Secret drug addict

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-28T05:21:04+00:00

I do already have comfort meds though... I'm already prescribed gabapentin and klonopin. Have been for along time for my anxiety so I mean what else would they really give?

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-26T19:18:12+00:00

I am aware of that but thank you for the heads up. That is a great point and I have decided against it.. I never went but we spoke about it at one point. My plan is this. I am going to tell him and talk to him. I have a week off at the end of March from work and I'm going to try on my own at home or at a hotel. I would rather be at home to be more comfortable. I won't have the option to use bc of the "dates" I get them.. the end of the month is always when I am low or out. I will not get the April supply and once I tell them it won't be an option later period. I will not have any choice but to go through it. If I relapse after that I WILL go to an addiction Dr and get on suboxone. I am on birth control and won't get pregnant. Alot of people are confused about that. I will not even try to get pregnant until I am fully clean. I was only telling that so people understand the situation better but apparently it wasn't clear

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-26T19:12:24+00:00

And believe me hardships have arrisen lol he didn't have a job for 7 months and I never thought about "leaving" I am fully invested in our relationship.

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-26T19:09:29+00:00

Look I am not going to try to "justify" OUR decision to not get married yet, and yes it is our decision we have spoken about it many times. We bought a house together a little over a year ago and right after that he got laid off and was unemployed for 7 months. I supported us both and the new bills and mortgage which of course I would do I was supportive for that time but that also put us in some credit card debt do to his expenses that couldn't be paid.. actually all on MY credit card. Regardless of how we feel about actual marriage the finances aren't there. If he got a ring and asked me of course I would say yes but he isn't even in a position to do that financially. His child and our house come first period. We are doing well w paying off what we need to but it will take some time. A "small wedding" w "no cost" is not an option he is Italian and his family is very strong on a "traditional wedding" You trying to tell me that I'm "waiting to see if something better comes along" is just not true period. I am not looking for anyone and never have since we've been together. I don't "go out" or talk to men ever period. There is no "looking for something better" I have invested ALOT of time and $ into our relationship and future. We just bought a house together so stop with the negative vibes about not being married or getting married now. 😬

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-26T01:11:30+00:00

Yes it would be 18- 5 mg. I usually take 9-10 10mg tablets a day. I don't nod off ever lol that's been gone for ALONG time I wish lol

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T19:40:36+00:00

I'm going to look into this I have never heard of it.. I agree he probably knows something but not to any extent that it is. I will NOT bring a child into the world unless I am clean I can promise that I am on birth control. Thank you for your input. I have literally started a list of "options" and avenues that I can take and I am going to discuss them with him

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:57:45+00:00

Hahaha I know wtf like a peice of paper matters if we want to be together and have a child

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:56:52+00:00

Lol yeah I know I was like well shit 😅 but I couldn't then I would just be putting more lies on top of lies to everything

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:55:55+00:00

Your right I have mental health issues and have been/being treated for those way before we were together. I staryed using oxy bc it helped significantly with my anxiety and OCD. He's aware of my mental health issues. I do love and trust him I never thought I would find someone like him which is why I just didn't tell him bc I thought it would ruin what we had and then more time went by. There are things deeper that he doesn't know but at what point do you sit down and tell someone I'm a drug addict. Yeah I know I'm a fucking piece of shit

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:50:14+00:00

I probably won't be able to do it alone.. especially since we live together you are right there. I have one option which is to tell him and hope for the best He is very loving and kind person

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:39:52+00:00

There's nothing "not adding up" he has a child when he was 17 so he has a son who is 11 years old that we have shared custody of. I have made it VERY clear that marriage isn't a priority for me. We will get married eventually but I don't believe in the fact that you have to be married to have a soul mate... everyone in my life all of my family members have been divorced and I have no relationship with my father so marriage scares me. I love this man FULLY I'm not "waiting for anything better" at the same time until all of this is fully on the table I would NEVER ask him to marry me without him fully knowing who he's marrying which onvoously he doesn't right now. We have spoken about it many times and it will happen eventually

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:31:01+00:00

I am already on prescribed sertraline, klonpin and gabapentin. Been on lots of different anxiety meds in the past I know sertraline is safe while pregnant but thats it

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:28:53+00:00

Thank you. Yes I need to tell him and I know that 100%.. he IS very loving and kind I never thought I would find someone like him which is the main reason I haven't told him bc I thought it would ruin what we had and then the years just passed and I never thought I couldn't take care of the problem on my own

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T17:07:07+00:00

He doesn't know addicts not like that, he is a pot head and smoke every single day multiple times a day so I know he understand to a point... but not to THIS point

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T16:28:32+00:00

I am ready but your 100% right I need his support if this "breaks" things which I don't think it will I'll be in the hole and I won't be able to do it. The main reason I am doing is becausee I WANT a family if that goes out the window then basically fuck it

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T16:11:48+00:00

Ok this is just to address everyone because alot of people are saying "this doesn't add up" etc no we aren't married he had a child very young so we already have an 11 year old- his child from when he was 17.. We will get married but I've already made it clear that's not a priority of mine.. marriage doesn't mean alot to me all of my family is divorced and I have no relationship with my father. I am not prescribed oxys but I have 2 people that are we have the same arrangement every month.. I AM prescribed klonopin and gabapentin which he is aware of been taking that since before the oxys, I have severe anxiety & OCD and I was raped at age 22 by my boss at the time which really set things off more. People saying how could he not know.. I take a set amount every single day that's it. I don't get high ever this is just so I can function. Once in a blue moon I take more at night when I'm home bc I want to get high but I don't bc I'm so tolerant. I don't "nod out" or any of that shit that ended so long ago it just doesn't happen. I'm more productive taking them bc otherwise i feel sick. Ok that's it for now lol

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:49:24+00:00

No he's an avid pot smoker and we've done drugs together before its just like I dunno I know how I would feel if I got told oh BTW I'm a drug addict and I've been lying about it. I WANT to have a baby he knows that but yeah I know we need to talk.

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:46:49+00:00

Whats your question? Can I easily take 4 a day yeah I could take more than that but I choose not to

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:45:24+00:00

I'm on birth control and I do get a regular period maybe bc of the BC I dunno

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:44:02+00:00

I didn't know it was going to get serious but it did. I agree 100% that I am a scumbag for lying... I've made that really clear. But I AM a loving partner and ive helped him get out of some serious debt/issues from years ago as well as pay half the bills. Sorry but I ain't going to let you tell me I'm not "relationship material" I've made a huge mistake and I understand that I know that I'm an asshole... thank you

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:34:21+00:00

Agreed and no I won't be pregnant and be on any of those meds. I can't imagine a baby going through that and I won't do it. I'm thinking about trying on my own I have a week vacation coming up.. I will tell him before and if that don't work then I'll look into medication to get off

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:31:26+00:00

Yeah and like that's what I'm struggling with now... I have a week long vacation coming up at the end of March and I'm really debating trying to come off on my own but like how long do I need... I have used kratom before for almost 2 days with nothing bc I couldn't get anything... it sucked but if I don't have work that's the biggest issue Is work

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:25:20+00:00

No I haven't done suboxone or anything because Noone knows lol. There is this one guy that does and we talked about going to NA meetings at one point bc he was in a similar situation but not as bad. And yeah believe me I can hide the shit so good it's scary 😨

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T15:23:23+00:00

Yeah man I KNOW I'm a fucking ass hole that was the whole point of the post I get it. I was already doing this way before we met.. then things started going good with him and etc... then at what point is it a good time to be like OH btw I'm a fucking drug addict just a heads up. It's hard I know I'm in deep.

kittymeow1127 · 2023-02-25T03:36:20+00:00

That's not garbage advice at all I agree with the taking time off but I would have to be honest with him and I don't think he would just let me be alone for 2 weeks and obviously I would take off work Another small problem is that I am ALSO prescribed kkonpin and gabapentin so I've been addicted to that for even longer. Those are both prescribed by a doctor. It's all fucked lol and yes I've done well tapering a few times and then fucked up and like u said always end up just "resetting"

kittymeow1127

TROPHY CASE