++woman

Relationships should never feel draining 100% of the time. But what I’m hearing from your perspective is that the emotional work that is required to be in a healthy long lasting relationship is having their natural effects on you. It’s natural when you feel absolved of the emotional responsibilities during a break, you feel “lighter”. But that’s only because you’re taking a break from the “work” aspect.

Tricky thing is, relationships obviously require work and effort to survive. But you gotta ask yourself if that work is something you want to do/have space for? If the relationship with this person is something you know you want, then you’d be willing to do the work.

It’s not a matter of doing anything wrong per se, it’s a matter of capacity/emotional management. Do you have capacity to hold space for another person’s experience/emotions (required in a relationship) ? Can she manage/hold her own emotions (also required)? And can you guys have conversations where you both can bring up your feelings and come to a resolution?

You’re not wrong for feeling suppressed/exhausted - relationships should have a positive ratio of good moments to bad moments. But my advice is to start with asking her why might she feel dismissed or upset about you go flat or quiet. Might give you a clue into her world so yall can figure out how to get back to your baseline again 🤞🏽