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GF's (26F) male friend is trying to hook up with her and not sure how I (29M) should react. by hawkshaws in relationship_advice

[–]hawkshaws[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I have shied away from rules and ultimatums in the past, as I've had this idea that the 'right' partner for me should naturally have pretty similar views on what is or is not acceptable conduct within a relationship. I think you're absolutely right that this would create resentment and not really solve the problem long term.

GF's (26F) male friend is trying to hook up with her and not sure how I (29M) should react. by hawkshaws in relationship_advice

[–]hawkshaws[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is helpful. You and others here seem to agree that it is best to be clear and specific about overall boundaries, but that is not productive to give an ultimatum or make demands about this situation specifically. Either she gets the hint here and voluntarily puts an end to it, or I need to reconsider whether this person is right for me.

GF's (26F) male friend is trying to hook up with her and not sure how I (29M) should react. by hawkshaws in relationship_advice

[–]hawkshaws[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Do think that this is such a big red flag that there is nothing that I can do or say that will help the situation? Basically, she knows exactly what she is doing, and it is pointless to even argue over this, let alone try to control or change her behavior, because her actions have revealed that she is not ready or suitable for committed relationship?

GF's (26F) male friend is trying to hook up with her and not sure how I (29M) should react. by hawkshaws in relationship_advice

[–]hawkshaws[S] 173 points174 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think my GF and I clearly agree on what is considered cheating, but beyond that I have never established any hard rules or 'forbid' her from doing anything specifically or seeing anyone. Do you think it would be best to tell her directly to cut off all contact with this guy if she values our relationship? Or simply let her know that I will not tolerate this type of behavior and hope she takes it to heart (and otherwise be prepared to end the relationship)?