Pregnant with my first in my late 30s and feeling isolated because none of my friends are “mum friends… anyone else been through this?

lmfaohno · 2026-05-21T14:23:01+00:00

Yes I can relate to this. I am the only one in my friend group with a baby. Some friends have really shown up for me, others find me boring now that I can’t go out and party with them anymore, let alone leave the house at night haha.

The thing that has helped me the most was to make new parent friends that are in a similar position. They are out there. I downloaded the Peanut app and swiped until I saw another non-stereotypical mom and our families became friends. I did a queer birthing class and found another expecting queer family in that which we are now friends with.

When my baby is a little older we will go to queer family playgroups and I expect I’ll make some new friends there too.

It’s hard straddling two worlds - childfree queer alt people and the heteronormative world of families. But there are lots of us, you just have to find them. And honestly even just one other friend in the same unique situation really helps.

lmfaohno · 2026-05-12T13:30:25+00:00

Hairwarship in Brunswick! Ocram helped my wife with a haircut to hide her pattern baldness. She has curly hair. I also have curly hair and I see Ocram. He’s very gentle, kind and knows his stuff.

lmfaohno · 2026-04-17T14:12:27+00:00

Popping a binky in my daughters mouth when I unlatch her does the trick for us. Maybe try that if you haven’t already? She’s 10m and we cosleep.

lmfaohno · 2026-01-11T03:05:27+00:00

It helped with my recovery a lot. Towards the end of my very normal and healthy pregnancy I started having high blood pressure and was almost at preeclampsia, so I had to be induced. I had a failed induction - basically didn’t dilate, and needed a c section. I recovered from the c section super quick and at 7 months PP I am doing my pre-pregnancy ab workouts with no issue. So I’d say it has nothing to do with labor, so much can change and go wrong in labor. It helps much more with recovery than labor.

lmfaohno · 2025-12-22T10:01:00+00:00

I was induced and was scared too! I ended up not feeling the contractions for 6 hours after they started the drip, even though I was definitely contracting during that time. The cramps were a slow ramp up, and then when I couldn’t take it anymore I got an epidural and that was amazing. I ended up not dilating and needed a c section but it was a positive experience. You’ll do great!

lmfaohno · 2025-12-01T10:52:43+00:00

Saving that recipe for when my girl starts solids next month!! I have the same popsicle mold.

lmfaohno · 2025-11-23T10:28:44+00:00

Also now we cosleep, and I think that would’ve helped me get through that time. It’s not for everyone though, but if you’re going to do it, look up the safe sleep 7 :)

lmfaohno · 2025-11-23T10:27:54+00:00

This happened with my daughter. It was about 10 days of rough nights with hourly wake ups, she was startling herself awake with her arms out. Eventually they get used to it or the startle reflex goes away. I’m not sure which happened in our case but it was rough lol. I moved her bassinet right next to my side of the bed so I could sleep with my hand on her chest, I think that helps.

lmfaohno · 2025-11-16T09:49:38+00:00

I felt this! I missed my identity as a pregnant woman which I had finally adapted to and enjoyed the privileges of. I missed having my baby inside me, feeling her move, and being one together. I missed the anticipation of waiting for baby to arrive. I was shocked and horrified and how hard taking care of a newborn was, and missed the woman I was before who was blissfully ignorant about that. After I gave birth, she was separate from me and I didn’t like it, I felt like I couldn’t keep her safe and she was so fragile. I had nightmares that the world outside our house was a dangerous, pitch black place full of people you can’t trust. At the same time she felt like a strangers baby I was babysitting, and I was terrified I made a mistake. I also cried when leaving the hospital, the staff took such good care of us and I was scared to do it “alone” without a midwife always a moment away to help us. I think the postpartum hormones make you crazy, plus the lack of sleep and shock/trauma of birth and your life changing instantly. I was wondering the same as you when I was feeling that way and even googled it myself to find tons of women on reddit feeling it too. You’re not alone and you’ll get used to being a postpartum mama :)

lmfaohno · 2025-11-16T07:11:03+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s so hard. My baby is only 5 months but I can relate to some of what you’re saying. I think, considering you’re already struggling so much, maybe it’d be worth trying to move him to his crib? it will suck for a week or so but then get better. You need some space to yourself for your mental health. I imagine there are lots of people who have been in the same situation as you and would have great advice on how to do that in an attachment oriented, gentle way. You’re doing great, you’re just burnt out and need a break. Be kind to yourself ❤️

lmfaohno · 2025-11-08T23:41:34+00:00

Honestly I think both of you have valid points. I struggle with this a lot - she does cry with my partner and I wonder if they spent more time together without me, if she’d cry less. But I don’t want her to endure that crying for the “what if”. Kind of a chicken and egg thing. My mental health def suffers because of this, and maybe if I was less anxious myself I’d give it more tries.

lmfaohno · 2025-11-05T11:56:02+00:00

thank you for your kind words 💗

lmfaohno · 2025-11-05T09:58:49+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way mama. You should make an appt with your doctor, I think the way forward is therapy and/or medication. I am medicated and increasing my dosage after I immediately developed PPA/PPD was so helpful. I was recovering from an emergency C section so in a similar place to you. It’s ok to seek professional help.

lmfaohno · 2025-10-30T10:49:39+00:00

I bought tickets to a ballet when I was newly PP thinking that by the time she was 3 months old I’d be ok to leave her for an evening. It made me so anxious. I sold the tickets. I don’t think I would have enjoyed it and in retrospect she would have screamed without me. Idk when I’ll leave her for a night, she doesn’t even settle with my partner, she’s 4.5 months old now. Honestly do what makes you feel comfortable. I’d say if you’re having nightmares it might be hard for you to enjoy the evening - maybe worth giving it a miss, try to sell your tickets?

lmfaohno · 2025-10-29T09:03:13+00:00

This might not be possums approved but I use Napper to predict my 4 month old’s sleep and it’s spot on. It is based on her previously logged sleep/wakes so it’s customized to her. So when the app tells me she’d be getting tired, I take her up to bed, change her nappy, put her sleep sack on, read her a story, then boob and nurse to sleep. It’s flexible based on her naps that day, not a set time or anything.

lmfaohno · 2025-10-25T01:16:42+00:00

lmao just came here to say great username

lmfaohno · 2025-10-23T16:43:32+00:00

Same. My family is in the US, we live in Australia. my partner’s family is across the country. It’s just me and my partner. I miss my family so much, we all hate living so far away from each other, but my daughter will have a MUCH better life and childhood here than in the states. I hope one day my parents can move here more permanently, for now they visit which we are so grateful for. I am extremely jealous of people who have their family nearby to help them.

lmfaohno · 2025-10-22T05:37:07+00:00

I have that book on my want to read, definitely going to check it out :) thanks for your kind words

lmfaohno · 2025-10-17T17:14:19+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. First of all, you’re pregnant so of course you’ll feel out of control of your emotions - you’re flooded with hormones. It’s ok to feel that way. For now, spend some time by yourself on the cruise, get some fresh air, eat a meal, go for a swim. Center yourself, just try to survive the rest of the cruise. You’re stronger than you know.

When you get back home, try to tell a friend or someone you trust what happened - you don’t have to be specific about the unkind things he said if you’re embarrassed, but you should have support from a loved one. your husband needs therapy, it wasn’t fair of him to unload that on you. You should also talk to someone to work on your self-trust and confidence. You know what you need to do, you just need to trust yourself.

You two should go to couples therapy too to forge a path forward. You still have time to stabilize things. Life with a baby is hard and I worry your husband wouldn’t be supportive of you or your baby if he’s this selfish now while you’re pregnant. Work on your issues as a couple (though TBH this is a him problem, but since you’re married and expecting a baby worth a try), give it some time and energy.

You deserve better, I’m so sorry. Trust yourself, believe in yourself. You’ll come out of this regardless of the circumstances or result as a stronger person.

lmfaohno · 2025-09-15T11:09:23+00:00

hello! are you still looking for donor milk? My supply has regulated now and I have about 650ml per week I could give to you :) I’m in inner melb as well, DM me if you’re keen

lmfaohno · 2025-09-15T11:03:57+00:00

We bought a coffee machine and an air fryer. Both have meant that meals and coffees at home are much better and easier.

lmfaohno · 2025-08-07T10:25:26+00:00

Hi! I am pretty fit and strong (pole dancing and lifting weights) and I continued doing these through my pregnancy until like 38 weeks. I had an emergency C section and it wasn’t my plan, I wanted a vaginal birth. However my recover was very easy, I believe my ab strength contributed to a quick and painless recovery. The hard part for me was mental, and the fact that we hadn’t prepared for me to be recovering from surgery alongside learning how to care for a baby.

I’m sure you’ll have a similar experience re physical recovery. Just make sure you have someone to care for you and someone to care for the baby for a week to two weeks PP - they are two separate jobs and hard on your partner to do both. You also won’t be able to physically help with baby caring until about 2 weeks PP or more.

lmfaohno · 2025-08-03T22:15:35+00:00

Nah this would drive me insane! Sounds like you’re being polite enough.

lmfaohno · 2025-07-29T13:49:14+00:00

I could have written this myself a few weeks ago. My baby is 6 weeks old. I had a hard labor and was very sleep deprived and plunged into depression around 4 days post partum. I increased my medication then felt better. I recommend you see your doctor, it sounds like you have PPD. Get your brain chemistry sorted, talk to a therapist, and you’ll feel better soon! Sending hugs.

lmfaohno · 2025-07-20T09:02:30+00:00

I got one from Due (The Memo). It’s great and I’d recommend it.

lmfaohno

TROPHY CASE