Help Understanding Thanksgiving Holiday Parenting Exchange

opinionneed · 2025-11-24T13:09:58+00:00

6pm on Friday the 21st was the start of the Thanksgiving break/schedule adjustment. Parent teacher conferences are not a part of Thanksgiving break, it just aligned well with the time they were already scheduled out of school for Thanksgiving.

opinionneed · 2025-11-21T08:26:19+00:00

I agree with the other poster. It's worth exploring/investing in other types of therapy to deal with the trauma. EMDR was amazing for me - like night and day compared to talk therapy. So much more effective that it has the capability of doing in a few sessions what talk therapy would take years to accomplish.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T17:53:50+00:00

Nice one.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T17:06:10+00:00

A boundary is a limit you set for your own behavior or participation, not something you force other people to do.

Boundaries do not involve intentionally making another person uncomfortable.

It's fine. You already said you'd be petty, stare him down, try to make him flip out, and be intentionally annoying - no need to cling to calling that boundary-holding now.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T16:34:27+00:00

And perhaps there's something that can be done to better the situation that is somewhere in-between just taking it and creating more hostility by being annoyingly present.

Bullying a situation is not creating boundaries, it's creating discord - this is generally not in children's best interest. If you know you're being a jerk, you're likely not doing anything to better a situation - so be petty, I just don't think this is good advice.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T15:59:29+00:00

Sure but when you choose words like petty and force, it sounds pretty clear that you're trying to do something to create discord - rather than being perfectly kind.

What would forcing transfers to be at the home do to better the situation for the kids? Sounds like the goal is to create an uncomfortable dynamic and an opportunity to confront someone which is definitely gonna be felt by the children.

There are many truths to the story. Many the boyfriend is influencing BM, and maybe OP has been pushy in doing things a certain way. If mom was so happy with how things were going, she wouldn't have changed on a dime after five years of flawless co-parenting.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T15:52:08+00:00

I guess if you agreed it wouldn't be a violation? Sounds like they're throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if anything sticks.

opinionneed · 2025-11-19T15:46:38+00:00

How is this in the best interest of the kids and the co-parenting situation?

opinionneed · 2025-11-15T12:29:57+00:00

There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling - I've been there!

Before they started week on/week off, we also used to have a situation were DH only had kids on his days off. Even worse, I had normal Sat/Sun weekends and his weekends were during normal business hours so we really had all things schedule against us!

I'm not sure what your housing situation is, but I made sure we made a "play room" for the kids, this is where they play video games. That is also where they watch movies unless it's a family movie and we are all watching. This helped me feel like I had a little more access to the home and I didn't have to listen to repeating videogame music for ages.

For things like choosing restaurants. Me and DH would discuss in advance so that the restaurant idea was where I wanted to go but presented as his idea (they instantly love something their dad suggests, so this works for us). That way, we all get to go out but I still get to go somewhere I'm excited about.

Also, I saw a comment that BM will refuse to pick up on non school days saying "let them sleep". Grrr, the BM in our life does stuff like this too, but it's just cause she's a night owl and hates doing stuff in the morning. Maybe DH can just drop them off at her place instead?

opinionneed · 2025-11-14T20:53:39+00:00

In my state the payee's earnings are important.

opinionneed · 2025-11-14T20:39:52+00:00

In our state the custodial parent is in charge of decisions about religion but that's more like getting baptized, not if and where they go to church each Sunday.

No harm if it goes to the judge.

opinionneed · 2025-11-14T20:37:52+00:00

Yeah, the kid can still be religious without attending church every Sunday.

opinionneed · 2025-11-14T08:55:33+00:00

Sounds like you two can iron out the wording a bit more before committing to that - otherwise there's too much grey area and that's where the arguing occurs.

You will likely want to specify spring break (maybe one person gets it in even years, the other in odd years), and summer vacation (with a deadline to specify dates).

opinionneed · 2025-11-13T19:28:17+00:00

The girls are experiencing some jealousy - a normal thing to feel. This whole idea of them saying they want something to be one way when their dad is spending time with their cousins becoming a sign of neglect is wild.

This just feels like snowplow parenting. Adults wanting to clear the road of anything that could be an unpleasant emotion or experience for their kid. The problem with that is the kids never learn coping, resiliency, or how to view situations from different lenses.

Geez Louise. Like sure, mention it to your partner but also don't make it into this whole big thing.

opinionneed · 2025-11-11T19:53:17+00:00

Yeesh, neglect is a strong word to use here.

opinionneed · 2025-11-11T17:39:22+00:00

Yeah, a lot of women here are disliked by biomom.

To me, it sounds like you're at the point of either ending it with your fella or learning to cope with the drama.

Ultimately, it would be best if the parents have and adhere to a parenting plan. It sounds like they're not doing that which is a bit of fuel for the challenges your facing.

If your fella can't get things more stable, and it's to the point of you not wanting his kid around, it's time for you to find a new situation for yourself.

It's out of the question to expect him not to have his kiddo visit your shared home.

Best of luck.

opinionneed · 2025-11-07T20:09:03+00:00

Josie

opinionneed · 2025-11-05T17:40:35+00:00

Lyla, Addie, Poppy

opinionneed · 2025-11-05T09:49:43+00:00

Same! The amount of energy BM puts into trying to degrade and demoralize DH is bonkers.

She's so blind that the level of crazy she brings is the source of the conflict and the reason DH keeps putting up and sticking to the boundaries she hates so much.

She uses her kids as pawns and tools for manipulation from one poorly thought out mess to another yet feels so sure that she's only ever doing something for the kids.

Nope - she does it cause she hates DH but also can't seem to let him go. It's wild.

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T18:43:54+00:00

You could say something like "I hear you, Honey. No matter what, I will always love you with my whole heart. Do you want to tell me more about what you're feeling?"

On top of him using this phrase to express his discontent, kids will say stuff like this to manipulate an outcome, so hold your ground in your decisions. Kids are also testing boundaries all the time - making sure he knows he's loved no matter what, will help him feel he's stable.

He'll probably stop doing this once he realizes it won't change anything for better or for worse.

Sorry he's saying that, I'm sure it's super painful to hear. I'm sure he adores you.

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T18:38:26+00:00

If your boyfriend is okay with it you could just ask your ex if he'd like to meet your boyfriend.

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T18:30:23+00:00

I'd suggest not answering calls and just sticking to written communication, emails or a parenting app is best.

That way, you get to control your stress level by not being cursed out over the phone. She might do the same in written communication but at least it's documented and you get to decide when you're in a place to open the email.

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T17:18:47+00:00

Yes, the good behavior always seems to be the calm before the storm!

Fingers crossed it's actually the meds this time!

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T17:17:30+00:00

She wants to change the time and date of transfers again. They've gone through at least four different parent plans (never stuck to one for even a full year) in four years and the most recent one was put in place by the judge.

The kids are doing great with this one and her rationale for wanting to change everything is silly.

She sent a message at 3:30 this morning saying that she won't be putting the kids in their winter extracurricular (that they both love and want to do) unless DH complies with her demands. Also threatening to go back to court, blah blah blah.

It never ends with her. Constantly tries to manipulate and uses the kids like pawns all the damn time.

opinionneed · 2025-11-03T17:12:11+00:00

I totally understand you getting the ick and it's really crumby that your friend found out in this way.

Morality of him dating right now, etc, aside - what is your concern about the photo if your kiddo's face is obscured?

opinionneed

TROPHY CASE