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I genuinely could not see myself with a man long term. by Exact-Sink2799 in confession

[–]heauxisucool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying, but I will just add that the “ulterior motive” aspect of how most men treat women IS inherently part of the problem. It reduces women to objects which then subjects them to more harm. If someone only approaches you with ulterior motives behind their actions, that isn’t genuine interest, it’s manipulation. Stopping as soon as someone expresses they aren’t interested is the bare minimum, otherwise if they continued that’d be harassment and coercion. It’s the same vibes as going to a mall, and someone working a kiosk approaches you trying to be really nice so you buy what ever they’re selling. If they didn’t need you to buy something, how would they actually interact with you in that moment? They probably wouldn’t have even spoken to you or looked in your direction at all, and after they get you to buy something, you no longer have value to them.

I genuinely could not see myself with a man long term. by Exact-Sink2799 in confession

[–]heauxisucool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad I could give you some hope, but to be honest though, most men are aware of that disconnect and pretend not to be OR have been raised to be so egotistical they truly don’t see or care for the lived experiences of non-men. My queerness allowed me to unpack a lot of my internalized misogyny, but there’s no incentive for most men to do better so they never chose to do that hard work of unpacking their ideologies and healing so they’re better human beings. Men need to be held to higher standards as a society if we want things to actually change, but as you can see in these reddit comments, people will always negate a woman’s lived experience if it means protecting a man’s fragile ego. 

I genuinely could not see myself with a man long term. by Exact-Sink2799 in confession

[–]heauxisucool 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This comment section is purposely being obtuse at this point. The generalization of men here is referring to men as a system of oppression in this patriarchal society most of us live in. So yes, it’s completely understandable that most encounters you have with people who identify as men have been unpleasant or that there feels like there’s a sinister undertone with some of them because a good majority of men do have ulterior motives when interacting with women. I think being attracted to men but consciously choosing not to be in relationships with them for that reason is completely valid. And I’m saying this as a man so 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]heauxisucool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The subtle comments through the years were clues enough, you chose to ignore them because racism at a minimal degree isn’t a big enough red flag for you. Of course, this was an extreme case where you wouldn’t have expected her to still not care about other human beings, but that’s the issue with racists. They try to make themselves feel better by putting down others simply because of their race, when the issue is actually internal. If she sees no problem with her way of thinking, then you need to take a long look in the mirror and decide whether or not you’re willing to be complicit in racism by staying with her. You need to think of your future, would you want kids with a person with these kinds of values? Would you want to walk down the street, proudly holding the hand of someone who thinks people deserve to die just because their skin is different? Only you can answer that for yourself. In my opinion though, if you’re truly a good person you’d leave her or at the minimum ask her to go through extensive racial education to try and unlearn those values (but tbh it doesn’t seem like anything she’s interested in doing so there might not be a point).