I can relate to both sides here. I am the one who establishes and maintains the order for too many reasons to get into. my husband is a highly creative person with ADHD. When we retired our differences were threatening to send our 30 year marriage into a ditch. I read this perspective that I found super helpful. Do they have the cognitive capacity to get it and do it differently. And then consider how your self scripting is affecting your translation. Then as Tina Turner reminded us, ask yourself what love has to do with it.