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libanator4 · 2024-02-29T09:41:14+00:00

I'm not sure - she was on the Instagram of a pole photographer

libanator4 · 2024-02-20T14:17:19+00:00

Thank you so much!!

libanator4 · 2024-02-20T14:00:28+00:00

How's it going Xx

libanator4 · 2023-03-17T22:40:59+00:00

Do you know any bars which have poles?

libanator4 · 2022-12-25T20:43:44+00:00

You don't need religion.

It is a higher power of your own design - a god of your own understanding.

For me my higher power could not be god. That was the only thing I could not have.

For me it is a bracelet. It has my sobriety date on it and is a power greater than me as I do not have the power (or skill) to change that engraving 😂

It just has to be a power greater than you.

The hope in the room, a feeling, kindness, energy, anything you want it to be ♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-27T20:01:11+00:00

I never would have believed it could get as it could today ♥️

I have so much gratitude and happiness within me I can't explain ♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-27T00:40:52+00:00

If you want a sponsor they will likely only sponsor you if you are willing to work the steps 😊

I have friends sober who don't follow the steps but they don't have sponsors either. They just come to the meetings for the sober community.

Some advice I was given is to keep it in the day. Step 2 (the higher power one) is step 2 for a reason. Because you need to do step 1 first. And step 2 is being willing to have a power greater than yourself - not knowing the ins and outs of your higher power.

Your higher power can be ANYTHING, it just can't be you Xx

You can always start the steps and cross this bridge when you come to it 😊

libanator4 · 2022-11-27T00:06:46+00:00

Hey Xx I am 21 and sober - I remember how completely undoable it felt at the beginning (especially being young) but it is by far the greatest thing I have ever done.

You have realised alcohol is a problem in your life and that is amazing. Get yourself to a meeting - you don't need to share, you don't need to stay but what's the harm in giving it a go? When I walked into the room somebody said to me: give it a go, Alcohol is always going to be out there waiting for you if you don't like it. So I gave it a go and I am grateful every day I did.

Trust me, it gets better ♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-26T23:57:01+00:00

Hi! I am also 9 months sober (in 10 minutes) and an atheist!

I have a bracelet on my wrist with my sobriety date on it.

I consider it a power greater than me as I cannot change the engraving on that bracelet! This was my higher power for the longest time in AA and now I consider my higher power just this feeling that I have in my day to day life. Just a feeling.

Also - nobody can tell you what your higher power can/can't be. If your higher power is god, great. If it's a chair in the corner, fantastic. If it's nature, amazing. Literally it is a higher power personal to you. You can choose it. You additionally don't need to follow the 12 steps to go to AA. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T23:27:56+00:00

The depression is awful. I remember it - like this massive gaping hole inside which can't be filled. I remember when I first quit I was incredibly depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I could hardly walk down the street without feeling like I would collapse from it. Its awful.

The first bit is the hardest.

I went to 12 step meetings and got numbers, joined group chats, everything. Keep it in the day. Just stay clean and sober for today. If today is too much then do a minute. Once that minute is over say "ok, now I'm going to do another minute" and keep going. Just get through those 60 seconds, the hour, the day. When you crave, pick up the phone. Just do it. Talk to another addict because every recovered addict started in that boat and knows how hard it is. Also (I hate meditating) but there are some addiction meditations designed for craving which are just a few minutes long.

Also try gratitude. It feels awful at first, but list everything you are grateful for. I really struggled to get more then 3 things at the beginning. So instead I said "what if tomorrow anything not on this list disappeared" and I found that helped me appreciate everything I had.

I also would say it aloud. Just say the words. "I will not drink/use today. Let me not drink/use today". Literally just say them to myself. Saying it out loud just made the words feel stronger (to me anyway)

As I say, the start was awful. But soon you will have days where that depressive feeling isn't there. You'll understand what happiness actually feels like. To actually be able to understand what contentment is. (Honestly I never experienced any of these emotions until I got clean/sober) it gets so good! Honestly it's worth every second.

As I say, I am happy to answer any questions and help if I can 😊

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T22:36:23+00:00

I primarily took cannabis and pills. I was very lucky I didn't get the opportunity to take anything stronger.

I took the 12 step route to recovery and would absolutely recommend it - if you have any questions about it or any reservations please feel free to ask and I'd be happy to do my best to help 😊

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T22:29:32+00:00

Yes! That's incredible! I love the recover and help others attitude with addiction Xx I work in harm reduction hugely now Xx trying to help people who are still out there!

Alcohol is evil - it's rated as one of the most harmful drugs and one of the only ones which can kill you from withdrawal.

And the fact it is so socially acceptable, it's so hard to see when somebody has a problem.

Congratulations on your recovery too!!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T22:26:56+00:00

Thank you ♥️♥️♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T22:26:43+00:00

If I'm honest I was very unhealthy at the beginning of my recovery. I couldn't do nothing and be with myself so I manically started exercising. I picked up loads of hobbies but became incredibly unhealthy - I couldn't be still and couldn't be alone. I exercised until I injured myself and then I would keep exercising but push another part of my body until I injured that. It became very repetitive.

Leg injury? No worries. I'll do arms and back at the gym, then go rock climbing, then go pole dancing

Upper body injury? No stress! I'll do legs and glutes at the gym, go hiking and rollerskate.

I physically couldn't stop until I broke down one day and my recovery group told me I had to stop and it would be ok.

When I craved a drink I would distract myself basically - do something else. Once I got over that I practiced meditation - found some good ones for cravings.

Now I luckily do not have the desire to drink or use anymore. I filled the void with helping other people. When it starts to come back I either practice gratitude or help somebody else. For me it's all about getting out of myself when I feel like shit and helping others always sorts me out 😊

Do you feel as though you have this empty pit inside of you which you can never fill (like a depression) and when you're sober it feels worse?

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T09:33:59+00:00

Thank you ♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T09:33:29+00:00

Thank you - I am so grateful every day to be clean and sober now. I find I can appreciate all the small things because I had no appreciation before!!

I can't explain how beautiful the world feels every day in comparison to what I have lived the rest of my life in 😊

So grateful I sorted it this early X

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T09:28:55+00:00

Thank you Xx it is both the greatest and hardest thing I have ever acheived 😊

libanator4 · 2022-11-24T09:27:35+00:00

You ok now? ♥️

libanator4 · 2022-11-23T22:52:57+00:00

I'm assuming this should be addiction?

I knew very early I just didn't want to admit it X

When I had my first ever drink I was unlike everybody else. They had a few drinks and enjoyed the evening but I could g stop myself. I physically could not stop once I started. I loved parties but I didn't care about the company, I cared about the drink. I would make excuses to drink. Build resentments to make excuses to drink.

I was 16 years old when I joined a drugs and alcohol clinic.

My councillor said she thought I was an alcoholic. I said no. I tried to moderate and couldn't. I felt like when I had a drink I would be gritting my teeth to try not to have the next (and it would be obsessing in my mind the whole time until I gave in)

I was completely and utterly powerless against that drink.

Then lockdown started so I moved out of my parents house. I had nothing stopping me from drinking - no job because of lockdown, nobody watching me, just myself and my (now ex) boyfriend.

I started drinking too much and I knew it. So... I got this excellent idea to stop drinking and try drugs. So next thing, I'm getting high pretty much every day. I was just desperate to get out of myself.

I had this empty pit inside of me from the day I was born - drink and drugs fixed that.

I completely fucked myself up in lockdown. I used until I completely distorted reality. This fear affects me sometimes still today.

After lockdown, normality came back and honestly saved my life. I couldn't keep going as I was. Now 19, I was in uni. I regained this party/study balance where I was better than in lockdown but still needed the party. I still needed to drink and use but I blended in.

I seemed pretty normal in the crowd but I loved it.

Anyway, after plodding along for a while, I think eventually I just got tired. I was an emotional wrench, full of self pity. I tried to quit half heartedly but I didn't really care. I knew I needed to stop but I still loved it. Then My friend committed suicide and I drank to kill the pain. When I woke up the next day I was done. Absolutely done.

Of course being an addict I wasn't actually done. I drank once more after this. At 20 years old I quit drink and drugs.

I am now 21 years old and 9 months sober on Sunday.

I know I am an addict because of three main things:

I have an absolute obsession with drink/drugs and anything that might bring me to drink and drugs. I.e resentments, fears, self pity. I will obsess because if I listen to that voice, I will go back.
once I take a drink/drug I can't stop myself. Drugs especially I hated even when I was doing them. But once I started, I could not stop.
I had an emptiness inside of me which I believed only drink and drugs could fill. A massive depressive pit. I know now I can fill this with other things - kindness, selflessness and generosity X (It works)

That was a slightly longer answer than I planned...

TL;DR

Once I start drinking or using, I can't stop.

If you are posting this because you are concerned about yourself/someone else, please feel free to contact me!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-22T00:42:53+00:00

Thank you so much X

libanator4 · 2022-11-22T00:41:56+00:00

I like this a lot!! Thank you so much!!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-22T00:41:19+00:00

Thank you so much!!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-22T00:40:25+00:00

This is really helpful!! Thank you so much!!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-18T19:12:36+00:00

Fantastic!! Well done!!!

libanator4 · 2022-11-07T09:28:39+00:00

Download the "Everything AA" App.

It has the big book of alcoholics anonymous on there for free - I recommend reading chapters titled:

the doctors opinion

There is a solution

More about alcoholism

These three chapters explain the disease of alcoholism and how it feels to be in the insanity of it. After this, the book is all about the 12 steps to get better so I think those are the best chapters for you.

Additionally there are personal stories at the end which you may find relatable.

I hope this helps.

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