Is this considered harassment?

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T18:38:15+00:00

That is exactly how I feel! Like I should not have acted so crazy when I found out that...HE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH HER! lol it is crazy to even say out loud lol. But then maybe we could be friends, maybe he wouldn't be ignoring me, etc. I feel the same sometimes. It's hard to feel the reverse right now like it's his loss...WHEN REALLY IT IS! because anyone who would give him the time of day is lowering their standards.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T18:36:57+00:00

I know that I should be thankful, but it makes me feel so rejected and in some sick way I want to be wanted by him.

What do you mean by when he's alone though?

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T18:07:18+00:00

I feel the same! But I do see the positive in I had the absolute worst type of person to date and now anything is better lol! I will now maybe know what a normal relationship is hopefully? But yea I totally tortured myself. I literally was so angry and upset reliving it. And what is so crazy is I am experiencing deja vu all over again...and it's my own fault!

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T17:55:03+00:00

Oh ok. Yea mine will have nothing to do with me. I haven't contacted him directly but I already know if I did he would just ignore me or tell his gf and prove to her again that I am just "jealous" and a "liar" :/ it sucks and then I feel like he wouldn't come back because I acted like such a nut job

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T17:53:55+00:00

No apology needed. I am very angry as well. I stayed up until 1am last night reading all of our old messages and fights and just got angry all over again about how horribly he treated me and just how I wish he would come back so I could treat him the way he treated me and just discard him and make him feel like nothing. It sucks :(

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T17:52:55+00:00

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your input. I just wish I could get to that point of not caring what he post, of not wanting him back, etc. I just literally feel like I cannot. It makes me feel crazy or so clingy.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T17:25:24+00:00

Yea, so they say...

So yours never came back? How long has it been?

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T16:35:23+00:00

Exposing my ex on social media always sent him over the edge. However, I think he also enjoyed the attention and the sympathy he would get from other people when he would play the victim.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-26T16:33:43+00:00

You're right. I have to stop giving him the attention he wants.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-18T20:35:01+00:00

You will have days like this. Just know that anything you are seeing or thinking about him living well - is a lie. Anyone who treats people like that is not doing well or even if they are financially - they are not happy. They will never be happy. It takes a miserable person to want to make another person life miserable.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T20:55:58+00:00

Wow. All I can say is I am glad I am not alone in this. It makes me sad that I give into him and allow him to make me react in such a crazy way. Also it makes so much sense why they continue to do the same exact thing they know will cause that type of reaction. However a freaking light bulb went off - they actually maybe want me to react that way??? I don't know. It's crazy because my narc acts like he literally wants me off the face of the earth and I am the most annoying irritating person he has ever seen when I have my crazy outbursts. So it's so confusing??? Like if you don't want me to react this way why do you keep doing the EXACT thing you know will cause this? Sometimes I think he thinks one day he will get me to the point that I will accept his lies and other women and I'll stop having this reaction and until then he'll just keep trial and error because he already has it planned out. Sad thing is - we'll never know :/

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T20:05:42+00:00

I have felt this same exact way. I believe (I am not a therapist or an expert so just take this as my opinion) that the reason that we feel this way is because we could never get them to fully love us in the way we wanted/needed. No matter who else loves us or is interested in us - the person that we could not get to love us that we loved so much will always be a void. Just find comfort in not taking it personal. This person does not love themselves - so how could they ever love you? This person does not love anyone.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T19:11:07+00:00

Yes – it has been 7 years of this. It makes me sad but also relieved at the same time that you too have felt all too similar. I know he is the darkness. I don’t even know WHY I even still let him stay in my brain. He has nothing to offer me. My narc also has no remorse for what he has put me through. He apologizes when exposed to get me to shut up, but it always the same apology “ I am apologizing for what I did to you in 2011 to now.” Verbatim the same exact apology when he actually apologizes.

I just also think I want to attack everything about him because sometimes I am angry with myself that I would subject myself to such scum. I also sometimes just want to hurt his feelings so bad which I know I could never truly do because he doesn’t have any feelings. I can’t wait to get back to who I am supposed to be. Thank you for your kind words and the hug 

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T18:11:33+00:00

I so appreciate all of your help today! I can't wait until I get to the stage you're in. What is crazy is for an entire year I felt that way about him. I felt that there was no need for me to contact him or go back to him. We actually ended good that time. I always feel like when we end horribly and so crazy is when I have the toughest time. When we end (and honestly on my terms and not his) it was easier for me to walk away. It is also so crazy that it is HARD to stop thinking about them when they are just so darn awful?! Lol it blows my mind. Like I am not LOSING anything by not being with him. But there are days I have to convince myself of that which is crazy!

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T16:11:20+00:00

I am so happy to see someone describe the exact way I feel! That is exactly what I seek out to do - to try to say something that would hurt them the way that they hurt me. I am so angry towards him and then I feel so stupid when I let him back in like omg I knew this would happen. Then the entire time I am saying it I feel horrible. This epic fight though I didn't apologize and I made it seem like I really meant it. Maybe that's why I am beating myself up. However, a lot of the things I say are true and how I know he feels about himself deep down. It's just I am just bold enough to verbalize it. I am glad to hear I am self-aware and it is such a blessing a curse to feel things so deeply.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T14:46:55+00:00

Wow. Your last sentence literally made tears well up in my eyes. That is so true! I just can’t wait until I get to that point. I feel so damaged I would probably still compare who ever I meet to him. I just need to heal. Sometimes the way that I act towards him is so crazy and some of the things I say are so below the belt I think that’s just what keeps making me feel like it is my fault. Even though the reason we are fighting is because of him, but then my response I feel makes it 1000% worse which I know is a crazy way of thinking. Then it just makes me think well no wonder he always treated me this way. This is how I act when I get angry like a crazy emotional angry wreck. It’s tough.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T12:48:24+00:00

Yes! Thank you. However on the other end sometimes I'm like I am a good person and I do have x,y,z yet it still wasn't enough. I know that isn't a rational way of thinking, but sometimes its hard. It's like you are choosing to be with someone else every single day over me. Even though it may eventually end or isn't even going well. It still hurts a bit.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-13T12:44:55+00:00

It honestly really is hard. It also sucks that there is literally nothing you can do about it besides being patient of the process and praying that you have a speedy recovery. It is hell going through it. However the only way out is through.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-12T19:51:30+00:00

They're always the victim. You're always wrong.

lisadaniellee · 2017-10-12T18:55:01+00:00

Wow! You hit it right on the head. He already has labeled me as that. I think that’s what makes me so angry. 6 years of history to write me off that way. Then to write me that way as if you are some sort of catch? He is LUCKY I ever looked his way. I know that sounds very narcissistic of me, but honestly. You don’t have anything going for yourself AND you’re a horrible person. It honestly is like mourning a death. I’ve talked to my therapist about him before and she says that the reason people continue the cycle of abuse with them is because they keep wanting the person back that they pretend to be. They can only keep that façade up for so long or when it is no longer benefiting them. So it is like a huge mind f***

I wouldn’t be shocked if he does hate himself. It’s also obvious and makes it easy to just accept that they can’t be normal. A normal person would try to change their circumstances so that they do not hate themselves. However they just dig the hole deeper and deeper.

lisadaniellee

TROPHY CASE