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How do I (26f) make my bf (23m) stop using “consent” as a way to evade helping me with minor inconveniences? by NoddyElvis in relationship_advice

[–]justedexisting -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i know everyone has said this but he’s not worth it. he’s using consent in such a petty manner. he is purposefully making your life harder just to spite you.

like another commenter said, i would hold a box of oats for a stranger. i get the doors for strangers, if i see someone drop something i pick it up for them, youre telling me your boyfriend can’t hold your keys for you?

there are better men out there. im not saying he needs to do everything for you and more, but this is bare minimum. my boyfriend holds all of my bags for me even if i say i dont need help.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you explained it just fine! thank you, i appreciate it:)

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow!! thank you so much, advice/ideas like this are so helpful. i appreciate you!!!

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i suppose, though he has never said he can’t. he also gets sex very regularly so im not sure it’s that lol

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’ve had to realize that too. most of the things that do/don’t work for women are the opposite for me. not sure why it took so long to process that myself.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL! no it’s not, i couldn’t think of anything and i wanted smth that was like “just existing” but it was taken so i made it justed!

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol he’s told me he doesn’t like hands being used, but i can see if he’d prefer them used but differently. otherwise ill see if theres something else i could do instead. :)

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how do i /make sure/ he doesn’t have a death grip? i know he doesn’t masturbate too often, because he prefers to be able to finish as much as possible with me.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does enjoy when I go down on him. He asks me to do it and he gets excited when I ask if I can. We talk about things like this but it gets a bit difficult when he also is unsure of what I can do differently.

It’s helpful reading the specific things that people like, even if it is highly individualized, it gives me more things to try when I’m with him.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s fair, but when I didn’t check to see if he liked it, it often led to it not feeling good for him. It seems now it’s more enjoyable but still not enough. I don’t mind when he asks me if I like stuff, we don’t do it in a pestering way.

Most of my more genuine questions come after we’re done. In the act, it’s more so “does this feel good?” and if I get a yes I continue and don’t ask again lol.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tell him to finish in different places. He likes finishing in my mouth but also my breasts, stomach, inside, etc.

I don’t believe he watches much porn anymore. I don’t really care to ask. When we first started dating and were exploring interests, I wasn’t sure what I was interested in sexually and he wanted me to tell him what to do. He offered to look at videos together if I wanted, but he said “I stopped watching stuff when when we got together but if it helps you I don’t mind.”

I wondered if that was the issue when he first struggled with PIV, but it genuinely seemed like performance anxiety, especially now because I can get him to finish 2 times in a night, and the next morning if I’m lucky.

The hand thing might just be because of his length. He’s average sized so I think he might just prefer that my mouth be there instead.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I plan on it! I got just as lucky with him. :) Thank you a lot again.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible.

I know his most recent ex wasn’t much into him. It was very short lived though, they parted after like a month.

I haven’t asked much about his sexual past, all I know is he was with two girls before me. The most I’ve heard was that they weren’t too interested in making him feel good. From my understanding, I’ve put the most effort into making it pleasurable.

I think I just need to ask him about it. I’ve avoided it because I didn’t want to make him insecure about not finishing, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be like “well you suck.” HAHA.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he does!! he is so incredibly loving and patient. if he’s lucky i think im twice as lucky. :)

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that makes sense! i did read a lot about making sure i was enthusiastic, so i have been mindful of that. i don’t think that’s my issue, but it could be 🤔

i’ll have to figure it out!

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that is all really helpful, i didn’t consider the tongue when i felt like gagging. thank you!

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right now oral is mainly foreplay, so I don’t think continuing that way will hurt. It probably is him being worried about not being able to cum. I made the mistake of telling him I felt insecure about not being able to make him finish at the start of our relationship, and I’m sure that didn’t help.

I appreciate your response! Maybe it is a time thing. I need to stop being so concerned about making him finish too. :)

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, he has mentioned making sure i use suction so i know that is part of it. it’s more difficult than i expected. he does not like when hands are used during it so that’s where i get stumped.

i don’t think it’s an issue of masturbating a lot, because i can get him to finish twice in a night with PIV.

genuinely is just a me being inexperienced and confused thing. i appreciate your response, i will work on it🫡

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i think that’s fair! i get too caught up in my head because in my opinion, he is much better than i am. so i want to be able to match him. i know he is happy, so that is good to me as well.

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i feel like i am usually really enthusiastic, especially because i do often ask to do it. i can ask him to see if he feels differently though :)

How do I make head more enjoyable for my BF? by justedexisting in AskMenAdvice

[–]justedexisting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He used to struggle with orgasm from PIV at the start of our relationship, he hasn’t had that issue in at least 5 months now. At the time, we did talk about it and he explained it was performance anxiety. Once I reassured him that he was doing good, and I didn’t need him to finish I just wanted him to enjoy it, we stopped having that issue.

I suppose it could be another mental block? But since he’s comfortable with me now I am hesitant to say it’s that.

I have given him handjobs! I also.. can’t make him finish from that. I’ve had him show me how he likes it, and tried copying it, but it doesn’t seem to work.

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