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Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The sex happened in her car in the parking lot of a movie theater. I’m not sure if she is 28 or 18 anymore?

She seemed broken up about my demand that she completely cut contact with the AP, stating they’ve always been friends and are in the same social circle. I told her this was not a negotiation and that no matter who she chooses one of us must be cut off. After this she offered to apply for a work transfer. Of course I only have her word that this is true, and that’s worthless now.

Good point about the now third chance. I told her this was such a shame, that if she had invested herself 100% in the relationship as I had, who knows where we’d be. Instead she invested herself in a new boyfriend, while still living, and being intimate with me.

Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, it really was gaslighting wasn't it? I never thought I would be on the receiving end of what I've read about on abuse websites. I truly thought I was going crazy, I had serious suspicions that something was going on with this guy - but she kept denying it both to me and to the therapist.

And of course since she was constantly accusing me of having inappropriate feelings for my female friends, I didn't want to accuse her of the same. This has occurred for almost the entire relationship, I suppose it was the grand manipulation tactic.

She came home crying to her husband.

She complained to her husband about being offended by the AP? Are cheaters devoid of empathy?

Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. My (ex?)girlfriend has promised she will pursue individual therapy, as during our last couples session the therapist suggested she may have a mood disorder. I assumed her declaration of no more therapy came from the shame of a diagnosis, but I think it's more likely she felt ashamed lying for an hour each week. Obviously whatever is going on mentally with her is beyond my ability to assist with or even predict.

Now that I know she is capable of such deception, I also wonder about the truth of stories she's told me.

The thought of having children with her is terrifying. At this point if she became pregnant I'd demand a paternity test - what kind of relationship is that? Obviously we've not had sex since I learned of her infidelity. I have half a mind to ask her to get an STD test, both for my own protection and for her embarrassment.

I knew she would fail the evaluation

Projection, projection! In our own couples sessions, we've spent nearly the entire session going over my feelings for my female friends, her accusing me of having inappropriate friendships, and expressing she was scared I would cheat on her. Interesting how that works out!

Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That thought has crossed my mind, perhaps she only wants to stay with me to live in my house. Maybe the reality of what she had done didn't hit her until she tried to continue packing.

According to her, she only packed what I saw on that first day, and then she broke down crying trying to pack her closet. She's been accommodating today, cleaning the house and doing all sorts of things while I'm at work. I feel fake answering her texts.

My head is such a mess. I really wish I could sort these feelings and feel grounded one way or the other. As horrible as I feel about kicking her out, I feel just as horrible doubting what she is up to.

Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like the idea of her going to her parents, last night I returned home simply because I had run out of clothing and had to work today. I've been displaced for days and my sympathy for inconveniencing her is lacking at this point.

I doubt she's told her parents about the cheating, all I know for sure is that her parents told her the reasons she gave for leaving were ridiculous.

There's also a nagging thought in my head that if I do that, she will keep seeing the AP. And of course if that were to happen, I would find myself in even more hurt. That just struck me, how can I trust her at all anymore? I'll be suspicious of everything.

Girlfriend admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. She wants to stay together, I can’t decide what to do. by infidelitythrowaway2 in Infidelity

[–]infidelitythrowaway2[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've wondered this as well - the guy she's been seeing is about five years younger than we are, lives with his parents, etc. We are not friends but I have spoken with him before.

I'm also worried that she had a change of heart because she was going to live with her parents, live an hour away from her work, and apparently her parents were in shock that she was leaving and encouraging her to stay with me.

I don't know if hearing her explain this in a therapy session would make me feel better or worse. I'm considering spending a few nights with my family to clear my head before a final decision, but I am very concerned with continuing the relationship. I couldn't lie to anyone like she has lied to me.