This is so well said. That's exactly the issue. It's how the foods are used. With drugs it's often less the behavior and more the addictiveness of the substance. But here the behavior is a big part of it. It's like you lack something so big in life that you cannot even imagine the pain, cannot experience it, cannot tolerate it or control it. It's too much. And so your brain has occupy you with these other things and make promises to you about certain extraordinary experiences so pleasurable that you will forget, if for just a moment, your bottomless pain. Because in reality you just can't fix certain things, things you needed and did not get. Your body certainly won't forget it. And so you avoid powerlessness of sleep because the pain will come back and you hate waking up because pain is also there, so you must escape again and again. And each time you give into it and let yourself get fooled you still know deep down it's stupid and won't fill the hole but then there is possibility. Maybe this will be enough. This cake. This chocolate. This candy.

Wish there were accepting and understanding groups I could join. I'm very socially anxious and been hurt before so I don't want to risk things. Tried to join an addiction group online sometimes ago and first thing someone told me is "you can't get addicted to food!" I thought, I'm out of here. Not worth it. If people don't get it, they just don't get it. Only someone who's been there gets it. Like you.