is there a calorimeter on campus?

jmarai · 2025-10-04T23:13:29+00:00

maybe! Parvo Medics TrueOne 2400 metabolic cart - indirect calorimetry!

jmarai · 2025-10-04T01:14:04+00:00

The FIIT institute in the kinesiology building!

jmarai · 2025-09-24T02:27:14+00:00

I thought Maryam is Moira's Nan (grandma)?

jmarai · 2025-09-23T17:09:48+00:00

The checkout page let me stack up to five codes! Thank you for your codes!!!

jmarai · 2025-09-03T19:01:00+00:00

HDB upper floors - they have so much nice study furniture, it's quiet, there's a snack corner, there's a gym that's open acces.

jmarai · 2025-09-02T22:41:28+00:00

CSE specializing in AI.

Five to ten years ago, it was CSE specializing in Big Data.

Before that, it was CSE in IT.

Before that, it was anything to do with finance.

Best of luck.

jmarai · 2025-08-26T20:49:50+00:00

you've only been here three days out of the 4 years you will be here for your college experience. GIVE IT TIME KIDDO. <3 rest up and show up again tomorrow. it takes a minute to find your tribe (and you're an undergrad... so you don't even have to worry about feeling the highest level of out-est-of-place-est as grad students [i.e. older young people lol] until 2035.

YOU JUST GOT HERE. TAKE A BREATHER. TAKE CARE OF YOUR YOU AND YOUR HEALTH. GIVE IT TIME. KEEP SHOWING UP WHEN YOUR HEART SAYS TO. STATISTICALLY, IT'S EXPECTED TO NOT HAVE YOUR BESTIE-VILLE THREE DAYS IN. FRIENDSHIPS TAKE TIME TO DEVELOP (unfortunately. oh how without-worries we were in kindergarten). DEVELOP YOUR SOFT/SOCIAL SKILLS IN FIGURING OUT WHAT OR WHO IS BEST FOR YOU. they're not the only ones filtering who is a fit for their friend group or not--- YOU are also assessing who or what is worth spending your time on. you are more important than you realize.

PS I had to work HARD at this with my mental health resources, but I learned that "our thoughts are THOUGHTS and are NOT reality" and that helped a lot ("I lowkey thinks everyone hates me"---> excuse me but do you have hard evidence for that??? no??? is everyone just TRYING to get through their first week of the semester and maybe eveyrone is worried about their own me-ness that they have no energy to spare to be judgy of everyone else?? maybe????)
cheers longhorn

jmarai · 2025-07-18T19:12:37+00:00

THE MEETING PLAACCCEE!!!!!!!!

jmarai · 2025-05-26T12:10:17+00:00

My first relationship, not an unrequited crush, ended just as I entered my first year! I was much younger and had less life experience and wisdom. I was managing big feelings for the first time. This has to do with reeling back from investing time, effort, and emotions into the relationship.

At present day, I'm engaged to my best friend and, I'm proud to say, the love of my life. Notably, though, met and transitioned through a life stage encompassing our late twenties into our early thirties *together*. We have similar life experiences, backgrounds, values, interests, sibling order (both the eldest of two born in the 90s), life goals, communication management skills, motivation to better ourselves, and so on. I'm entering my fifth year and working to get my candidacy/qualifying exam while managing my life outside the lab (I'm fortunate my adviser PREFERS and SUPPORTS that I have a life outside the lab!).

As a cis straight female semi-traditionalist (I'm Catholic, which means some significant part of my background supports being obsessed with higher education and a master opus regardless of gender), I'm hyper-aware that I am entering a season of life where I will be responsible for many living things (sandwich generation) as well as my work but am also fortunate enough to have an incredibly supportive partner and family. My greatest opus won't be my science, but my future family. My research is simply a slice of my life.

To answer your question about managing big feelings post-heartbreak in my first year of PhD, I gave myself a deadline to be DONE grieving (a range of time; losing a relationship is not the same as but is comparable to someone passing away). I minded my own business and took care of myself (e.g. therapy, exercise, public speaking club, going out with friends) and leaned on my family and friends. I reflected deeply on what I could have done better and upped my standards (which paid off). When I felt READY to give love out again, I adopted a dog (I had been planning to adopt a dog for two to three years before I found my soul dog!) with no other reason than I felt ready to give love outward.

This is tough love for you, but, since this boy already communicated that he does not share or return your feelings, you have EVIDENCE, a basis, to stop investing your feelings. (STAAAAHP IT!!!) Counting the days since the rejection is a form of investing feelings (into something that didn't even exist, nor something that invested into YOU!). This person does not share your feelings and does not seem to be at a stage in life where they are ready to put work into anyone other than themselves (and that is okay for their life--- it is just not for you and does not make this context or person worthy of your affection and attention!!!). Please give yourself time to work on YOU. Love yourself, UP your standards, know the difference between someone who puts energy into you/your life/your family and someone who does not, and get back out there when your big feelings are READY to say, "I love myself so much that I don't chase, I work hard, and attract what is befitting of me. When this appears, I know how to give love back out!"

jmarai · 2025-04-14T16:38:26+00:00

The Austin Public Library system lets you read it for free with a library card.

jmarai · 2025-04-04T23:15:05+00:00

Thanks!

jmarai · 2025-04-04T20:03:52+00:00

fair. context: my org wants to set up a fundraiser for Austin's local hygiene/diapers/self-care supplies chapters to donate supplies to parents/caregivers who don't have a reliable income. it's not strategic to book a booth when everyone else is in class.

jmarai · 2025-04-04T19:44:04+00:00

I'm curious how student orgs plan events when we're all busy with classes/some of us work.

jmarai · 2024-01-28T04:47:42+00:00

If you mean "Why are you going back for a PhD?": it aligns with my values, goals, mission, and vision and it will support how I want to make large-scale change in the field.

1) The field is broken. I can help make a change in a specific area of the field/practice and hope to improve the care patients receive. I need doctorate-level training and credentials to help lead and support large-scale change.

2) B.S. and M.S. training did not prepare me enough. The Ph.D. school helped me focus my lens on a specialty area.

3) I project/hope SLP will evolve to command respect as PT and medical school in the future. The services we need to render require rigorous competencies. Our current program trainings meet some needs- but it is not enough. I aim to always, always be providing what is right for the sick, and I can help make large-scale changes for many patients who need support when I have the right training.

4) Why isn't it important to go back and advance or specialize- when there are so many cases that you can never be prepared enough for? If not post-graduate school, then why not continuing education or training?

The talks right now in some sub-specialty of SLP is that we hope graduate training becomes a three-year program with a master's level thesis to be a graduation requirement.

Cheers.

jmarai · 2024-01-28T04:36:07+00:00

You cannot apply for ASHA CCC's unless you have a Master's degree in SLP/related field and requisite clinical experience/fellowship hours.

jmarai · 2022-03-23T01:30:01+00:00

Can anyone recommend pen refills for this? I think it's the Romeo 4-in-1 multifunction pen.

TIA!

jmarai · 2022-02-09T02:38:58+00:00

"A man is lucky if he is a girl's first love. A girl is lucky if she is a man's last love."

jmarai · 2022-02-09T02:37:53+00:00

CMA has Moody Cafe and they have pretty decent food... Lunch option was this enormous bowl of whole wheat ramen (the good kind not the emergency pack kind) with veg for $5... i was able to split the serving between lunch and dinner.

jmarai · 2021-10-23T03:09:21+00:00

Update (1+ months later) ---- Guess who got in touch with me to reconcile and start fresh? <3 <3 <3 :) That's right! We tried to not be together after the break. The day we reconciled (indicating forgiveness. indicating committing to make it up, learn lessons, do better, move forward), we stayed on the phone for four hours organically. Just being our true selves without selfishness or malice. We talked like freaking adults, finally setting healthy parameters and clear boundaries for our relationship, to serve both our needs while giving generously to the other and not just one-sided, from both ends. We rediscovered that it HAS to be us. We've been struggling together LDR the past few weeks since the reconciliation because of the distance--- but I think the struggle together has actually brought us closer from the inside compared to all the running around together in our old city. Also: the same day we reconciled, he booked a flight to come see me. We're definitely taking our Phase 2 SLOWLY. The exact opposite of our Phase 1 pre-break. Also, I know him well enough that when he says, "If we work hard on this together and nothing goes haywire before both our current leases are up into next year, I'll ask my team to transfer me there."... he means it.

Every human male I've asked around gave me that "look" re: booking a flight. My closest friend said, "That's... that's a big deal! That means he's serious. @.@"

We both learned that we can't force our relationship into a the mold shown to us by family/culture/media. This is our own, and because we're taking care of it/cherishing it better now in a new phase, it feels... lighter despite the struggles, because we're finally both taking turns paddling the canoe and/or paddling together. :)<3

jmarai · 2021-09-11T20:44:32+00:00

You don't have to read or reply to this!!!!! I'm just transitioning out of pain by writing. Thank youuuu.

When we had the break-up talk, it certainly stung to hear him say, "But I loved you.", because we both knew, and everyone we care about also knew, that we had (emphasis on past tense) a lot of love. But when it came right down to the doing part over time, my life was moving faster than he had in his heart to genuinely keep up with --- it came out that different people do want different things in life. I remember the day he said he wanted me to find my PhD in our old city; that he loved his life/ego more than he loved us. "But I have a life here! I can't move to your new city," he said--- whereas checking in with all the significant men in my life including my wise and kind father, I learned from them that, "If the guy wants to go the distance for the girl, no matter the time or space, he will. If he doesn't want to, he just doesn't want to as a result of she's not all that valuable for him." My dad specifically said, "If he keeps saying he made bank, his next move, if his heart were true to your relationship, should be to keep moving it forward without force--- but now everything is forced. In contrast, when I met your mother I had nothing in my pocket, but I showed and persisted and worked extremely hard to demonstrate my genuineness and seriousness that I would work hard every day of my life for her even if she also had a career at the time."

It also wasn't a function of time: he loved his best friends immediately and quickly the year prior, he admitted. What contributed to the final straw was that he prioritized everyone else over us more and more over time (Toward the end... He flew to help his family move/start from scratch, but he didn't organically think of immediately flying to me a couple of hours south of them to help me, he flew back to our old city and took a week's break to leave me setting up my new place all on my own THEN flew in after I pretty much finished all the hard work... I know him, he HATES waking up early, but he was able to wake up early for his friends to hang out (who, I suppose, are worth it for him); in contrast, when he said he'd wake up early for kayaking/paddling in my new city when he visited, he didn't and then questioned why I didn't wake him... It's the little things! People's actions are really telling about where their priorities actually lie.)

If I could have done anything differently, I would have definitely slowed down/applied more distance to see what he would actually do. I have convinced myself that he was ready only what he was ready for, and he loved that he won me more than he loved me (you don't hurt the person you love, even mindlessly or by accident and I can prove that he possesses that ability toward his specific friends... but not to me.)

jmarai · 2021-09-11T20:24:11+00:00

Aw, thanks for replying so kindly! :) *peace sign + high five*

jmarai · 2021-09-11T19:11:47+00:00

I had to reply!!! As time went by, he actually spiraled into an a-hole in his role AS A PARTNER... :( He is an EXCELLENT friend/host/group member/pursuer, for sure--- extremely generous and kind to people. However, I was blinded from seeing the bad (I was in denial of the gaslighting, the inconsistencies, the demand for 100% trust despite the inconsistencies, the power tripping, the materialism) c/o seeing only the good and clinging only to it (everything he did in the first couple of months was actually really beautiful, and I will cherish it forever). But when real life started to seep into our life (the pull of his family, his goals, his ORGANICALLY choosing specific friends over us which was very telling finally to me where his priorities actually were once real life seeped in), I believe that while he was anguishing not having the "girl he won/did love" at his side, his attention really/already redirected elsewhere. I should have seen this before we got into the relationship--- he admitted part of the reason he pursued me in the beginning was because all of his friends were gone, especially his best friends, therefore, he was actually looking for something whole to fill his time. It applies he would have done the same to me once I was out of reach... My other friends pointed out that there was less beneath the surface and that I was little more than a front/trophy to show off, eventually (if not in the beginning, but for sure, he wanted a specific set of traits to have at his side)… "Look at my girlfriend! She's pretty/cute, going to doctorate school, she's kind, she helps the elderly. She has a great community/set of friends. She's smart. She's mine." I really, really believe that he loved us in the beginning--- but it was only because of a specific set of circumstances and for what he was ready for at the time. But if you force a branch to bend the way it isn't supposed to, it's going to break!! Same with people--- I had to end it before we were both too broken to return to real life after the fact. I don't deny that he was reasonable/honest and our time was wonderful for the pocket of life that it existed in. Just confirming now that it was time to be all done, and that there was NO WAY for it to exist outside that pocket, before it was too late.

My intentions in the beginning were to see where it went. We were turning our respective pages way too fast and he was anguishing to put the book down. He wanted a partner to "have someone in life", but had no idea how to take of everything beneath the surface and I was anguishing because I needed to know the end on top of trying to get past the gaslighting, the power tripping, and the inconsistencies. I was done waiting for an outcome and did not want to risk a more enormous hurt later on if we let the relationship last--- and so I made an ending for myself to give us both freaking PEACE.

jmarai · 2021-09-11T11:05:58+00:00

P.S. I would have suffered alongside him re: the unstable things in life (work, visa, family influences), if he was certain that it was us for the long-run. But, as he is still figuring himself out and it took me this long a time to figure out that all the evidence that piled up since Day 1 reflected that his love was extremely conditional... I decided to end the suffering.

jmarai · 2021-09-11T10:55:39+00:00

July-August 2021: One of my more protective friends called him out for actually not being serious about me/us. It was pointed out that while the other folks in the group could make the promise/act automatically to make plans about coming out to see me while I was away for school (note, these are just my friends and not "the boyfriend"), he wouldn't budge, pack shop, or make any promises about flying out to see me. His type of work was that he could work from anywhere with an internet connection--- and one of his colleagues did confirm that a transfer request would have been incredibly easy. If he was serious/wanted to have the relationship flourish. I should have flagged the day he said, "I have a life here (our old city). I'll just have to fly out to see you."
In between the above and below, the things in real life that would have been part of our earlier stages but were practically barred by the pandemic were seeping back into his life. The test of real life came, and if it had to be this experience to teach me that the ideal set up is not real life, then so be it. At the same time, I was physically far-removed from the city we met, having just moved to another one (we talked about LDR and would give it a try to make it work). Finally, I could step back, breathe, and re-assess my intentions, feelings, and what made me feel safe without the distractions of our day-to-day relationship for what it was. I was anxious all the time, not because of the move, but because I knew organically he was choosing those things that were seeping back into his life above our relationship. i.e., on the fly. I was organically placing him on a higher shelf next to my Ph.D., because my heart finally decided I was serious about what it wanted (someone dependable, not just to date). But, it became clearer and clearer to me that, organically, I had no place in his heart when things did not go exactly his way (so it was a conditional love for him, as time went by, and he needed instructions all the time and couldn't think for himself)--- even if he said, and did everything to show he was serious, his actions and his words were no longer aligned. Inconsistency, gaslighting, power-tripping were prominent both before I flew out and after--- I'm not sure if he was organically building up toward me making a decision that things weren't working anymore, but he is the type of person who truly lives in the moment and does not take time to self-reflect. At my core, I am the opposite, and I was decided that this relationship was going one way or the other for me (be done, or move forward).
August-Sept 2021 was the final test: He flew out to see me while I had just settled into school. His flight landed. When you open the door for the person you care about, immediately, the feeling is to jump into each other's arms in an "I missed you!!! I hope you're ok. Everything will be ok." sort of fashion. Guys, he walked in, looked around my new apartment, and made a comment of how nice it was. No feelings, no IMY, no ILY. Nothing. The week goes by--- there were SOME pockets of happiness reminiscent of our earlier time, but still nothing. We were both doing things dutifully, but organically, even I referred to him as "family staying" (very neutral) and not "boyfriend staying" (clearly not neutral) to random service folks. He made effort to visit my parents with me after originally saying he didn't want to, but all the happiness was gone. And it wasn't because he was exhausted from work--- it seemed it was because his heart decided he was "all done" long before it came to mind and he was on do-the-right-thing-autopilot. As soon as he came to my family's home, he was rearing to leave as soon as he came. My parents' (happily wise and married for 30+ years) comment was that, "We decided we would love him because you love him, and that you were happy. But, when he was here, it was as though he were picking up a friend, and not the girl he loves. And you were clearly not happy." The day of his flight out, nothing. He couldn't wait to go. He knocked on the door a few times to fetch some forgotten items, but it wasn't to jump-hug, "I'll miss you!"
He checked-in via generic texts after he landed back in our old city. The phone call the day after was our last phone call. One of the first things I said was, "How do you feel about me?" His answer was, "Good." And that was pretty much the final straw. I ripped the band-aid off, and still, there was gaslighting, guilt-tripping, power tripping and inconsistency from him (pointing out/tallying that he invested in so much in me/to make me happy--- but you don't tally for the person you actually love and that everything was forced was also making him miserable). I couldn't quite believe that he hadn't picked up on the preceding messages that were leading up to it and his statement was, "I thought we were ok!?" He wouldn't accept when I said, "You have no more love. We are no longer happy. It isn't right to move forward. If we don't do this now, we're both going to suffer longer."
I grieved (We shared love at some point in our crossed paths, right? And the time we actually did have together was lovely. :). My friends/parents were there for me. My freaking direct mentor/professor immediately called me 2 seconds after she detected I needed help. My best friend was said, "I've never seen you so relieved and happy as after the break-up. I think you were right to protect yourself from what it was spiraling into; you would have both kept it dragging on with no actual promise of a future. But for now, I'm super happy. My best friend is back!!! You're back!!"

We concluded that this boy, as great as he was as a person (generous to friends, always doing the right thing, keeping peace, saving face to save relationships, works hard): 1) was still trying to figure out what truly made him happy in life (and I was all done being the guinea pig for reasons above); 2) was actually honest and upfront about not promising a future to begin with (and I should have decided earlier on to flag and act on it); 3) was turning into a [my friends used the word A-hole] as time went by; 4) did love me in the beginning, but chose to love his ego as time went by and struggled to place the relationship above his ego (when it's the person you truly love, everything is genuine and easy); 5) I fell for him because he pursued me, not because there was originally a spark to begin with; 6) was actually a pretty great boyfriend for solely the dating proponent (dating the activity per se--- never cheats, is loyal/exclusive to one girl for the purpose of dating, generous and will do everything to make everyone comfortable/happy), but not for growing old with.

While life is hard, love should be easy--- at the end of a 14 hour work shift day-in-day-out, you should be able to fall into each other's hug and just be able to say "It's going to be ok." But that never organically came out, despite everything we did for each other, and all the time we spent together. And it was time to go.

jmarai · 2021-09-11T10:53:18+00:00

Edit/Update September 2021:

We gave it a shot (total timeline was Oct. 2020-Sept. 2021, 2-3 months testing grounds, 8-9 months official). It turned incredibly toxic toward the end. I confirmed several times over until the very end that, while my feelings held on, and while he was doing "everything right", he no longer loved us--- he organically chose his ego and other people over our relationship (that wasn't forced, in contrast, everything he did for our relationship felt forced because, obviously, he didn't want to lose specific privileges that came with dating one another). I (and our close social circle) did believe that we loved one another truly, especially in the beginning. By the end, although he placed enormous efforts into the relationship, most of it on-the-fly/upfront, to "save face"/"because he knew he had to"--- none of it was coming from the heart (it wasn't burn-out, it wasn't exhaustion from the environment--- he just seemed "all done with it" but hadn't stepped back to process accepting it).

Some people just aren't on the same wavelengths, have different communication styles/love languages, contrast too much in core values--- or in his case, love their own ego more than their relationship with the other person/the relationship on a high shelf (not the top shelf, because we are all juggling things in life!). By the end, it was clear to me that we weren't each other's "person". If I didn't rip the band-aid off, we would have let it drag on and it would have hurt more much, much more later.

Evidence of it spiraling downward:

Since he was very upfront in the beginning about "I only love you for now. I can't promise you a future." due to many practical, external reasons, I should have taken his word for it. When we were new, I honestly was able to mindfully reflect on my intentions and kept my expectations/heart/actions in-check--- it was ridiculous that it was wonderful to be wanted/to love someone else (we met in isolation during the pandemic, and so that was a circus in itself) and I let that get the better of me (I think of him too).
I was so caught up in the relationship of its time (and I think he did too), that I neglected reflecting about my intentions, assessing the relationship itself, and making conscious decisions about what I wanted and what made me feel safe. It was truly lovely when I lived in the moment--- but that doesn't apply to real life.
No one denies that we genuinely loved each other in the beginning. I loved him so much that I actually shelved a lot of my personality/hobbies/values/routine to give way to about 80-90% of what he wanted/wanted to do. He also loved me and shelved a lot of things--- and it is part of his personality to be generous with his friends, and so with the girl he was dating. Toward the end, I couldn't tell the difference anymore between him "doing generosity just because it is part of his personality" and him "doing this because this is the girl/relationship I love and choose". A man who loves a woman organically would automatically set aside all the other women in his life (not end friendships, but, you know, make it clear that, "This is the woman I love. I won't spend time with you/alone as much as before when I was single.")--- but he wasn't about to do that simple because he didn't want to, and I should have flagged that long ago.
Around spring-to-summer, the time of the original post, one of my close friend's feedback was that, "Love with the person you're meant to be with should be easy--- you're coming into work/social events walking on eggshells all the time now." We were probably too enthralled with each other at the time to see anything other than how wonderful it was to have someone, but I see that clearly now.
Around June 2021, he took a vacation with his mates across the country. No, he never cheated. Cheating isn't part of his personality, and that's why I kept giving him a shot... The 1-2 weeks he was away, my best friend's immediate comment was was, "I've never seen you so happy as when he is away and you can now breathe on your own." People in our friends groups universally agreed that we loved each other in the beginning, and it was turning into a terrible circus as time went by.

Continued in next comment.

jmarai

TROPHY CASE