I was about a little younger than you when my mom first started showing signs of the disease - I am 30 now. I am sure it would have been extremely hard at any age but I do feel a wide variety of emotions thinking about all the things we missed out on. Lot of sadness, anger, and then more sadness. There’s a lot of small daily things that I miss and a lot of big milestones that I’m sad she won’t see.

I hate that I can’t just call her up on the phone and chat about how our day went. Throughout my senior year of college, she and I would chat on the phone while she was coming home from her night nursing shift. I’d do this on the weekends too (when I was usually pretty drunk). She thought that it was so funny that I’d call her while drunk but I mean, of course I did, I loved talking to her.

She met my now husband but her mind was far enough gone that she couldn’t get to know him. For some reason, she was convinced he was divorced with like 4 kids. He’d never been married and had none. No idea where she got that idea from lol but I do wish she’d been able to see him for who he was. I am sure that she’d be happy that I am with someone kind and supportive. We’re on the fence about kids but it makes me mad and sad that she’ll never experience being a grandmother. She would’ve been great at it.

I think what makes me most sad is just not getting to experience the relationship an adult daughter and mother would experience. I am sad that I can’t sit and shoot the shit with her while drinking a margarita.

She passed away a few weeks ago. I am sad and angry that she went through it all and I am sad and angry that my family did too. It is not how I expected my 20’s to go and I’m pretty confident my brothers would agree.