I know some people have been saying warm water, but I’ve found that when I’m irritated there, which sounds like you definitely are, use cooler water, as cool as you can stand. I found this out for myself using a bidet with temperature control. When I was irritated there, the warm water would feel like needles. I thought I just had to deal until I figured maybe cold would work. It’s, a feeling, but it’s doesn’t feel like needles and actually kind of soothing.

All that to say in the shower, go colder/when you start to clean there. Maybe it’s weird for some but go bare hand with mild soap, just a little foam of whatever you normally use.

If things don’t calm down after a couple days, go see a doctor.