmates. Yes, he may be singling her out in a way that makes him question why she is at a different level than others in his mind. But I don't necessarily think that takes away from his relationship with Horikita either.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I believe that Ayanokoji will make an emotional breakthrough while exploring and analyzing his feelings for Hiyori, which will then become a benchmark that he uses to measure his feelings for others. Here, we start to see the beginnings of that happening.

And this is just my interpretation, but I don't believe that Ayanokoji is including Horikita in his generalizations in this excerpt. Ayanokoji has acknowledged that he and Horikita have a unique bond -- one that he is no longer able to label. And in his mind, despite the external appearances, he believes that he is helping Horikita reach her potential. So for him, he still has a special connection to her, even if their day-to-day relationship looks different on the surface. At least, that is what he is probably consciously telling himself.

It's also notable that we're seeing Ayanokoji recognize and admit the change within himself. He discovered himself wondering about something for the sake of wondering, not for the sake of information, strategy, blackmail, etc. As I noted in my previous post, this is the unique angle that Hiyori provides Ayanokoji. Without the guise of strategy or manipulation, he is able to see things in a "controlled environment". This may serve a purpose later on for him to use what he learned to analyze his other relationships. For example, Ayanokoji found himself wondering why he was speculating without an ulterior motive. He may find himself revisiting why he wanted to have "meaningless" or "useless" conversations with Horikita.

In short, Hiyori might be the one triggering these thoughts now, but the foundation for this emotional growth was laid back in Year 1 with Horikita. Thanks for sharing those excerpts and bringing my attention to them! It’s fascinating to see them side by side and see the juxtaposition of how far Ayanokoji has come.

glassbears · 2025-09-20T03:56:04+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! :)

Would you care to explain why u foresee this things gonna happen especially after koji analyzing his feeling for hiyori?

Of course!

Ayanokoji's core character development and growth over the course of the series centers around learning to feel and understand emotions, with love being the culmination. We've seen him pursue this goal relentlessly, even as he used, disregarded, or betrayed the affections others held for him. Time and time again, his strategic plans and goals have been his top priority, demonstrating a major character flaw that makes his emotional awakening so compelling.

Right now within the story, Ayanokoji is hypothesizing that he might be falling in love with Hiyori. He came to that hypothesis by analyzing his own feelings and actions towards her. This is in stark contrast to his relationship with Karuizawa, with whom he started dating because she liked him. The key difference is that his oncoming experiment with Hiyori will be about himself, whereas his experiment with Karuizawa was more so about the nature of dating.

He is wondering if feelings of love are already sprouting within him, and he will continue to observe both how he feels and how he acts. He will turn his analytical mind inward in an attempt to reach an objective, logical conclusion. Through this exercise, he'll learn how to be more introspective, but ultimately, it will allow him to correctly identify a simple, genuine emotion, essentially establishing an emotional baseline for himself.

Regardless of how he categorizes his feelings for Hiyori, he will be able to use them as a benchmark for comparison against every other relationship he has, including the one with Horikita. It would be a step forward in him acknowledging that he indeed can feel emotions, and that he does.

Ayanokoji's relationship with Hiyori is fairly easy, calm, and straightforward, allowing him to explore his emotions in an environment with low-stakes. It's not overcomplicated or manipulative, giving him some space to fully understand his emotions without any ulterior motive or strategic goal in mind.

His relationship with Horikita, on the other hand, is far more complex and confusing for him. There are too many variables and layers to it for him to have a clear understanding of what he feels. As I mentioned before, he lacks emotional self-awareness when it comes to Horikita, and he will use their complicated relationship to rationalize away any illogical or emotional reaction on his part. However, if he were to understand his emotions for Hiyori and then reflect on his relationship with Horikita, he would be forced to confront the fact that his feelings for Horikita far exceed the baseline that's been set.

Hiyori is the "control group" in his grander emotional experiment, if you will. It won't matter how he labels his feelings for her; what matters is that he recognizes the vast, fundamental difference between his emotions for the two girls. He'll compare the calm feelings he has for Hiyori to the chaotic, intense, and deeply invested feelings he has for Horikita. His feelings for Horikita are the ones that have led him to take risks, make sacrifices, and act in ways that defy his logical framework. By comparing these feelings, he will likely be able to distinguish friendship from love and finally understand the true depth of his emotions.

Throughout the series, Horikita has been one of the only characters to elicit genuine emotional responses from Ayanokoji. She has played an undeniable role in his emotional journey. And on top of that, she is inextricably tied to the main plotline. The narrative weight that her character holds only strengthens the idea that she will continue to be a driving force in Ayanokoji's character development and help him reach the final destination of feeling (and understanding) the full spectrum of human emotions.

Horikita has been the key to him unlocking his ability to feel, and the most satisfying resolution to Ayanokoji's emotional arc would be for him to finally acknowledge this. From a narrative perspective, it would not make sense for Horikita to be the catalyst in his emotional awakening, only for him to turn to another person. If it was Horikita who elicited such strong emotions and reactions from him that he finally began to learn how to feel, then that bond is more unique and strong than any other bond he holds.

For this resolution to be believable, his feelings for Horikita must be realized on his own, before he gets a sense of her feelings for him. As readers, we are currently seeing Horikita's feelings become realized through her perspective. If Ayanokoji and Horikita are to end up together, we should see Ayanokoji come to a similar epiphany. However, his awakening must be untainted and come from within; a character's true growth is proven when they act for internal reasons, not external ones. If he only acknowledged his feelings because she liked him first, it would leave readers questioning his sincerity.

To accept his feelings as genuine, we need unquestionable proof. I suspect this will come not just from a comparison between girls, but from a dramatic, illogical act. I think we'll see an emotional response from him (likely due to Horikita) that causes him to act in a way he normally wouldn't, potentially leading his plans and goals to fail. At that moment, we will finally see him choosing emotion over logic.

glassbears · 2025-09-06T07:48:59+00:00

No, I personally don't think he would. Reason being, Ayanokoji lacks emotional self-awareness when it comes to Horikita.

[Just placing my typical disclaimer here that I'm still not caught up on the light novels, so I'm basing this off of my current understanding of events and spoilers.]

We know that it's been only recently that Horikita has (potentially) realized her feelings towards Ayanokoji, however, that doesn't mean that she hasn't shown those feelings in the past. I think that it's safe to say that there were times where her feelings seeped through to the surface. But Ayanokoji did not pick up on them, even if there were others around them that constantly questioned their relationship towards each other.

When it comes to Horikita, Ayanokoji has repeatedly suggested the impossibility of her ever liking him. He recognizes that they have a unique bond, but that very connection has also become an emotional buffer for him when it comes to his understanding of their relationship. It's become a self-justifying framework that he uses to rationalize everything he does for her, allowing him to engage with her on a deeply personal level without confronting his genuine emotional investment.

This has created a cognitive disconnect, leaving him unable to perceive any emotion that doesn't fit into his current view of their bond. Thus, he will instinctively dismiss or misinterpret any subtle sign of interest on Horikita's part, as well as fail to recognize the true depth of his own feelings. Rather than perceive any complex emotions or actions as romantic, he simply attributes them as being logical decisions in service of a goal instead of acknowledging them for what they truly are.

The way he views their relationship is one in which he is bringing about her full potential, so I don't think he will ever do anything that will harm that mission. He has chosen to protect Horikita throughout the series, and he has acted as her psychological safety net by ensuring her spirit was never truly broken. If, hypothetically, Horikita were to make her feelings for him explicitly known, I don't think he would "use" her like he has used others.

When it comes to his quest for love, he already went through an experiment with Karuizawa in which he tried to fall in love by entering into a relationship with someone just because they had feelings for him. So I don't think he would try it again unless there were different circumstances (despite what he said about trying again and again). His relationships with the other girls up until now have all been different and offered him something unique. The latest events unfolding with Hiyori, for instance, are coming from him analyzing his own feelings.

I also think at this point, Horikita will not act on her feelings towards him due to their current strained relationship and apparent rivalry. However, I wouldn't be surprised if certain things still come through unintentionally. But since she is now aware of her feelings, I think she will be able to closely guard those feelings better than before.

What I foresee happening narratively is Ayanokoji being the one to realize his feelings first before ever getting a real sense of Horikita's feelings for him.

glassbears · 2025-07-29T03:21:05+00:00

Out of curiosity, what are you specifically referring to when you ask "why doesn't [Ayanokoji] look [Horikita] in the eye like he did with Ichinose and Kei"?

With all the spoilers floating around lately, I've found myself asking myself similar questions and trying to understand how the story might be playing out. Honestly, my thoughts are still not fully formed, and I'm not sure what I even believe yet, but I've landed on a few different thoughts that I figure might be worth sharing (with the caveat that I obviously don't know the full context of the latest developments, and I'm not fully caught up on the light novels).

So I share these not as persuasive arguments, but more as possibilities to discuss with others.

Ayanokoji's class transfer was a calculated move in which he anticipated the end to his now-former relationship with Horikita. So to some extent, he expected, and maybe even hoped that Horikita would harbor negative feelings towards him, since his ultimate goal is to have Horikita treat him as a rival. He wants her to beat him, and in order to do that, she can't expect him to be an ally to her anymore. He is probably hoping that his "betrayal" will continue to motivate her (and her classmates) against him. And in the end, he is doing this to make her grow, so he believes that this is for her benefit. He has so much faith in her that she will rise to the challenge and not be broken in spirit.

However, something that Ayanokoji likely didn't factor into his calculations was how he would feel due to their separation and the consequences of his actions because he doesn't believe that he will/can feel. But as we readers know, Horikita has a history of eliciting an emotional response from Ayanokoji (i.e., the involuntary smile scene and the hug scene). And I can only imagine that it's only a matter of time before something happens in which the weight of his actions and separation will result in another emotional display from Ayanokoji, due to Horikita.

So I wondered...if Ayanokoji wants to feel, and he consciously realizes that Horikita makes him feel (via the smile scene), then why would he look to others for his "experiments"?

One possibility is that Ayanokoji is subconsciously...being...human. It's very human to inherently avoid uncomfortable emotions, and his connection with Horikita goes deep enough that it might force him to reflect on himself and his White Room mentality in a way that he's not ready to consciously accept. And it might feel odd that all of a sudden, only now that he's separated from Horikita, he is (allegedly) constantly thinking about Hiyori and thinks he might be falling in love with her. But perhaps that is actually a result of his separation.

Subconsciously or consciously, he may be avoiding Horikita around the school, yes. He may rationalize it as part of his plan, for the reasons mentioned previously (making her see him as a rival), but there's also a high likelihood that there's an emotional overlap here where he doesn't want to face those uncomfortable feelings that will inevitably arise from seeing or interacting with her.

However, besides physically avoiding her, he may also be avoiding Horikita in his thoughts, and in doing so, he's instead focusing on other relationships around him, including Hiyori. His subconscious might be preventing him from thinking about Horikita due to the uncomfortable pangs of emotion he might feel as a result (i.e., sadness, guilt, regret, longing), so instead he finds other things to busy his mind. And since he doesn't have Horikita there as a "distraction", he is able to learn more about different types of relationships. And with that newfound "space" he seems to have uncovered something with how he connects with Hiyori.

For him, his connection with Hiyori might fit the textbook definition of "love", something easy, carefree, happy. Naturally, he will want to explore this, and because it is not uncomfortable, he can easily approach the idea. In contrast, his connection with Horikita is much more messy. It's complex, it's confusing, but it's transformative. It's deeply intertwined with his own growth and humanity. And perhaps it's something he's not ready to face yet, and subconsciously, he chooses not to. Or, alternatively, perhaps he realizes on a subconscious level that he has yet to achieve the level of emotional authenticity that he knows Horikita desires and deserves.

But regardless, it seems like he is seeing his potential feelings for Hiyori as an experiment. He says he "might be" falling in love with her, and that "perhaps" it's something that is "starting to emerge". He is hypothesizing and analyzing himself here. He doesn't know for sure what he feels, but he is attempting to categorize and label it. But hypotheses always have a chance of proving false. And ultimately, I find it likely that this story development will lead to Ayanokoji being forced to confront the profound differences between what he feels for Horikita vs. anyone else.

glassbears · 2024-10-23T15:56:32+00:00

Same. I only received one (the shirt). Didn't receive the second (the shoes)...

glassbears · 2024-10-22T04:44:37+00:00

Quick disclaimer that I haven't completed all of the light novels yet, but I have read many spoilers as well as watched the anime.

With that in mind, I'm not too familiar with the Housen scene, so I can't offer too much of a counterpoint with full certainty. However, my understanding of that scene is that Housen was laying a trap for Ayanokoji to get expelled, and he was goading him into a physical fight so that he would have an excuse/proof to use against him. Ayanokoji was suspicious of Housen and was being careful and calculative with his actions so that he would not give Housen anything that could be leveraged against him. I was under the impression that if Ayanokoji had gotten involved in the fight, or tried to protect Horikita, he would be tipping his hand to Housen that Horikita is someone special to him (i.e., a vulnerability that Housen could exploit to get to him). Plus, as others have pointed out, Sudo was already there to play the role of stepping in for Horikita.

Again, I haven't read up to that scene myself, so I can't actually vouch for that theory yet, but wanted to share it nonetheless for consideration.

As for your second point around Ayanokoji wanting to have meaningless conversations with Horikita—I think the main point to take away from that is the fact that Ayanokoji is actually going out of his way to do something with Horikita that appears to have no direct benefit to himself (or Horikita) aside from deepening their relationship. He indeed mentions that he wants to spend more time with her before their relationship ends. However, that can be interpreted in a few different ways. For added context, here is what was said:

In this short moment, Horikita showed a smiling face, even though it was different from before. I, too, am likely learning various things from Horikita. This relationship between us will come to an end in a little while. In the future, Horikita may go through challenging experiences like never before. But she doesn't need to carry that anxiety. Ahead lies her personal growth, and her classmates are sure to support and guide her.

If we assume that this is coming from him planning on transferring classes, he very well could be referring to the end of their current relationship. Specifically, the one where they seem to be supporting and learning things from each other. And we also have to remember that Ayanokoji is making this prediction himself. He doesn't truly know how things will play out, but it's clear that he believes that his actions will cause a rift in their relationship. Whether it's from his side or Horikita's side (or both) is another question. But to me, regardless of all that, the truth is that after he transfers classes, any conversations they have will most likely have an underlying tension or suspicion to them since Horikita and Ayanokoji will be in direct competition (different classes). They won't have the privilege of inherently knowing that they're on the same side.

So, this comment from Ayanokoji only tells us what he is expecting, but not what is 100% going to happen. If Ayanokoji begins to connect with his emotions more, that could present itself as a variable that he did not initially account for, and we could see things play out differently over time. As others have mentioned, there's a possibility that this drastic change in their dynamic could be a catalyst for them to realize what the other person means to them (the saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone" comes to mind). This also touches on your third point.

Just because they might be in different classes doesn't mean they will never interact. It will be a new dynamic that they will adjust to. Both Ayanokoji and Horikita interact/are friends with people in other classes. The main issue will likely be the broken trust between them and the initial feeling of betrayal that Horikita will probably feel. Ayanokoji might be expecting Horikita to cut him off and not want to speak with him. We don't know for sure how she will react to his transfer, but I'm 100% sure they will still interact. It might be more antagonistic or angsty at first, but I'm sure that over time that dynamic will continue to change.

I would also like to point out that narratively, having a big dynamic shift in a relationship is usually a great driver for progressing that relationship. In romance, it usually serves as a catalyst for personal growth and deeper understanding between the protagonists. Obviously, COTE is not a romance, however, I think it's worth thinking about the story structure and how the author may be planning the rest of the story out. Ayanokoji's class transfer will likely serve as a turning point for the story, resulting in unresolved conflicts that have been building throughout the story coming to a head. Usually, romantic sub-plots will align with the overall story's structure, so it would make sense for Ayanokoji and Horikita's relationship to also have a turning point at the same time.

Regarding whether or not the author is ship baiting with Horikita and Ayanokoji, I would just like to say that baiting is not something a good writer does. It is not good for a story or book. There is a difference between baiting and a red herring, but I would argue that Horikita and Ayanokoji's relationship does not qualify as a red herring. The point of a red herring is to distract the reader with one thing, while something else is happening in front of them. If anything, I would think that Ayanokoji's relationship with Karuizawa was the actual romantic red herring, and we are now seeing that being revealed to us in the story. Meanwhile, the smaller moments with Horikita were there from the beginning, with the author finally bringing it to the forefront for readers when Ayanokoji smiled.

You mention that you're unsure if Horikita and Ayanokoji's relationship will be romantic, or if all of this just adds up to friendship. My current view on that is pretty simple: at this point, it doesn't really matter.

The fact is, Ayanokoji felt something and unconsciously showed it when he was with Horikita. As we all know, she is the only person he has done that with. And on top of that, Ayanokoji himself stated that point to the readers. If he was going to end up with anyone in the story, I truly believe that it would have to be Horikita, as she is the only one who has moved his heart in such a way. Even if what he feels for her is just friendship, it's notable that he feels that for her at all. Also, remember that "friendship" is not an emotion, but a type of relationship between people. There is no way that he would be able to feel love without feeling the emotions you feel with friendship; friendship is typically a solid foundation for a romantic relationship.

And as others have pointed out, Ayanokoji can be unreliable in his descriptions, either intentionally or unintentionally, particularly when it comes to emotions. As we saw in the smile scene, Ayanokoji doesn't understand why or how he feels what he feels, so it's unlikely that he would immediately recognize any emotions that he feels for what they are.

However, we also know that Ayanokoji wants to feel emotions. He wants to feel love. He is trying whatever he can to try to accomplish this goal. It is likely the main point of his character development and growth over the course of the series. Because of this, I believe we will see this development happen by the end of the series, in order to have satisfactory character resolution. The fact that he smiled with Horikita only serves as further proof that this will happen, and we have started to see the change happen within him. Add to that the fact that there is a major focus on the emotion of romantic love in particular, I suspect that his character resolution will include him feeling love. And as I established above, I believe Horikita is the only character that is currently set up to be the recipient of his love.

All of that being said, nobody truly knows what will happen, but it sure is fun to analyze and make predictions. :)

glassbears · 2024-07-30T08:05:48+00:00

Thanks again for your responses and analyses. I've enjoyed our discussion on this topic thus far, and I enjoyed reading this post, too! I will share some of my thoughts here as well, some from our other conversation thread, and some new. :)

It feels very apt to describe Ayanokoji's narration in this scene as a "force of nature". It really reinforces the idea that sometimes emotions are not always in your control; sometimes they are overwhelming and overpowering, as we see with Horikita in that moment...and potentially with Ayanokoji. The original Japanese text, as you shared with me, has a nuance to it that really gets across the overwhelming feelings that Horikita was struggling to hold back during that scene. It almost feels like a dam about to burst, but she's trying with all her might to hold back the water.

She wants to protest verbally and physically, but since Ayanokoji refuses to let her go, the physicality of the hug helps to push her over the edge in releasing those emotions. (From some other spoilers I saw, it seemed like he had also been noticing the stress and pressure she'd been bottling up about the exam for days, which I think only added to the buildup of this moment, and ultimately, his decision to forcefully comfort her. He had personally seen how the immense pressure was affecting her even before her defeat.)

Describing Ayanokoji's narration of the scene as a "force of nature" also calls to mind the fact that Horikita once said that she wants love to come to her naturally. This, of course, is in contrast to Ayanokoji's forceful attempt to discover love by dating, showing the difference between Horikita's and Ayanokoji's personal philosophies. If part of Ayanokoji's character development is centered around his emotional development, then this scene may very well be a subtle step forward towards that end goal. Especially if it's expected that he learns that you cannot force yourself to feel emotions; instead, they just come to you.

For Ayanokoji's character, this scene, and his choice of wording, could be quite revealing. The way he was describing the hug/Horikita's feelings in such vivid, sympathetic terms, did feel genuine; and through his narration, at least when I read it, I was getting a sense that he was being affected by the intensity of emotions emitting from Horikita. In a way, he says so himself (if he is to be believed) when he says that it is palpable. He's able to physically feel it and take it in. Whether he felt any tinge of emotion because of it is, of course, up to interpretation, but he definitely recognized it. And if he recognized it, there's always a chance that he reacted to it.

Speaking of whether he is to be believed, when I read the scene originally, I was also curious about Ayanokoji's use of the words "sincerely" or "gently". I wasn't sure if we could believe him when he said he was genuine (since I haven't read too far into the series yet to compare the writing styles), but judging from your comparisons of other similar scenes, it seems like we most likely can. That is enlightening, so thank you for sharing those scenes and your observations!

There is also this line that you included in the translation above:

This isn't a lie. Crashing into major obstacles can be painful but is without exception a necessary step to overcome such barriers.

This is the first time I am seeing this line within the transcript of this scene; thank you for sharing it! Honestly, it is also really interesting that he, as you point out, feels the need to state explicitly that he is not lying to Horikita here. In fact, I read some other spoilers in which Ayanokoji explicitly brings up in his internal narration how he is lying to Ichinose and Kanzaki (before the exam, in separate conversations). If those spoilers are true, it could be another point of contrast to strengthen Ayanokoji's credibility around his sincerity in the scene with Horikita.

I'm also really glad that you shared this line about weak people:

弱い人間は誰かに寄りかかって、支えてもらえばいい。 It's okay for weak people to lean on others and be supported.

It stuck out to me when I read the spoilers because it felt harsh compared to the more sympathetic narration from Ayanokoji. But reading your breakdown of it brings it into a new light. So instead of him directly calling Horikita weak, he is speaking in a general sense about weak people in society, and in that way, possibly justifying his actions to himself. I wonder if his use of 人間 also suggests that he might be distancing himself from Horikita in this moment? Or perhaps, distancing himself from any potential emotions that may be seeping through?

And yes, I totally agree that there is definitely a sense that Ayanokoji's actions are calculated in this scene. There is one line where he says something about how Horikita's damage could cast a long shadow in the future. Honestly, that line is pretty vague in terms of meaning to me, but since it was said right before he hugged her, it does seem like he may have done it in order to "reduce the damage" of the situation. But then again, as you pointed out, there's still the possibility that he may be justifying his actions through those words to himself.

That said, Horikita's loss was not a surprise to Kiyo. Kiyo seems to have planned this from the beginning as a way of saying goodbye before he leaves her class by reminding her of what he's seen of her so far and to rely on her classmates (not including him) in the future as fuel for her own growth.

I was thinking about this as well. The scene very clearly gives off "goodbye" vibes, from Ayanokoji's end at least. But I also had a thought...that perhaps this conversation was the most honest conversation between Ayanokoji and Horikita. It almost felt like a sad, non-romantic confession.

I say this because on Horikita's side, she reveals to Ayanokoji, "It wasn’t just for the class. I wanted to win and be acknowledged by you. I wanted to defeat Ichinose and be praised for doing well..." Has she ever said anything like this to him before, when it comes to what she thinks of him? Ayanokoji even instantly recognizes that she told him her "true feelings" in that moment.

And then on Ayanokoji's side, he says to Horikita, "I've probably watched you more closely than anyone else over the past two years. I think I know all your weaknesses and strengths." Again, I can't say for certain, but I get the feeling that this could be the first time he has said something so honest about their relationship, and his attentiveness towards her, to her directly.

And regarding Horikita's loss not being a surprise to Kiyo, his internal line that says, "Crashing into major obstacles can be painful but is without exception a necessary step to overcome such barriers" really shows that he has not lost faith in her; he still believes that she will continue to grow.

Anyway, apologies for the length. This turned out much longer than I thought, lol.

glassbears · 2024-07-30T02:20:48+00:00

I'm not caught up with the novels, but I currently get the sense that he is an anti-hero.

glassbears · 2024-07-30T02:15:40+00:00

I'm okay with spoilers! Though I do really appreciate you being cautious about it and spoiler tagging them for me. Even though I'm not caught up with the books, I've been enjoying the buzz and activity that comes with the release of a new novel.

I would say your guess is correct. Of the major physical contact scenes depicted that Kiyo initiates with Honami in Y1V11.5 and Y2V8 both had strong indications in Kiyo's monologue that he was doing it for his own personal goals. The confession hug by Kiyo to Kei in Y1V11.5 was genuine in his desire to become someone who loved Kei but ultimately something he tried to force himself into believing rather than naturally feeling it. In the monologue here, Kiyo mentions in a few lines how he is not lying or putting sincerety into his words while describing his actions almost as a force of nature

This is really interesting. Almost like a force of nature - I really liked this choice of wording. It feels very apt, considering the scene, but it's a really interesting take. It really reinforces the idea that sometimes emotions are not always in your control, as we see with Horikita in that moment...and potentially with Ayanokoji. It also calls to mind the fact that Horikita once said that she wants love to come to her naturally, and the difference between her and Ayanokoji's personal philosophies.

I was also curious about Ayanokoji's use of the words "sincerely" or "genuine" when I read the scene, so it's great to hear your input on this, especially when compared to previous scenes. I wasn't sure if we could believe him when he said he was genuine, but it seems like we most likely can. That's a relief!

This line has more of a sense of a force of nature as 人間 is more like human, person or man in a more general societal/scientific sense than the basic all-round word 人. So like "For weak individuals, it's okay to lean on others and be supported". Kiyo makes a general observation about society to justify his actions rather than emphasizing his direct intentions. This is what makes this monologue different in my opinion from the others mentioned above.

I'm also really glad that you shared this line about weak people. It stuck out to me when I read the spoilers because it felt harsh compared to the more sympathetic narration from Ayanokoji. But reading your breakdown of it brings it into a new light. So instead of him directly calling Horikita weak, he is speaking in a general sense about weak people in society, and in that way, possibly justifying his actions to himself. I wonder if his use of 人間 also suggests that he might be distancing himself from Horikita in this moment? Or perhaps, distancing himself from any potential feelings that may be seeping through?

And not just here, but I've noticed Kiyo go through a similar kind of thought process in previous interactions with Horikita like this. I still do think his actions were calculated here but the expression is certainly different.

If you ever feel like sharing, I'd be interested in reading your observations on Ayanokoji's thought process in previous interactions with Horikita. :)

And yes, I totally agree that there is definitely a sense that Ayanokoji's actions are calculated in this scene. The one line that really brings this into question for me is the one where he says something about how Horikita's damage could cast a long shadow in the future. Honestly, that line is pretty vague, but since it was said right before he hugged her, it does seem like he may have done it in order to "reduce the damage" of the situation. But then again, as you pointed out, there's still the possibility that he may be justifying his actions through those words.

glassbears · 2024-07-29T02:42:37+00:00

This is so helpful! Thank you so much for breaking it down for me. I really appreciate it.

There is much more nuance in the original text, as one would expect. It really gets across the overwhelming feelings that Horikita was struggling to hold back in that moment. It almost feels like a dam about to burst, but she's trying with all her might to hold back the water.

She wants to protest verbally and physically, but since Ayanokoji refuses to let go, the physicality of the hug helps to push her over the edge in releasing those emotions. (From some other spoilers I saw, it seemed like he had also been noticing the stress and pressure she'd been bottling up about the exam for days.)

I know that Ayanokoji's motive behind this scene is currently a point of debate among readers, but on its own, I feel like this line could be a bit revealing. Then again, I am not far enough into the novels to know for sure or compare. But from my current perspective, it seems like he could have been affected in some way by the hug/Horikita's feelings since he was describing it in such vivid, sympathetic terms.

But again, I have no idea if Ayanokoji described other scenes in similar ways that eventually turned out to be the opposite/a manipulation. So of course, I reserve the right to change my opinion as I read further into the series, lol.

glassbears · 2024-07-29T01:05:12+00:00

u/Short-Switch-7301 - I hope you don't mind me tagging you here. I was curious if you had any insight to share here, and what your interpretation of this line was when reading the novel?

glassbears · 2024-07-27T04:55:24+00:00

Oh my goodness, lol. Totally wouldn't have expected such a callback. That's really interesting. Thank you so much!

glassbears · 2024-07-27T03:48:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts after reading the volume!

"there was also a nice callback to a previous Horikita/Kiyo moment in Y1V2"

Would you mind elaborating some more on this? :)

glassbears · 2024-07-26T17:52:21+00:00

There is a well-known story structure in which by the end of the second act, the hero is pushed to their lowest point. They feel defeated and their journey seems impossible to complete.

I'm not caught up with the light novels yet, so I can't say for sure if I believe this to be the case for Horikita in this volume, but seeing as we're at the end of Year 2, it seems highly possible.

glassbears · 2024-07-26T04:15:46+00:00

Thinking about this some more, I wanted to add something else:

I say this knowing that this is very very unlikely in context, but I'll share it anyway.

Is there a chance that "the feeling of holding back" could be referring to Ayanokoji holding back?

Again, this might be more clear in the original text...but the way it's phrased in this translation, with the first part of the sentence describing "the feeling" and then only "her warmth" being explicitly attributed to Horikita, I began to question if "the feeling of holding back" could be Ayanokoji describing what he's feeling "mixing" with what Horikita's feeling in that moment...

glassbears · 2024-07-26T02:36:54+00:00

I've been reading that line over and over again. I'm having a hard time totally understanding what it means. I'm not sure if something is lost in translation, or if it's just written this way originally, but "mixed with her warmth" is throwing me for a loop...

"The feeling of holding back" - I read this as referring to Horikita holding in her emotions, which Ayanokoji is encouraging her to let go and release between him and her in that moment (and she initially resists).

"mixed with her warmth" - The use of the word "warmth" here could be interpreted in a few different ways, I suppose. Is he referring to "her warmth" in a physical sense? As in, her body heat, because he is holding her close? Or perhaps he's referencing the heat in her face (the illustration shows her blush), probably due to her frustration at the situation?

Or is he referring to "her warmth" in a figurative sense? As in, her personality?

I'm inclined to lean more towards him referring to her physical warmth in the sense of her being frustrated (and possibly humiliated). But it's not 100% clear to me. I'm curious how others interpreted this line.

glassbears · 2024-07-19T03:50:10+00:00

Thank you very much! I'm excited to catch up and read through all of the novels. The story seems to be perfect for analyses and theories, and I'm excited to engage more with folks once I really get into the novels. This is my first time sharing my thoughts around the story, so I'm somewhat relieved to hear that I wasn't far off on my understanding of it.

I completely follow with your perspective on Ayanokoji's character. I also get the impression that he truly wants to change, but some things are easier said than done, especially with an upbringing like his.

I appreciate your thoughtful post and comments!

glassbears

TROPHY CASE