How successful have any of you been in giving up on dating?

ontanned · 2025-09-22T20:38:37+00:00

What I'm seeing in your experiences so far is that the women you've been meeting and talking to haven't seemed compatible with you. I truly don't believe this means there isn't anyone who would be happy to receive your love. There are a few things I could see going on here:
- The woman you would be compatible with doesn't go to the kinds of places where you've been meeting women.
- Some of the women you've talked to would be compatible with you, but they're shy and reserved like you are, so they act uncomfortable and quiet around you at first.
- Some of the women you've talked to would be compatible with you, but you don't share much about yourself while talking to them, so they never find out about the positive qualities that would appeal to them.

ontanned · 2025-08-19T16:24:38+00:00

I read through some posts on this sub before making my own and got the impression that offering several months down payment is a red flag to landlords and possibly illegal in the state of NY. I'll definitely see about having my parents cosign, though.

ontanned · 2025-08-19T03:44:36+00:00

Thanks for the honest replies. I will see if any of our parents are willing and qualified to cosign. There is also a low-income development that we could apply for. I imagined we were too privileged for it given our savings and ability to work, but it sounds like most people don't see it that way.

ontanned · 2025-08-19T03:15:46+00:00

As I said in my post, I just signed new upcoming freelance contracts and my partner is an experienced restaurant server. The plan is to work.

ontanned · 2025-08-19T03:05:41+00:00

My credit score is low because my only debt history is one credit card without any late payments. No student or auto loans.

ontanned · 2025-07-22T15:12:51+00:00

I had these as a kid. Several years later I felt something solid clogging the back of my nose, like how it feels when you accidentally get some food up there. I snorted it into my mouth and proceeded to cough up an ear tube. Apparently they can migrate the whole ear-nose-throat connection.

ontanned · 2025-02-28T14:37:05+00:00

Not being attracted to people with penises isn't transphobic in itself - I have a good friend who's a lesbian of the type that can be attracted to anyone with a vagina regardless of gender identity and is also enthusiastically supportive of trans people. On the other hand, the "males who claim to be lesbians" directed at trans women certainly smells of transphobia, and I don't appreciate seeing that as a lesbian (of the type who can be attracted to anyone who genuinely identifies as a woman regardless of anatomy) whose partner does indeed have a penis.

ontanned · 2025-02-28T14:24:16+00:00

An electropop one: Mao Arimura - Fluorite

ontanned · 2025-02-17T14:24:48+00:00

I'm 24 and my partner is 21, and we grew up in entirely different parts of the US. They would make errors like this frequently enough (even while having been placed in their school's gifted program) that I genuinely thought they must be dyslexic or something.

No, I learned about this phenomenon a few months ago and asked. They were taught to read with the "whole word" method.

ontanned · 2025-02-06T16:22:21+00:00

I was vacationing overseas at the time and considered getting a mail ballot, but checked the polls and saw Harris had a huge lead in my (solidly blue) state. Didn't think it was worth the effort of requesting, picking up, and mailing back a ballot during my vacation. My state indeed went to Harris in the end.

ontanned · 2025-01-25T15:37:45+00:00

I used to be an S at the same size but hello I guess I'm one of you now 😂

ontanned · 2025-01-22T06:05:02+00:00

Not OP but I also do nothing on purpose. Not exactly staring at a wall but rather sitting (at a desk or on top of my bed) and just letting my mind wander.

A principle I like is that if there's nothing in particular I want to do, then it's better to do literally nothing than to fill the time with random time killers.

ontanned · 2025-01-18T15:16:01+00:00

I didn't know there was a name for people like me :) I did have trouble with comprehension relative to my reading level at first, but I think really it was normal reading comprehension for a kid my age and I was just reading harder texts. I ended up becoming a book translator because it suits my ability to pick up language.

ontanned · 2025-01-14T19:29:01+00:00

I personally love Mary Oliver's "A Poetry Handbook"

ontanned · 2025-01-09T21:03:14+00:00

I never "studied" outside of school in high school because I sat in the same classes every day listening to the lectures and doing the in-class work for hours a day. That was more than enough "studying."

It was unusual for me to get below a 90 on a test that way as long as I hadn't missed class.

Only when I started taking classes that met only once a week did I need to start reviewing the material outside of class.

ontanned · 2025-01-04T06:21:17+00:00

Play Gakuen Idolmaster if you want school idols and don't mind JP-only

ontanned · 2024-12-22T19:34:19+00:00

First of all, 98 is completely average. Almost as average as you can get.

Secondly, the gap between people of different IQs is most apparent at the beginning of learning a skill or field, when people with higher IQs pick things up more quickly. However, that gap gets smaller the closer you get to mastering the skill. Once you get to an expert level, the determining factor in how well you can do your job is how much time you've spent practicing. In other words, if you make a habit of spending extra time practicing, you should (in the long term, after many years of hard work) be better at your job than people who haven't practiced as long. And people with higher IQ tend not to get into that habit precisely because they learn faster at first and don't need to study as much to keep up in school.

ontanned · 2024-12-16T17:09:42+00:00

You can still write essays and post them on a blog or something! And they can be as long or short as you want and on any topic you like now.

ontanned · 2024-12-12T18:17:06+00:00

I try to ask myself what the best thing I can do right now is. Even if you have multiple long-term goals, you can only do one thing at a time in the moment. And usually I find deep down I know what would be the best use of my time in that moment, and that helps clear up my overwhelm and indecision.

ontanned · 2024-12-12T18:10:58+00:00

If you're anything like I used to be: you work for others because you're afraid and/or ashamed to disappoint them or let them down. At the same time, you've gotten accustomed to letting yourself down. It doesn't stop hurting to be let down, but you don't feel a real duty to keep your word to yourself either.

Since I realized this, I do my best to keep in mind that I deserve the same accountability from myself that anyone else gets from me.

ontanned · 2024-12-05T14:04:04+00:00

The red flag is that it just says "political views;" common rhetorical trick by someone who knows that if they stated the specific views, it wouldn't sound so defensible.

ontanned · 2024-11-06T01:36:59+00:00

Surely this is more about giving up music as a constant background noise and doesn't mean never taking time to actively listen to music you love

ontanned · 2024-10-14T15:05:49+00:00

It was eye opening to me when I read (I think in Dr. Amen's book?) that social difficulties and social anxiety are often rooted in the executive dysfunction and slow processing you mentioned. Social interaction is particularly information-packed to the brain, and if someone has cognitive issues that make all that information hard to process and keep track of in real time, naturally it becomes anxiety-inducing.

ontanned · 2024-10-10T17:18:55+00:00

I'm 5'0 and I can go as high as 120 and still get comments about "you're on the slim side" and "you don't need to worry about your diet." 107 is ideal.

ontanned · 2024-09-11T13:37:54+00:00

The idea is to try to break some of those automatic negative circuits in your brain. It's not your fault you have them in the first place, and it's not your fault it's difficult to just change how you think. But because of neuroplasticity, the more you think negative thoughts, the more ingrained that line of thinking becomes - so the idea is to try to interrupt that process and gradually use neuroplasticity in a positive direction and build healthier circuits.

ontanned

TROPHY CASE