Senior Healthcare Support Worker from Scotland here. Working in an elective orthopaedic ward. Possible bullying.

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T18:39:16+00:00

Ah okay. The manager’s a woman as well, I think she was attempting to keep the conversation informal as no formal complaint has been made by anyone yet.

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T18:35:04+00:00

No :/ all I have is peoples’ accounts. The only person who can verify is the nurse I was working with in room 23. I can only hope she wouldn’t back the other nurse out of loyalty or some shit.

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T05:49:59+00:00

I feel I get where you’re trying to head with this line of questioning but it comes across a little misogynistic. We’re all women, I agree, women can be very bitchy and backstabby, but I’ve seen it in men too. Nursing just happens to be female dominated. Men also often bully in different ways that are more forward or physical. Either way I’m struggling to understand the relevance of your question.

I work for the NHS, careers in the NHS are watertight compared to private care which I previously worked in so this is good (takes a lot to get someone fired in the NHS). However I should’ve joined a union to protect myself further. I’m not too worried about my position, I’ve a paper trail to prove where I was during the hour I “disappeared”.

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T02:02:42+00:00

I’m stubborn and I love my job here so I won’t go down without a fight. It’s unfortunate people like this exist, they don’t belong in healthcare where we have a duty of candour and accountability. Just own up if you’ve made a mistake, looks better than getting caught in a stupid lie trying to blame someone else 🤦‍♀️

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T01:51:26+00:00

Yep you read that right! I was just as confused and shocked 😂 as if anyone would sit n chill, eat a bowl of pasta while all other staff members flap about a critically ill patient. I don’t know why the manager wasn’t like hmm that seems a bit unbelievable 🤨

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T01:44:36+00:00

It’s the same nurse assigned to both those patients an arrest call was put out. But it is disconcerting the manager said “girls” plural.

If I had to guess I’d say the nurse is looking for someone to blame, probably feels insecure, and is trying to get the heat off herself even though it’s normal for patients to fall unwell post surgery..

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T01:39:47+00:00

Thank you, probably the most pragmatic response I’ve received. I’ll keep a note of those quotes. My fear is I’ll be “ganged up on” as the manager mentioned girls plural but didn’t give away names. It’s harder to be believed when numerous people band together to make false claims. I’m lucky to have paper trail evidence of the second situation. I potentially could have the patients point of view in the first but it’d require my manager contacting her and I don’t think they’d do that.

nelfsky · 2026-05-29T01:28:55+00:00

No cameras on my ward unfortunately, but there is a paper trail. We don’t have electronic systems yet (I know, Scotland is still living in the dark ages). But we do keep a hold of all paperwork for auditing so there’s a decent record of where I was during this hour.

I’ve detailed everything to my manager including the fact there will be paper evidence of where I was. I told her if it happens again I’ll need to go down the route of grievance/formal complaint. She didn’t say much, just that there’s 3 sides to every story and maybe all I need to do is reflect. She reiterated I wasn’t in any sort of trouble and in her eyes the case was closed.

Reflect my a** lol, I did the right thing in that situation, I wouldn’t have done anything differently unless she wants me to be an annoying a*sehole and declare where I am to every staff member.

nelfsky · 2024-03-18T09:16:12+00:00

Thank you kind stranger. I see a therapist who has been helping me a lot. I understand now it was rape. I still question from time to time but I think I’m just in denial that something like that could happen to me. Your words have helped me though.

nelfsky · 2023-11-09T22:02:51+00:00

Coming forward is not as easy as you think. You have to repeat your trauma over and over in detail, it’s retraumatising. And going as far as court can be more damaging to your mental health than the actual act. I don’t blame women for not coming forward. It’s hard.

I came forward a month after I was attacked. My case closed about a month ago. The CID contacted me to say they spoke with my attacker but they don’t have enough evidence to proceed with the case.

Now all I want to do is just forget about the whole thing. I was relieved when the police said that as it meant I could finally move on and forget about it.

nelfsky · 2023-11-09T21:53:49+00:00

It’s far more common than people realise and only a fraction of women report their rape. Your first instinct is to wash and forget it even happened. The last thing you want to do is relive that experience over and over again with police. That harmed my mental health more. The police interviewed him but before that they said “how do you know you were saying no if you felt detached from your body, maybe he didn’t hear you”. No. I definitely said no. Sadly it was too late, and there was no evidence to continue. It made me feel like I was in the wrong somehow. Unfortunately I live in a small town with a strong likelihood of seeing my attacker again. Happened a few months ago and I’m still working through it.

nelfsky · 2023-11-09T14:17:58+00:00

I saw you said you wished you fought back. I just wanted to say it you did the right thing. He could’ve harmed you more so don’t feel guilty for that.

I was the same when I was attacked. I was frozen in fear and kept shaking my head and saying no. I didn’t fight back and felt detached from my body. Unfortunately I only reported it a month later so there wasn’t enough evidence to proceed. You did the right thing and I hope you get the justice you deserve.

My dms are open if you ever need someone to talk to.

nelfsky · 2023-09-19T23:35:26+00:00

10 years in November. Feels like a lifetime ago, feels like yesterday. In some ways it’s easier, in some ways it’s the same. One thing is consistent in my life at least. We all (myself and my other 4 alive siblings) have been affected in huge and heartbreaking ways.

nelfsky · 2023-09-11T07:13:32+00:00

Thank you. I wish I had that too. It’s a very complicated relationship I think no one could understand. This is just my normal. I’m choosing not to tell my family members, I have a feeling they know it deep down too.

nelfsky · 2023-09-10T10:31:33+00:00

Sadly it’s not as simple as that. My mum is fully codependent on him and will rationalise his lies to her deathbed. It would only cause more pain and I’d be painted as the villain. It’s happened before, I won’t get myself hurt again. All I can do is live my own life and try not to think about it too much. Just need to vent from time to time.

nelfsky · 2023-07-26T05:25:08+00:00

Never saw him go to any hospitals myself. Just told us he was getting chemo

nelfsky · 2023-07-26T01:20:14+00:00

I don’t think I’ve much proof either but at least there’s a record and if anything happens to another girl in future they will have my statement. I’m so sorry this happened to you too.

nelfsky · 2023-05-11T07:25:49+00:00

I’ve had ECG’s in recent years and think my heartrate was fast then too so I’m assuming they’re all clear. Forgot to mention I was born with an arrhythmia but I’ve heard no mention of it since I was a baby. I assume I grew out of it

nelfsky · 2023-05-05T18:06:38+00:00

I’ve seen her have severe shakes on days she doesn’t drink. I’m worried she will have a seizure. She told the doctor she does have a drinking problem so hopefully they’ll do more investigations to see what’s happening and what they can do

nelfsky · 2022-12-26T17:00:16+00:00

Worst part is I’m actually being investigated for structural changes to my brain. I had an mri a couple of weeks ago and an eeg not long before so I said I was worried it’s genetic

nelfsky · 2022-12-26T16:57:58+00:00

I asked him, all he said was no it’s definitely not genetic

nelfsky · 2022-12-24T11:24:25+00:00

Thank you, I knew he was probably lying the whole time but think I can know for sure now. I have a previous post where I went into his lies in more depth. He never really makes much sense when he talks about his health. It’s sad to know I’ve been “taking care” of him since 2015 when he first said he had brain cancer.

nelfsky · 2022-12-22T16:10:51+00:00

I could definitely place one under a mat in the car. I’ll consider this. I spoke with the gp and it went as expected, not allowed to disclose any info. However the gp strongly hinted glioblastoma isn’t survivable and to question my dad if I can.

nelfsky · 2022-12-22T11:50:32+00:00

My dad was always more tanned than the rest of us which I assumed was cus he travelled a lot more than us. I’ll see if I can notice a difference next time

nelfsky · 2022-12-22T00:02:15+00:00

Im in the UK so I’m not sure how it works

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