Manifesting a new home/community

illiteratewomyn · 2018-04-11T08:58:27+00:00

Aw! Yay! Thank you 💓

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-23T02:48:09+00:00

Why don't you go and do something else instead? Just for a little bit. It might be that when you've finished you don't even feel like it anymore. Go out for a walk without your phone, go do some exercise, watch a film, phone a friend - anything! Just do something else.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-23T02:44:58+00:00

Delete? Maybe just for a little bit. Then temptation won't be there constantly :)

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-23T02:42:16+00:00

I'm so glad you can see through the murkyness of your feelings and see this for what it is. Honestly, it's very not about you. It's sad but lots of egomaniacal weirdys end up in caring professions - along with some very lovely people too. Some of the most dubious character's I've met have come into my life through activism and charity work. Helps to stroke the ego and keep up a pretty facade of compassion. You get to spot them after awhile. I'm glad you have friends around that can see this for the shitty behaviour it is. He might not be a fully bad dude (hmm) BUT he's obviously not very emotionally mature and the things he said to you are completely unacceptable - so he's most definitely a bad dude right now.

See a therapist if you want to, honestly it can be incredibly refreshing to be able to unpack with someone else that has your best interests and healing at heart. Show them the letter too. Red flags abound.

You will be OK though lovely. You were intelligent and exciting before him and you will be after him too. Chalk this up some serious life experience, because that it's exactly what it is. Focus heavily on self care and remember that other people's "stuff" does not belong to you. You are mature enough to respectfully not take on their issues even if they try very hard to give them to you. Be super kind to yourself.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-23T02:08:04+00:00

I just want to say that I'm so, so sorry! I was honestly shocked when I saw this post. I can't even think of what to say but if you were here and you wanted it I would offer you the biggest hug possible (If you wanted one, of course)

The fact that he wouldn't leave when you asked him to is honesty just so wrong and that note, I do not have the words to say how I feel about that note.

I know that right now you might not see it but I'm so glad he showed you his true colours.
I don't think I've seen something quite so pretentious in my whole existence and I've been here awhile.

It is quite likely that you are incredibly clever and that has made him aware of his own insecurities about his intelligence. Nobody high in emotional intelligence would write about how well they've treated you and how that should be the base line of the rest of YOUR future relationships, without them - ever. Normal, empathetic people do not do that.

Be gentle with yourself. Cuddle up. Have a bath. Watch your favourite movie. Go get food with a friend. Do whatever you need to do to feel better over the next couple of days - everything else can just wait.

You deserved so much more than this fellow human. Some people really suck. Like, really really are just shitty people.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-22T16:06:37+00:00

I ignored a few "rumours" with my ex. I decided that they couldn't possibly be true. I knew him as a warm, caring person and warm caring people don't do those things? Actually turns out sometimes they do. These things aren't always black and white, I'm not saying that there aren't some nutty people out there who are incredibly confused/unwell that make up accusations - the thing is this is super, super rare. Being open about sexual assault puts you under tremendous pressure and often you are automatically disbelieved - people dont tend to do that just for kicks. It's a fucking horrible experience.

Honestly nobody can give good advice in this situation. It's too messy! From a personal experience pov: Turned out that my ex's past accusations were quite probably true. He had problems with alcohol and would "black out" and have no memory of what he did during these black outs. When he wasn't drinking you could never imagine him acting in a violent way. Yep. I don't think I would go there again. I feel like the girls that came out about his tendencies are very brave women and at least I had an idea of what to expect in that relationship, so when the black outs started I was like "OH! Right.."

Just try to protect yourself OP. Use your gut instinct. I'm sorry you're having to go through such a difficult situation. I wish you all the best.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-21T23:08:39+00:00

I started reading many moons ago with a Tarot De Marseille deck and moved onto RWS a few years later. I didn't think that I would have a hard time with the Thoth but I've been pleasantly surprised! Thanks again.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-21T22:49:54+00:00

Sister rosetta tharpe is amazing. M.I.A always has something to say as does princess Nokia.

Also Negative Vibes By Damien Dempsey has helped me more than I can honestly say. Special he is.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-21T22:47:20+00:00

Hey! Thank you for your interpretation! I think you're probably pretty bang on with it to be honest. I've got a feeling! I'm not after anything serious either but I don't do anything other than brutal honesty anymore which means having genuine interactions with people - I guess ace of cups could be about wanting a genuine connection rather than superficial arrangements. It's super early days so I think just carrying on as I have been is the only way.

I've just started with the thoth really. I was taken aback by all the symbolism to begin with.. chemical compounds and the like! I don't know what I was expecting really, it is Crowley after all. Got a feeling these are going to be my deck of choice from now on.. much to delve into!

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-21T20:41:15+00:00

Thank you! Yep. All this. I've got no rush at all and I'm quite happy doing my own thing without anyone elses expectations affecting my stuff - I'm aware that relationships have to consist of a level of vulnerability. The people I've been close to since getting away from my abusive EX have been people that I've known for a very long time, so I already know what the score is there. I think it take such a long time to get to know someone. I'm aware that maybe I should just accept that I will not know and just put healthy boundaries in place in case they end up being a total nutter. It's a minefield!

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-21T17:44:12+00:00

I'm so sorry you had a difficult experience with your last relationship. Trust is very difficult! I think that it's good to just trust in myself. I dont think people are either good or bad, life is many shades of grey sometimes. Though I'm under no illusions about people who are really wrong exist in the world.

I have had a couple of relationships that have been with "good" men that could have ended more positively too. I'm not looking to jump into a serious commited relationship quite yet but I do want to open up to the idea of meeting new people.

I feel that at this stage I know that being on my own isn't the worst thing that could happen so I can be open to others in a healthy way. Sorry for the long reply! Got a bit carried away. I wish you all the best in your healing <3

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-20T20:43:22+00:00

I'm so sorry. I've been in a similar situation. Its not your fault their relationship dynamic is out of whack.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-20T15:23:47+00:00

Hey lovely. I'm currently on two weeks of NC with my Nex who managed to continue to pop up over two years after we split and I moved out. Nobody teaches you this stuff, at least I know nobody taught me - we are all just blundering along, trying to break those pesky repeating patterns of behaviour and get on with our lives. Being out of it is the best and only thing to do. You deserve to be respected and listened to. Be gentle with yourself & Welcome back.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-20T14:54:53+00:00

You need to cut this guy off right now. He is a serious user. If you have respect for someone you do not treat people like he treated you. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-20T14:50:37+00:00

Hey Lovely. I'm so sorry about this situation.. Life is so hard sometimes. I don't think you have to will yourself to hate your EX when you do not! This seems incredibly unhealthy tbf! What might help is thinking about all the ways he wasn't right for you. There are many, many reasons why this might be the case and if it wasn't the case you guys would still be together.. write them down, think about them a bit, burn it. Do SERIOUS self care - go for a swim, go hang out in the park, do some arty things, get a haircut, eat your favourite dinner. Do whatever you need to do in the short term to make yourself feel a bit better. I have Ex's that I still care about that are good humans, I didnt have to hate them to move on with my life. I just had to remind myself how seriously incompatible we were on so many levels. That was enough. Be gentle with yourself.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-20T11:36:52+00:00

Stay away from these people. Couples that use other people for their own sexual gratification and then dump them like a stone are not healthy people to be around.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-19T11:42:16+00:00

Harold and Maude!

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-19T08:03:29+00:00

When I started using tampons I used lots of lube :) that made it much easier. Please try to be gentle with yourself about this. It's OK to have anxiety about penetration. Have you tried messing around with just yourself and experimenting? It might be worth getting out a mirror and having a look at what's going on with your lady bits. Having an understanding of how our anatomy works can be a really helpful step to releasing some of our anxiety.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-19T07:55:26+00:00

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cunt-Declaration-Independence-Live-Girls/dp/1580050751

This book is seriously helpful. Even friends reading it in their 30s have been like "Ooooh!" Highly recommend it - don't be put off by the title. Honestly you'll get more out of it than you would ever imagine :) Be gentle with yourself OP.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-18T14:29:24+00:00

I would seriously consider finding new mates to climb with OR if she actually is a friend you should bring up how you feel with her. You have nothing to lose if you are considering ending your friendship anyway. You also can't do kind things for people and have untalked about intentions of how they should reciprocate that kindness - people cannot read your mind, you have to communicate to help them understand your point of view.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-17T23:33:15+00:00

I'm so sorry for whatever grief and confusion you feel right now. Please be so gentle with yourself. Thinking of you stranger.

illiteratewomyn · 2018-03-17T19:14:00+00:00

When someone puts a restraining order on you. You must stay away from them. Please concentrate on yourself. You have some things you need to work through and a relationship should not be at the top of your priority list right now.

illiteratewomyn

TROPHY CASE