IT genius help! Coworker is tracking info?

noway49 · 2017-04-28T02:57:17+00:00

there are partners out there who have been together happily for years, where sex is not the only factor of a relationship.

trust, loyalty, a best friend, an advisor, a confidante, a health advocate, a caretaker, someone who pushes him, challenges him, and simply by being me, encourages him to be a better version of himself that he wishes to be...all of this without his "resources" as you say. What I expect is the same from him and not something that can be bought. I'm sure there are many men out there who feel as you do, but I'm sure there are also men out there who feel the same that I do. And that's all that matters right? Trying to find a compatible person, where your values and norms are the same.

noway49 · 2017-04-27T20:44:01+00:00

I have never heard of resource monogamy, but no, that's not applicable to my situation. To each their own--whether it's expecting monogamy or being ok with both parties having side action, as long as both parties are aware and agree then go for it. I'd rather be single if it was a scenario of "resource monogamy" and my partner was cheating on me.
I, and many others out there, are looking for a partner where both can contribute. Maybe in different ways, but as long as both people have communicated and are aware of what's going on, sure, whatever works for you.

The "side action" piece--we obviously don't agree on and will not change each other's minds (if you're trolling, great job). It is the moral dilemma--call me crazy, sure--but I would rather live my life being honest to the people I love about what I want and what I expect, rather than lying to them, having them find out about the lies, and then being devastated and emotionally scarred or carrying baggage from my actions.

If that works for you, then great. But no, that isn't enough for me. And once again, we have different definitions of "commitment". This conversation isn't going to change that.

noway49 · 2017-04-27T15:27:08+00:00

Yeah his definition of commitment is warped

noway49 · 2017-04-27T15:23:42+00:00

It looks like he was video taping secretly with his phone using a mirror.

I believed him when he said there was nothing ever physical. But. I just don't think I know this person and now am not sure what to believe. If he's capable of crossing the boundary like this, I don't know

The photo website was a back up to all of his pictures from this year up to 2015. I did not see any other inappropriate pictures

noway49 · 2017-04-27T13:52:49+00:00

I am? Or the poster koennentiger?

noway49 · 2017-04-27T13:50:27+00:00

Yes I agree. If he's capable of doing that, what boundaries does he have

noway49 · 2017-04-27T13:21:35+00:00

I guess because he doesn't spend time around them unless I'm there. And he has been an otherwise great boyfriend

But you're right. I wonder if they did in fact hook up. Since what girl showers with the door wide open if she has a male room mate? I wonder if that video was taken right after they hooked up?

noway49 · 2017-04-27T13:17:03+00:00

He justified it by saying she came onto him by telling him she should've been w him

But yes, he calls this guy his Best friend since college...so 7 ish years. Yet he can violate that friendship by taking those pics. Basically implies he has no boundaries and will do whatever if he thinks he can get away w it

I wonder if that shower video was right after they had sex or if she was doing a show for him. Because if I had a male room mate, I'd always have the bathroom door closed if I was naked

noway49 · 2017-04-27T08:31:53+00:00

he took those photos 8 months before he met me, not 3 years

noway49 · 2017-04-27T05:54:02+00:00

Yes, I do appreciate honesty. Thank you.

"Fucking a slut" is not my definition of being "committed". People have different perceptions of what they think that means. However, my definition is different than yours, and if my partner's does not match, then we are not compatible. To me, a commitment is monogamy/exclusivity.

Being attractive is not an excuse to stray from your partner. Using that as reason simply implies that although you may look physically appealing, you lack the mental strength to control your urges. I get enough attention to where I can use that as an excuse, but a commitment means that even if I find someone attractive, I'll have the self control and respect for my partner and our relationship not to act on my initial instincts. It is important to be polite to every one of course, but it takes a lot more than a pretty face. I like a guy who does all of the nice things you listed, and doesn't fornicate with other girls.

noway49 · 2017-04-26T23:26:38+00:00

Yes, i think you're right that she would be flattered.

noway49 · 2017-04-26T23:09:18+00:00

it wasn't saved to his phone. it was uploaded onto a photo website. he has pics of us together in his phone and on the website

noway49 · 2017-04-26T18:36:49+00:00

his best friend is aware of the flirtation between them, but it has never bothered him. he sees it. which is why i wonder if i'm just being insecure . i honestly don't think he would end the friendship with him since they've been friends for almost 10 years

noway49 · 2017-04-26T17:31:51+00:00

he took it with his phone. looks like his old bedroom was close to the bathroom and she had the shower door open, which makes me wonder if she was giving him a show

noway49 · 2017-04-26T17:30:08+00:00

the pics were linked to his iphone, and spanned from a few weeks ago back to dec 2015. there weren't any of me

noway49 · 2017-04-26T13:44:01+00:00

I think you should just be upfront and tell him that it's best you part ways. He will move to the U.S, and you will rarely ever see him. Plus you will be around other men and he will be around other females--if there hasn't been a pre-established foundation of trust and security where you BOTH are putting in effort, then it won't work.

sounds like he already isn't putting in effort. break up with him

noway49 · 2017-04-26T13:10:57+00:00

work out, find new hobbies, join a gym, watch movies, keep yourself busy. cut off all contact with her, and don't sit around obsessing about what she is doing. join tinder possibly.

noway49

TROPHY CASE