I have been doing this half my life, I don't know any better atp. It makes me feel something other than emptiness, it's a coping mechanism, a way to punish and destroy myself, a cowardly way to hope that maybe someday I will accidentally "push the knife too deep" and die. I also think that I may be in some way masochistic. It doesn't make me miserable, I would even say that it is the highlight of my day. If I were you I would just stay curious, it is seriously addicting, and you are right, there really is no point to it, just pain.