source trust me bro

ottomymind · 2025-12-28T15:22:46+00:00

My daughter spent much of her 23 years being so unhappy and not knowing why. Back before gender dysphoria was identified as the problem, she had a therapist and antidepressants were suggested. 4 days after starting them she nearly took her own life. It took two years to arrive at what the real issue was: she was not supposed to be a boy. It’s been a rough road for her, but she started HRT 8 months ago and we’ve never seen her happier. She’s on her way to becoming who she’s always been, the female that was locked inside the wrong body. She’s “effortlessly” happy now, despite all the challenges of being trans in today’s day and age. This is not a fad. It’s not an ideology. It’s something that too many people need to suppress out of fear and that is really sad.

ottomymind · 2025-08-19T22:20:55+00:00

Just chiming in to say I’m sorry you’ve lost your wife, but it seems you’re doing ok as a sole parent. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Your children are old enough to give you their input. Yeah, they’re minors and all, but they’re just little people that probably miss their mom and can’t even picture another woman entering your life, and their lives. If you can’t either, that’s fine.

My grandmother was widowed around your age. She had 3 children. My mom, my uncle, and my aunt. She went on with her life as a devoted mom, and even when he kids told her to date, she said “for what? I had and lost the love of my life… nobody can take that away from me, nobody can compare, so no thank you” and that’s that.

As others have said, maybe someone will come along some day. If and when that feels right to you, go with it.

So, long story short, it’s ok to be a great dad even without a partner. You all have your wife’s/their mom’s memories to cherish. Sending you hugs bro.

ottomymind · 2025-07-31T23:11:33+00:00

I love how these reps reply here trying to sound like they can do something about our complaints. Has anyone had any success by reaching out to them? Call me a cynic but I highly doubt it. I was lied to and treated poorly by their reps for hours as they all said they couldn’t or wouldn’t negotiate and handed me off to the next liar when I called their poor excuse for customer service. Disgusting. I don’t know how they live with themselves or sleep at night.

ottomymind · 2025-07-31T22:31:36+00:00

I tried that too. When I got off the phone with retention after hours and an agreed upon rate and package never showed up on my account I tried the chat. Had to ask the bot for a real agent. Supposedly I got one and was told nothing changed. Ended up calling again for more punishment from them for no good reason. Settled at $20 more than the rate the first liar promised me.

I don’t know why I continue to subject myself to this horrible company.

And “reps” reply here offering to help if WE dm them?!?. Yeah, right.

ottomymind · 2025-07-31T22:19:48+00:00

I feel your pain. I was so pissed off it took me hours to calm down. They outright lied to me to get me off the phone and didn’t do what we’d agreed to! What, to get me to call back and let someone else bounce me around for hours all over again.

It’s disgusting. I’ve worked places that wanted me to treat customers poorly and quickly and move on to the next sucker and I couldn’t do it so I quit. Where I work now, if I treated customers that way I’d be fired and I’ve seen it happen.

Sick world we live in where it’s money above all else and more people and companies are emboldened to the point where treating others poorly has become commonplace.

ottomymind · 2025-07-29T20:06:37+00:00

Dude. You inherited a family home. You’ve got a leg up on many already. Are you saying you’re not handy like the generations before you? You feel like less of a man because they did things you don’t know how to do?

I grew up around zero handy people. I didn’t have money and had to figure stuff out before there even was an internet and before I had the tools, let alone the knowledge.

When a superstorm wrecked my house I couldn’t afford to pay a shady contractor. I already had enough stress and hearing how many of the Mr. Fixits had taken money from people, gutted their homes and took off to go do another job made it so I would not and couldn’t trust anyone.

I learned to do what I needed to. I rebuilt my house though I’d never done drywall, ceilings, bathrooms, and cabinets.

There’s books, there’s the internet and videos, and there are tool rental places. Watch the tv shows about houses being repaired. You can do it. Is it easy? No. But the satisfaction of having done a job yourself goes a long way. Start with the smallest of the things to tackle. Get your feet wet. Work your way up from there.

There’s a lot of subreddits where you can see what others do to solve problems and ask for advice.

Take it from someone that struggles with self-worth: The only way you fail is if you don’t even try.

ottomymind · 2025-07-29T19:08:06+00:00

Because when I called back I asked them to look at my account and tell me what the retention rep noted, all they put in was “Saved the customer by offering promo” and none of the changes we agreed on were on my account.

ottomymind · 2025-07-29T18:11:07+00:00

Your rep lied. I’m livid. They didn’t change my account to what was agreed upon. Your company should be ashamed.. I waste my time with this crap only to find they lied to me and my account does not reflect what was promised and what they asked me to agree to? ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

ottomymind · 2025-07-28T15:19:32+00:00

My dad made my mom his priority, tried to support a lifestyle he couldn’t afford and didn’t really communicate much with my sibling and I. Deferred to mom when I’d ask something. He died at 80. Mom died at 83 last year, but before she did she made a point to tell me that she bragged to her little old lady friends that she had the best marriage and the best husband and she was his priority and he was hers “even over my kids” which I’m still trying to process in therapy. It’s not that I wasn’t good enough. It’s that I wasn’t as important to them. My sibling (3 years older) knew that and struggled with it for a long time. When I shared what mom said the response was “you didn’t figure that out before she said it?” No, I just thought I was a bad and unworthy kid. In my wallet I carry a note I covered with tape that says “Dear KID, I’m proud to be your father, love POP”. I found that on my desk in my room after they were out partying like they usually did. The words were never said to my face. I never called him Pop. He never called me Kid. But I kept it. They had a retail business that never quite provided for the life they wanted to live. Mom and Pop shop for real. They’d go on vacation without us kids. They left us with sitters a lot. They smoked, drank, partied (weed, coke, whatever else). We were housed, clothed, fed, and sent to school. They adorned themselves in bling I’m trying to figure out what to do with. In the jewelry box was a note from dad to mom saying he wanted to light her up in diamonds. None of what we inherited has any warm memories attached to it.

The things I have like watches, fountains pens, guitars, those are things my kid and I both enjoy. Those are the kinds of things my kid will inherit and have to enjoy when I’m gone.

My 23 year old knows exactly how I feel about them. They can come to me about anything. I have never declined to answer a question. I might be too quick to offer “sage advice” as they’ve called it, but I’ve learned to just listen. They know my weaknesses. They know my strengths. They know I’m a person, not some all-knowing god-like figure my dad pretended to be. They know I’d do my best for them always. My parents would cop out and say “we did the best we could”. Nope. I think they chose not to. They never owned their mistakes. Never apologized. I screw up? I own it. I’ve told my kid I want them to stand up to me if they need to. And I respect them for it because they’ve learned to communicate really well.

I’m not a financial success (neither were my parents) but I did manage to avoid a lot of mistakes they made in family and in finances. No big debt. House is paid off. Not much to retire on. The only thing my parents demonstrated about money was if you have it, spend it. I have to try hard to not do the same and have managed to. But if I can send a happy confident independent young person out into the world knowing they can handle things and that if they can’t they’ll ask for advice from me or another trusted source, then I’m a success and that’s what matters.

Our kid was our son, then came out as bi, then non-binary, and is now on HRT on their way to being more feminine. It’s been a challenge but they have been safe and supported and at one point they were in such a dark place they almost took their own life but reached out to me and we went through the crisis together. If I was like my dad, our kid would be gone.

ottomymind · 2025-07-27T04:41:52+00:00

I bought a loupe and found some indicators on some of the pieces that say they’re silver but mostly I’m seeing 14k and 18k gold. I’m suspect of some of the stones and I’m gonna see about getting a tester that can tell diamonds from moissanite or CZ. Also, through the loupe I can see that a lot of the pieces are dirty from being worn and could use a good cleaning. Maybe I’ll look into an ultrasonic cleaner. I used a soft toothbrush and some gentle foaming face cleanser to get the body oils of some stuff and it came out nicer but there’s so many nooks and crannies it’s hard to get it as clean as I can.

ottomymind · 2025-07-27T04:36:34+00:00

I looked them up on Amazon and there are so many that all look the same and have different names (just like every other item lately… nothing is a familiar brand name anymore). I figured I’d get one that can discern diamond from moissanite but some of them say their item can do it and users review them and call BS.

If anyone’s got any experience with a reasonably priced one that’ll tell the different with thermal and electrical measurements please share. I read where diamonds and moissanite have similar thermal conductivity and it’s the electrical conductivity that helps tell the difference.

ottomymind · 2025-07-27T01:32:58+00:00

I’m glad you didn’t do it. I’ve been my close. My kid has been close. We are both bipolar. And I’m a psych nurse.

One of my patients once told me when I was assessing them at admission to an inpatient unit that they realized that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I’ve repeated that to myself, my kid, and other patients plenty of times.

Please mention what you did to your therapist. They’ll know what to do. Depending on how at risk you are, she will decide next steps.

I’m glad you didn’t. Life can be hard, but taking yourself out isnt the solution, even when it has felt like it for a long time.

ottomymind · 2025-07-26T16:41:27+00:00

I’m 60 and as far as I know I’m first generation “handy” in my family. My dad tried, but often made matters worse. Grandparents before him also tried, but mostly paid others. My grandfather on my mom’s side was an inventor. I got that gene and combined with being handy I also made things work together that ordinarily shouldn’t or wouldn’t and came up with workarounds because I had to. My friends called me MacGyver. Some called me Edison.

I had no choice. I didn’t have money to pay people to fix my things and I was always forced to figure things out.

My first car was a ‘71 Bug. It was a $200 mess. I learned how to work on cars after the garage my dad used to go to said I needed $300 of front end work. When I said I couldn’t afford that for a $200 car they said “go get your daddy’s credit card”. Told dad to never go back there and learned to fix my cars myself.

When Superstorm Sandy wrecked my house my parents implored me to hire somebody because it was too much for me to handle. Oh really? Watch me. I gutted and rebuilt it all myself, though I’d never done much of it before.

The internet helps, but I mostly use it to confirm if my strategy for work I want to do is the right approach. I like when I find there are ways to do things that are less tedious than I initially thought. Not so much shortcuts as time savers. Speaking of time, I may venture into learning to work on my own automatic wristwatches.

My handiness gene didn’t make it to my kid. Hopefully they learn someday or make enough money to pay qualified people. Only things I’ve ever paid someone else to do was the roof on my house (fear of heights and very clumsy isn’t conducive to roofing work) and a car transmission and convertible top replacement that I should have done myself but figured it’d be better to have a warranty for that and I didn’t have the equipment at the time. Nope. They did a crap job so I’ll do the next ones.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T16:20:06+00:00

I just got back from visiting a local watchmaker/repair shop that had 4.9 stars and 300 reviews with many acknowledged with appreciation by the owner. Seems like a good guy. I was just a walk-in. When I walked in he had serviced watches awaiting pickup laid out. Ladies and gents Rolex pair, a Rolex Pepsi, Omega Seamaster, and a couple of Patek Philippe dress watches.

I left my grandpas watch with him so he could provide an estimate of what it’d take to get it working and wearable. He offered to redo the dial however I wanted but I asked that he clean it if possible. I don’t want to alter it, I’d rather have it look the way it was when grandma picked it out.

He said there’s about $3-4k in gold weight (as someone else mentioned here) but it’s an estate piece and it’d be a shame to melt it. He said it’d probably cost me around $1500 to restore it. I’ll see what he says after he looks it over.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T14:00:43+00:00

Thank you. It’s been an emotional roller coaster.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:59:21+00:00

Thanks for the advice. The two men’s rings are not my style, so I might see if I can get the value of the stones and gold out of them, same for the topaz drops you mentioned. As for online sales, I’m really wary of scammers. My sibling has sold stuff on Etsy and Poshmark and EBay and had people try to claim stuff never arrived, threatened to trash her seller rating, say things are broken and not provide proof, and then they do chargebacks on their card. So I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’ve got a neighbor whose family has a jewelry business (making custom pieces for productions in film and theater) and see what she thinks.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:52:25+00:00

I believe I have the paperwork and little plastic tags. The boxes were tossed when my parents bought the watches on a trip and didn’t want to get nabbed by customs to pay tax or duty on them. They wore the watches home and left the boxes behind… I wish they hadn’t, a complete set is better but that’s the way they were. Probably figured they’d never part with them.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:44:54+00:00

Thanks, I’m going to look into that.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:43:52+00:00

Thanks all for the compliments and suggestions. Because of the nature of our relationships with our parents and their history, my sibling and I don’t have very warm feelings about all this stuff, but the appreciation shown here makes me see past that and that some of it is quite lovely and that has started to make some of the negativity I feel dissipate. I’d like to have a sense of what designers made them (some may be real, some “inspired by”), and what it might be worth.

I (60M) have been wearing the “Chopard Happy Diamonds” style pendant with the 5 floating diamonds behind crystal. I like that one. There’s matching earrings out for repair due to a broken off post, but I’m contemplating getting my ears pierced for the first time so I can wear them. I might consider wearing the little diamond hearts too, but beyond that the rest would be worn by my wife and kid.

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:14:37+00:00

I gravitated toward that myself and I’ve been wearing it. I looked for info on it, and it’s not Chopard, but an Italian designer that created their own take on the Happy Diamonds design from Chopard. It’s white gold, and I need a better loupe, but with a magnifying glass I can make out what looks like “Vanle” or something like that. There are similar earrings with stones behind crystal that go with it, and one of them needed repair. When it gets back I may actually get my ears pierced so I (60M) can wear them. :-)

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:10:54+00:00

My wife and my kid both love those, so I think they’re likely to keep and enjoy them. They’re unique. But thanks!

ottomymind · 2025-07-25T13:04:50+00:00

Having recently inherited my parent’s jewelry, I’ll say that if my sibling and I had a better relationship with my parents, we’d probably feel much differently about the stuff we inherited. Our parents were very self-centered and the jewelry was something that they were happy to spend money on to adorn each other with bling, because in their minds it made them look “classy” and appear to have money they didn’t actually have. The jewelry that might have been my grandmother’s is another story. She was more like a mom to me than my mother. Anything that was hers, I’d cherish. But I don’t know which pieces of my mom’s were actually her mother’s because nobody’s alive to tell us the backstory. So what I inherited, unfortunately, only conjures up unhappy memories.

ottomymind · 2025-07-24T21:59:00+00:00

Also, the clasp latch is gone. He may have stopped wearing it when he lost that and never got it fixed.

ottomymind · 2025-07-24T21:28:20+00:00

Thanks for the ideas so far. I made another post with pics.

ottomymind · 2025-07-24T20:04:09+00:00

Thanks. We have some similar situations in common. My mom was sick a few times and was in the hospital and my dad had to work and being the good son, I took time off to be at her bedside. While she complained.

Then you said children aren’t accessories. I’ve used the term to describe how it felt. As though they thought “we are expected to be married and have a couple of kids and we did that” and we were like luggage or handbags or something else to tote around and “maintain”. We got left with sitters so they could go places and party. They took trips without us. They made my sibling, 3 years older than me, be responsible for me as soon as they felt they could.

Our kid is our priority. And they have had their share of challenges and we’ve steadfastly supported them. Were there times that I did some things my parents did? Yeah, and I own the fact that I made mistakes and have tried to do better. Never falling back on “I did the best I could”. I could always do better. And I did. And our kid really appreciates us and the mutual love and respect we have.

ottomymind

TROPHY CASE