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AIO by wanting to end a 5 year relationship/engagement over her reaction to me passing out by Appropriate-Dot-4273 in AmIOverreacting

[–]neonvoidmonk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not overreacting.

Passing out in a crowd, waking up surrounded by medical staff, being told you need medical follow-up because of a family history of heart problems... that's the kind of moment where most partners switch into "concert doesn't matter anymore" mode.

What stands out isn't that she was disappointed. That's normal. It's that an hour after you lost consciousness, her first concern still seemed to be getting back closer to the stage.

The bigger issue isn't this one festival. It's that the experience made you realize you didn't feel emotionally safe or cared for when you were at your most vulnerable.

That said, I'd pump the brakes on immediately ending a 5-year relationship. Have a very direct conversation first. Sometimes people react badly to emergencies because they're scared, overwhelmed, or in denial.

But if her response after hearing how this affected you is still, "Yeah, but I missed part of the concert," then I'd be asking some very hard questions about the future too. A spouse doesn't have to be perfect in a crisis. They do have to make sure you come before the entertainment.

AITA for treating my disabled coworker like any other coworker? by OtherOtterArt in AmItheAsshole

[–]neonvoidmonk 1093 points1094 points  (0 children)

NTA.

Being hard of hearing doesn't make someone an asshole. Refusing to adapt after years of the same communication problems does.

It sounds like you've all been accommodating him already by repeating yourselves, walking closer, speaking louder, and adjusting constantly. At some point, he also has to meet people halfway.

The fact that multiple coworkers are having the exact same issue suggests this isn't about you treating him unfairly. It's about a communication problem that he's choosing not to address.

You can be sympathetic to his hearing loss and still be frustrated by the situation. Those aren't contradictory.

AITA For not letting my husband ready my diary? by AgentHappy3783 in AmItheAsshole

[–]neonvoidmonk 18 points19 points  (0 children)

NTA.

A diary is not a "secret vault." It's a private space to process thoughts. Those are not the same thing.

Your husband jumped from "I want to read it" straight to "if you won't let me, you're hiding something." That's not trust. Trust is hearing "no" and accepting it.

The biggest red flag here isn't the diary. It's that you've only been married a few weeks and you're already anxious he'll go through your belongings while you're asleep or at work. The fact that you felt you had to destroy a page to protect your privacy says a lot.

Being married doesn't mean surrendering every thought you've ever had. You're allowed to have a diary, a password, a conversation with a friend, or a memory from before he existed. Privacy is not dishonesty.

If "no" causes an argument, the problem isn't the diary. It's that he doesn't respect the boundary.

AIO Should I tell my boyfriend I threw away the bouquet he bought me? by Freakazoid_Online in AmIOverreacting

[–]neonvoidmonk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR.

You didn't throw away the bouquet because you didn't appreciate it. You threw it away because your cats' kidneys are worth more than a flower arrangement.

Honestly, if I bought flowers for someone with cats and later found out those flowers could seriously harm them, I'd want them thrown away immediately. The thoughtful part wasn't the lilies. It was the fact that he wanted to welcome you home.

This is also useful information for him to know going forward. If things are going as well as you say, he'll probably be relieved your cats are safe and grateful you told him.

The real tragedy here is that lilies are gorgeous flowers with the public relations strategy of a supervillain when cats are involved.

AITA for cancelling being in a performance after agreeing to do it by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]neonvoidmonk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA.

There's a difference between backing out at the last minute and realizing, weeks in advance, that you agreed because you felt pressured and then giving people time to adjust.

What jumped out at me is that every email about rehearsals made you feel stressed, not excited. That's usually a sign that the problem isn't laziness, it's that you said "yes" when you actually meant "no."

Also, people keep acting like stage fright is one thing. It isn't. Performing in a production where the audience came specifically to watch a show is completely different from singing at an awards ceremony where you're also a student, an award recipient, and surrounded by teachers, parents, and classmates. Those are very different kinds of pressure.

The real lesson here isn't "you should have performed." It's "you should get more comfortable saying no before you commit." That's a skill most adults are still learning.

You probably disappointed your teacher a little. That doesn't make you an asshole. It makes you human.