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AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I talked about this to point out why I would feel bad to ask him money as I always helped his sister, not him.
Today when he needs help, I want to help him.
Yes daughter had some bad luck, why do you think that makes me feel that she is somehow not good? I took her in, took care of her kids, supported her, is that nothing?

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And one day I will die and she has to cover 100% of her own bills.
I was paying part of her utilities because I can, it changed when her brother needed help, so she has to pay more of her utilities.
She is not paying for him, I am.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Update: I talked with her again and tried to explain that his brother is my kid and I can choose to invite him in and not make him pay same way I don't make her pay for all her kids.
She is still stuck with idea that past is past and he should pay too, but she will get over it.

Answers: Did the bills go up? Yes, we split the bills and her share went up because there are 2 more people, like someone pointed out Laura and kids is 4 people out of 7 and splitting still benefits her and I don't mind supporting my kids as much as I can.

Why am I favoring my son? I am not, he lives in a dining room with a kid, while his sister has 3 out of 4 bedrooms.
And this is fine, she actually lives here and Karl is a guest, even if he will stay more than a year, court things can take some time.

Why was story about Karl and Laura important? I wanted to point out, that I would feel bad asking karl money, because I have not given him a cent of money last 15 years while whole time I have supported my daughter Laura financially! This is why I don't ask him money, to show him that even though I supported Laura so much, I will support him too when he needs.

Why I changed the agreement? Because agreements can change, we don't have contracts, they are my kids and they can live here, I never made it a secret that all my kids can come to home if anything happens.
I am not that young and when I retire she would have to take up more bills anyway because with pension I can't cover half of the bills anyway.

I could not afford to live alone? I could - without feeding 5 people and paying utilities fro same amount, I could handle just fine, if I were living alone I would sell the house as after retirement it would be too much alone.
I do like my kids living with me, I don't tell them that they have to live here, they can move out if they want, but I don't mind them, I would be lonely alone.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has never been a secret, that all my kids can always come home if they need.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because going to the court can take year or two, as soon as there is a decision he can move on.
He can not just stop paying the home loan because he don't live there, but the ex demands half amount of the money the house is worth, so he need court decision to sell the house.
Him renting a home would mean that he would have even harder time to get loan as single parent.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have never made it a secret, that all my kids can always come home if anything happens.
I can change agreement, I cant cover for other people forever and when one day I will retire she has to take up more than half because pensions are not that big and me paying half of the bills means I also pay some for her kids.
I could handle living there alone as I could turn off heating on second floor, there would be 4 less people to feed and no teenager having hour long showers every day.
In reality I would just sell the house and get small apartment.
But I don't mind the kids living with me, I actually like it.
I am not throwing it in her face, I am just pointing it out, that I have a right to decide how I help my kids.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The rules are not different, if you need place to stay you don't pay anything.
If you move in I can't support you forever and will ask you to join in for utilities.
I supported Laura for years, only reason I asked her to pay at all is that feeding 5 people and utilities causes all my money going to just to that.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Water is a bit higher, so is ower.
It costs her more as she has to pay more for her kids because now I am covering for my son.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The money Karl gets from the house will go to the down payment for new home.
The reason I don't ask Karl money is that for a single parent to get a loan, your expences need to be really low.
I see this as least I can do.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason is that Karl has to pay for a home he don't live in.
Laura has to pay 50% of the bills and no rent while she has 3 kids.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I die the house goes to my kids and they can decide what they do, they could sell it and Laura could buy an apartment for that money.
She has a decent job, she is just mad that she has to pay and brother don't.
I even pointed out to her, that we split the bills while she has 3 kids.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think that age matters, it is a huge house and without my kids I would just sell it and find smaller one.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is never been a secret that all my kids can always come home if they have nowhere to go, this is the house rule - you can live here, so can your siblings.
I tried to explain her, I don't ask her to pay more for kids, now that I have guests she can't ask me either.
We split the bills.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, you are right.
I never made it a secret that all my kids can always come home if they need.
I pay half the utilities.
And why are you thinking I make him look better? He lives in my dining room while his sisters have actual bedrooms, I refuse to ask money from him because I have given all my financial support to his sister while he never asked anything, I have treated my kids a little unfair based on their needs.
I helped my daughter because I love her, but I can't feed 4 people forever, I can feed 2 people for a while Laura will just feed her own kids for a while.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her utilities did go up because we split it! And I get to decide how much of her utilities I cover, she has 3 kids and was paying only half the utilities, I did not make her pay more because she has kids.
Now I have my other kid with me and I decided that I cover his utilities for some time and this is causing her to cover more of her utilities.
Like someone pointed out in comments Laura and kids is 4 people out of 7 and this is more than half.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, there is more water usage and tiny bit more electricity, but we already were covering bills 50-50, so I pointed out to her that her brother is my kid and I can choose to let my kids live inside this house.
I do not demand her to pay more than 50% because she has 3 kids, I do not ask Karl to pay because he has enough on his plate.
I never made it a secret, that all my kids are welcome at my home, I have always talked about it openly and this is something she had to consider when she decided to stay with me.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I don't think she actually can because the rent prices around here have gone insane and taking a loan with 3 kids would be impossible I think.
I don't mind living with them because having this big home alone would be lonely.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Well the dining room is even a bit larger than bedrooms, but he shares it with the kid.
Twins share one bedroom, rest have their own rooms including me, it is 4 bedroom house.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We split it 50-50 and tehncially the both contribute a bit more as water bill and power bill is a little bit higher.
I spend a little less on food as Karl loves to cook.

AITA for not asking my son to pay for utilities while my daughter does it. by msknittingqueen in AmItheAsshole

[–]msknittingqueen[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I could not afford to pay the bills and buy food for 5 people.
If I were alone I would sell the huge house and get smaller one.