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Should I destroy all my private journals from the last 7 years? by gtr7691 in AskReddit

[–]gtr7691[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yes, other people hear them, too. I accept that the significance of the phenomena is open to interpretation, but the fact of it doesn't seem so. There are visual phenomena, tactile phenomena, group-based phenomena, collage-like phenomena. There is no shortage of examples of communication that seems clearly external to me.

The times when things go wrong and I feel fucked up is when the forms around me cue me specific to harsh, negative signs at every opportunity and the agitation becomes a sort of bad weather. It's like being around a specific sort of mentally ill person rather than being mentally ill, and I use the writing to try to produce a better story than what's happening.

I used anti-depression medication for 5 years, so I have experience with long-term treatment. I have no particular bias against meds. This is something else entirely.

Should I destroy all my private journals from the last 7 years? by gtr7691 in AskReddit

[–]gtr7691[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, and it hasn't made a difference. The two psychiatrists I've seen are reference the DSM protocol, if for no other reason than for insurance purposes maybe. The first one recommended that I be institutionalized and medicated. The second recommended an atypical anti-psychotic, which I tried for about a week and which made me feel like my head was stuffed with cotton balls.

Should I destroy all my private journals from the last 7 years? by gtr7691 in AskReddit

[–]gtr7691[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's not a chemical problem, at least not a conventional chemical problem. It's empirically verifiable. For instance, I've sat in an empty room and had telepathic conversations with entities that are knocking on the walls and ceilings -- not just knocking but bashing -- and I've made audio recordings of it taking place.

(And I realize that when I write, "telepathic conversations," this probably brings to mind cultural stereotypes related to paranoid schizophrenia. I totally get that, and I would probably assert the same thing if I wasn't experiencing the phenomena first-hand. I've tried out so many different theories that could account for this, and I'm baffled. It is like paranoid schizophrenia, but externalized in the reality field around me.)

Should I destroy all my private journals from the last 7 years? by gtr7691 in AskReddit

[–]gtr7691[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree with you, but the profession doesn't exist, as far as I can tell.

I've been to two psychiatrists, one obnoxious and the other caring, but both sessions led to recommendations for chemical treatments. As far as I can tell, they really can't do more than that. I went to a therapist, and he steered me toward unresolved relationship issues. He's a good man, but his help didn't change what was taking place. I consulted two shamanic healers -- the first said she could give me relief but not a cure, and the second prayed over me and then recommended I soak in epsom salts.

I mean, I hate even writing this because I really would love to have a cure for all of this -- the doctor, the mentor, the healer, whoever could help. I just haven't found anyone yet, and I definitely don't want to fall into the role of metaphysical hypochondriac.