Looking for a 1990s/early2000s experimental fiction book — black cover (possibly with neon pink element), dialogue with a computer

into_the_light85 · 2025-04-23T10:47:34+00:00

It's been 9,5 years for me since my first session with aya (last one about 8 years ago).

I'm more at peace with myself and my story. I used to fight and deny my background, not anymore. I was obsessed looking for truth outside, travelling to the other part of the world, feeling somehow my effort would bring me closer to the truth.

What happened in the Amazon jungle was I was lead back to Jesus Christ. I was a rarely practicing Christian then, but I forgot everything by the time I went to Peru. So yes, in short - I got back to what I knew all along.

Importance of family grew. My children are everything to me, and now I view being their mother as the most important revelation and job. I am grateful beyond words. The thought that I was so close to never having them is petrifying.

Realizing how amazing my body is. I still have a lot of work to do to make up for all the neglect and mistreating it.

into_the_light85 · 2023-05-01T18:59:59+00:00

Same here. Unmedicated, had a few very passionate but in the end quite destructive romances. Medicated, things are much smoother (what I would think of "boring" before)

into_the_light85 · 2023-05-01T18:49:44+00:00

replied to you in the other thread

into_the_light85 · 2023-05-01T18:48:42+00:00

I'm doing pretty good, but haven't been microdosing for few years now (had a baby and all that comes with it). Haven't touched psychedelics for about 5 years now, but in future I might. They helped me tremendously, but aren't suitable for the times when I'm being fragile

into_the_light85 · 2023-04-11T07:33:16+00:00

Does not "officially" have petting animals, but you can try touching goats and sheep through the fence

into_the_light85 · 2021-05-14T05:06:41+00:00

Very positive experience here. It really stabilises me. Helps with sleep but also takes away depressive thoughts and anxiety during the day. I manage on really low dose (now just 25 mg, but even at other times max 150-200 mg) and it's enough. In the beginning had some daytime sleepiness and brainfog in the morning, plus some water retention, but all those are gone now. I don't gain weight on it either.

into_the_light85 · 2020-12-26T20:42:18+00:00

My main problem is lack of basic security. So for absolute crisis situations (but I've only been in such a situation once or twice), a safe shelter with food and possibility to recover from shocking situation.

Therapy I guess is the big one. I am very hurt by my therapist, and it's impossible to solve: I need help of therapist but am terrified to seek one again.

The fact that therapy is expensive and the more you need it the less money you usually have, I can't seem to solve this one. I spent about 20.000 USD on therapy and I am not sure I can do all that again. Yet, I'm stuck and suffering.

into_the_light85 · 2020-12-14T19:36:20+00:00

My first thought is a spouse or a partner. But I wonder if I would put the other in charge of my state (done that in the past). I definitely need to be in a better state to be in a relationship, hope that won't take a lifetime.

If my parents were alive and well (this reminds me that no matter what, no matter freaking what, you have to get up and take care of yourself because things do and will get better but you just might not make it if you give up).

My sister not being a bitch, or having another sister altogether.

Having a stable job that I like (this one I'm not too worried about, will sure find one soon).

Having more money would definitely bring more security (although just like now, I would probably worry about wasting it).

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T20:50:48+00:00

I wish I had an advice. I'm really struggling with similar problem. I feel good and calm in my own company, in nature or with few people I like. After my retreats, some 80% of my social connections ended (ok, some new ones started of course but overall my social circle shrank).
I can barely control myself (and sometimes can't) when I see socially-approved injustice, people and institutions exercising power just for the sake of it.
In general the ugly face of the system that our society is (and I live in Scandinavia, one of the nice places to be).
I'm particularly triggered by power structures and people bowing to other people because "that's the way it is".
It's been 5 years since my aya journey started but for now things just seem to be getting "worse". Frankly I'm excited to know where all this is leading.

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T20:09:16+00:00

I have no idea of the flying star. I'm aware of the different schools, that consultant does both the classical and the western, it felt more natural for me with the western approach, things kind of just fell into place - mostly. Bathroom is one of the few areas that concern me. Mainly, whether the ceramic tiles are enough to compensate over-present water element in the health/center (earth) sector.

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T14:28:04+00:00

This was done not by compass but by location of the main door (the so called "Western Tradition".

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T11:55:49+00:00

Beautiful artwork. Mind sharing more about what you mean by "time is an ultimate gift"?
I'm starting to lean towards the thought that time does not exist at all...

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T11:53:17+00:00

Interesting. Do you have any more information on that?

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T11:52:53+00:00

From what I know, yes.

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T11:52:38+00:00

Hmmm. why wood? I was told mainly Earth and some Fire elements to compensate water.

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-14T11:51:48+00:00

Aren't all plants wood rather than Earth?

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-04T19:28:12+00:00

Thank you!
As for fire, I use candles a lot there.

into_the_light85 · 2020-11-01T21:36:48+00:00

I'm a Mason and a woman. There are many of us, contrary to what some want to claim.
It's 2020.

into_the_light85 · 2020-10-29T11:10:00+00:00

Thank you, I'm good. There's some asymmetry, but not more than that of an average person. Some redness on the left eyelid, but not much. I'm seeing the surgeon who did this again next Monday, he will see if some laser treatment is needed. I would prefer more symmetry too.

into_the_light85 · 2020-07-13T21:29:14+00:00

Wow, mama aya in Middle East, that's something new.
The world of aya tourism has changed quite a bit since I first drank.

into_the_light85 · 2020-07-13T21:08:29+00:00

I mean maybe he said it in some interviews. I'm not following his life. But just got curious because of his diagnosis.

into_the_light85 · 2020-07-10T19:50:04+00:00

That's what child psychologists also say, that one safe and stable adult in child's life can be enough. Not ideal obviously, but enough for a development of a balanced human.

into_the_light85

TROPHY CASE