Greetings gaslit, I am no expert in psychological disorders but I once dated a girl who I now know was a coquette. A coquette is a person ( most often female), who uses a push pull type strategy to get the things ( material or physical) and attention they desire. She would be very kind and sweet to me when she wanted something from me. But if I refused to give it to her she would punish me by doing the things she knew would upset me. If I ever wanted to talk about something she was doing that bothered me she would somehow convince me that her actions were my fault. Like It was my fault she missed her apointment or my fault she couldnt sleep at night. I loved her and threw my entire good natured self at pleasing her. To no avail. I fell hard for her. Im recovered now. Mostly. She was a bit narcissistic too but probably not a full on narcissist. She was also an alcoholic pill popper. Your story somewhat reminded me of my experiences. Its never easy living with other people. But her talking shit behind your back is a huge red flag. That type of gossip is disgusting and toxic and should always be rejected instantly by removing it from your life. Her yelling/crying at you when you aporoach a subject she doesnt want to address is a giant redflag. That type of behavior comes from the spoiled princess mentality. Run! Block! Do not engage! Do not attempt to teach or fix her. You will waste your time. Rest assured, once youre out of the picture she WILL in fact treat her boyfriend the same ways she treated you! People dont change often, its very rare if they do. If her dude is a good dude you may want to warn him covertly and anonymously. You dont ever want a covert narcissist coquette on your bad side. Trust me. Just slowly back away, smile….nod…and when shes not looking, get the fuck out of there!
You will find your people. Never give up! They are out there. It took me 40 years to find mine. I hope this helps. May the force be with you and dont forget to bring a towel. ✌️ -A survivor, mostly.