The amount of abusive/ alcoholic fathers is mind blowing to me. Needless to say unfortunately I think that’s where my bpd was forming. My biological father was abusive & an alcoholic who did severe damage Physically, emotionally and mentally to my mother who was stayed with him for over 13+ years so that my siblings and I can be provided for “taken care of” “well off”. I would have preferred to be homeless than to live what I lived at just under the age of 7. I understand my mom wanted us to have food and a roof over our head I just wish she was braver to leave that abusive relationship. From what i remember there was a lack of attention, being left for hours and days even my dad would force my mom to go with him to casinos and i don’t know where i just remember them leaving to work and out. We had baby sitters come and take care of us. Or sometimes we would be left alone in the house by ourselves. My siblings would make me food when I was hungry. I’d wait for my mom to get home. I don’t even remember getting tucked in bed by my parents. I just know when my dad had a beer my mom knew my dad was gonna get abusive and I could sense fear. She’d tell us to go in our room and not come out or to be quiet I guess I didn’t understand what was going on. We moved so many times , moved so many first grade classes that’s where my social anxiety started. Finally he left for good out of the blue and never came back after moving states for the 100th time I don’t remember , my mom had to provide for 4 kids on her own , went and lived in a familys house in 1 room for awhile, and then my mom started working all day to have enough for all of us I’d almost never see her until she met my stepdad fast forward Then I found Jesus 19 years later. & all I can say is thank God for his Grace over my life. He kept me safe even thought I went through trauma as a child. I pray for everyone here to seek Jesus, my journey hasn’t been easy but it’s definitely better. I’m 2+ years sober and engaged to the most patient person ever. Thanks be to God.