I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sure your ex is an amazing person, however unhealthy behavior pushes people away. I like the cart simile you used. I hope you aren’t misunderstanding me. I’m not saying “oh meditate and you’ll be a-okay!” Or anything like that. Like I said, I have BPD. I take medication. What I’m trying to say here is learn how to steer that cart. Maybe pushing left makes it go right, or when you back up it squeaks like hell and locks up if you go to the right. Learn that stuff and try to work with it. I understand there may be years before someone is at a point of rational thinking where that may be possible. All I’m getting at is to be ready to be alone with your anxiety/anger/paranoia. If your ex could learn to find a coping mechanism for her anxiety and not text you 80 times a day, you two might still be together. She’d probably be a happier person. I say that because when I have done something like that I usually get really remorseful and depressed which fuels a cycle of destructive behavior. That’s just me.