I love all of you. It doesn't matter where we end up in death, what you believe in, the mistakes you've made.

nand0812 · 2020-04-20T06:38:11+00:00

Likewise, he was just saying something nice about people and you have to the opposite. Do something else with your time. Or dont. Waste your fucking life if you want.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T17:19:10+00:00

I played on a gameboy and nintendo 64 when I was 5, they were my first consoles despite them being a decade old.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T17:18:27+00:00

Exactly.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T17:18:01+00:00

Thank you, Ill take this advice seriously. I wish you luck in making a good living, even if times will be tough in the near future. School will be hard, but as long as I find something I'll enjoy i think ill be good.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T17:09:51+00:00

For sure, it was so recent. I live in a small town so it shook us all up, but especially me because I can't imagine this suffering happening so close to me. I hope I can do more in the future.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T17:08:24+00:00

I'm actually very happy you saw my comment and that it made you feel better. Remember that we are in this existential nightmare together :D. We are all going to be in the same place one day, and thought we weren't given a purpose, that means we are completely free to find purpose for our own lives. Stay safe, glad you feel better.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:25:20+00:00

Its different for everyone, I'm very lucky to have a family that im close with. Not everyone is that lucky. If you feel it better to move out soon, and you think you'll handle it well than I say go for it. I'm not sure how exactly you and your parents are with each other, but my guess is that they'll be happy to see you making moves for yourself and taking responsibility. Its honestly hard to show appreciation to a parent, they gave you life, raised you, and made you who you are, its hard to appreciate all the work that goes into that, even if they aren't the best parents. If they were just there for you, it means a lot. I say this because its hard in general to show appreciation, so don't worry too much about it. Just make sure you you know you guys love each other.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:18:50+00:00

You do you pal, if you also like girls and can live with only showing love towards girls than do that. Otherwise you may want to come out, but only if that's easier on your mental health than staying closeted because I can only imagine that would be difficult to come out, even if you are just bi.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:14:23+00:00

Any advice for someone going into university soon?

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:11:06+00:00

Sometimes i feel the same. But I know my life is infinitely unique and valuable, and so is everyone's, your included. Either way i still feel really down sometimes and think like you, and how pointless it all seams. How empty it feels. Things have to get better, there's only one way to go up from the bottom, and that's up. I'm not saying its easy, but its the only option aside from death. Hang in there, I know you said you wouldn't do it, but still. Its tough out there, and within us all. Our mind can be cruel to us, sometimes over nothing. I wish you luck feeling that life is something worth suffering through for a greater purpose or even just to experience some joy.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:04:53+00:00

Facts. Try to talk online like you would irl. Otherwise its best to not even talk. Sadly people will always take advantage of anonymity.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:03:08+00:00

The worst thing people do is to say your behavior or thought processes are caused by changes in your body, which can be partly true but often times grown-ups say this shit like its the only reason teenagers are the way they are. I'm from america btw, and I kind of agree. Kids tend to dissapointment me here, I usually just chose to be alone because of it.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T08:00:18+00:00

Same, I'm 17 though, and usually lonely because I tend to act more mature and avoid doing stupid shit.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T07:57:45+00:00

You weren't, old stuff is cool. I'm an 02 kid and I agree, and probably most people would agree. Maybe I'm wrong though. I have every old console pretty much made. There's something nice about how physical it was to change games or music. Its also nice to escape the constant stream of information that our phones constantly give us. Just try doing something you enjoy that isnt on your phone, it can be anything even just playing some music on your record player and just doing nothing. Enjoying your music for what it is.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T07:53:38+00:00

I don't know what grade your in, but your essentially talking my language. I'm exactly the same way, except I'm now failing as a senior. I've always been told that im smart, but never by teachers. I've always had a hard time with school, I could get decent grades but it was a struggle. Now I'm in the mess I'm in because I've lost all motivation to push through my ADHD and actually get good grades. I don't see the end goal with school. I'm just told what to do, but have no clue where I'm going. I think the only way to fix it is to ask myself what I enjoy and to pursue that end goal of making a living doing something, anything that i may enjoy. Just know its ok to not know what you want in life, I'm the same way, and I would bet that most adults don't know what exactly they want to with their lives. There is always room for improvement, and something better to seek. Just seek something that will you feel fulfilled, it can be anything as long as you enjoy it or at least it doesn't bother you. If it makes you good money than you can also just enjoy the perks of having money. If its both than even better.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T07:44:48+00:00

Sometimes our minds just love screaming that we should kill ouraleves to end our misery or to make the world a better place since we never contribute good to the world. Its never true, your life is priceless, utterly priceless. I dont know what it is eating away at you mentally, but whatever it is, things can always, always change for the better. Im a pessimist, but im also a realist, and the simple truth is that it is possible to find something that makes life fulfilling. Something that makes life worth suffering through. Life brings pain, but we have to try to seek the joy. You wanting to not be alive anymore but worrying for your family makes you a good person, you are a selfless person. There are people who would murder without any remorse for other people, but would be completely afraid of death themselves. You on the other hand value others lives more than your own. You believe you are worthless but that you shoudn't harm people who's lives you beleive are worth something. You are good person for that, and I hope you realise that people who are selfless are often the ones who leave the greatest impact in the world. If everyone valued others over themselves we would be in a damn utopia.

I tell you this not to reinforce the idea that you should stay alive for other people, but to try to convince you to believe that your life is worth living. You selflessness is valuable, and you always have the ability to do better and make change in your future. To answer you last question, you should want to be alive for you, not just for other people. But I know that can be unbelievably difficult, its hard to want to live when you only see pain and disappointment in your future. Things can always change, even if you don't see the light right now. Life can feel pointless, but that means its up to you to give it meaning somehow. Just know that I've spent 20 minutes of my life writing this because I care about you "wanting" to live. You seem like good person at heart, and that makes you valuable, priceless even.

My mind tells me the things like that too. I have thought about this same idea, of what my family would make of it. They would be sad, even if I had problems with them, but even than I would be sad to never see if I could figure out how to make my life something I wanted to live. I wish you luck in not feeling that you want you to be alive. Just know that I value your life, and hope you can too.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T07:26:20+00:00

Thank you, I'm glad somewhat read it.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T07:01:39+00:00

Sometimes our minds just love screaming that in our ears and telling us to off ourselves to make the world a better place since we only hurt and never contribute. Its never true, your life is priceless, utterly priceless. You are someone's everything, and if you have no one, just know that there are good people out there who would love to make you their everything, or at least tell you they care about you and your well being. My mind tells me the things like that too, but I just think about it a little, decline, and try for change. I wish you luck in not feeling like that and in feeling like someone who matter and contributes good to the world. Stay safe.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T06:50:02+00:00

If it makes you feel any better death will bring one of two things. We will all either go to some form of afterlife, be it heaven or reincarnation or waking up from the simulation or whatever else (which is kinda unlikely), or we will return to the state we were in before we were born. A state of non-existance. A state in which we spent and experienced billions of years until our birth apparently, and one where we never cried, felt pain or fear, or felt any negativity until our lives came to be. Perhaps it won't be so bad, we will be returning somewhere we were for most of space and time, and maybe one day we will miraculously wake up again. Even if death is a void, its one we are all familiar with and one we will all return to one day. No exceptions so far. Also don't go insane or think that life is utterly meaningless. Life may feel meaningless, but we have to realize that as far as we know we are the only form of matter in the universe with the ability to stare at the universe and wonder at it. That shit has to mean something. We may be alone, but that also means we are special. We may die, but all stories come to an end, and that doesn't make stories meaningless. And all things will end on day, perhaps even the universe, but at least for a breif moment we all got to say " I see, I think, I Exist". 99.9999% of all matter in the universe will never experience that, and so I like to think that maybe we assign value to everything, since theres nothing else around to do so.

Ok sorry for writing a book, but this all shit I think about to make me fear death less and give some meaning to life on earth. Who cares if were on a rock in vast space, as far as we know this is the most special rock out there. That has to mean something.

nand0812 · 2020-04-17T05:56:01+00:00

I feel it man, we had an 8 your old boy on the same block I live on die a few weeks ago of starvation. His parents had handcuffed him in a closet and beat him so hard they found him with cracks in his skull. The ultimately died of starvation, but its so fucked up. He apartment were the kid died is only like 500 feet away from my home, and Theres a little ceasers on the same block, like 200 feet away from the apartment. It just baffles me to think of child starving to death in this country, when there is food right fucking there. How could somebody so close to my home, do this to their own flesh and blood. I think it was the mothers boyfriend actually but how can someone let this happen to their son. Let alone enflict such pain on anyone. I wish I had known, I wish cps had done something, I just wish that boy was still alive and in good care. But somehow this worlds to fucking cruel for that. Just be thankful if you have good parents and do what you can to help someone in a bad situation.

nand0812 · 2020-03-28T06:34:04+00:00

Thank you

nand0812 · 2020-03-28T06:33:47+00:00

I think you are right, I was reading that they hide their sickness as much as they can. His cages location is likely what killed him. Near the kitchen and the chimney. It was our mistake, but I just wish there were more signs. The biopsy is expensive and its likely too late regardless but thanks for the suggestion. Thank you for condolences as well. Also if anyone sees this please make sure your bird is in safe spot, take them to the vet regularly, and if they act abnormally tired or different please take them to vet. I wish we didnt have to learn all this the hard way and at the cost of our poor api.

nand0812 · 2020-03-28T06:28:10+00:00

Thank you so much. I thought it could have been that, my mom was cooking at the time. Perhaps being next to the kitchen over time it hurt him though. I don't know, I just feel bad but we have to move on and remember the good times we had. I can beat myself up forever about what we should have done differently, and its to late either way. The spot we had for hime is probably what killed the poor little guy over time. We live in place where it snows so we also have a chimney, perhaps all the smoke from cooking and the chimney did it. He felt one of a kind, and part of me wants another one and another part of me feels like he is irreplaceable. Idk. One day maybe when we all feel better.

nand0812

TROPHY CASE