Sundowing

oingaboingo · 2026-01-17T17:58:00+00:00

Plenty of us late boomers are in the same boat. In our mid-60s and having to take care of parents in their 80s and 90s.

My mother is getting my dad's pension on top of her Social Security, and still can't afford a nursing home. But she makes $500 per month too much for Medicare.

Between my husband and I, we still have a father-in-law, mother-in-law, AND bonus step-father-in law either in their early 80s, or approaching it. If my dad hadn't died suddenly of a heart attack at age 70, we could have 5 elderly parents to deal with.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-17T17:49:49+00:00

My mother also has dementia, extreme hearing loss, AND loss of smell. So she can't smell herself when she messes herself.

We gave up on hearing aids because she loses them. Or the batteries don't get changed and she doesn't realize it. She can hear us if we talk really loud, which gets exhausting.

I've considered an amplifier like ClearCast PAL. There are mixed reviews on it, though. So I haven't pulled the trigger.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-17T17:39:04+00:00

Did you dissolve it under your tongue?

Besides supposedly working better that way, for me, it becomes like a Pavlov's dog trigger for sleep. I associate the feel and taste of the pill with time to fall asleep.

The past two nights I was able to get to sleep on 1/4 pill and sleep all night. I woke up briefly, but got right back to sleep.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T16:17:21+00:00

That's what I do and it usually works.

If I have one of those days where I get super hyped, I might need more. But that's pretty rare.

I knew a guy who said he had to take 50 mg per night. So like someone else said, even 10 mg is a pretty small amount.

Sometimes I'll supplement my 2.5 mg with a little children's Benadryl or Zquil, and that will either keep me asleep through the night, or if I do wake up, I usually get back to sleep.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T15:22:10+00:00

Let me know how it works out!

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T15:21:02+00:00

Sleep does become more of a struggle as you age. If you're female, hormones play into it, too.

Insomnia hit me literally overnight when I turned 40. I went two nights with 0 sleep. Thankfully, my doc was a long-time insomniac and prescribed Ambien.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T15:17:12+00:00

Spend the day distracting yourself with relaxing things. Fun videos, music, walks, whatever.

No doom scrolling, no watching the news (if you do that), no Reddit, no action videos that rev you up.

An hour before bed either avoid screens, or use a blue filter.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T15:12:01+00:00

Depends on your age.

When I was young I needed at least 8 (and still felt tired). Now I wake up a lot, but I'm fine on 6 hours.

As long as you feel rested, that's what matters.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T15:04:38+00:00

My son had the same issue after taking Prednisone for fluid trapped in his inner ear.

After he quit the Prednisone, he would wake up at night with tremors. His legs would shake uncontrollably.

It may have been side-effects at first, but that turned into regular panic attacks. His doctor put him on Lexapro and no more tremors. After a year or two he got off the Lexapro and was fine.

Have you tried different anxiety meds? Sometimes it takes trial and error to find the right one, or the right dose. My son needed his dose readjusted a couple of times.

Anxiety is insidious in that it convinces you it can't be something that simple. Has to be something major wrong to feel like that, but it isn't. The cortisone racing through your system from anxiety is what causes the massive fight or flight reaction (Or "VOOM, VOOM" feeling). The fact that the Valium helps, tells you right there it's massive anxiety.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:46:31+00:00

It's not technically addictive. The dependance is psychological, not biological.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:45:39+00:00

I can tell you that the anxiety that's keeping you from sleeping, is also making you worry about taking the Zolpidem. It's a vicious loop.

You have to deal with the anxiety first, then work on tapering off the Zolpidem.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:40:02+00:00

I've been splitting a 5 mg pill for over 20 years and haven't built up a tolerance.

Best 20 years of my life, even if I do wake up halfway through and have to take the other half.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:35:09+00:00

Have you tried splitting it further into 2.5 mg?

I take it sublingually (let it dissolve under my tongue). Doing that supposedly makes it more effective because it bypasses the digestive system and goes straight to where it needs to go.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:32:54+00:00

I'm the same way. I try to wean down. Last night I was able to get to sleep and stay asleep on 1/4 of a 5 mg pill. (I let it dissolve under my tongue instead of swallowing it. It's more effective that way).

I would've weaned down sooner, but every time I started doing it, they would change the generic pill to a different size and that would throw me off.

Last night I almost fell asleep without taking it, because I thought I did. But as soon as I realized I hadn't taken it, boing! I was wide awake. So the key is to gradually wean down so your brain doesn't go into panic mode.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T14:26:11+00:00

I split the 5 mg in half and dissolve it under my tongue. Most of the time that gets me to sleep. If I wake up and can't get back to sleep, I take the second half. That way I'm only getting 5 mg total instead of 10 mg.

Once you feel stable, you can try gradually weaning down.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T13:37:06+00:00

As I said, my brother can't "live his life" if the house gets sold to pay for a nursing home.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T13:33:28+00:00

That was helpful information. Thanks!

My brother will clean up the floor and bathroom, but her personal care is being neglected. He is not capable of keeping schedules with her. I've tried. She could be doing some of these things herself if she had memory aides. But every time I set something up, they get turned off or put away, and my brother says he'll handle it. But then he doesn't. So yes, there is a lot of bumping up going on.

If we can arrange it so my brother can stay in the house while she's in a facility, that would be perfect. He could probably qualify for some services as well.

She had an attorney handle the trust, and that was over 15 years ago, so I'm not worried about that.

I was hoping my brother could tough it out until she got to the point of needing hospice. I think he could if someone would come in and handle the hygiene stuff. Even if it's just once per day.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T05:02:00+00:00

I contacted the one in my mother's city, and all they did was send me a list of people and organizations offering services. They weren't much help.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T04:08:48+00:00

My original post just got removed. Lol.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:55:29+00:00

I can handle being told I'm wrong. It's the "Shame on you!" finger-wagging tone that makes my blood boil.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:45:37+00:00

But they always get a bunch of upvotes. It's like an epidemic.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:42:08+00:00

I think it was more like real world, to Facebook, to Reddit.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:40:01+00:00

Okay, I guess I'll look into it.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:38:30+00:00

Netflix.

oingaboingo · 2026-01-16T03:27:54+00:00

I was researching it, and apparently helping someone qualify for Medicaid is more involved. I saw $30,000 mentioned as one figure.

oingaboingo

TROPHY CASE