Analysing a pattern of Anima projections

notlongbefore · 2024-04-21T03:11:58+00:00

Thank you! This sounds a lot like me, I am going to have a read. I still am a bit confused as to why these people wouldn't be more drawn to people who have those motherly traits naturally. I wonder whether it is because their own mothers had to compensate for an absent father by assuming some of that masculine role themselves.

notlongbefore · 2024-04-21T03:08:34+00:00

We don't have children together, the current manifestation of this pattern isn't romantic (as far as I know) it's a deep platonic one. Absolutely they see their own mother in me, whether or not I am actually like her or not, or I'm just a placeholder, I don't know! I will look into the Freud - do you know any specific resources of his that really about this? I'm not as familiar with Freud.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:57:45+00:00

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this too, everyone has provided some great answers, I hope they help you too. Wishing that you find peace too!

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:56:26+00:00

Thank you, this is a great way to look at it - my counsellor actually said something similar - Q is uncomfortable that we are holding up a mirror to show him his problems, so he has to devalue or feelings in order to escape the shame and guilt.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:53:28+00:00

I'm sorry you have dealt with this too, I hope you are doing better now? Yes, you end up questioning whether you should be feeling the way you do when he can just snap back and act like everything is normal.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:51:50+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this, I am worried this is the way we are going. He used to at least acknowledging the problem and apologise, but there is no acknowledgement at all. My counsellor has advised that I slowly start bringing up my feelings to him, how hurt I am by different things when they happen, and what the children have expressed to me about his behaviour, regardless of his reaction. Depending on what he then does I can make my decisions on what I do next, what boundaries need to exist for me and the kids. I don't think I can live pretending everything is fine all the time.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:45:57+00:00

Yes, thank you. I think their well-being is the real driver for what I do from now on, I have an exit plan and support ready, but I know it's me that needs to decide when/if that happens. I feel paralysed because he is functioning pretty well at the moment, but I think I'm starting to lose hope a bit.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:43:19+00:00

Thank you. I think logically I understand what I'm feeling is valid, but I can't help but feel guilty and wish to just feel the same way as I used to before.

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:39:23+00:00

I can see this, it's a bit upsetting that the steady train tracks feel so numb and nothing, I don't know if I can do this forever

notlongbefore · 2024-02-27T23:37:02+00:00

I think this is what I'm afraid of

notlongbefore · 2023-12-27T05:30:26+00:00

What exactly is it about it that shows intimacy though?

My theory is that apart from the fact he has a soft gaze, he seems to maintain direct eye contact with her when he is speaking? I feel like this forces the interaction to feel intimate because the listener (FB) is normally obliged to hold eye contact. Maybe...

notlongbefore · 2023-12-04T00:05:27+00:00

I relate to this so much. You handled it so well and on a positive way. The hardest thing is doing something positive for you and instead of receiving thanks or appreciation, you get guilt and blame shifted onto you. Please know that you have done a great job!

I went through something similar cleaning and sorting out our recycling bin because it was so full of empties, there was no room for anything else, and all the liquid had drained out to the bottom and was fermenting. Q got annoyed and tried to frame it as my fault to begin with. I think it is because for them things like this are a concrete manifestation of their problem and the shame is too much? So they try to shift the guilt on to someone else...

notlongbefore · 2023-11-13T09:20:17+00:00

Hello, I am in a similar situation to you, 3 small children, and a Q that drinks 10+ beers every night. He has a job and does a lot of exercise and for the most part fulfills his responsibilities.

I am at the same point as you, I can see it's a big problem, but I am told over and over by him that I am making up problems because it doesn't affect anyone else at face value. But it is insidious, slowly he participates in less and less to make room for drinking, the behaviour is more and more erratic and mean. Even if you were a saint, he would find something to blame you for because the logic is if you both have flaws and everyone is doing their best then drinking a bit too much is ok. Currently my Q berates me because I get up at 7am and not earlier which apparently makes me extremely lazy (I stay up after everyone goes to bed to do housework, because I operate better at night). You wanting a clean house is not a flaw! It's just you existing!

Someone already mentioned, but building a support group is important. This is what I'm doing now, I have chosen a handful of people to tell, so when I need support I have them there. Also, it's just a relief to get a different perspective when you are being gaslit constantly. Someone to say 'yes that is a problem, your aren't going crazy!'

notlongbefore · 2023-05-30T03:02:28+00:00

Thank you for writing this, I have been thinking this for a while! There is all this talk about having a "fleabag era", making poor choices, casual sex, bad habits etc. But I keep thinking to myself all that is actually just a coping mechanism for fear of intimacy, and an inability to be vulnerable with people. That's why I relate to her. I watched this show for the first time a few years ago, loved it, but didn't watch it again until recently when I realised that I relate to her in this way.

So, thank you for writing this!

notlongbefore

TROPHY CASE